SEAWAVE   30,470
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
SEAWAVE's Recent Blog Entries

Letting Go

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Today: Radiation therapy 16/25 ; Day 72 in the New Year Countdown

Ive been working on my vision board lately, and have concluded that I forgot myself somewhere along the way. I am reaching a more serene place, where I lived when I was single, and know that my DH will be more comfortable there as well. Hes never been a high needs type of person. Thats all on me LOL!

I want my life to reflect my personal values more clearly. Care for others begins with care of me (good nutrition, exercise, rest, etc.) and encouraging the same for others. Care and nurture of the environment: re-use and recycle rather than buying new clothes, furniture, etc. The strength of community: encouraging community resources (library, farmers markets, common transportation, etc.) over individualized (buying books, shopping at chain stores because its easier, using a car for everything, etc.) Volunteering: donating time, experience and skills (and money when possible). Living my spirituality daily through prayer, meditation, awareness and appreciation.

I never expected to get married, and I think I never really consciously adapted to it. I somehow got caught up in cluttering my mind and my house with some sort of image of what marriage is, and what a home is. Im looking hard through the eyes of want versus need. I am realizing that I felt some type of security with things around me, that I had images of a house filled with collections and books and things. This has become less true over the years, to the point that I now view it as clutter. Its taking up space that we have to pay for, and we feel crowded in our own home. Maintaining and keeping things clean eats up our time. I want to strip it all down to a minimum, so that when our DS leaves the nest (hes in his last year of high school, and is already discussing sharing apartments with his buddies when he goes to college) we have relatively little. We may even move to a more central location and get rid of the car altogether.

Im feeling lighter, and Im feeling that theres more light.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEAWAVE 10/21/2010 5:59AM

    Justyna wrote: "...I was rather cross that it was a global response to aging rather than a personal enlightening."

I wonder if this isn't just semantics. It's the experiences we go through, and taking the time to reflect on them, that brings personal personal enlightenment. I don't think it's a given with age if the person doesn't do their own personal reflection, but it's also not something a teenager, for example, will attain. Any thoughts?

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELPIE57 10/20/2010 1:19PM

    sounds like a real plan to me! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUSTYNA7 10/20/2010 10:11AM

    I wonder if this is a common thing that happens to pre-empty nesters. I have gone through the same... almost word for word except that my relationship with DH is more a symbiosis now. Simplicity. Values. Me time.

I have a wonderful friend and I told her I just don't care about my kids so much. My life for years was all about them and the whole rythm of our days was metered on their schedules and need. I said I didn't want to help them any more. She laughed and told me it was menopause. When you are little you are self centered because you need to grow and learn about yourself. When you reach a certain point in your life you need to look after yourself again. It makes sence but I was rather cross that it was a global response to aging rather than a personal enlightening.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Treasure Trove in my Basement!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

My DH and I were in the basement pulling out our winter clothes, and I found a treasure trove of clothing that I now fit in. I guess Ive lost at least one size since starting this return to health, and hadnt really noticed!

Among other things I found squirrelled away in our catacombs:
An ultrasuede sleeveless dress and long jacket to go with it
Two ultrasuede shirts one black and one Christmas red
A few other long-sleeved shirts
A winter coat
A dressy vest, and a casual quilted vest (which I can use to cover a multitude of sins in my older clothing)

That is going to save me a lot of money, as I was afraid I would be buying an entire winter wardrobe. Between the July mastectomy and the weight loss since late August, I didnt know how anything would fit! My sister is coming over tomorrow, and shell be taking away some of my now oversized (for me) clothes, so bonus decluttering going on as well.

The cherry on top of my sundae includes amending one of my goals (yet again), namely:
Review Total Commitment binder every day
This binder is basically my vision board, and it holds pictures, poems, inspiring blogs... the usual stuff. Well, another thing we found in the basement is a huge 3X6 foot magnetic whiteboard. My husband is putting it up as I type, and Ill have an actual Vision Board that I can play around with to my hearts content. Im pretty visual, and I cant express how happy this makes me. It will be right by the stationary bike. What better way to start an exercise session than to meditate on my goals, and what better inspiration when I start wearing down at the end of the cardio program!

