Thursday, May 20, 2010
I am so sorry to have been so distant lately - work has been ridiculous so please don't take it personally if I have ignored you. You guys are the best and as always I feel accountable because you're all still writing blogs and checking in on me even though I haven't been a very good Sparker lately. I've been going to the gym although a lot of my workouts have been a bit half-hearted, but my eating has just been out of control. After the initial shock of the problem at work that I described in my last post, my feelings leveled off to a more normal stress level and my appetite came back full-force. I have been guilty of huge amounts of emotional eating lately. As I noted in my blog title, I'm in need of motivation, so I'm heading off to the bookstore to hope to find an inspiring new read or two. I really need to get my spark back right away...summer isn't going to wait for me!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Last time I wrote I was struggling with eating (treats in the teacher's room at school, nighttime bingeing at home). Well, I'm very happy to report that I haven't been struggling with that stuff lately!! There haven't been treats hanging around at school, and in general I've been too busy to get myself into trouble with eating!! So I've actually been eating WELL for a change, and my exercise and water are good too.
But...there always has to be something, unfortunately. When I said I was too busy to get into trouble with eating, that's putting it mildly. School has been RIDICULOUSLY BUSY!! I'm a special education teacher, and really my job could be two full-time jobs: one person could do all the teaching, and the other could do all the evaluations, meetings, and paperwork. With the evaluations, you just never know.. at any given time there could be NONE, or there could be 13, like there are right now. It's busier right now than ever, and when a new referral comes you can't say, "Sorry, I'm full right now, try me again in a few months." You have to add it to the list, no matter how long the list is. Fortunately I actually really like that aspect of my job. However, on top of that I'm also dealing with a very difficult work issue that I really cannot discuss here, but it is very emotionally draining no matter how many coworkers tell me not to take it personally. In fact, it's bothering me so much that it might actually be part of the reason I'm doing okay with my eating (silver lining!)... I think it has taken my appetite away. You'd never think I'd be the kind of person who would lose my appetite from a stressful situation, but apparently I can be with the "right" (there's nothing "right" about this situation) kind of stress. I remember the summer I was 14 or 15, when a boy broke my heart, I barely ate for two days. So it's been known to happen.
Anyway, I REALLY wish I could vent about the situation here, but I just feel like that would be a breach of confidentiality. It's really bothering me though.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I had a few hours that were off-track today. It started with yet another baked good in that freaking teacher's room! This kind of thing needs to start being banned. I only had half a piece, but then I went into the tin of chocolates in the office, and by the time I came home I already knew I was going to eat off track, and I did, for an hour or so, but it's done, I've been reading blogs and trying to soak up all the motivation from them that I can, and now probably the best thing would be to plan for an early night since I'm tired and start fresh tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I guess by now I should not be surprised when I receive several thoughtful, helpful, and nonjudgmental comments on my blog...but the level of support Sparkers give each other on a daily basis continues to amaze me. Thanks all!
As an update on yesterday's situation, I did have soup and then lots of water and felt fine, which was good, but wasted so much time in the afternoon/evening that I ran out of time to go to the gym, which is bad except that it's supposed to be okay to take days off here and there. I was down a pound this morning, yay!
Yesterday I was both frustrated by being hungry so often and ALSO confused about why my calorie level is different, it seems, than many other people's. Maybe it just is what it is, my metabolism works differently (more like a man's??). The pro would be that I can eat more, but the con would be that I get hungry more. Maybe it all evens out in the end...I hope...but why?? In order to get my calorie level to be at the 2400-2700ish range I wanted, I had to set my goal as wanting to lose one pound over the course of a year AND enter 120 minutes of cardio per day - both are obviously not true! I didn't want to just manually change numbers though because I wanted all the ranges for different nutrients to be adjusted properly.
I'm frustrated at how much more overweight I am than just two months ago, but unfortunately it takes a lot more time to lose weight than it does to put it on - for me at least. As long as I keep plugging away I will eventually get back to where I'm comfortable with how I look.
Oh, I did cave and take a small amount of the homemade zucchini bread I found in the teachers' room today, but I guesstimate/tracked it and am moving on. I guess I worry that if I hadn't allowed myself any of it I'd start craving zucchini bread and eventually buy (and eat) a whole loaf!
Other than that, I am right on track. Oh, in response to a few comments I received yesterday, in no particular order..... (very rambly blog today!) I was asked how I felt when I ate 1200 calories per day. I would get so hungry that I could barely function!! I could usually handle it for a short time, but after a while I just could not go on at that level. Also, one lovely Sparker actually took the time to look at my nutrition tracker to see whether she could make any recommendations (thank you!!!!) and suggested maybe I'm eating too many of my carbs in the form of fruits/veggies and not enough in the form of whole grains. That is something to consider because over the weekend I was eating fewer fruits and instead having a snack of steel-cut oats with milk and I didn't get so hungry. Then again, the weekend and a work day are SO different in so many ways that it's hard to pinpoint just one variable making the difference - like one of my Spark friends said, work days are (obviously) way more stressful, and we all know that stress can lead to eating in a person like me!
Okay, I'm done being random. For now. :)
Monday, April 26, 2010
It's 5:30 p.m. I'm a little bit tired, all alone, and definitely still hungry even though I've already had dinner. It would be so easy to slip back into binge mode right now, but I'm not going to because I am back on track. I am going to have some soup though. Sure it'll put my calories rather high for the day, but binge eating would give me some giant mystery calorie total I don't even want to guess at. I do wonder, like I so often do, why I have this enormous appetite. I've already had almost 2600 calories today, which for many Sparkers would be a seriously off-track day. Why am I still hungry??
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