Thursday, June 28, 2007
So after posting my whining on my blog and on the Weight Watchers team yesterday, not one but TWO people told me not to give up because I'd been an inspiration to them. Well, I should be an inspiration to myself. I was overweight all my life and then suddenly went thin. I looked so freakin' good, it's almost as if I didn't think I deserved to look like that. Well, I WANT to be that thin girl, dammit! I don't want to get overweight and sloppy again. I am going to go to the gym right now!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Lately I have been eating whatever I want, hungry or not. It's awful and I have no idea why. I am ashamed at myself. I have gained back so much weight and don't feel thin anymore. I no longer want to rush off to the beach because I know I'm not looking my best. I really don't even feel like writing this, but I am hoping that if I do, I will suddenly rekindle my motivation flame. I am just really MAD at myself. I think that what I need to do is start over from scratch. Go to a new WW meeting, get a booklet, track everything, follow all my rules, just say no to food provided by others, and even to events where that kind of food will be. I have NOT found a happy medium where I can have a life and follow my program. I do better when I just have a routine, it's boring, I hate it, but I follow it. If I give myself an inch I take a mile. These are all part of the reason why I have a weight problem in the first place. Some people can just say no to treats, or just take a little, or just take one. I have to keep taking and taking the stupid brownies or whatever, as many as I think I can get away with. I don't know why I would do that to myself, but I do every time, unless I just say "absolutely not" and take NOTHING. OK, all this writing really isn't helping. I feel like crying or cursing myself out (which I actually did earlier!). I can't see myself getting back on track until after my trip...tomorrow I am at a workshop with breakfast, lunch, and snacks provided, and then on Friday Jess and I are leaving for DC and not coming back until Wednesday. It would take major effort to maintain during that time and I could very easily gain quite a bit - and be back in the 150s. Oh god, I don't want to go there. I really don't. Either way I can go to a WW meeting when I come back and make a badly needed fresh start. Well, more later. G'night.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
33 eaten, 22 + 2 = 24, 9 flex
Saturday, June 16, 2007
6/15 Elliptical Girl...I can TOTALLY relate with that line, "Sometimes it feels like the world is conspiring against my plan to stay OP." I mentioned the flickering flame of motivation the other day. When my motivation flame is burning strong, I can see the baked goods and just say no without a problem. When my motivation is weaker, I just keep thinking about the damn corn muffin until I just HAVE to go back to the teacher's room and eat it! Luckily today motivation was strong.
But even when my motivation is going strong I have a REALLY hard time with restaurants and eating at someone else's house. I desperately need to plan ahead to keep myself under control, and that is so much easier to do when you're planning your own foods. I just end up getting angry knowing there's gonna be naughty tempting food there.
I've made it a little farther in that book I was telling you guys about, _Secrets to becoming a Former Fat Girl_, and did find something interesting. She said that we all live by rules - subconscious or not - and that we should discover what rules we've been living by that might not be the best choice and replace them with others that are more conducive to losing weight. So now I have two new rules:
1. ALWAYS go to the gym straight after work. Even if I am tired, hungry, and/or busy. No going home first, because it's too easy to just never go back out. And even if I have a shortened workout because I'm hungry, that's better than no workout because I'm too comfy at home after diner!!!
2. ALWAYS have a food plan set for tomorrow and follow it. If I'm really hungry or craving something, plan in a little something extra for the NEXT day, but stick to the plan for today. (Unfortunately I have no idea how to budget in things like the cookout I'm going to this Sunday with a rule like that. Advice?)
6/14 Becky - what a coincidence - my crockpot is my best friend too!!!
I can't say enough about the power of the crockpot. When I first started this program I used it all the time and had great success. When I stopped using it, I stopped being successful. I'm using it again now and my weight's back in the 130s (YAY)!
I love it because it's SO EASY and it really helps me plan ahead. I don't even use recipes because I like to keep the sodium down and pretty much any sauce the recipe has you add is going to add salt. I am lucky though that I don't have to share my crockpot meals with anyone - others may not be able to tolerate how bland it is without salt, but for me it's fine. Another big reason I don't use recipes is because I just want to add whatever I have. I usually start by boiling some beans, then throwing them in the crockpot with either chicken or ground turkey plus a whole bunch of whatever veggies and spices I have around. I start with fresh veggies - you don't even have to chop them if you're going to leave the crockpot on long enough! - but frozen and canned are just as healthy! As I throw it in, I jot it down (and the amount), then I come on SP and create a new food grouping. I usually divide the whole thing in 5 tupperware containers, so every time I eat some I enter .2 of the recipe in my nutrition tracker.
