Wednesday, April 21, 2010
My scale and I are not always on friendly terms...... but as I tend to be a creature of habit, I feel my day doesn't start off right unless I step on the scale. The numbers on the scale reflect my mood for the day.....if they are low I'm on top of the world.....high puts me in a depressed state of mind. Sometimes when they are high I become more determined and it encourages me to pay close attention to every morsel that passes my lips. Other days it throws me into a state of despair where I think I will never see the numbers I want so badly.
A little electronic piece of equipment should not have the power to alter our personalities or determine our mood for the day! I've told myself that fact at least a million times -- well at least 47 times. lol But, honestly, don't we all do that at one time or another? I swear, if the number is high, you could walk to the closet and slip into a pair of pants that hasn't fit you for a year and you'd probably tell yourself that the pants must have (what?) expanded? since the last time you tried them. It isn't always that the scale reflects if we are losing or not. Sometimes our measurements are going down, but we don't see it reflected on the scales!
I gave myself a pep talk last night when I saw that 152. That number hasn't been a part of my life for well over a year -- and I tried to shrug it off, ignore it, or even just accept it. It's not like I'd just received bad news from my doctor or something -- it could have been a lot worse!
Bottom line here is that sometimes we put too much stock in things that are beyond our control. I tried not to be angry with myself, tried not to beat myself up, and tried to find a bright side in all of this. Perhaps my reward was the big loss this morning.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Look deeply into my heart and you will see what a truly complex person I am. What the outer world sees is not always the true "you." Sometimes you must cover up your grief, or your anger, or even your good mood; and present only a professional glossy exterior to the outside world. When your job is in sales your customers do not want to see a person who is filled with grief, so even if you are sad, do not reflect that fact. And if you are a funeral director, do you think your grieving customers will want to see someone bubbling over with happiness because they just got engaged/married? Not likely!
I'm retired now so I no longer have to put my true emotions in some little portion of my heart. At least not on a daily basis. When you look within my heart you will usually see a reflection of what is shown on my face. I'm normally optimistic, compassionate, in a good mood, energetic and I am not filled with pain that never seems to leave. Yes, I have those occasional days when I feel very much alone; but I realize I am alone by my own choosing. I have days when my back hurts so badly that I lay down often throughout the day -- but many times it is because of choices I have made. I spent too many hours fussing around in my yard. I know I will pay the price for it within a day. But I love doing things in my yard, and I accept the pain with the joy. It's the same when I have boundless energy and decide to move all my heavy furniture around into some new arrangement. Perhaps I could find a friend who would help, but I am spontaneous and headstrong (but not "back" strong - lol) so I do it on my own.
You would see a myriad of emotions lurking in the depths and corners of my heart. Anger, despair, envy, love, stubborness, compassion, confusion, joy, depression, hurt, gratitude, and of those and more. Each has a place in my body and in my life. The secret is to keep the positive emotions in the forefront, and letting the negative emotions just peek through once in awhile. We are humans we are not GOD -- every person has negative emotions the same way we have the positive emotions. Which image do you wish to portray? How do you wish to be remembered?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
OK, you all probably know I'm in Vegas "supervising" my two grandkids (16 and 18) and I hope I don't come home 10 pounds heavier! They say stress can cause you to gain weight. And of course we've all heard about emotional eating! And consider the 5 hour drive to Vegas -- and all the disasters and temptations of food in between.
I started the morning with my weigh in! Whoops -- how did you gain 2 lbs?!! I looked at the scale, stepped off, stepped back on -- no! it still said 147.4 and I have not been that weight for over a year! Probably can't blame it all on the boyfriend either. So I have a cup of coffee and don't even think about breakfast as I try to remember all the stuff I need to pack and get done before leaving the house! Of course one of the things I forget to take along is my scale -- and I know from experience that my daughter's scale doesn't weigh the same as mine! It weighs about 2 pounds heavier -- and I don't want to think HERS could be right and MINE wrong! So we won't even go there!
I don't think we had travelled more than 30 miles when my boyfriend asks "Are you hungry?" I frown and say "NO!" About an hour later I pull into a little town and announce I'm going inside to use the restroom. He asks again if I'd like a little something to eat. I tell him we have grapes in the ice chest in the trunk. He takes the hint and gets them out. So we nibble happily on the grapes as we are zipping down the highway -- at least I am. He's probably dreaming of bacon and eggs!
At Kingman we pull into a Subway and he announces he is starving, so we both order up our individual subway's. He has a soda and of course I do not. I take the dog for a little walk, and we're on our way. In about 50 miles we begin to hit the slow, slow traffic signaling we are approaching the Police Security Check just before Hoover Dam. Nothing like sitting still in traffic to wear at one's nerves!
We finally inch our way through the Security Check, already about an hour late according to my schedule. My daughter has phoned twice, wondering where we are. At last we make it through the incredibly slow Dam traffic -- and I mean that in more ways than one; and now Boulder City is a breeze and we turn off the freeway before even entering Henderson. Within minutes we are pulling up to the gated entrance to my daughter's home.
The car gets unpacked, stuff is all put away, and it's time to relax. Out comes the wine, four different kinds of cheeses and dip and various crackers. Is this to be our dinner? (I hope!) Finally my daughter says "Who's hungry?" Her friend from next door, Ken, offers to bring over clams for the spaghetti sauce she's been simmering on her stove all afternoon, plus garlic bread. My boyfriend was all for having something to eat, but I said I really wasn't hungry.
Pretty soon the patio table was set up for us, and food was placed on the table. We had garlic bread, angel hair pasta and two kinds of sauces. I ate very light, but still felt stuffed.
