Tuesday, August 19, 2014
I just found out that my uncle is battling severe mental and emotional disorders due to the time he spent in the military in Korea and Vietnam. He has been writing suicide notes and calling his son and emergency personnel threatening suicide for quite some time.
According to my mom, the last time she talked to him (over a year and a half ago?!!?) he didn't recognize her and said "I don't know you and I don't talk to strangers" and hung up on her.
I don't know WHY I"m just now finding out about any of this, but apparently, my cousin's marriage is in trouble because of all of it and he's been separated from his wife and kids for about 5 months.
My cousin doesn't want to put my uncle in a mental health facility, but I think he may have no choice, as there really is no one who can take care of my uncle.
I told my mom to have my aunt (my uncle's ex-wife and my cousin's mom) give my cousin my number. That if no one else could or would take him, that we will find a program here and I will make sure he's taken care of.
I made it clear that he will have to be in a place of his own or a care facility of some kind, because I can't handle him by myself if he has a violent episode or tries to harm himself. He is a large man and had special training in the military. I don't know details, don't want to know details, but am willing to do what I can.
From what I've been told, his notes basically all say he should kill himself because no one wants him. Maybe bringing him here would help. Maybe just knowing someone is willing to take care of him will be a help to my cousin.
All I know is that we need prayers. Lots and lots of prayers...
Monday, August 18, 2014
I was at the gym when they opened! I was smart about my workout as well. I started out slow, did 20 squats and 25 pushup on the wall ( in water about mid - thigh deep, so it's a good strength exercise) then some warmups, 20 minutes of light aerobics and 20 minutes of jogging in place (in water chest to shoulder deep).
It felt SO weird with short hair! Afterwards I used a blow dryer for the first time in years...I think the last time was when my dad died in 2010. That was also very strange. And didn't take over an hour!
I'm still really liking the haircut, which is good.
I also went and got materials and supplies to get more stock made for the upcoming long holiday. AND talked to a department manager who is not only going to order extra towels for a while, she is going to hold them for me when they come in!
I'm thinking the woman who keeps stealing my ideas and pattern is NOT going to like me getting stock she isnt. Too bad.
I ask nicely. She demands and complains. Hmmm. Wonder why they are more helpful for me?
We are still waiting to hear about the rig and constantly praying. I really am doing much better at trusting God with it.
I'm hoping to get to the pool again tomorrow morning, but a table fell out of the van and hit my leg, so a lot will depend on how that feels. (It hit just below and just outside my kneecap, at the part of the bone where the implant and the real bone meet. OW!)
I'm taking it easy this afternoon and evening, so I hope it feels better tomorrow.
At any rate, I should have the silk sweater done tomorrow and the cranky picky customer out of (what's left of) my hair be the wekend.
Woo hoo! Happy dance.
Have a great week!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Wasn't too bad. It was cold and cloudy, but didn't rain. Sales were so-so, but that's fine.
I forgot to take my meds last night, so I didn't sleep well. I will NOT be forgetting them tonight!!
I'm trying to guesstimate how much stock I will need for next year and how much it will cost to get all the materials. It's scary. If I triple my sales again next year (which is entirely possible and highly probable with the new embroidered line) I will have to sink most, if not all, of this year's profit into materials for next year. Which means my wages are about nada. sigh. It happens.
On the bright side, I'm not in the hole!!! And that's with not selling a single wool sweater this year, so far. I've only sold the one special order silk one. That one will be finished in a day or two and should be picked up next week. Thank goodness. And I'm not taking any more custom orders this year, this woman was too much of a pain in the butt, I'm not dealing with another possible one. They can choose from what I have made or from a stock pattern. I'm not doing another custom size (which this wasn't supposed to be when I agreed to make it. It was AFTER I agreed to do it and settled on the price, then she made all kinds of changes! I was really hoping she was going to say "never mind" but, alas, no such luck)
I'm also hoping Hubs hears from highway patrol about the flying pig. I'm still praying that State Police will say, "They are in possession of a stolen vehicle, they can't charge you for the storage up until now. You have 72 hours to pick it up" (even if they only give me 24 I can find a way to make that happen!!!). Someone told me to ask big and God would provide...
I think either raising $5k that the storage place is saying we owe or having it waived is asking pretty big! I will be okay with whatever comes out of it. God won't let me not be ok.
Hubs is being very helpful about calculating costs and such for my business and telling me not to worry, that we will come up with the materials over the winter one way or another.
He is SO good to me. And I know things will be the way they are meant to be. I'm just feeling a little frazzled right now.
Tonight, I'm going to go to bed early and get up at oh dang early to go to the pool. No excuses, I'm going.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
With all the rain today, I felt like I was drowning at times. Sales were in the tank, obviously. It happens. I just tend to get frustrated with these long slow spells.
And the Mama Drama doesn't help. Yes, she's at it again (still? she DID take a break for a few months...) I got an email today saying that her yarn had already shipped, so I sent her a text to let her know it was already on it's way.
She complained that I didn't specify whether it was ups or regular mail. So, I went and checked and sent her another message. UPS and it is leaving wisconsin today.
Which I followed with a screen shot of the email listing everything I'm having shipped.
That got me "I can't read that, it's way too small"
??????? What the???? ARGH. Not thanks, I'll get someone to read it to me, not can you tell me how to make it bigger, not wow that's a long list. Just another complaint.
I told her I'm done trying to make things easier for her. Nothing is ever good enough and I don't have to keep trying to make her happy when nothing I do ever will.
to which I got "i didn't mean to upset you"
yeah. whatever. Not playing that game any more. I said "I'm not upset. Not angry, Not surprised. I don't have to let you upset me and I'm done making myself sick over something that's never going to change."
reply? i just meant my screen is small and I cant read it.
