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Binge Behavior

Saturday, September 25, 2010

This will be a weird little post. Last night I had a little binge. Despite knowing it was a bad idea, I brought a box of crackers with me to bed and ate until the box was empty. I also ate salsa (jar and spoon), some low-fat cheese, and the one last corn muffin left from the batch my husband made last weekend. I also skipped a workout of any kind for the first time in a long time.

It wasn't good, sure, and I gained two pounds overnight, but something feels different, in a good way, than with previous binges. I feel like I can still be totally on track, that my mindset has not shifted over to what I sometimes think of as my "dark side" which I hit when I enter my rapid weight-gain phases. It was just one evening of improper choices. No biggie. Kinda funny how I'm able to think of it like that now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

5FRUITSNVEGGIES 11/4/2010 12:31PM

    so happy to hear that you are at this level of acceptance and realization....sometimes i think beating yourself up over something like this, is worse......i always joke that i think stress hormones are worse on the body than MSG!

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FITGIRL15 9/28/2010 6:06PM

    Good for you, Susan! A healthy mind is as important as a healthy body!

Crackers, cheese and salsa does sound good though :)

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SPARKNMOM 9/27/2010 7:08PM

    Wow...progress for sure. I've not been on track, but it's been a few weeks of being off, so I need to get back to business!! Good to hear from you.

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MBSHAZZER 9/27/2010 10:15AM

    That is great progress, Susan! Hope the rest of your weekend was fun & healthy!

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TRACYZABELLE 9/27/2010 6:23AM

    Could ahve been worse-- the salsa and cottage cheese-- good idea!

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SWEATONCEADAY 9/26/2010 11:20PM

    way to move on. thank you for your support on my blog too!

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MEGSFITNESS 9/26/2010 9:10PM

    So, do you remember what triggered it? I'm glad you're taking this in stride and not going through rapid weight gain :)

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ELFITZPA 9/26/2010 1:42PM

    As long as you keep this mindset, I think you'll be fine. Yeah it stinks to binge - it's bad for us physically and indulges our dark side mentally. But it's over and not worth beating yourself up over - OR worth starving yourself to "make up" for it, which would probably in time lead to another binge. I'm glad you're feeling (and sounding!) so positive and centered.

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SKYFYRE 9/26/2010 7:58AM

    I think you had yourself a not so bad binge! Yay! Glad you are not dooming yourself to failure, you are in a good place!

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LIL_EZZY 9/26/2010 1:06AM

    Not funny amazing. Well done. I think we all need to do that occasionally and you have the right mindset. Oh well no biggie and back to your healthy living. Good on you Susan.

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MDTWEETY 9/25/2010 2:42PM

    Good for you for owning up to it, then moving on. We all have slip-ups. (I ,for one, have been inhaling fig newtons lately!) You know what to do to stay on track. emoticon

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SEEHOLZ 9/25/2010 1:57PM

    You are so right Susan! I think your mind ( by not feeling deprived as often) is trusting that you will feed it. I feel very similar. I mean, I am not doing as good as you regarding eating less to actually loose weight, but I am not feeling so out of control and desperate anymore. Once I stopped dieting, that's what started occuring.. no matter how much I tried to will myself out of of my binge-head in the past, I couldn't. Now, it's like it's not a thread.
I'm so glad you're making progress--- you are my total motivation and I love reading your blogs... because I seem to really be able to relate.

Keep doing your thing! emoticon

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MIMISCA 9/25/2010 11:48AM

    great that you're not beating yourself up over it. you're right - no biggie! stress only does one thing - makes you gain more weight!

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LINDY2202 9/25/2010 9:44AM

    Good! Way to go on not beating yourself up over it. One step back, two steps forward! emoticon

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I Pass People!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I've been running a lot lately, and a couple times lately I've actually passed other runners. This doesn't usually happen - I'm usually the slowest one out there - so I'm pretty proud of myself! Especially since all my runs are just for fun - no worries about how far or fast I'm going, or how often I go - I just go when the weather is good and when I have the time, and I keep downloading new music to make my running even more fun. I ran on the beach on Sunday, and on Saturday we were out shopping and I got bored so I ran home - almost four miles. I just bring my running gear with me where ever I go so I can always run at a moment's notice!