I am definitely dancing a happy dance today!

(PS: New Years Countdown: 76 days left!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUBYTWOSDAY 10/19/2010 5:24PM

    Isn't great when you find some clothes that weren't fitting but you didn't have the heart to give away! Keep heading towards that goal.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUSTYNA7 10/17/2010 3:51PM

    Oooooh! Ever had magnetic poetry? Lady bugs? Mmm. I like this idea of the giant board.

Super treasure finds. I have tossed most of my clothes and am managing with a minimum of outfits but there is nothing for winter at all. I hope to putter around at the salvation army or the consignment store and see if I can find a couple of things. I do all the budgeting and when I told my DH that I will need $1000 for joining the chorus and probably another $2000 or more next year to finance a trip etc. for competitions and stage shows he just nodded and said he thought that was fine. Sheishk! We have trips to pay for at Christmas (going to BC) and some other house expenses coming up and he has NO IDEA. Sigh. I will figure it all out. At least I don't work outside my home and can get away with summery clothes when I am serving food because when the pool doors are open it gets warm in my kitchen.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELPIE57 10/17/2010 1:06AM

    Great progress! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MRSFARRA 10/16/2010 2:53PM

    Way to go, I love to shop on my basement. Glad to see another way to make your visual motivation easy and workable as you change. Keep up the great work.

Report Inappropriate Comment

78 Days to New Year Refining my Plan

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Im in the end game with this cancer, and refining my plan to ensure the odds are on my side. I have had to adjust a few activities because of the radiation therapy. My right shoulder (front and back) is already feeling sunburned, Im very fatigued, my throat is hurting... Im only halfway through so a lot of movement/rubbing of clothing is out. In the meantime, Im doing what I can to protect the improvement Ive seen so far with regard to my nutrition and physical fitness. My adjusted plan is as follows:

General Theme of Improvement
Review Total Commitment binder daily
Take one nap per day, no more than 20 minutes (NEW)
Go to bed no later than 11:00 pm (NEW)

Track food eaten every day
Eat between 1670 and 2020 calories per day
Keep sodium between 500 and 1500 mg daily
Eat at least 5 servings of fruit/veg per day
Drink 8 X 8 oz of water daily
Take Calcium/Vit D Supplement lunch & supper
Check out Yoga DVDs (NEW)

Physical fitness:
Walk 5000 steps daily
Do BC exercises morning and night

Coming Soon (December/January)
Return to Better Sleep Challenge
Return to 10-Minute Daily Exercise Challenge
Return to structured weight training and cardio

This minor setback is not unexpected, and in the grander scheme of things I am pleased that I am developing healthy habits that will serve me well for the rest of my life. All you Sparkers are such an inspiration and great support - I am thrilled to have found SparkPeople! (I think I say that a lot these days... emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTYNA7 10/15/2010 6:21PM

    I have a pool and a pretty flexible schedule if you are willing to drive here. I will help you with this goal.

Report Inappropriate Comment
60SIXTY 10/14/2010 3:56PM

    I like your plan for the future. I learned of some great music therapy tapes that might help you rest. I have the info at my church, but will get back with you about it later.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOCALAT 10/14/2010 12:56PM

    Sorry to hear your having such a tough time with have a great plan. How many more rads left?

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELPIE57 10/14/2010 12:32PM

    It's great that you are looking at the bigger picture. IMHO one of the important things is to give your body plenty of time to R and R, that is rest and relaxation! Keep inspiring us!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 80 New Year's Countdown -- Where's the Auto-Delete?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Ok, so I've never been self-conscious about the way I look. I doubled my weight before my thyroid cancer was discovered and dealt with. This year I'm dealing with breast cancer, with all that that entails. My hair is just starting to grow back, so I have a peach-fuzz head. I had a double mastectomy in July, with no reconstruction or foobies, so I'm flat on top and generously rounded at my tummy. Oh, and I have a spare pair of 'breasts' under my arms, swelling that I am told will eventually disappear - I have my doubts.

So, not a model shape in anyone's book.

