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New Life - Again

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I just turned sixty-four! It’s a strange age – I read of so many leaving this world at this age, but then there is the frightening truth that I may have another thirty five years to go… So I have been trapped in a series of days that begin with hopes and schemes for a future that finally fulfills some of the dreams that have lingered at the edge of my mind all these years, and end with a vague dread that I will wake up to begin the hopeless cycle again.

What does this have to do with weight? I continue to hang onto the hope that if I reach a certain weight I will have the strength, the stamina, and the right to be happy. I don’t think it is simple happiness I seek now, but a feeling of content – that the world is right and good and the absolute joy that comes with it. I have had this at times in the past – the insane joy that knows all is well and ignores all the possible future pains and worries. I want it again. Does it really depend on my waist measurement? If I began each day with joy, wouldn’t the enthusiasm and excitement in my mind and step pull me away from the unhealthy habits that cause my extra weight? Am I so timid that I will continue to hide behind my weight?

I long to spend my days creating the way I used to do; why have I allowed that to slip away, as if I no longer deserve the simple pleasure and joy of creation? Why am I denying myself the life I actually have within my reach? Why am I not embracing the joy? Why am I using my fat to protect myself from possible rejection? Why do I give power to others? Why do I seek unconditional acceptance from the world when I am unable to give it? Why am I not “living in the moment”, but instead worrying about the unpredictable future? When can I just BE?

I have found the answer for my weight – JOY! What have I got to lose?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

T42AND24T 7/16/2012 6:04PM

    Such a beautifully thoughtful and honest blog, my dear friend. You have given me lots to ponder. You have echoed my thoughts with almost eerie precision. May I also comment on how much I like your new profile pic? I see a lovely and vulnerable face. Your spirit is wonderfully visible.



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MERRIKATE 7/11/2012 11:11PM

    So glad to find a new blog from you, my Friend, one that is brimming with my own findings of the past year. Joy IS the answer, and it may be true that we can be as happy as we decide to be, yet my old companion joy has been more scarce in the past few months.

S0, recently I took an online course designed to help me find powerful new goals befitting 'me' nowadays (with those possible three more decades), ready to discover, enjoy and contribute. So far, so good -- am still doing the last two sets of 'homework' for it. I suspect these will give me my first baby-steps into a meaningful new path alongside a refreshed creative urge.

Just working away at this stuff for the past two months HAS popped me back aboard the healthy eating wagon and has even led to a new spurt of fitness activity.

My task now is to keep 'em rolling along again, remembering to relax in love and trust, and to awaken joy in any little way at hand.

We're doing it ... one moment at a time, seems to me, my Dear! So much to be grateful and to be giggling and grinning over!!


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GRAPEVINE60 7/11/2012 6:35PM

    Go for it, gf! You can achieve whatever your heart desires.

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More Cancer

Monday, May 16, 2011

My younger sister, Barbara, age 60, went to the emergency room because she had difficulty breathing. The hospital stay lasted six days.

She has heart problems and colon cancer. She will have surgery in three weeks after some of the heart issues are treated. In other words she will have surgery with two heart blockages. Prayers are needed from all of you who pray, or just hold her in your heart.

Now all three siblings have faced cancer. Please get regular checkups, friends! And make all the healthy lifestyle changes you can!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WIFEALF 8/25/2011 10:13PM

    so sorry to hear about your sister i will keep her in my prayers and thoughts keep us posted!!!!!

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T42AND24T 6/2/2011 10:44AM

    I just returned from travelling, and read this - I am praying for you, and her, my friend...

Large warm hug,


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JOANIEBUG46 5/17/2011 10:48AM

    I'm so sorry that you and your sister have to deal with thus, but will definitely hold you up in prayer. I have 3 sisters in their 60's and would hate to have to watch them go through it.

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MERRIKATE 5/16/2011 11:46PM

    Thinking of you both -- with understanding, as my own eldest sister is currently suffering a series of small strokes. We are glad for every clear-headed day she has.
Prayers indeed, for the healing and welfare, the best kinds of well-being, of all of us!
Hugs to you,

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GRAPEVINE60 5/16/2011 9:05PM

    I will definitely keep her in my prayers. emoticon

I'm here to support you if you need me.....

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BECKYSRN 5/16/2011 4:49PM

    Will definitely keep a good thought. My family has been going through all this too, my mom and 2 sisters with breast cancer, my dad's youngest sister with breast cancer, and now my husband with prostate cancer. Sometimes it seems like it never rains but it pours.
Blessed be.

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    emoticon Gosh, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Sending my prayers and hugs.