On Saturday night we ordered delivery from a Japanese restaurant - miso soup, seaweed salad, and an "ocean love boat" for two (maki, sushi, and sashimi). It must have been the salt that made my weight suddenly jump up four pounds the next morning. It was still up yesterday, and then today I got on the scale and was down five - to the lowest weight I've been in months, 156.8! So I'm feeling happy and skinny today - and it's school picture day!

I guess if you've read this far you can already tell, but I'm in a good place right now. My weight is fairly stable, a bit higher than I want but it'll come down with time, and I'm eating what I want and exercising when I want and life is good. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

5FRUITSNVEGGIES 11/4/2010 12:29PM

    i now know that anytime i go for sushi, the next day i wear a baby-doll ensemble!

ps i am so behind on everyone's blogs.....but here to catch up on you today!

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CARILOUIE 9/27/2010 7:45AM

    How wonderful to be able to run whenever you feel like it - if I tried to run home from the store, I don't think I'd make it across the Interstate!

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STARFISH619 9/23/2010 7:35PM

    What a wonderfully, positive attitude.
Way to go on the running! I wish to perhaps, one day do that couch to 5k program. If only I found running to be fun, but I think I could get there one day. :) Reading your blog was an inspiration to make it fun.

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TRACYZABELLE 9/23/2010 5:05AM

    Yay school pictures!! Hope you love the way they turn out!

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PSSN4FITNESS 9/22/2010 2:18PM

    That's great! I find that when I just go with the flow for my runs that I actually get better results. I love the idea of keeping the running gear on hand at all times. I need to start that too.

Sounds like things are going well for you. Keep it up!

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LIL_EZZY 9/22/2010 8:15AM

    It is fun isn't it. Running that is. I think it is fun. That is a great achievement that you are now overtaking other runners. Great job. How good was that that you were feeling so good on of all days PHOTO day. Hooray. Well I hope you are still feeling amazing.

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SKYFYRE 9/21/2010 11:12PM

    Awe, Susan! I am happy you are in a happy-place! You are doing it the right way- the lifestyle way and I love that! Way to make the exercise available to you, by the way!

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KRITKRIT 9/21/2010 4:34PM

    sushi and sashimi...yum!!!! I dont get it a lot bc Im in the midwest but I heart it!!

So glad you are in a happy place!!


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MDTWEETY 9/21/2010 3:08PM

    Awesome! I love how you can just run on a whim! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEEHOLZ 9/21/2010 1:53PM

    That is truly an awesome place to be in and that's my ultimate goal, too!

I can tell that a little bit of competitiveness is coming out too, maybe before you know it, you'll be racing again after all.. I guess we'll see...

I'm really happy that you have found your middle ground after all the ups and downs== makes me truly smile! emoticon

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MBSHAZZER 9/21/2010 1:31PM

    I love that you are always prepared to run! True success!


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DAMIENDUCKS 9/21/2010 1:17PM

    oh I bet that is awesome passing people! if I want to pass people I have to hop on my bike haha.

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PRAIRIEDAWNPAM 9/21/2010 12:52PM

    On behalf of the slow runners out there, I hope you'll be kind as you go by... even though I hope you're thinking in your head, "so long, sucker!"

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MEGSFITNESS 9/21/2010 12:24PM

    Ah! awesome :) it sounds completely awesome to be where you are :)

It looks like my subscriptions lapsed, but I'm back on board with your blog. Keep up the great work!

In a reply to your comment: I love my smart phone! There's a diet tracker from spark to easily add food/exercise and I've got access to the full site through the internet (3g network) and I get notifications via e-mail when someone's blog is updated (that I'm subscribed to)... so it really helps to keep me in the loop :)

If you hate being "connected" though--seriously consider before you make the switch. I don't feel like I can go back to a regular phone now that I've experienced having a smart phone :)

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Need to Tighten the Reins a Bit

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Note to self - my latest eating template alone has almost 1,900 calories. That's just my standard breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, without any extras. (Well, the latte is an extra, but I've been having those almost every day - maybe it's time to stop.) There have already been all kinds of cookies and breads in the teachers' room, and I've been indulging. Then there has been the extra beer, wine, weeknight dinners out, and evening cheese and crackers. This on top of reduced time on cardio... and even on strength training too considering that most weeks these days I'm only doing Body Pump twice a week. And as I've mentioned previously, I'm not counting calories on the weekends, and I'm probably taking in a daily calorie intake of upper-2000s on weekends.

