Monday, April 26, 2010
It's 5:30 p.m. I'm a little bit tired, all alone, and definitely still hungry even though I've already had dinner. It would be so easy to slip back into binge mode right now, but I'm not going to because I am back on track. I am going to have some soup though. Sure it'll put my calories rather high for the day, but binge eating would give me some giant mystery calorie total I don't even want to guess at. I do wonder, like I so often do, why I have this enormous appetite. I've already had almost 2600 calories today, which for many Sparkers would be a seriously off-track day. Why am I still hungry??
Sunday, April 25, 2010
April vacation is over...back to school tomorrow. Right now my cabbage soup (the one featured on Sparks yesterday, plus my own modifications) is simmering and I have a couple other batch-cooked recipes in the freezer. I have everything ready to go to make all my breakfast smoothies and I have all my snacks ready. Now all I have to do is sleep well, stay hydrated at school, stay away from food from the teachers room, and track everything I eat. I just know that everything else will fall into place as long as I do those things. Now that my Tuesday-Thursday afterschool literacy intervention program is over, the only day I run an afterschool activity is Monday (homework club) and that's only until 4 p.m., and it's light out until almost 8 p.m. these days, so I will have plenty of time for outdoor runs after school. I LOVE it when I only have to go to the gym for 20 minutes because I'm only going for strength training - I feel like I'm getting away with something naughty!
Yesterday was my second day back to calorie-counting and again I had success. I put absolutely no restrictions on how much I ate, and when I was still hungry after 2500 calories (and my husband wanted to go out to a restaurant), I had no problem ordering a glass of wine and a small baby spinach salad with grilled shrimp. I tracked it and it added about 300 extra calories to bring my grand total to 2800. I don't know if I'll lose much weight eating this much, but we'll see!
This morning my husband woke me up early asking, "Ready to hike Blue Hill?" He knew I wanted to go for a hike, but he doesn't like hiking - he likes to say that he doesn't understand the point. I told him the point is so that his larda$s wife doesn't get even more lard-y!! He also doesn't like biking and claims he "can't" run even though I know he can, much faster than I can. When we were hiking up that hill (just 15 minutes to the top) I got all winded and he kept getting way ahead of me. I wish my genes were more like his, it's just not fair. I do so much more cardio than he does. He also doesn't get hungry nearly as often as I do.
We went to Panera for lunch and I had the black bean soup and apple - just 170 calories for the soup and 233 calories total! My husband had the Italian combo sandwich and when I looked up the calories it actually made me gasp - 1,040 - plus more than a day's worth of sodium. It was exactly 1200 with the chips and 1248 with the three sugar packets he put in his iced tea. Have you guys seen the chips bag at a Panera? They put a photo of some hands holding some potatoes fresh out of the earth and at the bottom it says things like "all natural" like this is some health food you're eating - sorry, it's still potato chips! It reminded me of the 1st graders on Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution who didn't know what potatoes were or that potato chips were made from potatoes.
My husband dragged me to Staples after lunch where he bought a new laptop and a new cell phone! He's currently trying to set the laptop up a few feet away from me - how nice that we don't have to fight over the computer right now. :)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
It's kind of funny how something that was just about second-nature for me a few months ago - calorie counting - is now so monumental. Yesterday was my first successful day counting calories in over a month! I didn't have any preconceived limits on how much I would eat - I just made sure I was eating healthy food in reasonable amounts. I can already tell today that my body is happier with me for treating it well - my skin is clearer, I've dropped a couple pounds, and my darling husband told me I'm already looking thinner - after one day! Obviously my body likes what I'm doing now.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Over the past week I've written pages upon pages of thoughts about my weight management journey in a Word document. I didn't want to post them here because I didn't want my decisions to be influenced by anyone's comments - I wanted to find out what was right for me on my own. I started by stating the facts - I am a 32 year-old woman whose weight has yo-yoed for years due to fluctuating lifestyle habits. I did come to the reassuring realization that no matter what happens, I have an innate drive in me to work on self-improvement, and no matter how far off track I get, I will always eventually come back to working on myself. This always happens. However, whenever I lose a significant amount of weight I always gain it back too.
Earlier in the week I reasoned with myself that my usual methods for losing weight weren't really working since I always gain it back in the end, and therefore I needed a new approach. I decided that a love of overeating was the one thing keeping me from maintaining a thin weight, and that I needed to work on eliminating the "poisonous thoughts" of eating when I'm not hungry. I planned my attack with a hunger scale and ways for dealing with wanting to eat for reasons other than hunger. I told myself to only eat when I was hungry, and to stop when I was no longer hungry. It all sounded great in theory, but then I tried it for a day and it drove me crazy. Deciding when you're hungry is subjective even when you have a 10-point scale, and when it comes to food decisions I tend to be irrational. I was uncomfortable with my plan and literally forgot all about it several times in the one day I'd promised myself I'd try it! It just didn't feel right for me.
I decided that as of this morning I am back to calorie counting. In contrast with the hunger scale plan, I'm excited about getting back to counting calories and feel very reassured that it works (at least in the short-term...will deal with long-term as it comes.) I made two calorie-counted batch recipes today and I also experimented with adding spinach to my smoothie after reading about this on other people's blogs. (I've tried before, but not in a long time.) The results - even if you can't really taste the spinach, there's something not very pleasant about a green smoothie. However, I also made a batch of my fake chocolate ice cream (I blogged about this the other day) and figured that the cocoa would hide the color of the spinach. Success - you can't tell there's spinach in there at all.
Anyway, there are five weeks until Memorial Day weekend and I'm very optomistic about counting calories between now and then and seeing a lot of progress in the right direction. In other news, I've been working WITH success on drinking more water, getting more sleep, getting up at 7 a.m. even though it's vacation week, and getting regular exercise. I've jogged outside every day this week and have done strength training at the gym almost every day. Having these other aspects of my healthy lifestyle in place are great, but my eating is really the thing that makes the big difference, and now I'm getting that back under control too.
Monday, April 19, 2010
You truly inspire me - each and every one of you. I am in awe of how far you can run. I watched many of you today near the Mile 8 mark - I don't think I've ever run 8 miles in one stretch in my whole life, but you made it look easy - and were ready to go more than 18 MORE miles on top of that - that is just incomprehensible to me!
I tried to cheer for as many runners by name as I could and it was exciting when I got a smile back or even a "thank you." However, I know that if I were running I would be too busy concentrating on running to always react when someone cheered for me, but I'd still appreciate it. I'd write my name in really big letters on my shirt - not my arm or leg because those would be moving too fast for people to be able to read, and I'd run toward the outer edge of the road where I could hear fans cheering for me. If my name were really hard to pronounce I might just write "Go *INITIALS*" on my shirt instead. I'd also want to run near one of those fun goofball characters who dramatically cups his hand by his ear (always seems to be a man..) to encourage spectators to scream more loudly, because that's when things get most energetic and fun.
I was especially inspired by the marathoners who didn't look like typical athletes - I saw blind runners, runners with one leg, and runners who were especially young or old. Every single runner I saw looked fit and healthy, though. Marathoners, I am so proud of you!
Boston Marathoners, I hope you're feeling satisfied and proud of yourselves, and aren't in too much pain. I hope you're able to relax and recover for the next few days! Thank you for inspiring me!!!
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