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MPENNE 5/16/2011 2:20PM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in the difficult time. emoticon

May God put His healing hands upon your sister and guide the doctors who are treating her. May He also bring a sense of peace to your heart that all will be according to His plan.

God Bless always

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NPA4LOSS 5/16/2011 2:14PM

    emoticon and emoticon are being sent your way.

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JULIA_RUN2SMILE 5/16/2011 2:02PM

    Sorry to read that... Sending you positive energy. I will think of your family on June 3, I will walk 12 hours (7PM to 7AM) for the Walk for the Cure - for the Canadian Cancer Society. emoticon

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MADYANKEE 5/16/2011 1:27PM

    Will pray for you and know there is hope, I am an ovarian cancer survivor from a family with 4 generations of cancer survivors so far. hugs

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Sunday, October 31, 2010

I am extremely grateful for the Trick or Treat Challenge. Knowing I didn't want to let me team down really helped me stay on track. Recording my calories all month was a great training tool by forcing me to look at my consumption through the day. I've educated myself on portion size and just how MANY calories are in a tablespoon of fat!

I am making friends with more fruits and vegetable each day - it's been wonderful! I've lost three pounds this month, breaking through a subborn plateau. Thanks!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MERRIKATE 1/31/2011 1:36PM

    Three months have swept by since this entry, Lady -- any chance of an update one of these days? You exercise routine itself is bound to be inspiring and motivational, methinks... I know it is for me, and I am glad of any helpful nudges I can get!

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WYOGIRL30 10/31/2010 6:16PM

    Congrats on the 3 lb loss. emoticon

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SMALLERMELORIE 10/31/2010 5:04PM

    WooHoo, congrats on the 3 pound loss.

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November Goals

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Now that my nutrition intake is under control, consistently remaining within my calorie limits and getting the cravings out of my day to day life, it's time to look at fitness. I am amazed that I can go to the store and not even look at the snacks and candy! It took a tremendous amount of jaw clenching at the beginning, but now the idea of ruining my efforts to get healthy by indulging horrifies me! However, getting through the holidays without falling off the wagon is going to take a great deal of planning ahead.

I already work out at least seven hours a week, most of it strength training with mild aerobics mixed in. The strength training is going well; I am regularly increasing the requirements so my body doesn't get used to the routine. Recently I added a few real pushups to the modified ones and increased the weights I'm using. I move though a weekly routine of upper, core, and lower body. I also walk a little, about five to seven miles a week, or do something different, but I do enjoy the focus and control of strength training. It's probably a hangover from my intense ballet training in my youth.

The next step is to add either 30 minutes a day of more walking or 20 minutes of more vigorous exercise three times a week. The vigorous exercise seems to be more interesting and should shake things up. Twenty minutes seems bearable - so that will be my November focus.

It's hard to believe less than two years ago I couldn't walk without pain and my muscles locking up! I started with ten minutes of Wii Fit and kept on going!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

T42AND24T 10/23/2010 5:38PM

    Way to go, my dear! I am feeling really unmotivated, but this is an inspiration!

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MYRTLEBEACHWINS 10/23/2010 10:00AM

    Give yourself a 'huge' pat on the back. That is a great accomplishment. Keep going!

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FURBALLDTH 10/23/2010 9:57AM

    Wow, you've come a long way! Keep it up! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Humbling Moment

Saturday, October 16, 2010

After a week of carefully measuring my servings to be absolutely certain I am staying within my calorie limits, I find nothing spectacular has happened. Okay, I admit it, I was SO confident that there would be a great AH AH moment, and weight would come sliding off. I think I can put that dream aside. I call times like this "humbling moments". It is so difficult to have to deal with food choices each day without the immediate gratification on the scale. But I will continue with the plan, since the alternative of continuing to damage my health is not acceptable.

What I have gained is a recognition of the enormous effort and discipline used by my SparkPeople friends for each pound lost and strength gained. Wow!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEODAWG 10/20/2010 12:01PM

    Oh my gosh how I can relate. I have been trying to lose weight for four years. Before you say poor me, be aware that I, of course, have not been consistently eating right for more than two weeks! I just never seem to learn! I am trying to be better and so far I can tell a difference. I can breathe when I button my pants. Whoo whee!

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SUEBAKER3 10/17/2010 5:50PM

    Keep tracking it really will start coming off. It took me about 3 weeks before I started losing. I think my body had to recover from the "Starvation" mode I had put it in, before it realized there was enough fuel going in that it could expend some of it. emoticon

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ODIE57 10/16/2010 8:34PM

    I go through the same thing off and on, but hold on it will come off. One pound at a time! emoticon emoticon

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