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The benefits of a good cry

Monday, March 21, 2011

Gosh, I havenít had a good cry in many, many years. Iím always the one whoís the strong one, the one who could take care of herself at a very young age, not demanding or Ďneedyí.

Well, Saturday night and Sunday, I was needy for attention with a desparation I've never known. And my poor DH didnít know what to do with me. I had a crying jag like Iíve never had, mourned my lost breasts, recalled bad memories from childhood, the whole thing. Literally crying on and off for 15 hours. I just couldnít stop myself.

Then DH and I talked and cleared the air, and I fell asleep, exhausted and expecting to wake up with a headache and stuffy sinuses.

Today, Iíve woken up feeling renewed Ė appropriate for the first full day of spring! I feel like a weight has been lifted, and Iím guessing itís just another healthy part of cancer recovery. Iíve already planned my day, cleared out some paperwork, basically looking forward to a great productive day.

Who knew! Happy Spring everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELPIE57 3/25/2011 2:26AM

    So glad that you are feeling better xxx

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 3/24/2011 11:48AM

    emoticonI totally get this... thank you for sharing! I sometimes have my best day(s) after a good cry. Everything seems better after. emoticon

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CO-CREATOR 3/22/2011 8:09AM

    I'm glad you woke up feeling better.

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RUTHXG 3/21/2011 11:42PM

    I remember reading research showing that people who both laugh out loud & shed tears often--actually at least once a day!--are the healthiest. But I can identify with having the tears pent up. It is so good to let them out.

May spring be a time of enjoying/celebrating healing from the Big C--& being strong enough to let out the tears whenever you need to!

emoticon

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PAT3ONTHEBACK 3/21/2011 11:32PM

    Wow 15 hours is a lot of despair! But, there was a lot of fodder for that despair it sounds like. I hope you are still OK and able to look back with the same sense of release all the time.

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JMCADE 3/21/2011 11:28PM

    Sometimes the best release of pent up emotion is to just cry it out. I am so glad it worked for you. Here's to really great rest of the week for you!

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JENBELLE 3/21/2011 9:04PM

    A new spring has sprung within you..... emoticon Your blog moved me. Thanks for sharing your coping and new spring outlook.

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LISED58 3/21/2011 7:42PM

    It is fitting isn't it. We all need a good soaking sometimes to feel grounded again. You are a strong and beautiful woman, Seawave. Thank you so much for sharing. I learn so much from you.


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KALISWALKER 3/21/2011 6:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

I had breast cancer treatment in 2009. I understand how you must have feel, and hope it's onward and upward now. I wish you all the best.

Lynn

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 3/21/2011 5:41PM

    Our body knows us better than we do ... glad you were able to release those emotinos. Sending you emoticon emoticon

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MEMARE 3/21/2011 3:45PM

    emoticon emoticonGosh, you were way overdue for that!
I'm glad today is a new day.
I agree with Brenda, tears are cleansing.
Happy Spring emoticonnow you are good to go as you've done your spring cleaning. emoticon emoticon

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DUFFYDYER 3/21/2011 3:38PM

    I'm happy that you feel better. It sounds as if your cry was long overdue!

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KJNLDE 3/21/2011 3:03PM

    Great job! We all need to cry every now and then and it's GREAT that your DH was there to listen to you! I always feel like I sleep like a rock after I've had a good cry! You seem like such a strong person, you really are an inspiration! emoticon

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JOCALAT 3/21/2011 2:57PM

    emoticon emoticonSometimes you just need a good cry....

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JULIEANNCAN 3/21/2011 12:35PM

    I agree with Nan too re: how men react to crying. Crying certainly can be healing. I'm glad that is was helpful and you're feeling better. emoticon

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GATOR12 3/21/2011 10:56AM

    Even though you rarely do cry, it is so cleansing I've found. Agree w/Nan; men are helpless when we cry--they so want to solve problems and we don't know why or what to have them solve!! Grieving process of loss of things important to us??