I was down 2.4 pounds at my meeting today. :) But sadly, today was my last at-work WW meeting. :( Hopefully we will reconvene in the fall when we're back to school. Starting next week I'll be going to meetings at a WW center. I hope I like my new group. I'm a lifetimer so all I HAVE to do is weigh in once a month, but I definitely still need the weekly support.
6/14 I strongly believe that success on Weight Watchers is mostly all about having a "never give up" attitude. Those of us who come on here to vent/ask for help when we struggle...that's the kind of behavior that is going to help us take it off and keep it off for good, as opposed to someone who is "perfect" and never struggles.
As for the late afternoon binges, I can relate MORE than you'd know. My theory is that all of us who struggle with our weight KNOW what we should do...have a single-size portion of something instead of the whole box, for example, but the problem isn't knowing WHAT to do, it's figuring out how to make ourselves do it! I've realized that motivation is like a flickering flame. Now, if someone has the secret to keeping that flame burning strong all the time, please share...but maybe that's not even necessary, as long as every time you start to lose motivation and eat something you shouldn't, you find a way to get motivated and get back on program! When you're motivated, you won't want that ice cream because you'll want to reach your goals even more. And so, of course you'll reach for that apple instead. And then you'll (hopefully) come here and share that mini victory with the team!
6/13 I love the idea of celebrating your "points saved" by choosing NOT to eat something. A major issue for me - one that I have had to come to terms with many times over, is that I am NOT depriving myself when I opt NOT to eat a slice of the banana bread in the teachers' room (or something else I shouldn't.) If I DO eat it, I AM depriving myself of staying thin!!!
Thank you for your insights, Robin, as always. I have thought a lot today about the idea of eliminating mindless eating. It is infinitely better to PLAN a small treat than it is to feel deprived and rebel by eating too much.
Another thing to come to terms with is that this has got to be for LIFE, so anything overly strict will backfire eventually. I may weigh a little bit more this way, but I'm eating some flex points these days so that I can handle staying on program.
Just took _Secrets of a Former Fat Girl: How to Drop Two, Four (or More!) Dress Sizes - and Find Yourself Along the Way_ by Lisa Delaney out of the library and read a little of it at the gym. So far I'm reading her suggestions on how to get started, and I started back in January, so it doesn't really apply to me. She suggests starting with exercise to feel empowered. If I just exercised and ate whatever I want, I'd gain weight. :( Hopefully as I get farther into the book there will be some insights I can use. Will share if I find any!
6/12 Hi all, I'm one day back on program and am already down 4 pounds. If it comes on quickly, it comes off quickly.
Question for everyone - when you're in maintanence, do you think it's better to try to find a number (or range) of calories/points that you can eat every day to keep your weight steady, or is it better to have a cycle where you let yourself eat whatever you want for a few days (inevitably gaining a few pounds) and then diet for a few days?
6/11 Hi all...this morning I finally had the courage to weigh myself after several days off-program and found myself at 146. I am back on track now and expect to lose back what I gained pretty fast. Without constant vigilance I'd be back at 167 in no time. This stuff is hard - I'm so appreciative of the support I get here, especially everyone who's sticking it out for the long term!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Yesterday (my place) 146.0
Today (Jess's place) 141.6
That is after one day on track. 1,300ish calories, 25 points, 1 hour high intensity exercise, earned 8 activity points, total of 30 points so 5 unused.
Today I'm eating about 1,400 calories. That's 27 points. I MUST gradually work to a place where I'm eating as much as I possibly can while maintaining a weight in the 130s. I need to look to Jess as my role model because he just seems to intuitively know how to maintain his weight. He eats healthy but not crazy healthy, he eats the right amounts and the right frequency, without even thinking about it. Of course I have to eat less than he does because I'm female and weigh less, but I should use the same principals. My eventual goal, of course, is to be able to maintain my weight without having to worry about it! But for now, that's something I have to learn! I obviously showed that I'm not ready yet to stop planning/tracking. I need to write down everything I eat, preferably in advance, and stick with the plan. It puts me in the right mindset. Even when it's just a pepperoncini off Jess's salad, if it's not in the plan, no thanks. Instead, I want to have plans that are varied and generous enough that I feel like I can live on just that.
I am so relieved to be back on track, and will feel even more relieved when I am back in the 130s. It was scary being at 146. That's too close to where I started.
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