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SENSUALWORDZ's Recent Blog Entries

And time goes on

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

How frightening to see how many times I have tried to lose weight, and to get in shape. I start out good and then lose it... Now its getting so that I cant even get 2 days in a row..
I am also a Food Addict, I have tried Food Addicts Anonymous, and OverEaters Anonomous,, to no success, Again, I just want instant gratification or else I think its not for me.
I find it hard to adhere to all the "rules" of the 12 step programs and yet I am a 17 year member of AA which is an alcoholic 12 step program. I am absolutely a success there, except I cant seem to pull that programs success and commitment over to my food...
Yesterday I rejoined a FAA group on line, I thought hard about the first 2 steps in the 12 step program
1 Admitted I was an addict (food and computer use) and that my life was unmanageable
2. Came to believe that no one but my Higher Power can restore me to sanity..
Wow did I fit into those two steps

When you use food to assuage any feelings of sadness, depression, happiness, love, boredom, etc etc, and instead of doing what you should be doing, getting out to meet people, going to gym or even doing exercise at home, you begin to isolate and next thing you know you are on a binge,, a food binge
Add to that my lonliness and living alone means I have to get some of my social contact from the computer, plus its a great way to waste time, I started using the computer to also allow me to forget, and to sit at the computer playing games, and eating, eating, and then eating till I went into what I call a comatose state, I would fall asleep and wake hours later, only to have to go to bed.

Pretty unmanageable isn't it??

So, as I said, I rejoined the group on line, Im trying to take a few suggestions, one of them not to eat at the computer, or reversely not to bring any food near the computer and that includes my IPad at the kitchen table. Ha Ha we can always find ways to cheat
I made it through my first day, I walked, I planned food, and I continued to do "the next right thing"
I went to bed happy, and woke this morning feeling good about myself
Now im on day 2, Not as easy but Im determined,
After I get off this blog I will shut off computer and go outside and read.
I have already shopped (for a gift for a person whose b'day party im going to tonite) and one of the things is a bag of snacks, It is sitting on my counter, and is very tempting, but I know that anything like that I ate, would end up me eating the whole bag.. So Im ignoring the temptation and just had a decent lunch and tracked it here on Sparkpeople
I have exercised already, I have raked and gardened, and even got stung by a wasp, (which made me want to run inside and eat something to make me feel better.

Sparkpeople, even before I went to the FAA group you were always here for me to fall back on... Even when not successful because it always felt like there was hope
With you 10 min exercises How can I not be willing

If there are any other Food Addicts here Id love to share our experiences


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENSUALWORDZ 6/3/2014 10:26PM

    I prob have a hundred people, but when the "urge" hits to eat, it is so powerful that I suddenly don't want anyone to stop me, so I have to work hard at not letting it start

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MILPAM3 6/3/2014 7:16PM

  Do you have one other person you can contact when the urge to stay on the computer or eat in an unhealthy way starts "knocking on your door?"

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SIOL55 6/3/2014 4:37PM

  emoticon Good luck on your journey to good health!

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I keep coming back

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Seems I am on a terrible track of not staying "on track" But one thing Ive noticed is when I've had enough I come back here again... Even though the food plan I would like to follow is from another group (FAA)(no sugar, no flour, no wheat) but I find this site to be so personal, so community and so interactive (If I want it to be)

I am 68, and far from a sedentary 68 year old. I still behave and think much younger, but since Ive been so far from the proper eating and the proper exercise my body has caught up with me, I used to do Cathy Friedreich, exercise tapes, which were a grueling 1 hour now im exhausted and winded after 12 mins of cardio
But as I said I keep coming back here

This morning I started my morning with the Sparkpeople 28 day Cardio Challenge exercise tape, and did a 12 min cardio... I am going to try and remember I am not what I was 10-20 years ago, so don't give up when I cant do what I used to do then
I may not be a beginner, but Im still a newcomer all over again
So 12 mins this morning, off to work as a waitress for the next 5 hours then Ill choose another activity when I come home

I desire accountability, yet don't seem willing to commit to it

I guess I just have to change change change, my attitude and my mind

Thanks Spark people for always being here

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENSUALWORDZ 11/16/2013 5:50PM

    Today is Saturday 11/16 I have to say I've been doing fairly well, My eating sure could use improvement but every day it is,,, I am so aware of what NOT to eat, that sometimes I overeat what I Can eat.
But awareness is the beginning of change
I went to the gym this week, Did 2 days of classes (wed and thurs) Fri I was just too blah feeling, There were no classes that I wanted to do, So I just did some at home, as well as today, Worked all day and just did the 28 min workout that is featured on Sparkpeople today, (20 of it is exercise and 8 is warmup) It was really good.

