Monday, March 21, 2011
Gosh, I havenít had a good cry in many, many years. Iím always the one whoís the strong one, the one who could take care of herself at a very young age, not demanding or Ďneedyí.
Well, Saturday night and Sunday, I was needy for attention with a desparation I've never known. And my poor DH didnít know what to do with me. I had a crying jag like Iíve never had, mourned my lost breasts, recalled bad memories from childhood, the whole thing. Literally crying on and off for 15 hours. I just couldnít stop myself.
Then DH and I talked and cleared the air, and I fell asleep, exhausted and expecting to wake up with a headache and stuffy sinuses.
Today, Iíve woken up feeling renewed Ė appropriate for the first full day of spring! I feel like a weight has been lifted, and Iím guessing itís just another healthy part of cancer recovery. Iíve already planned my day, cleared out some paperwork, basically looking forward to a great productive day.
Who knew! Happy Spring everyone!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
It was a perfectly sunny day today. DH and I spent the day in the market, as planned. We wanted some turkey sausage from the Sausage Kitchen (no fillers, no MSG, no preservatives) and got lucky -- they were on sale! We walked around about 3 hours, then did a bit of groceries. This is by far the longest I've been able to walk in a very long time. My back, hips, knees and ankles are killing me, but boy do I feel great!
This week, I've been thinking a lot about self-motivation, and mantras in particular. I'd be happy if anyone out there found mine helpful!). You'll find some of these familiar, but others are quite particular to me.
FROM OTHERS (I wish I could credit them all, but I neglected to note where I found some o them... sorry!)
* Nothing feels as good as thin.
* Iím getting healthier every minute.
* Running (exercise) is a privilege. (I don't recall where I saw this, but it's one of our own Sparkers/runners)
*Just go for five (Leslie Sansone) (because once I've started, I always do more!)
* Itís about taking my power back. (Jillian Michaels)
Positive by Choice
-- this is to remind me that no matter what happens to me or what I go through, it's my decision whether I'll wallow in negativity or be positive about change. Because everything is change, whether you actively pursue it or wallow and let it hit you like a 2X4.
Stronger. Leaner. Further. Fierce.
-- this is because I'm aiming to have more strength, flexibility and stamina. Which, by extension, will make me fierce!
In one year, will I wish I had exercised today?
-- this is to remind myself that although the Tamoxifen joint pain is shorter term, the benefits of exercise will be longer term and yes, in a year I will wish I had exercised today!
Migraines hurt more.
-- again, to get through the Tamox pain... reminding myself I've been through worse!
I donít want to be a ďbĒ (i.e. flat on top, round stomach)
-- this relates to the mastectomied flat chest and round belly LOL. I'm not expecting to get washboard abs, but I definitely expect to lose the excess poundage!
Super moon tonight, and spring starts tomorrow!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I find it impossible to pick one favourite, but the one that speaks to me in the SparkPeople context is:
'If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~ Mary Pickford
I read this and I hear that itís ok to not be perfect, I can make mistakes, I can experiment and keep trying until I get a good fit.
In this recovery adventure that Iím on, Iím re-learning about my metabolism, and how I react to foods. Iím retraining my body to be stronger and more flexible, to have more stamina. Iím learning new habits, so that more often now I think warm fuzzy thoughts instead of reach for warm comfort foods.
Iím hitting some speed bumps along the way, and have had a few hiccups. But overall, Iím moving ahead and becoming a better me. Canít ask for more than that!!!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I'm not sure what happened this week. I seem to have lost some time LOL!
After learning last week I can go back to work in May, I got results of my bloodwork back from my annual physical, and that was good news too. Vitamin B12, iron, etc. all within good ranges, cholesterol went down a teeny tiny amount. All good stuff.
So why did I spend two days doing nothing? Literally falling asleep at the drop of a hat as soon as I sat down? Very frustrating!!! I know the docs all say it's still chemo/rads adjustments, be patient, give it time, blah, blah, blah.... I'm so over that! It's making me a little nervous about returning to work and finding out I don't actually have the energy to do it just yet. Mind you, I still have a few weeks before that time, and it will be a gradual return, but still... I worry.
Aside from that, I had a good cooking day on Thursday, making fruit salad, stewed beef, a yummy soup, 5-grain cereal in the slow cooker for breakfast Friday morning. I'm getting ahead on my recipe sorting (one of my March goals) so that when I do return to work, I'll have some easy, multiple-meal recipes handy, and my boys (DH and DS) will know how to make them too!
The other March goal I had was sorting through my plethora of spices, which I did this week. So much easier to cook when I can find everything I want!
Lastly, I did some strength training today that turned out better than I expected. Very happy that my arms are back to nearly full mobility, which I really notice when exercising. Let's face it; I'm not usually standing with my arms over my head, so I don't have many occasions to notice the return of mobility LOL.
My March project for next week is sorting through some old slides, scanning them into the computer, making up a photo book and developing some as pictures to frame. Maybe I'll even post some here!
We're moving the clock ahead tonight for daylight savings, so we're losing an of sleep, but it's also a great reminder that our days are getting longer and the sun is warming up. Spring is just around the corner!
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Big, BIG NEWS this week... I spent Wednesday at medical appointments. The doctors told me I can go back to work in May. I am soooo psyched!
Iíve been Sparking with the intention of an eventual return to work, and Iím constantly looking at things from the point of view how I will adapt what works now (when I have very little energy). I figure if I can do it with little energy, I can do it once Iím back at work. A few lessons learned so far:
ē This week we found organic milk in glass bottles at FarmBoy. Iíve started using one of those bottles for my water Ė one before lunch and one after, and Iím sure to get my 64 oz per day. So Iíll put a bottle in my Ďreturn to workí stash.
ē My Ďstealth exerciseí that I do every time I go to the washroom will, of course, continue when I go back to work. Iíll also be taking the stairs one flight up or down to go to the washroom, instead of going on my floor.
ē I also want to take the stairs to my 6th floor office, so Iíll have to start Ďdoing stairsí at home (we have a two story house, with a basement) to build up the stamina. Hey, cardio, there you are!
ē Much easier for me to cook large batches and eat the same things for lunches, than get creative and try to do something fresh for each meal. Plus, I find leftovers taste better the second time around anyway!
ē Iíll be relying on hearty soups for lunches in the winter/cold or rainy weather, and salads during hot weather. I am not a fan of sandwiches every day, although once per week is ok.
ē Iíll have to develop a strategy for when co-workers want to go out for lunch. Some places around my work are very ok, but most are Italian so lots of carbs, cheese and sodium! Yum for the tastebuds, but not for the rest of me!
Aside from that, the leftovers of the cancer treatments will finally be tied up by end of September; that is... Iím adjusting (finally!) to the Tamoxifen and my energy is coming back. The Ďdog earsí are being removed in August/September once the edema is gone, and my toenails are being dealt with in April/May with minor surgeries. I canít wait to be able to wear socks and shoes! (Itís the little things that give me joy LOL!)
On another front, my son is playing soccer again this year, but is on a different team. Now that he has friends with licenses and cars, we wonít have to traipse to all the practices like we used to (actually, DH used to as I didnít have the stamina). I want to be able to go to all the games this year (except for out-of-town tournaments), especially since itís likely his last year of playing.
So yeah, things are definitely looking up. And how was YOUR week???
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