Friday, April 23, 2010
Over the past week I've written pages upon pages of thoughts about my weight management journey in a Word document. I didn't want to post them here because I didn't want my decisions to be influenced by anyone's comments - I wanted to find out what was right for me on my own. I started by stating the facts - I am a 32 year-old woman whose weight has yo-yoed for years due to fluctuating lifestyle habits. I did come to the reassuring realization that no matter what happens, I have an innate drive in me to work on self-improvement, and no matter how far off track I get, I will always eventually come back to working on myself. This always happens. However, whenever I lose a significant amount of weight I always gain it back too.
Earlier in the week I reasoned with myself that my usual methods for losing weight weren't really working since I always gain it back in the end, and therefore I needed a new approach. I decided that a love of overeating was the one thing keeping me from maintaining a thin weight, and that I needed to work on eliminating the "poisonous thoughts" of eating when I'm not hungry. I planned my attack with a hunger scale and ways for dealing with wanting to eat for reasons other than hunger. I told myself to only eat when I was hungry, and to stop when I was no longer hungry. It all sounded great in theory, but then I tried it for a day and it drove me crazy. Deciding when you're hungry is subjective even when you have a 10-point scale, and when it comes to food decisions I tend to be irrational. I was uncomfortable with my plan and literally forgot all about it several times in the one day I'd promised myself I'd try it! It just didn't feel right for me.
I decided that as of this morning I am back to calorie counting. In contrast with the hunger scale plan, I'm excited about getting back to counting calories and feel very reassured that it works (at least in the short-term...will deal with long-term as it comes.) I made two calorie-counted batch recipes today and I also experimented with adding spinach to my smoothie after reading about this on other people's blogs. (I've tried before, but not in a long time.) The results - even if you can't really taste the spinach, there's something not very pleasant about a green smoothie. However, I also made a batch of my fake chocolate ice cream (I blogged about this the other day) and figured that the cocoa would hide the color of the spinach. Success - you can't tell there's spinach in there at all.
Anyway, there are five weeks until Memorial Day weekend and I'm very optomistic about counting calories between now and then and seeing a lot of progress in the right direction. In other news, I've been working WITH success on drinking more water, getting more sleep, getting up at 7 a.m. even though it's vacation week, and getting regular exercise. I've jogged outside every day this week and have done strength training at the gym almost every day. Having these other aspects of my healthy lifestyle in place are great, but my eating is really the thing that makes the big difference, and now I'm getting that back under control too.
Monday, April 19, 2010
You truly inspire me - each and every one of you. I am in awe of how far you can run. I watched many of you today near the Mile 8 mark - I don't think I've ever run 8 miles in one stretch in my whole life, but you made it look easy - and were ready to go more than 18 MORE miles on top of that - that is just incomprehensible to me!
I tried to cheer for as many runners by name as I could and it was exciting when I got a smile back or even a "thank you." However, I know that if I were running I would be too busy concentrating on running to always react when someone cheered for me, but I'd still appreciate it. I'd write my name in really big letters on my shirt - not my arm or leg because those would be moving too fast for people to be able to read, and I'd run toward the outer edge of the road where I could hear fans cheering for me. If my name were really hard to pronounce I might just write "Go *INITIALS*" on my shirt instead. I'd also want to run near one of those fun goofball characters who dramatically cups his hand by his ear (always seems to be a man..) to encourage spectators to scream more loudly, because that's when things get most energetic and fun.
I was especially inspired by the marathoners who didn't look like typical athletes - I saw blind runners, runners with one leg, and runners who were especially young or old. Every single runner I saw looked fit and healthy, though. Marathoners, I am so proud of you!
Boston Marathoners, I hope you're feeling satisfied and proud of yourselves, and aren't in too much pain. I hope you're able to relax and recover for the next few days! Thank you for inspiring me!!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Yesterday I opened Microsoft Word and opened all my old, pre-Spark fitness-related documents - basically blogs before I had access to a real blog spot. I realized that my pattern of gain and loss has gone on far longer than just my three Spark years, although now my low weights are lower than before, and my high weights aren't as high as before. (Basically now I cycle anywhere from 132-172, where before it was anywhere from 147-183.) Anyway, after I read my old documents I started a new one, and wrote nine pages of thoughts and possible goals. Maybe I'll share them since so many people commented on my last blog that they actually like to read my babbling thoughts. Heh - I'd give you permission to skim through most of it. Anyway, all that writing really got me thinking about new goals and I'm so glad that I have a whole week off to really work on crystalizing my new plan.