The good news is that none of this has been out of control, and my weight has been fairly stable. This is actually GREAT news, because I haven't been succumbing to my old nemesis: the all-or-nothing approach.

However, I need to tighten the reins a bit and get things under control for two important reasons:

1) My current habits aren't going to result in weight loss. I want to lose a few pounds, so I have to get a little stricter.

2) I don't want a few indulgences here and there to progress to bigger and more frequent indulgences, especially as we progress toward the holiday season and treats become easier and easier to come by.

So keeping this in mind, I think I have to restrict the amount of teachers' room goodies I eat (I don't want to ban them, because that could backfire, but maybe just a half a serving of something once or twice a week or so). and I need to stick to my template a little more often! Gotta go - at work - bye!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITGIRL15 9/20/2010 12:19PM

    You can do it, Girl!!! I agree though, it's hard to say "NO" to homemade cookies :)

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CARILOUIE 9/17/2010 6:33PM

    I have some rules I follow for the teachers' lounge food. I will eat it if:
a) it is homemade
b) it is something I wouldn't/couldn't make at home myself (because I am a good baker)
c) it is delicious

Other than that, it's a waste of calories for me. So I don't eat the stale yellow grocery store cake, but I will eat a delicious home made turtle brownie!

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TRACYZABELLE 9/17/2010 5:44AM

    Maybe you can start a good trend and bring healthy snacks to share--- then maybe the others will try too!!

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LIL_EZZY 9/16/2010 8:00PM

    Yes that is the way to do it. Goodluck with it all. YOur lunch room sounds like mine. We are forever having Birthdays or morning teas for some reason or another. Yesterday a girl was going over to buy a block of chocolate each for us girls in our room so when I got mine I put it on the staffroom table and said to everyone to help them selves I grabbed 2 pieces and that was enough for me.

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SKYFYRE 9/16/2010 1:58AM

    I am thinking soups might help you and me! It would fill us up for less calories and maybe fill some of the void! Great outlook Susan!

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BLUEBOOEYES 9/15/2010 7:37PM

    Way to take charge, Sus!

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SEEHOLZ 9/15/2010 1:00PM

    Awesome about not going back to your old ways- that's HUGE! I have a really good feeling about this approach.

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MBSHAZZER 9/15/2010 10:44AM

    You'd be surprised at what a difference cutting out just a few treats can make! I think you can see a difference without feeling deprived.

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MDTWEETY 9/15/2010 10:24AM

    I agree, the all-or-nothing approach never works in the long run. Life's too short to never have a treat. Good luck with the teacher's room goodies. It is so easy to be tempted at work. My dad always talks about how there is a feast at his office every day. Cakes, candy, bagels, name it. That would be hard.

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Monday Update

Monday, September 13, 2010

This photo was taken at the end of parents, MIL, hubs, and me. I think this picture pretty accurately reflects my size these days...not bad upper half, legs are much thicker than I'd like (especially when compared to my skinny MIL's legs!) but I think you can also tell they're pretty muscular - thank you Body Pump squat and lunge tracks! My weight has been hovering in the lower 160s to upper 150s lately. I've been counting calories during the week only and allowing myself indulgences on the weekends, which is a great maintanence plan but not really working for weight LOSS these days.

I'm not too concerned though. There's definitely a piece of me that wonders whether I'm at the weight I was supposed to be at right now. I was never a naturally thin girl, and I feel great (other than that one heartburn incident I wrote about last time!), have tons of energy, and checked out as perfectly healthy at the doctor's office. When I get thinner sometimes I lose some of my energy....because I'm hungry more often.... and I'm definitely better able to enjoy my lifestyle when I'm not being ridiculously strict.

Since school is fully back in session, I'm back to grocery shopping once a week and batch cooking on Sundays...with the football game on in the living really feels like fall! Yesterday I made a vegetable/brown rice stir fry and my usual Mexican lasagna (but with a new addition to the recipe: guacamole).

