Monday, June 11, 2007
Last night I planned out what I was eating today (except dinner). I stuck with it. I have a new rule, NO EATING WHAT'S IN THE TEACHERS' ROOM!!! Today I JUST SAID NO to some kind of banana nut bread or something plus a coffee cake. My body doesn't need that junk. It just makes me look awful. My skin gets worse and I get pudgy... this morning I bit the bullet and weighed myself. 146.0. Yesterday I was OK - tracked everything I ate and came in around 1,730 calories or so, plus I went for a 45 minute walk. But today I was really good. Stuck with my eating plan (about 1,300 calories) and did an hour of high intensity stair climbing! My heart rate went higher so I know that I'm already in worse shape after just that little break. But things are a little easier, I must admit. I'm not as hungry because of the "reserve" from eating so much over the weekend, I have a higher daily target since my weight now starts with 14 instead of 13, I earn more activity points for the same level of activity, and it's easier to reach higher intensities. It really is harder the further you get into it. This is kind of a fresh start for me and just like with any fresh start I expect to lose a ton quickly. I should be back in the 130s in no time and then it'll get hard again. Sigh. But this time I WILL APPRECIATE MY HARD WORK MORE! I will celebrate with size 6 clothes! I will not keep it a secret how proud of myself I am or how good I look! Yay me!
Friday, June 08, 2007
I think I'm sick....I have a painful sore throat and feel tired. Unfortunately my appetite seems to have increased....and I mean the "I want to eat even though I know I don't need to" kind of appetite. Even though I'm supposed to be on Block Island this weekend, nothing has stopped me from being bad. I am too ashamed to even write what I ate today but let me just say that next time I need to JUST SAY NO when there are baked goods in the teachers' room. Sick or not, I know it's time to buckle down again before things really spiral out of control with my weight. Ugh.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Why AREN'T more books dedicated to maintanence alone? It's always an afterthought chapter added to the end of a diet book or program. In some ways, it's even MORE important than the weightloss program itself, because weight loss is temporary. Maintanence should be for life!
It's all been so new to me, but I have already learned so much in just over a month since starting maintanence. It's psychological and physiological and the two just cannot be separated. Here's some of what I've been learning:
*Drinking fluids is way more essential than you'd ever realize.
*Motivation is this magical flame that sometimes burns bright and strong, other times flickers or goes out and needs to be re-lit. I'm not sure if I have a solution that'll keep the flame always burning strong, but here are some things that have helped my motivation come back when it was in danger of disappearing:
-going to a WW meeting
-receiving a sparkmail message from someone who noticed I hadn't been around lately
-having definite short-term goals - knowing I will be ON THE BEACH seems to be the best motivator, it's already saved me twice and it's only June 4.
*Once motivation is there, it's a little easier to maintain it for a while. I get bursts of ambition like last night, when after I went to the grocery store I spent a couple hours pre-portioning all my cereal in serving-size bags, making a crockpot dish, portioning cherries into plastic cups... When I know I will see a lower number on the scale the next day, I don't want to mess that up by eating something I don't really need at night.
*On the flip side, when motivation is already gone, it's easy to keep on "being bad." If I've already binged on one kind of cereal, unfortunately I'll sometimes have a can of soup and then binge on another kind of cereal. That's why I didn't buy any soup and I preportioned all my cereal last night! Ha!
*You really can feel a lot of the physiological processes happening, I think. I really do think I can feel it in my body when I'm losing weight. It's this uncomfortable hungry and weak feeling I get, but the more recently I've gotten back "on program," the less uncomfortable it feels, if that makes any sense. I can feel when I'm a little hungry (but can live with it, UNLESS I'm about to do some exercise in which case I'd need to eat a little more to get through the workout), very hungry in an immediate sense (the low blood sugar, sweaty, shaky feeling), or very hungry in the long term sense (the weak feeling I get when I haven't eaten over 1,300 calories in a while). I can also tell when I'm really NOT hungry at all, but just want to eat!
*I have a binge problem. It's not that I get really hungry or LOVE the food that I'm eating, I just sometimes want to eat large quantities. I'm really not sure why. It's pretty destructive. I eat to the point where I don't feel good. I need to work on this.
OK, more on this later, I gotta go!
Friday, June 01, 2007
I'm living that Japanese proverb. Fall down 9 times, pick yourself back up 10.
Friday, May 25, 2007
The past few days every time I tried to post a blog entry I had technical difficulties. Luckily those entries were never very long. I had a few hard days on Monday-Wednesday and I ate too much, but of course I learned from the experience:
1) I need gum. I was out of gum on Mon-Wed, and I was eating cereal instead. I binged SO HARD on cereal. I have since bought gum and have not binged. From now on, it is a PRIORITY to ensure that I have gum around.
2) I can relapse from anything. I went on a 3-day binge basically, but my weight only went up to 140 and after just one day of being strict yesterday, it dropped back to 137.6. (I was strict again today so I expect to see another loss for tomorrow. I wouldn't have been so strict - I actually have an unused AP - but I'm going to the beach tomorrow - first time since becoming thin!!!)
3) No matter how "bad" I was, GO TO WEIGHT WATCHERS EVERY WEEK. I didn't want to, but I went, I weighed in (up 0.8 after being up 3 pounds the week before), and then I got the support I needed from my leader and group members to really get back on track. No offense, SparkPeople, but this was actually a case where I needed face-to-face support.
4) It's not all bad. It might just be the way I maintain. Some days I eat a lot but those days MUST be balanced out with days when I am strict. When I do eat a lot, it's healthy food and it's not nearly as much as "a lot" used to be before I started this program. I could not fit that much food in me anymore!! So I'm getting a LOT of nutrients on those pig-out days, and letting myelf know that I don't have to deprive myself 100% of the time to stay thin. I have more energy and am in a better mood after I've eaten a lot. My fitness level continues to increase. (Speaking of which, I ran a mile in 7 minutes, 52 seconds today and felt like I could have gone even faster.)
5) Thank goodness for that bridesmaid dress. I probably should have ordered the 8, but it's the 6 that's making me realize I MUST not gain weight. I no longer think I ought to weigh 124, but I do have to fit into that dress in December, so I gotta keep my weight at least NEAR 135. For the wedding I'll probably have to weigh under 135. But that doesn't have to be my permanent weight.
6) In addition to needing gum, I need to be drinking. Coffee is good because it decreases my appetite and increases my energy. But I also need non-caffeinated, calorie-free beverages. On the days that I ate too much I didn't drink enough. NOT a coincidence.
There's a very fit, thin woman at my gym. She does a LOT of strength training - she's at the gym more than I am!! She always says she does it because she loves to eat. She is so inspiring to me. I would rather work out a lot and get to eat a lot than deprive myself all the time. There's no way I could deprive myself all the time.
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