Friday, June 15, 2012
Well, after last week's scare, the onco told me yesterday that (1) the nodules in my thyroid bed haven't grown, so he's not worried about them and (2) we'll try to fix the TSH levels by increasing the meds. While I don't like the idea of increasing the meds, it's better than being told have cancer again!
He's also told me to take another week off to give my energy levels time to even out. I've been sleeping about 15 hours per day this week, and was falling asleep on the way to and from work the past few weeks (and at my desk a couple of times a week too!) I'm meeting with my trainer tonight to reassess where I'm going and especially to develop strategies to keep on moving even when my energy is gone. I'm also determined to keep better track of everything -- food, exercise, etc. I'll do it separately in a notebook if necessary to re-copy into Spark, although for the most part I want to plan ahead. I'm trying not to bite off more than I can chew, if you'll forgive the expression, because it could take weeks for my energy levels to get back to normal. I'm not even sure what normal is anymore, but mine is definitely going to be better than what I have now!
On with the show!
A PS to add that my cast is coming off today, which will be a relief of another kind!
Saturday, June 09, 2012
I really didn't mean to be away -- time just slipped through my fingers! Things have been challenging since I've returned to work, and got down to the crunch lately. Added to that that I broke my wrist - right handed, natch! - and my meds aren't working, and you have me being away a long, long time. I've been doing sooo much writing at work, though, that I couldn't get myself going on Spark. I tried, and tried again but the Spark just wasn't in me.
Time to get back on track, though. I had my regular annual recently and bloodwork showed that my thyroid meds aren't working. There are fears that the thyroid cancer is back, and the onco is seeing me Thursday instead of waiting for our regular mid-July appointment.
I'm having a hard time not being overwhelmed by it all. For some reason, the first thyroid cancer, the breast cancer after that... I was ok. But this time, I'm scared. I'm not even sure if the cancer has returned, but I'm having a hard time keeping it together. So I'm going to use the blog to once again focus on what's good in life, what is going well, and keep my perspective. I'll hopefully deal with things as they come and not anticipate the worst.
Well, that's me for now.
Monday, January 02, 2012
I sent an e-mail to one of my groups regarding a piece of petrified wood I have, and whether using it as a hotplate would change its properties. I've been going by instinct with regard to stones, and usually have to handle them before I acquire them. I went to a store a while back and bought a slice of petrified palm tree. I walked around that store a few times with it on my mind before handling it, and then as soon as I touched it I had to have it. My immediate instinct was to use it as a hot plate on our supper table. One member pointed out that as it’s a crystal, that yes, heat would likely change its properties and possibly damage it. So I meditated about it this morning. The following will take you through my journey.
My first issue is that I just can’t see using it anywhere else in the house – it “belongs” on the table. That led me to consider how I see it in my mind’s eye. I realized that for me, it’s part of a cycle of transformation. We see trees when we look out of our dining room window; the table is made of wood; and the petrified wood is wood transformed.
That led me to think about my goals for transformation – becoming healthier, regaining my strength, stamina and flexibility, losing weight... ahhh, food! Changing the way I view and use food is part of transforming myself, which led me to consider not only food, but the environment in which I eat.
The dining room table has gradually turned into a catch-all of items (laptops, books we’re reading, last year’s things being updated to this year’s , etc.). The three of us (myself, DH and DS) tend to eat with our plates in our laps in the living room or family room, DS on his laptop or playing on his Xbox, DH and I on our laptops, reading or doing some other thing. The point is, we don’t eat as a family anymore, and I want that to change. I want to have an environment that fosters an awareness and appreciation of each other and of all the blessings we have before us.
Just as the right elements had to exist for that palm tree to transform into fossilized wood, I have to adjust my environment to help me towards my transformation. I have an advantage over that former piece of wood – I can inform my environment through my spirit and intention.
So the slice of petrified palm tree is staying on the table. It will serve as a tangible reminder, a touchstone if you will, of my goals for transformation. It’s not afraid of a little heat, and if it does happen to change because of it, well that’s all part of its cycle of transformation. Meanwhile, it will be a part of my daily life as I enjoy my family’s company, our conversation and connection, and as we all eat healthy nutritious food with intention and appreciation.
“When eating a fruit, think of the person who planted the tree” – Vietnamese saying
For your reference, the mystical properties of petrified wood are described on about.com as: “Petrified wood can assist anyone who is feeling stuck or experiencing being frozen in time. It helps to create balance and offers a foundation from which to launch new goals or undertake a different path. Petrified wood is also a wonderful grounding stone. It helps calm scattered energies. “
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Ok, so my goal for 2012 is to experience AWESOME. If you know me, you know I’m a planning freak and I could never let it go at just that. How exactly will I experience AWESOME (besides the normal AWESOME that sneaks into everyday life, like beautiful sunsets, or special smiles)? First I’ll break the year into quarters, because I’m still juggling a lot of newness right now. So from Jan 1 to March 31:
My body is getting stronger and I do have more stamina. That means that I will be ready (as soon as I get doc’s ok) to do more, which for me will mean trying Zumba and Yoga before the end of March. This is in addition to 3X per week weight training. My personal trainer will come to the first couple of classes with me to make sure there are no movements that will set me back in my recovery.
If I get the doc’s ok, I’ll also be training for a 5K race (again, with my personal trainer).
The AWESOME in this is the empowerment I feel realizing the good this physical activity is doing for me, and that I don’t have to surrender to illness.
I am going to incorporate some type of meditation and journaling into my day, every day. For this quarter, I’ll explore different styles and see what works best for me.
The AWESOME in this for me is the integration of body, soul and action, that I become a more coherent spirit in my conscious and sub-consciousness. Serenity. Strength to be able to support others.
Brown bag lunches 4 out of 5 week days, so I have better control over what I put in my body.
This one I’ll have to identify rewards for, because I am so far out of the habit of making lunches, and because eating out or going for take-out has become a habit with my co-workers.
Reward for 50% success :
Reward for 75% success:
Reward for 100% success:
The AWESOME in this is that I will be eating and feeling healthier, as well as saving money. There’s also a sense of control and organization to it that I think I’ll enjoy.
I want to return to my “artistic” interests, but am unsure of what exactly I want to do (there’s a lot out there that interests me). So I’ll be spending this first quarter doing research on what is out there, easily available, not too expensive. Maybe stone sculpture or making jewelry...
The AWESOME in this is waking up my creative self, as well as meeting new people with like interests.
What are you planning for 2012? Send me a note and/or let me know if you blog it, and I’ll check it out!
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