On the exercise front, I couldn't be happier that just about every day now the weather is perfect for outdoor jogging. I've been going to Body Pump twice a week and once in a while doing strength training on my own too...and have been doing Zumba, Body Combat, and elliptical in addition to my jogging. Oh, and a little tennis. Yesterday I had one of those perfect workouts (on the elliptical) where I felt like superwoman...I went almost 7 miles and burned almost 1,000 calories in 65 minutes!

In other news, we lowered the asking price on my condo AGAIN (third time) and we're really expecting to get some offers coming in finally. In fact, there's a showing tonight. So hopefully I'll be moving soon - yay!

Other than that, I'm settling in with the new school year and having really fun weekends going out with my friends. All is good! Hope everyone else is doing well too!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIL_EZZY 9/16/2010 8:01PM

    I honestly would love to be your size. Your legs are amazing.

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MDTWEETY 9/15/2010 10:21AM

    Your exercise routine is a lot like mine. I need to get back into ST though. Haven't been to Body Pump in a long time. :)

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SKYFYRE 9/14/2010 7:58PM

    I wish you luck with your condo, I am kinda stuck with mine until the market turns around. :( Eh, thats life! Your legs ARE MUSCULAR! Go Girl, Looking great! Keep up the good work,,and way to plan with the batch cooking!

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SEEHOLZ 9/14/2010 11:08AM

    You look great- totally muscular-- IMHO, sexier than little birds legs... plus, think what those legs are doing for you girl!

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FRIZGIRL 9/14/2010 6:54AM

    Wow! You have fantastic legs!!! They are so toned and shapely. Why would you want your MIL's legs? They aren't nearly as nice as yours! Have you thought about getting your body fat checked and using that as a measurement? You might simply be more muscular than you were at previous times. It's probably worth a trip to a trainer to talk about your past ups and downs and how you felt at different weights, what kindof workouts you do, have them check your body fat % and then give you aplan.

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TRACYZABELLE 9/14/2010 5:28AM

    Good luck with selling the condo I know it is a rough time!

And as far as you go, I know you can shape up, you did it before and I know this time will be no different

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CARILOUIE 9/13/2010 9:25PM

    I think as long as you are happy with yourself, then it really doesn't matter what the scale says (much easier for me to tell someone else than to think myself!). You look great, and your blog sounds very happy.
Your schedule sounds like mine - even the batch cooking during football! It's so funny how teachers have such similar schedules...
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your condo sells soon. My brother is selling his house right now, and it's taking a long time.


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MRSSHMOEJOE 9/13/2010 7:11PM

    I have to say that when I look at this picture all I see is someone who looks HEALTHY! Truly healthy. And I absolutely agree that your legs look fantastically toned. I also don't think I would've guessed you were over 150. I tend to think that when people look healthy, fit, and toned but they look lighter than their actual weight that it means that they have healthy muscles that are making the scale read more than what our eyes perceive. I think that's a GOOD thing! ... If you haven't ever seen Self Magazine's "Happy Weight" article, you should go to their website and search for it. There's also a calculator that goes with it. I feel like, based on what you're saying, you might be at your "happy weight." (And I'm so jealous! emoticon )

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PAPER_WINGS18 9/13/2010 6:05PM

    I agree w/ Stef & Court- you look fab! As long as you feel healthy and happy then I wouldn't stress too much over the weight fluctuations and the scale not going down drastically. You look happy, healthy, confident, and TONED! :-)

Good luck with the condo selling!!

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BOOTS1221 9/13/2010 5:58PM

    I think you look great at this weight, happy and healthy! Glad to hear you're doing well. If you get a sec, I'd love your recipe for mexican lasagna! I've been looking for new batch recipes for work lunches and that sounds yummy!! Good luck with the showing!

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STEFANIE822 9/13/2010 4:42PM

    Susan you look amazing! Your legs are so muscular and toned (sooo jealous!)!!! Maybe this weight is perfect for you!

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BRUIN2 9/13/2010 1:30PM


Hope the condo sells!!!

Glad to hear you're doing well!!!

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FITGIRL15 9/13/2010 12:59PM

    Embrace your shape, Woman! You are muscular and sexy :)

Good Luck on the condo sale! :)

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LFLFLPLP 9/13/2010 12:56PM

    I think you look adorable! You look very muscular to me.

Fingers crossed for a quick sell!

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MBSHAZZER 9/13/2010 12:56PM

    Susan, you look fantastic! And your legs look great - very strong and muscular!