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DEGODDESS 3/21/2011 8:52AM

    Good for you! We all need a good cry every now and then...Have fantastic days!



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NANADERRICK 3/21/2011 8:16AM

    Wow, Good for You!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

(they hardly ever know what to do when we cry!!)

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What a glorious day!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

It was a perfectly sunny day today. DH and I spent the day in the market, as planned. We wanted some turkey sausage from the Sausage Kitchen (no fillers, no MSG, no preservatives) and got lucky -- they were on sale! We walked around about 3 hours, then did a bit of groceries. This is by far the longest I've been able to walk in a very long time. My back, hips, knees and ankles are killing me, but boy do I feel great!

This week, I've been thinking a lot about self-motivation, and mantras in particular. I'd be happy if anyone out there found mine helpful!). You'll find some of these familiar, but others are quite particular to me.

FROM OTHERS (I wish I could credit them all, but I neglected to note where I found some o them... sorry!)
* Nothing feels as good as thin.
* Iím getting healthier every minute.
* Running (exercise) is a privilege. (I don't recall where I saw this, but it's one of our own Sparkers/runners)
*Just go for five (Leslie Sansone) (because once I've started, I always do more!)
* Itís about taking my power back. (Jillian Michaels)

MY OWN...

Positive by Choice
-- this is to remind me that no matter what happens to me or what I go through, it's my decision whether I'll wallow in negativity or be positive about change. Because everything is change, whether you actively pursue it or wallow and let it hit you like a 2X4.

Stronger. Leaner. Further. Fierce.
-- this is because I'm aiming to have more strength, flexibility and stamina. Which, by extension, will make me fierce!

In one year, will I wish I had exercised today?
-- this is to remind myself that although the Tamoxifen joint pain is shorter term, the benefits of exercise will be longer term and yes, in a year I will wish I had exercised today!

Migraines hurt more.
-- again, to get through the Tamox pain... reminding myself I've been through worse!

I donít want to be a ďbĒ (i.e. flat on top, round stomach)
-- this relates to the mastectomied flat chest and round belly LOL. I'm not expecting to get washboard abs, but I definitely expect to lose the excess poundage!

Super moon tonight, and spring starts tomorrow! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISED58 3/20/2011 8:30PM

    You're great! Thanks for sharing your mantras.

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CO-CREATOR 3/20/2011 12:14PM

    Love your mantras. Thank you for sharing!

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MEMARE 3/20/2011 9:28AM

    Sounds like you had a great day! I like your mantras - A LOT!

emoticon emoticon

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JULIEANNCAN 3/20/2011 9:03AM

    I'm glad you had a good time with DH. Thanks for sharing the mantras. Admittedly, hearing about your joint pain from Tamoxifen freaks me out though (as I recently started taking in). Best wishes to you! emoticon

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 3/20/2011 5:59AM

    It was a beautiful day wasn't it?! What's open in the market at this time of year - I must admit it's not a place I've expored enough but will do so this summer for sure.

As for your mantras - I love them ... especially the ones you have developed for yourself! It's wonderful to hear you were able to walk so much without pain!

Here's to another beautiful - sunshine day!!

emoticon
Helene

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WeBlog Ė Favorite quote

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I find it impossible to pick one favourite, but the one that speaks to me in the SparkPeople context is:

'If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~ Mary Pickford

I read this and I hear that itís ok to not be perfect, I can make mistakes, I can experiment and keep trying until I get a good fit.

In this recovery adventure that Iím on, Iím re-learning about my metabolism, and how I react to foods. Iím retraining my body to be stronger and more flexible, to have more stamina. Iím learning new habits, so that more often now I think warm fuzzy thoughts instead of reach for warm comfort foods.

Iím hitting some speed bumps along the way, and have had a few hiccups. But overall, Iím moving ahead and becoming a better me. Canít ask for more than that!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUTHXG 3/18/2011 2:57PM

    You are coping well with some pretty HUGE speed bumps--not staying down at all. Great quote, wonderful you!

