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SENSORYFOODIE's Recent Blog Entries

Today I came back

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Today I came back after a long time away
To return to the place that started my way,
To a new life, a new bod, a new start
In a new place, a new lease, a new heart.

I bought new pants, I saw myself shrink
But then I got scared--froze--got tight, couldn't think.

Got all caught up in weights, bands and right;
"How do I eat and when, and if at night?

Found I should stop, and find who I am;
What do I like, what do I do, and when?

Found I like biking and feeling the breeze,
and feeling like I am "no more" and at ease.
When out on my bike I am speeding on air
And left of my body and let go of care.

I like to get out and work out a lot.
But how I go about it will have to be right
Without should or buts or ands or ifs but when it's right time.
If I gave a dime for every time I switched courses when tempted,
I would not be rich, but the money would accrue.
I need to know that everything will come due;

When preempted I can't escape time and it can't escape me. I will do as I do, and I won't be exempted from coming to see who I am,
Who is me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRANA_DANCER 6/28/2014 10:59AM


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SENSORYFOODIE 6/27/2014 8:03AM

    Hilarious, River!!!! Thanks for checking in! Hope you're welll!

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    Welcome back !! I have been wondering what you have been up to.
Now I know! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HOLLYM48 6/26/2014 3:33PM

    Great poem! I love it and it sounds like it came from deep within you after much thought. Each day is a new day to start again! You can do this, we are here for you!

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MOM22REDS 6/26/2014 2:24PM


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No Streaks But Down Anyway

Sunday, May 25, 2014

I have taken a break from tracking my exercise and nutrients on SparkPeople but I haven't stopped tracking them internally. For that reason, I have lost weight--not a lot, but down is down! When you're using a digital scale, a few ounces makes a difference, and I am celebrating that as I would despair if they went in the opposite direction. I have been watching how I eat, when I eat, what I eat, and most important, if I want to eat which I believe has been part of the reason along with all of the others that I am losing weight.

I find that I can absorb certain mistakes like eating four double oreos in a row (they're in the house--can you blame me?) and still lose weight. That's a great discovery! One night when I'm feeling weak does not mean that the next day I repeat that because 1) I don't want to regularly do that and 2) I don't think I felt the need to eat that the next day and 3) I can resist doing that again because I know it was fluke behavior. I thank G-d that my husband does not bring potato chips into the house because it might be harder, but I find that the more I repeat good behavior, the more I keep myself on my toes and don't eat other food that is easy to eat but don't fit my goals and tastes.

When I first got onto SparkPeople I jumped in with both feet, hands, fingers and toes. It helped that my husband was away, so I could do things like dancing and exercising like a crazy balloon early in the morning and throughout the day, like taking a long bike ride. Exercise was definitely a big part of my program, and so was tracking and reading articles. I was able to live the program in a very strong way, almost a zealous way, which allowed me to establish my goals and follow them commitedly. It helped that I had minimal tugs at my time, since we had just moved here. I had to do no job, but was looking, and was volunteering minimally. My priority-- and energy--could be thrown behind my program.

But now I find that if I am too scrupulous, too focused on a cookie cutter approach that in the real world means that to last, I must find a way to balance my emotions, tastes, tendencies, and cravings, then I must let go a little, like a child letting go of the parent's hand when he's learning to roller skate. I must learn to roll with the punches, fall down and get back up and keep on going. And I find that, having learned a little how to roller skate, I am skating on my own. With tracking, a calorie range, a point system that encourages you, and articles to educate you (not to mention people who do both of the latter two), you learn a system for managing your problem behaviorally, which is what anyone who has a problem needs to learn to do. Whether it's Alcoholics Anonymous or diabetes, you have to learn to manage your problem in a proven way that works. Learning a system of management takes time to get. I believe that three months on the program has taught me this.

I never weighed myself when I began the program because I didn't have a scale in the house but I knew when I moved here that I was too heavy for a lot of my clothes. I hadn't had to wear a lot of business clothes because I was teaching classes where I could get away with casual, stretchy wear. Because we were moving and that was stressful, I let myself eat and did not pay attention to to many other factors. But I knew I was up in weight and at the same time didn't give it a lot of attention. I would have never been able to get to where I am now without learning behavioral management like I have on SparkPeople.

So now I am practicing my program without a daily check-in with SparkPeople, and I am doing okay. You see here that I am not leaving it completely, but I am not obsessed with points or streaks (as if I ever really was?). I am neutral about both, and I am neutral about everything now: balanced might be the best word. Having read the articles that explain that it's what you do over the course of time that makes a difference in weight, I see that four oreos or a half bottle of wine does not set me back that week. One day I may want oreos and four days later I may want wine. But in-between, I am waiting between meals, making wise choices about whether to use oil or not in my cooking, eating less bread, eating more 1% cottage cheese and 12 fat gram yogurt that tastes REALLY good, and just being balanced overall about the food. I read an article about how Matthew Mconnahey (sp?) lost weight for Dallas Buyers Club: it was through a medically supervised diet of 600 calories a day or so (check this for accuracy). That set me thinking that caloric restriction means weight loss. So I thought about allowing myself to go without food at times when I would normally eat in the past, like in-between meals or after a certain time period. And I found that with that attitude I allowed myself to get hungry naturally and that it felt good to be hungry, to be wanting a little. To not always be filled, to allow yourself to feel empty is an analogy for the reason we want to eat in the first place if we have a weight problem. Allowing something that isn't food to fill up that cavity or realizing that empty isn't really empty. That hungry is hungry--and not reacting to times or foods or any other triggers. That's healthy stuff. I'm releasing triggers all the way around and learning to be "healthy stuff." It's a work in progress.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENSORYFOODIE 5/28/2014 9:23PM

    I think I have, River. How are you?