I do think everyone has a certain weight at which they are happy. If you are hungry and low energy at a lower weight, than that is not your happy weight! Lots of energy for working out is a good thing!

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GYPSYGOTH 9/13/2010 12:47PM

    i think you're looking great and i'd LOVE to have legs like yours!

hope your place sells soon- good luck!! emoticon

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The beginning of the school year...a rough start

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Why do they have to make summer so fun?

School started this week. It's been hot and uncomfortable. I'd been tired despite getting enough sleep all week... I think it's because I was getting up at 6 instead of the 7 or 8 I was used to... but then last night was the worst. I was tired and got in bed around 6 p.m. with the hope that I might fall asleep ridiculously early and get a major night's sleep. But then my husband texted me and asked to prep his dinner, and while I was doing that, I had a binge. What?? I haven't had a binge in a long time, I thought I was over that since I'm allowing myself plenty of treats these days. Then I went back to bed and wasn't feeling well. It felt like heartburn, maybe? Not even really sure what that feels like. Anyway, my husband came to bed, we watched a little baseball (enough to see the Red Sox come from behind), and we were asleep probably around 9:30 or 10...but then around 11 or so I was awake again with achy pain up and down my chest, my stomach, and even my upper back. I rolled around in pain until 2:30 in the morning when I finally went online and looked up my symptoms... seemed I was either having an ulcer, bad heartburn, or a heart attack. The first two, I read, are both helped by antacids, so my darling husband went to the 24-hour CVS down the street to buy me some Gaviscon. I took it and was asleep by 3...only to be woken by my alarm at 6...I reset it for 7 and got ready for work really fast and was only 10 minutes late.

So now here I am, still feeling a bit icky, thinking I'll probably have to go see the doctor about this even though I JUST went for a physical (and my doctor's office is 45 minutes away, ugh), totally sleep deprived, hot, and feeling sad that I'm not as into my j0b as I used to be.

On the plus side though, a four-day weekend starts tomorrow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROGUE_1 9/12/2010 10:09AM

    Ahh boo, I hate sleepless, restless nights like that. Hope the rest of your week went well and your achy pains went away. Your husband is such a sweetie!

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SWEATONCEADAY 9/12/2010 12:37AM

    what a yucky night? has it gone away? have you been to the doctor. i hope you are feeling better.

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SPARKNMOM 9/10/2010 11:42PM

    I've had a semi-rocky start to the school year myself. The good thing is, the beginning is over and it's time for routine to kick in - hopefully the kids will agree!

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SKYFYRE 9/5/2010 10:17PM

    I hope you are having a great weekend, and no more heartburn! Ugh! Feel better!

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 9/3/2010 8:47PM

    I'm glad you're going to the doctor, I just read an article on young women having heart attacks...and those symptoms do sound fishy. Good luck!!

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TRACYZABELLE 9/3/2010 2:00AM

    hope u feeel better

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STEFANIE822 9/2/2010 11:26PM

    Sorry to hear about your rough night Susan...hope you are feeling better ASAP!!

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SEEHOLZ 9/2/2010 3:40PM

    It's really nice you get the 4 day week-end to recouperate and ease yourself into the work week.. I was EXHAUSTED for 2 weeks straight ( I thought there was something wrong with me) after Europe-- the body knows what's good for it and appearantly my schedule is draining-LOL. Hope you feel better!!!

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SILLIANGEL 9/2/2010 2:05PM

    Ewwww your night sounds super sucky. BUT! Just give it a couple weeks and I'm sure you'll be lovin' your job just like I remember you did before =D

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MBSHAZZER 9/2/2010 11:45AM

    Sorry you're not feeling well. The first few days back after a vacation are always tough, but you'll get your groove back.

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KRITKRIT 9/2/2010 11:35AM

    Oh man, sorry you didnt get any sleep last night. That's the worst. Do you think you just had a flare because of your binge? Hopefully it goes away without a doctors visit!

Speaking of the 4 day weekend...any big plans!?

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FRIZGIRL 9/2/2010 10:04AM

    awwww sorry you had such a rough night!

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LIL_EZZY 9/2/2010 8:40AM

    Yay for the 4 day weekend. Lucky you. I wish. I hope you get it all sorted about your heartburn.

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