This past week-end, we travelled to the in-laws for an anniversary as well as Thanksgiving. Pictures were taken. By anyone holding any electronic gizmo that exists in the free world. So MANY, MANY pictures are taken. There I am, smack dab in the middle of them, taking up twice as much space as anyone else (sometimes more!) To make myself seem larger, I had my arms crossed as I sat on the sofa (actually, I was supporting the arm that had lymph nodes removed because after 6 hours in the car it was hurting). Anyway, my upper arms are the size of my sister-in-laws' and nieces' waists. And my peach fuzz head cannot compete with their glorious heads of hair.

I look at those pictures and I know, in my head, that that's me. I'm surprised each time I see a picture, or a reflection in a mirror or a window. Even after something like 8-10 years, I'm still surprised. But this week-end, I cringed when I saw the photos. I'm frustrated that *that* is a representation of me. I just can't relate to that person. Not sure what that means... I hate looking at them, but I don't find them motivating or de-motivating. They're just there, and I wish I had an auto-delete button for any picture taken of me when I'm so 'not on top of my game'.

What I do find motivating is the fact that I can walk further without my back aching. That I can do groceries alone now, and without hanging on to the shopping cart like it's my own personal walker. I'm enjoying the learning process re: nutrition and what works for me (which has changed since the thyroid and breast cancers). I'm loving the feeling that I am now in better control and steering my own ship insofar as possible, whereas before I was being swept by whatever tide happened to be coming in or out. I wish there were a photo that could show that, and keep those feelings in memory and share them so that everyone looking at photos could feel this empowered. It's a great feeling!

So I'll have to remember this for my Christmas wish list - an auto-delete button!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTYNA7 10/13/2010 10:09PM


Cancer is .... a thief. The body's betrayal. It makes me mad it has done this to you. Bad bad bad cancer! Sad. The camera takes a crappy view of what you look like. But when they took the pictures I'll bet the people taking them were not thinking that. The people who care about you see the YOU they have always known inside. You are a queen. And if they did not believe this they would not want to capture you as part of this family. You see what is beautiful in life and I'm sure when they see those pictures they see past the obvious too. Too bad air brushing never happens in OUR family, lol. That would be a good button too!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELPIE57 10/12/2010 12:27PM

    Respect what you are, a surivor making progress; that is what is important

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMOHAME2 10/12/2010 12:06PM

    Being able to walk farther, do groceries on your own, and learning how to take good care of yourself are all huge victories. Before you know it, the camera will show that the world sees you the way you feel of yourself!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 87 Dropped a Challenge

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Well, I expected it to happen, just not so soon. Ive dropped the 10-Minute Daily Exercise Streak. Not because I dont think I can do it, more because it was just looming there in my mind and I wasnt focussed on what I need to be focussed on. The fatigue from the radiation treatments already seems to be rearing its ugly head (only on day 5/25!). So I figured Id better focus on just being active, without any framework around it, and on getting my nutrition and sleep in line.

I feel really good with that decision, and was able to better enjoy my walk tonight with DH. My meals are falling into place as well, and snacks are better planned so sodium is better controlled. All in all, things seem to be going in the right direction.

Now if I can just get to sleep at a reasonable hour, and sleep through the night. Its always been one of my worst problems (Im a night owl.)

Wishing you all a restful and peaceful sleep...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELPIE57 10/12/2010 11:24AM

    LIisten to you body, and respect it!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Better to focus on keeping up your strength up then stressing over a streak. Hang in there. My sister is a 13+ survivor.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUSTYNA7 10/7/2010 8:53PM

    Hmmmm. Breathing is exercise. Deep breathing. Controlled breathing. Meditative breathing. Focusing on heartrate, blood circulating,

Stretching is part of SP workouts. I watched a ten minute bootcamp video and a good part of it was stretching. I think that stretching can be considered exercise.

I'm not going to push you... because you know what you can handle and It is fine. No judgements, just hugs. I just want you to consider whether you can change your definition of exercise slightly. YOU were the one that pointed out we have choices, lol. Thanks for the ongoing support.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOCALAT 10/6/2010 3:38PM

    Sorry the rads are making you so tired but I think dropping the streak was a good seem more relaxed and there is no pressure like a deadline, one more thing you have to do....I will pray for a restful nights sleep

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 Last Page