Done mom. Not letting you upset me. It's not good enough, I'm used to it. You refuse to let us get you a bigger phone, you won't use a tablet or computer. You don't want solutions, you want to keep your excuses so you can complain. Nothing new. Nothing is going to change.
about 2 minutes later? I made it bigger and you sent a lot of yarn, thank you.
Tough love sucks. It's hard. And until this last year and a half (almost 2) I never would have dared talk back to her like I've started doing. I just took all of the crap and favoritism and let it make me feel bad about myself.
I am DONE with that. I'm not doing real well with my weight or my confidence with my appearance yet, but I'm doing much better with my self-worth and my believing that I have value as a person. I'm also to the point where I can say that I'm a good person. Not perfect, but not nearly as bad as I used to feel.
I am not "too hard to love" or "not worth all the work" to love. I have talents, I have value, and I am TOTALLY worth loving.
It only took me 45 years to START believing it and 47 to SAY IT, MEAN it, and tell her.
Now that I'm done ranting and raving...
I have my new pantry cupboards. They are currently in boxes in the living room...preventing me from working on my sewing machine, but they are in the house!! I ended up only getting 2 of thecupboards and then I got a microwave cart. That will let me do a LOT of reorganizing and get things where I can reach them myself and not have to count on anyone else to put anything away. Getting the help to rearrange and get them assembled may be a problem, but I want it done bad enough that I will find a way to do it myself if I have to.
Tomorrow is another market, so I won't get to the gym again. But I DO have my swim bag together and my suit is in my room so I can get up early and go Monday. I need to get that sweater done before the weekend, but I'm not going to let that be my excuse for not getting myself in gear. I can make sandwiches or throw meals in the crockpot to save time if I need to. And I can spend less time venting in blogs, ROFL!! yeah, that's going to happen...
So, since I KNOW I have that much work to do? I'm going to get to it!
Have a wonderful weekend, stay dry!!
Friday, August 15, 2014
Even though it's only 330 am and I've already been up for an hour with a headache, I am NOT going to let my Friday be crappy.
I had 4 Mondays in a row this past week. Today is going to be better.
The best day I had all week was Tuesday, that was when I cut my hair for Locks of Love. I'm still liking the cut, even though it's still not cooperating as much as I would like. It will learn.
I finally talked to Hubs last night after 2 days of not being able to reach him. I was at the point where I was either going to worry or get mad. If I hadn't been able to reach him last night, it would have been "he better be hurt or dead, because I'm going to kill him" (Don't have a cow, it's a PHRASE, not serious!!!! ) It was fine, it was just that he's been working weird loads since he left and his schedule is off. And the phone wasn't working right...again...thanks company v for the "upgrade" that works less than the old stuff. sigh.
Hubs DID make more calls about recovering the flying pig! Now we have to wait on return calls. Oh, wait. We've been DOING THAT FOR MONTHS??? Hopefully these calls to State Highway Patrol will get us further than the locals did.
I had set my alarm for 430 today, because I was going to try to get to the pool this morning. Fighting a headache that woke me up is NOT contributing to the effort! I will probably babble for a while then go back to sleep for a bit.
The boys get paid today, so they are going to want rides to pick up checks and go to the banks.
The older one is the one we took in, the younger one is ours (well, mine first, then I met hubs, and well...they are like peas in a pod!). Just so you have reference. I just call them "our boys". Which the older one thinks is awesome and kind of odd, he's never been treated the way we treat them both.
He's quickly learning, though. I just found out yesterday (overhearing the two boys talking) that the older one has been having headaches and he thinks he should go to the dr once he gets paid from the new job and can afford it. OH HELL NO! Not on my watch!!! I told him these are the kinds of things I am to be told about immediately, and if it happens to be something he doesn't want to talk to me about, to call Hubs (dad). Children in our house are NOT going without medical treatment if they need it. END OF DISCUSSION. We will find a way to pay the bills. So, I think he's going to call today to get an appointment. He had called his "real dad" to ask for insurance card and "it's lost". I can't even imagine!!! Just AARGGHH! He's your SON, suck it up and be an adult!!! Oh, wait, I'm sorry, I forgot, you have a "new family" now.
That's fine. He's a great kid and we'll keep him. The two boys are doing a good job of making me crazy, though. Typical teens. The younger one has a date tonight. The older one knows the person my boy is going out with, so I feel a little better about it. This is the first "real" date I've known my son was going on, so it's kind of strange for me. Parenting one straight teen and one gay teen sure is a challenge! I'm doing pretty good with it, though!
I haven't decided if I'm going to green bay to shop at st vincents and fleetfarm today or if I'm going to wait and hope for decent market sales. I know I need to save money towards getting the rig back (click here to give up a cup of coffee or a day of junk food to help recover it www.gofundme.com/c9vmoc ) but I can't take another winter of things being thrown all over the kitchen because there is no cupboard space.
Yesterday I tore into some of the cleaning. I think that may be part of why I've been awake in pain for the past few hours. I think I probably did more than I should have.
I don't know if I'll start tracking again today or not. Once I start doing that, I should start seeing results. I know from experience that I will see results faster from modifying my eating than I will from going to the gym. At least I've gotten myself in the habit of logging in and blogging every day. Now I just have to start logging my food and then getting to the pool.
The motivation will come. Probably once it's cold enough that I'm not going to markets any more. Between now and then I'm just going to do what I can and try to manage my stress and not have as many all out binges as have been happening.
My friday is going to be good, one way or another.
have a wonderful weekend!!!
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