Friday, March 07, 2014
"I can't do this because....." For me it's usually because I need to do something else first. I can't buy new clothes because I will lose more weight. Any clothes I buy now will be too big. My husband needs new clothes worse than I do. (I have been this weight since last June.)
I can't work outside because ________ is dirty in the house. If I piddle around long enough in the house, I never go outside and take care of business.
I can't have people over because the house isn't clean enough. The flowerbeds need cleaned out. I'm a crappy card player. So the house stays a little bit dirty. I tell myself that's why I don't have people over or work out in the yard as much as I say I want to.
Could it be that I am sabotaging myself because I don't really want to do these things? Why? Control is the first thing that comes to mind. I have this nice little routine I keep. We lead quiet, simple lives. Would I really want people to get so comfortable at our house that they just dropped by? We had that situation when we lived in Coffeyville, and we enjoyed it very much. What has changed?
Losing the last 15 pounds....what will be so different? What am I afraid of losing control of? I still resist making the changes that will take those last pounds off and keep them off. I will be 60 later this year. It's not like I'm going to be so drop dead gorgeous men will have trouble behaving around me. Yet, I am aware that the layer of body fat left to shed frequently feels like a comforting blanket.
I know my family background with food and my eating habits are all players in this drama too. I think I am at a point in my journey where I need to ask myself the question, "Why am I not wanting to do this?" My doctors are all thrilled and content to see the needle on the scale stay right where it is. Why shouldn't I be? I think I know the answer to that question.
Whatever the reason is that I keep sabotaging myself, it has to do with FEAR. I want to face it, understand it, and overcome it.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
I didn't swim today. I made the decision about 10:30, and I feel good about it. I got up this morning very tired. I am a morning person. The first four hours of the day is when I am usually the most productive. My muscles were sore, and both of my knees were achy from the killer kickboard workout I do.
So, I was disappointed when I got up and didn't want to do anything. I did make myself get going, but I sure didn't get anything done very quickly. I was so tired my mental processes were sluggish. I couldn't make decisions. Wash dishes or do laundry first? I almost forgot to get my husband's lunch ready for him. (Yes, I know he can fix it himself, but I am retired, and he works a bazillion hours a week. Besides, I fix him better lunches than he makes for himself.)
Instead of swimming, I did some clutter busting and vacuumed the living room. I made a loaf of bread (breadmaker). I felt under par until after my chiropractor appointment this afternoon. Finally, just in time for my paper route, I perked up. I am feeling pretty normal this evening. I am thinking about putting my feet up and watching some Star Trek WITHOUT POPCORN.
I did stay in my calorie range today. I think I will be myself again tomorrow, and swimming is on the agenda whether I feel like it or not.
For the first time today I was back into an old pair of size 8 Land's End jeans. They are snug, but not skin tight. I have missed this pair of jeans. I could not stand the thought of taking them to Goodwill all those years ago when I started gaining weight. Into a storage box they went. It's been 13 years since I've had them on. I wish DH were home to take a picture. Another blog, I guess.
I love Land's End jeans. They're just the best. These are well worn and very soft.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
I am tired, just tired, not exhausted. Part of this is due to the new behaviors and attitudes I'm trying to cultivate. I think most of the fatigue is due to me increasing my swimming (FINALLY) to 1/2 mile each workout. I cannot believe how tender my muscles are, but they are sore in all the right places. That means my stroke mechanics are on the money. 8 months of pool closures and injuries really cramped my fitness regime.
Now there is a sign on the pool that it will be closed March 1-17 for restroom and locker room improvements.
Today I asked if they were planning on doing the annual pool maintenance while the restrooms and locker rooms were being worked on. I got a blank stare from the lady I was talking to. "You know, I haven't heard anything about them working on the pool...." She was very excited about the restroom and locker room upgrades. Everything is going to match. I wanted to scream, "I don't care if everything matches! I want to be able to SWIM!" I didn't. I think I was fairly nice about it.
Ah....another thing I have been consistent about in my life....whining to the powers that be about the pool being closed.
I will run down to Coffeyville Friday and purchase a one month swim pass from their city rec. It's just a lot more inconvenient to go there to swim. It's a 20 minute drive one way. I am paying a monthly fee to be able to swim there in addition to my membership here in town.
Isn't that the way life is? You decide you're really going to tackle a problem, give it your all, and immediately obstacles begin to present themselves.
At least I was ready for this one.
I do enjoy swimming in Coffeyville. The swimmers seem more serious about their workouts, and their skills are good. They keep the lane markers up, which breaks up the waves, and the water's not as choppy. I am signing up for the evening swim. I love swimming at night. It relaxes me. Shower, come home, and drop into bed. I taught in Coffeyville for 7 years before we moved here. It's not unusual to see people I know and haven't seen for a long time.
Overall, I did enjoy the day. I was more vigilant about some of those daily tasks I usually neglect. Tonight I am reaping the benefit of feeling a little more on top of things than I usually do.
But I am ready to go to bed...after I brush my teeth and FLOSS.
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