I won't get into the whole plan now, but basically it involves sleep, drinking water, and working on eating only when I am hungry. I started to try working on my goals right away - very difficult! - and as part of that I got up at 7 a.m. today even though I don't have to work. I was out for a run by 7:38 a.m. and it was a wonderful feeling to be out in the sun in the morning! Plus I live right near the route of the Boston Marathon, which is starting in a few hours! So I saw people setting up water stations, soliders, police officers, and the very first few spectators setting up their chairs at the perfect spot. I talked to one woman who had watched at the same spot for 30 years! It was energizing, and I'm going to get my beach chair soon and get back out there and watch, at least for a little bit. I've lived here for five years and never gone out to watch! I watched near the finish line last year, but I never watched in my own neighborhood.
Looking forward to adding to my 9-page Word document, and sharing all those thoughts with you... and trying out some new things!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Here's a recipe I invented for healthy fake chocolate ice cream:
*frozen fruit (berries, cherries, and mango for me)
Blend until you get the consistency of soft-serve ice cream. Now, if only I had the motivation to actually measure and track the ingredients, I'd be onto something!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
I weighed myself this morning for the first time in a week or two. Not good. Not going to share, either.
I get a boost of motivation when I read diet books. I read one yesterday at Barnes & Noble called _I Can Make You Thin_ by Paul McKenna. Right away I was suspicious of the hypnosis CD, but the book was short so I read it. The plan has four rules:
1. Eat when you're hungry.
2. Eat what you want, not what you think you should.
3. Eat consciously and enjoy every mouthful.
4. Stop when you think you're full.
I told my husband about it and all he had to say was, "You could never do that." Maybe his reaction is exactly the reason I SHOULD do something like this. I haven't decided yet.
This coming week is school vacation week and I really want to have a plan of action by early in the week so I can start implementing SOMETHING and feeling good about myself. I feel so ugly right now and my self-esteem is so low. I think I have two whole different ways of thinking and acting, depending on whether I'm on or off track. I don't want to dwell on the negative right now though.
Two absolute givens: I must try to get more sleep and I must drink more water. Oh, and a third given: I must eat more slowly.
When I was on track, I would never eat without having water or tea. I would take sips between bites and eat more slowly because I knew I wasn't going to allow myself unlimited food so I had to make what food I did have last.
I should make a list of things I did when I was on track. I should also try to figure out why I let myself get off track. You'd think it would be a basic question - it's all behavior afterall, shouldn't I know why I choose to behave the way I do??
Jess and I went to Fresh City for lunch - we'd never been there before. We didn't notice until after we ordered that they had a computer near the entrance where you could look up nutrition information. We didn't use it, but Jess asked me to look up the info as soon as we got home. He was sure that his salmon burrito would be lower-calorie than my Cancun burrito (chicken, guacamole, rice, beans, cheese, salsa, low-carb tortilla) but it turned out that mine was the lower-calorie option - 550ish? I think vs. his 750ish. I had guessed that his would be about 600 and mine 700. Plus he had a sweetened iced tea and chips, and I just had a water. But I had breakfast and Jess didn't. As we were finishing our lunches a waitress came around with samples of a fruit smoothie - I took one but since I'd been eating slowly - consciously putting my burrito down between most bites and taking a sip of water - I was full! So I took some of the tin foil from my burrito and wrapped my smoothie and it's still in the fridge at home.
I think I should practice leaving some food behind. I could be the president of the clean plate club - I really go to extremes, I would never leave behind a single grain of rice, it's embarrassing.
One more thing for now - lately on Spark I've spent far more time reading other people's blogs than focusing on myself. I need to get a bit selfish and write blogs that are just for me, without worrying about whether they'll be interesting to anyone else, or about whether I'll be embarrassed to say everything I want to say. (There have been times lately I've felt tempted to write to myself privately without posting my thoughts in a blog..though I haven't actually done that.)
I'll write again soon. I feel like I'm on the verge of making a positive change.
Get An Email Alert Each Time SEPPIESUSAN Posts