So now it's the next morning and I hold my breath as I step on "her" scale -- as I look down and see 149.4 I realize it's going to take a LOT of running up and down her stairs to keep from turning into a fatso on this trip.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Ah! A week-end in Heaven! Maybe it wasn't really heaven, but it certainly felt like it to me!
Friends had invited me to Sedona for the week-end and early Saturday morning I drove up. Even the drive up was pleasant and enjoyable; yellow flowers raised their heads in mass profusion on both sides of the highway as I was leaving the Phoenix area. As I progressed further into the desert, I saw a landscape of verdant cacti, shrubs and other growth, nothing like the dry barren landscape of summer travel. We have had more rain this year than we normally get and the lush foliage of the plants along the highway gave testimony of what a little rain can do. Time slipped away quickly as I listened to my favorite radio station and sped along at the 75 mph speed limit for that stretch of my journey.
As I exited the highway nearly one hundred miles from my home, I decided to check and see exactly what their house number was. Do I ever forget things like that? haha you bet I do! My host-to-be had his usual trick up his sleeve as he asked me "Are you coming 'today' -- I thought it was Thursday you were coming." But that was OK, it just nudged my memory a bit as I remembered his teasing little remarks that were a trademark of his personality.
Finally, after many new "turnabouts" newly added through the Village of Oak Creek, I entered the town of Sedona and carefully made my way through the throngs of tourists, already busily licking ice cream cones and shopping. The streets were all familiar as I lived within a half mile of their home at an earlier time of my life. With the familiarity came the tugging of memories at my heart as thoughts of my dearly departed husband crowded their way into my brain, and other memories of the happy times we had spent in the company of this couple. Now I was to see them again, after an absence of nearly 3 years!
Like all friends after a long absence we laughed, hugged and all talked at once. I had brought home grown oranges and grapefruit and at the last minute had a little gift wrapped and brought along as I realized her birthday would be this coming Thursday! It's funny you can feel immediately at home with some people and it's as though you had just seen them yesterday -- the time gap just disappears and you are all chattering and catching up. Unfortunately as we enter our 70's and 80's there is also the discussion of who has died -- so many! And even more disturbing is that some of them were even younger than me! A sure way to feel your mortality.
A glass of wine, a light lunch -- all displayed with the appeal and precision of a professional cook, we glanced at the clock and decided on a quick nap, and then taking our time to get ready for Mass that evening. My friend was to be the lector that evening, a duty I had participated in often during my many years of living in Sedona. Same priest, same church, all with poignant memories of their own. In fact, at one time I even worked at that very church.
I was shown to my room, and that confirmed my idea that indeed I had stepped into some heavenly realm right here on earth. Cool white, lush extravagant lace trimming up the top sheet as well as the pillow shams made the bed look like an oasis you'd want to curl up in and never again get out of bed. Red rocks greeted my view from two large sliding doors in the corner of the room, leading out onto my own private patio, complete with comfy chairs and a little table, inviting that morning coffee, perhaps shared with a chipmonk or rabbit. I walked into the lush bathroom and found a soft robe hanging on it's padded hanger, just waiting for that late night coffee I was sure we would share.
Services were wonderful, with a special announcement by Father JC as he spied me sitting next to Valda in the front row! "Eve! How good to see you here! Have you moved back to Sedona?" Of course I had to say "no" but now, anyone who knew me at all, knew I was there in the front row of the church. Many hello's were to follow as friends passed by after receiving communion.
And now it was time for dinner. The three of us met at a favorite restaurant and enjoyed a long, celebratory dinner! Toasts were made, stories galore and a good sense of well-being prevaded the entire evening. I ordered a very healthy dinner of grilled trout, but my indulgent friends thought nothing of leading me astray with their demand of getting a "dessert to go." Coffee, conversation and a little something sweet was how they put it. I'm not ashamed at all that I went along with the idea, even to the point of ordering a favorite; pecan pie.
I slept like a very tired, satisfied little girl that night. My dreams were a series of pleasant thoughts that rambled through the night as a separate little medley that kept tune to all the wonderful, spoiled feelings of living a life of luxury that I seemed to be experiencing this week-end. When I finally awoke the next a.m. at the indulgent hour of 8:30, I realized I was well rested, felt exceptionally good and really didn't care if my weight was up a pound or not. It was one of the very nicest week-ends I can remember having in a long, long time.
Of course, at that hour it still had several hours to go, amongst them homemade waffles with strawberries and whipped cream! I didn't leave when I had planned but that's another nice thing about being with friends -- it teaches you that you have the ability of changing your plans a bit and not feeling the least bit guilty.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Whether you run in circles all day, or if you move about efficiently and get it all done, when the end of the day comes we all stop and go to bed. Do you lay in bed and worry about the things you didn't get done? Or breath a sigh of relief over all those things you did accomplish?
A week from now, will it really matter if you got it done on Monday or Friday? Well, except for your Federal Income Tax, of course, there is a deadline for that! But for many of the every day, minute little details that we worry about, what does it really matter? I firmly believe if you feel like taking a nap -- then DO IT.
And if you truly hunger for that dish of ice cream, then HAVE IT (just make sure you think about portion control). In the long run, the little things really don't matter an iota. So starting today -- take time to smell the roses. That means do take that nap when you need/want one! Do take the time to sit and read for an hour or so, just to relax! Do make a little change in your schedule and meet a friend for lunch!
The older you get the more you regret the things you didn't do. So starting right now, start doing some of those things you want to do. If the floor doesn't get scrubbed, or you don't change the sheets today -- does it really matter?
May your life be filled with the pleasant scent of roses!
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