Thanks for admiring my new granddaughter with me--that's such a gift to a doting grandma like me. emoticon

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JMCADE 3/16/2011 7:35PM

    Great quote and sounds like you are picking yourself up! Great attitude. Make it work for you.

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AMYLONGHORN 3/16/2011 10:07AM

    THANK YOU for sharing that great quote! Keep up the great work!!

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CO-CREATOR 3/16/2011 10:06AM

    Great quote, thank you for sharing!!!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 3/16/2011 5:57AM

    Great job! The important thing is to never ever give up!

Have a wonderful day!

Helene

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KELPIE57 3/16/2011 3:42AM

    Great quote, and great attitude!

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JULIEANNCAN 3/16/2011 1:23AM

    I *love* that quote! Thank you for sharing it. I haven't heard it before. It reminds me of the beginning of a Mary Oliver poem called Wild Geese:
"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves. . ."

It's partially saying that if you make a mistake, you don't have to repent for it forever. You just have to forgive yourself and love yourself the way you are. At least that's part of my interpretation of it.

Thanks for the great blog! :)

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KIMBERLY2313 3/15/2011 11:19PM

    Your doing so great! Thank you for sharing this quote it really hit home. I have some speed bumps too but i get up and keep going. Thats what i need to focus on rather than the fact that i feel like i failed. Keep it up starfish emoticon emoticon

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LISED58 3/15/2011 4:21PM

    I like that quote, Seawave. You're right on! Thanks for sharing your warm, fuzzy-feeling thoughts.
emoticon emoticon

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BRITNEYV 3/15/2011 4:04PM

    emoticon

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A little of this... a little of that

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I'm not sure what happened this week. I seem to have lost some time LOL!

After learning last week I can go back to work in May, I got results of my bloodwork back from my annual physical, and that was good news too. Vitamin B12, iron, etc. all within good ranges, cholesterol went down a teeny tiny amount. All good stuff.

So why did I spend two days doing nothing? Literally falling asleep at the drop of a hat as soon as I sat down? Very frustrating!!! I know the docs all say it's still chemo/rads adjustments, be patient, give it time, blah, blah, blah.... I'm so over that! It's making me a little nervous about returning to work and finding out I don't actually have the energy to do it just yet. Mind you, I still have a few weeks before that time, and it will be a gradual return, but still... I worry.

Aside from that, I had a good cooking day on Thursday, making fruit salad, stewed beef, a yummy soup, 5-grain cereal in the slow cooker for breakfast Friday morning. I'm getting ahead on my recipe sorting (one of my March goals) so that when I do return to work, I'll have some easy, multiple-meal recipes handy, and my boys (DH and DS) will know how to make them too!

The other March goal I had was sorting through my plethora of spices, which I did this week. So much easier to cook when I can find everything I want!

Lastly, I did some strength training today that turned out better than I expected. Very happy that my arms are back to nearly full mobility, which I really notice when exercising. Let's face it; I'm not usually standing with my arms over my head, so I don't have many occasions to notice the return of mobility LOL.

My March project for next week is sorting through some old slides, scanning them into the computer, making up a photo book and developing some as pictures to frame. Maybe I'll even post some here!

We're moving the clock ahead tonight for daylight savings, so we're losing an of sleep, but it's also a great reminder that our days are getting longer and the sun is warming up. Spring is just around the corner! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 3/14/2011 2:48PM

    great job... great attitude! Oh and I love that goal about sorting through your spices... I need to do the same!

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KELPIE57 3/13/2011 10:43AM

    Great progress


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MEMARE 3/13/2011 9:28AM

    You are a woman on a mission.
You are getting it done. emoticon


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CO-CREATOR 3/13/2011 7:50AM

    You are getting so much accomplished! That's wonderful!

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KJNLDE 3/12/2011 9:49PM

    Wow... you seem to be accomplishing A LOT! You're making me feel lazy with all the stuff I "should" do! But I'm so glad that things are looking up for you health-wise! I bet it's frustraiting hearing that your strength will come back when it isn't yet, but hang in there!