I just wanted to share some thoughts, Some of them random.
When I do the "right" thing, I want to do more
When I do the "wrong" things I want to do more, but with shame
So, after a day of decent eating and either exercising or walking, but taking my commitment to heart, it makes it easier to stay on track of eating, makes it easier to say NO to the things that are not "mine" And It makes me want to commit to being a better person, and to loving and caring about me a bit more.

Also would like to say that this Sparkpeople site is really awesome. While I was looking for that exercise that I wanted to do I took some extra time, and found all kinds of interesting and motivating things on here.
From food choices, and good recipes, to exercizes and blogs and tips etc etc
I could spend hours and at the end of those hours id still be sitting on my butt and not doing anything LOL But now that I have done my workout, I can sit for a bit and enjoy the perks of belonging to this site

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RSSSLHB 11/12/2013 8:33AM

    emoticon emoticon just emoticon

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SNS1968 11/12/2013 7:51AM


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SENSUALWORDZ 11/12/2013 7:16AM

    We sure can try, I am leaveing screen now because Im off to work, but Ill check in when I get home

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GOLFINSUNSHINE 11/12/2013 7:00AM

    We are in similar mode of coming back and trying to get back on track. If you want accountability we can be buddies and check in with each other - just a suggestion no pressure just support. Hope you have a wonderful day and get lots of tips. hugsss

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Day 3 (again)

Thursday, November 07, 2013

I realize that I have to make this a way of life, but still thinking in terms of diet,,, And still thinking like a loser, (not weight) rather than a winner.
I was putting my mind into a new place yesterday, I read something that said you have to think of where you want to be, rather then where you were or are, Or something like that, And then I thought, This is not a big plan this is lots and lots of little plans all day long and each one will add up to a successful day.
Ive written my little plans down, but have done so in a haphazard way, I think Ill leave the screen now and actually write them as if I WILL do them, not just plan to do them,
I also want to do some weed pulling today and hope that will count as some activity

This is my third day without any planned or obvious sugar and flour, I know the word obvious leaves a whole area to cheat, but I am starting out with small changes so I wont fail so quickly

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOFFEENUT 11/7/2013 6:31PM

    Lots of small plans sounds like a terrific approach! I figure we're all on a healthy lifestyle journey, so EVERY small step in the right direction brings us closer to our goals. My goals are all things I CAN control (Yes, I CAN eat 2 vegetables today! Yes, I CAN exercise for 10 minutes today!). Even if that darn scale NEVER moves I know I'm making healthy choices that will help me be around longer. Know there are lots of us right alongside you, cheering you on!

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How does it feel to actually lose weight

Thursday, July 04, 2013

I was thinking about my repeated failures over the years to lose weight
I lose 2or 3 lbs then I gain it back and eventually gain more then I lost. So, I have no conception of what it must feel like to see 5 lbs gone then 10 lbs gone and then 15 and 20
When I was learning to ride my motorcycle people told me to picture myself on the bike , riding it . Eventually it worked and I got my license a few months ago. I wish imagining my self thinner would work. I get motivated for a short while but then the memory of past attempts and failures are brought to mind.
Can anyone tell how it feels and maybe I can work that into my imagination

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ILOVEFOOD590 7/5/2013 1:38AM

    I am in the same boat as you. Always losing the weight and then gaining it back. Now, I am steadily losing and it feels good, but it also feels horrible when I step on that scale and see that I have gained two or three pounds due to poor food choices. I joined the 28 day boot camp with the hope to change all of that and just stay on track and keep losing. You can do this! We can do this! Here's to us!

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NYARAMULA 7/5/2013 1:36AM

    It feels really good, especially when it comes with some health related benefits. I no longer have migraines and I thank God for that every single day.

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TXPATRIOT 7/5/2013 12:41AM

    I'm about 73 lbs. down and it feels amazing! It wasn't always easy, but every bit of it was worth it.

What changed for me was when I realized there was no start or stop, just a shift in my thinking and in my decisions. I may mess up here and there, but I just keep going!

Hope you find inspiration here. There are so many people who continue to inspire me to keep going.


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PINKEUROGIRL 7/5/2013 12:30AM

    Feels great! Keep with it!

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DWROBERGE 7/4/2013 11:54PM

    Keep focused for success.

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PATTISWIMMER 7/4/2013 11:31PM

    It feels good to lose the weight and keep it off. I have lost about 2 pounds a month which is very slow for my liking but now that I am losing it to keep the cancer away I am more motivated and have lost 30. emoticon

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