Wednesday, July 11, 2012
I just turned sixty-four! It’s a strange age – I read of so many leaving this world at this age, but then there is the frightening truth that I may have another thirty five years to go… So I have been trapped in a series of days that begin with hopes and schemes for a future that finally fulfills some of the dreams that have lingered at the edge of my mind all these years, and end with a vague dread that I will wake up to begin the hopeless cycle again.
What does this have to do with weight? I continue to hang onto the hope that if I reach a certain weight I will have the strength, the stamina, and the right to be happy. I don’t think it is simple happiness I seek now, but a feeling of content – that the world is right and good and the absolute joy that comes with it. I have had this at times in the past – the insane joy that knows all is well and ignores all the possible future pains and worries. I want it again. Does it really depend on my waist measurement? If I began each day with joy, wouldn’t the enthusiasm and excitement in my mind and step pull me away from the unhealthy habits that cause my extra weight? Am I so timid that I will continue to hide behind my weight?
I long to spend my days creating the way I used to do; why have I allowed that to slip away, as if I no longer deserve the simple pleasure and joy of creation? Why am I denying myself the life I actually have within my reach? Why am I not embracing the joy? Why am I using my fat to protect myself from possible rejection? Why do I give power to others? Why do I seek unconditional acceptance from the world when I am unable to give it? Why am I not “living in the moment”, but instead worrying about the unpredictable future? When can I just BE?
I have found the answer for my weight – JOY! What have I got to lose?
Monday, May 16, 2011
My younger sister, Barbara, age 60, went to the emergency room because she had difficulty breathing. The hospital stay lasted six days.
She has heart problems and colon cancer. She will have surgery in three weeks after some of the heart issues are treated. In other words she will have surgery with two heart blockages. Prayers are needed from all of you who pray, or just hold her in your heart.
Now all three siblings have faced cancer. Please get regular checkups, friends! And make all the healthy lifestyle changes you can!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
I am extremely grateful for the Trick or Treat Challenge. Knowing I didn't want to let me team down really helped me stay on track. Recording my calories all month was a great training tool by forcing me to look at my consumption through the day. I've educated myself on portion size and just how MANY calories are in a tablespoon of fat!
I am making friends with more fruits and vegetable each day - it's been wonderful! I've lost three pounds this month, breaking through a subborn plateau. Thanks!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Now that my nutrition intake is under control, consistently remaining within my calorie limits and getting the cravings out of my day to day life, it's time to look at fitness. I am amazed that I can go to the store and not even look at the snacks and candy! It took a tremendous amount of jaw clenching at the beginning, but now the idea of ruining my efforts to get healthy by indulging horrifies me! However, getting through the holidays without falling off the wagon is going to take a great deal of planning ahead.
I already work out at least seven hours a week, most of it strength training with mild aerobics mixed in. The strength training is going well; I am regularly increasing the requirements so my body doesn't get used to the routine. Recently I added a few real pushups to the modified ones and increased the weights I'm using. I move though a weekly routine of upper, core, and lower body. I also walk a little, about five to seven miles a week, or do something different, but I do enjoy the focus and control of strength training. It's probably a hangover from my intense ballet training in my youth.
The next step is to add either 30 minutes a day of more walking or 20 minutes of more vigorous exercise three times a week. The vigorous exercise seems to be more interesting and should shake things up. Twenty minutes seems bearable - so that will be my November focus.
It's hard to believe less than two years ago I couldn't walk without pain and my muscles locking up! I started with ten minutes of Wii Fit and kept on going!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
After a week of carefully measuring my servings to be absolutely certain I am staying within my calorie limits, I find nothing spectacular has happened. Okay, I admit it, I was SO confident that there would be a great AH AH moment, and weight would come sliding off. I think I can put that dream aside. I call times like this "humbling moments". It is so difficult to have to deal with food choices each day without the immediate gratification on the scale. But I will continue with the plan, since the alternative of continuing to damage my health is not acceptable.
What I have gained is a recognition of the enormous effort and discipline used by my SparkPeople friends for each pound lost and strength gained. Wow!
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