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LISED58 3/12/2011 8:54PM

    Wow Seawave - you're on a roll! Woo hoo! I wish I had your discipline.
emoticon emoticon

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JULIEANNCAN 3/12/2011 8:20PM

    I'm glad things are going well for you! I can definitely relate to your being tired and I wouldn't worry too much about going back to work. You'll get used to it. I'm happy to hear that your tests have had good results and that your arms are good. I'm starting to work on my arms on Tuesday. Best of luck to you! You're doing emoticon! :)

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LINDEE6 3/12/2011 7:36PM

    I like your attitude! emoticon

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Things are looking up!

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Big, BIG NEWS this week... I spent Wednesday at medical appointments. The doctors told me I can go back to work in May. I am soooo psyched!

Iíve been Sparking with the intention of an eventual return to work, and Iím constantly looking at things from the point of view how I will adapt what works now (when I have very little energy). I figure if I can do it with little energy, I can do it once Iím back at work. A few lessons learned so far:

ē This week we found organic milk in glass bottles at FarmBoy. Iíve started using one of those bottles for my water Ė one before lunch and one after, and Iím sure to get my 64 oz per day. So Iíll put a bottle in my Ďreturn to workí stash.
ē My Ďstealth exerciseí that I do every time I go to the washroom will, of course, continue when I go back to work. Iíll also be taking the stairs one flight up or down to go to the washroom, instead of going on my floor.
ē I also want to take the stairs to my 6th floor office, so Iíll have to start Ďdoing stairsí at home (we have a two story house, with a basement) to build up the stamina. Hey, cardio, there you are!
ē Much easier for me to cook large batches and eat the same things for lunches, than get creative and try to do something fresh for each meal. Plus, I find leftovers taste better the second time around anyway!
ē Iíll be relying on hearty soups for lunches in the winter/cold or rainy weather, and salads during hot weather. I am not a fan of sandwiches every day, although once per week is ok.
ē Iíll have to develop a strategy for when co-workers want to go out for lunch. Some places around my work are very ok, but most are Italian so lots of carbs, cheese and sodium! Yum for the tastebuds, but not for the rest of me!

Aside from that, the leftovers of the cancer treatments will finally be tied up by end of September; that is... Iím adjusting (finally!) to the Tamoxifen and my energy is coming back. The Ďdog earsí are being removed in August/September once the edema is gone, and my toenails are being dealt with in April/May with minor surgeries. I canít wait to be able to wear socks and shoes! (Itís the little things that give me joy LOL!)

On another front, my son is playing soccer again this year, but is on a different team. Now that he has friends with licenses and cars, we wonít have to traipse to all the practices like we used to (actually, DH used to as I didnít have the stamina). I want to be able to go to all the games this year (except for out-of-town tournaments), especially since itís likely his last year of playing.

So yeah, things are definitely looking up. And how was YOUR week???

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACYZABELLE 3/10/2011 5:22AM

    emoticon

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KELPIE57 3/8/2011 2:52AM

    So happy for you! Keep it up! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEMARE 3/7/2011 7:53AM

    I'm glad things are looking up for you! emoticon
I loved your list of lessons. Had to chuckle at the 'stealth exercise' I do that too! emoticon
Thanks for sharing your joy. emoticon emoticon

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JULIEANNCAN 3/7/2011 12:00AM

    I'm glad that things are looking up! Yay!

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JMCADE 3/6/2011 6:09PM

    Wow, I cn hear the joy in your writing. So happy for you. You have so much to look forwrd to and to plan for. Sounds like you are well on your way!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LISED58 3/6/2011 4:07PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Oh Seawave, I am so relieved, excited and happy for you. It's like a prayer being answered.

What fabulous news. YES!!!!!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MIMISCHENK 3/6/2011 1:21PM

    Congratulations.

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CO-CREATOR 3/6/2011 1:19PM

    I'm so glad things are looking up for you!

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