Overview

Friday, June 29, 2007

I shouldn't be blogging right now - it is very late at night! However, I desperately need to get my flame burning again. I just reread my entire blog and here's what I found -

At the beginning, it was very positive enthusiasm. I was hitting a whole lot of "firsts" all the time and was constantly feeling better and better as I started sticking to the program. And I was very consistently losing weight.

After a while I started getting pretty braggy and was following the program to an amazing amount of specificity. I was losing weight quickly and felt like I was doing it better than most. And I kept setting lower and lower weight goals for myself. I had forgotten that at first I wrote I'd just be thrilled with any weight in the healthy BMI range.

Around the end of April I started to feel hungry all the time, and that feeling got worse and worse. I was getting too strict with all the numbers to track. I was actually getting into very good cardiovascular shape, but had very little energy for anything other than my workouts.

It all came to a head when I started binging - the first one was Mother's Day Weekend. It sure was fun to finally eat with abandon agai...but I got right back on the program the next day. However, the next time I binged for three days, and gradually I got to a point where being off program was more common than being on, which is where I am now.

Soo....where does that leave me now? I need to tap into that positive enthusiasm I felt at the beginning...fresh start after DC...I will go to a WW meeting as soon as I get back!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LACYLOU85 6/29/2007 8:21AM

A new start sounds good Susan! Are you going to DC for vacation? I am in DC right now. I work here and live in Southern Maryland. Have fun! Report Inappropriate Comment

Still In It

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Well, I went to the gym and had a good workout. I hadn't been planning on going until I started my last blog entry. Reading it back over, I do see a whole lot of negativity, and that is where my mindset is. I am in a phase where I'm calling myself fat, lazy, no willpower...and allowing it to be somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy! Anyway, though, it's just a matter of making good choices, one after the other, and keeping your head in the game. I'm still in it.

  

Take Action

Thursday, June 28, 2007

So after posting my whining on my blog and on the Weight Watchers team yesterday, not one but TWO people told me not to give up because I'd been an inspiration to them. Well, I should be an inspiration to myself. I was overweight all my life and then suddenly went thin. I looked so freakin' good, it's almost as if I didn't think I deserved to look like that. Well, I WANT to be that thin girl, dammit! I don't want to get overweight and sloppy again. I am going to go to the gym right now!

  

Serious Trouble :(

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Lately I have been eating whatever I want, hungry or not. It's awful and I have no idea why. I am ashamed at myself. I have gained back so much weight and don't feel thin anymore. I no longer want to rush off to the beach because I know I'm not looking my best. I really don't even feel like writing this, but I am hoping that if I do, I will suddenly rekindle my motivation flame. I am just really MAD at myself. I think that what I need to do is start over from scratch. Go to a new WW meeting, get a booklet, track everything, follow all my rules, just say no to food provided by others, and even to events where that kind of food will be. I have NOT found a happy medium where I can have a life and follow my program. I do better when I just have a routine, it's boring, I hate it, but I follow it. If I give myself an inch I take a mile. These are all part of the reason why I have a weight problem in the first place. Some people can just say no to treats, or just take a little, or just take one. I have to keep taking and taking the stupid brownies or whatever, as many as I think I can get away with. I don't know why I would do that to myself, but I do every time, unless I just say "absolutely not" and take NOTHING. OK, all this writing really isn't helping. I feel like crying or cursing myself out (which I actually did earlier!). I can't see myself getting back on track until after my trip...tomorrow I am at a workshop with breakfast, lunch, and snacks provided, and then on Friday Jess and I are leaving for DC and not coming back until Wednesday. It would take major effort to maintain during that time and I could very easily gain quite a bit - and be back in the 150s. Oh god, I don't want to go there. I really don't. Either way I can go to a WW meeting when I come back and make a badly needed fresh start. Well, more later. G'night.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LACYLOU85 6/28/2007 10:50AM

Susan, Do not give up. You are my motivation! Your progress has been amazing. I keep looking at your pictures and thinking that since you are my height, I could actually look that good if I lose 20 more lbs. That is wonderful! I have to say though, when I first started reading your blogs I thought it would just be a matter of time before this happened. Don't take that the wrong way. But you were just eating soooo strictly and exercising soooo intensely, that noone can keep up with that for a lifetime. Remember that this is a lifestyle change and not a diet. Don't do anything now that you won't be willing to do forever. Because then, it'll just all come back. Even if this means, the weight comes off slower, that's actually better. There's more of a chance that you won't gain it back if it took a lot of time and work to get it off. Report Inappropriate Comment

Points

Sunday, June 24, 2007

33 eaten, 22 + 2 = 24, 9 flex