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    Sounds like you internalized the information and the decision-making & awareness is just part of you.

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SENSORYFOODIE 5/25/2014 11:40AM

    Thank you, Holly!! It is reinforcing when the scale does go down, isn't it? I had about a two-hour bike ride and picked up some stuff for my art projects (on the ground--all nature stuff) and am happy that I have some control over my appetite at this point. Looking forward to a Memorial Day barbeque tonight with my mom and a long-time friend and her friends at her house and I know I'll be prepared to eat tonight. She's a longtime "Weight Watcher," so choices will be healthy, I know. I'm bringing a salad!! Thank you so much for your encouragement and wise words!

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HOLLYM48 5/25/2014 8:13AM

    Great blog! Yes, I agree that when most people start, we do jump in with all we have and it works for many people for a very short period of time. And then real life moves in and unless we learn to flow and grow with the new lifestyle, we will go back to the old one because let's face it, it is easier to eat what we want, when we want, regardless of the calorie content. You must find a way to make it work for you. I love the points and the daily interaction but my husband who is also a sparker doesn't use anything here besides the exercise and nutrition tracker. He doesn't care for the rest but what he does use works for him.
I think that is what is so great about this site, you find what is right for you and what works and you go with it and we have to enjoy the journey or we will not stay on the path! Have a fabulous Sunday and keep on pushing to be the best that you can be.
Congrats on having the weight go down! You can do this!

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Coming back to you

Monday, May 19, 2014

The struggle is real

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENSORYFOODIE 5/19/2014 6:08PM

    Thank you, Holly! I notice how you keep up with so many people. You are so encouraging and I know that I and they appreciate that. Sending love and appreciation.

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HOLLYM48 5/19/2014 5:53PM

    You are funny! I like the part at the end where you say" I hope this wasn't a bore, but then you don't have to listen to it either!" That made me laugh! I always like listening and thinking about what you have to say. It is a journey, not an easy one, but one that we must accept if we want to really modify our lifestyle. I know that I wish it were easier and that I didn't have to worry every time I stepped on the scale, but as they say, it is what it is!
At least we are in it with great people and that does make it easier! Keep on pushing! We can do this.

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SENSORYFOODIE 5/19/2014 9:48AM

    Abdominal twits would help you (yoga therapy). I think target crunches would help your abdomen and certainly breathing exercises where you pull in your abdomen after exhalation, but that requires training from a good teacher. Where we lose our fat is not really under our control as we age, I think. It's unfair.

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    I am not trying to lose weight right now, just maintain. 5'5' and 134 lbs.
Some parts of me are getting disproportionately skinny ......lost my bu*t, forearms kind of bony, but still have bo*bs...yeah! and I'd like to keep it that way! I fear they'd be the next thing to go if I tried to lose any more belly fat.
The first 10 pounds came from my waist, but that loss came to a halt!

IBS is irritable bowel syndrome. I get constipated, bloated, gassy, abdominal discomfort.

Comment edited on: 5/19/2014 9:08:53 AM

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SENSORYFOODIE 5/19/2014 8:59AM

    I agree with you. What is IBS? Thanks, River!

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SENSORYFOODIE 5/19/2014 8:50AM

    Thank you! River, I was up to 1700-2200 at times last month and found that I wasn't losing at that rate, so I had to go down. Thanks for the input; I appreciate you!

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Just wanted to add that I am also trying to eat according to what is to be eaten for low thyroid and mild IBS as well as my personal chemistry. I'm keeping notes.
I also have a theory that if you eat things that agree with YOU, your weight, appetite, energy level & mood will normalize and you may actually be able to eat at a higher calorie level. I am trying to be open-minded about what is acceptable food.......just paying attention to how my body/mind/spirit respond.

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    Let us know how it goes. I started recording my food intake (calories) to see, for real, what my body calorie calculations should be ,rather than going by some calculation formula on the internet. This has been an interesting exercise and I am going to keep it up for at least a few more weeks.
I found that am maintaining my weight at an average of about 2,000 calories per day now, even though my activity level has been down because of being so sore from early spring yard work efforts.
The 2,000 per day seems too high....and might be, since I have only done the record for about 10 days. Need to do it longer to get a more accurate picture.
I feel good at the weight I am right now, but would like to increase muscle and lose some fat. Eventually, that could mean a slight weight gain because of the muscle.

Comment edited on: 5/19/2014 8:15:59 AM

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DMEYER4 5/19/2014 6:37AM

  have a great day

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Friday, May 09, 2014

I will:

Eat clementines at night.

I will:

Not talk myself into eating at night

When hungry, I will eat something that I KNOW I'm okay with, so I don't have to live a lie, which is


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREATDIVA65 5/13/2014 9:46PM

  You can do anything you put your mind to. If you really want to lose the weight it takes
time, I personally lost 105 pounds it didn't happen overnight it took several years.
I was a diabetic taking medication, and now I don't take the medication anymore. The secret is to eat six small meals a day! Don't eat after 7:00 PM and start with
light exercise even if it is just walking and you will be successful. I wish you the
best in all your future endeavors and God Bless you.

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    Thank you, Holly! Right now I am tracking even my bad choices, of which I'm really making them!

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HOLLYM48 5/9/2014 8:02PM

    That is so true! But clementines are so good so it is a good choice at the end of the day! You can do it ! emoticon

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    Thank you so much!! You too.

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WDIPIM 5/9/2014 7:02AM

  agree - good luck

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