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Will I Ever Learn???

Saturday, March 06, 2010

emoticon It's kind of ironic that the last blog I put on here was all about the new romantic interest in my life. And now this blog is about how I need to be a little higher priority in this guys life. It's bad enough to come after the kids, and even the grandkids, but now it seems that even rebuilding a gazebo is a higher priority than me!

It started out on a Wednesday -- it was supposed to be "our" day; at least it was until his daughter texted him and asked if he could baby-sit for the afternoon. I knew before he even answered that the answer would be "sure, honey." There is nothing his daughter could ask for that wouldn't earn that answer. So I told him I'd clean house and make us a nice dinner. That turned out to be fine.

The next morning I left to volunteer at the Library and he set out on a couple of errands to the VA Admin. and his bank. I arrived home before him at about 12:45 and he called about 1:30. Guess what? He was baby-sitting again! And he said he'd be too tired to come over when he was done. I simply told him we all have "choices to make." He didn't call that night to say good-night. He didn't call all of the next day until about 5:30 at night. Even then it was just to say he had been grocery shopping (and paying for it) for his daughter -- and the next day he was going to rebuild their gazebo for them because there was some wind damage. So evidently even a handyman job has a higher priority than me! I wonder what the son-in-law does? Probably nothing with this built-in nanny/handyman/ ATM-machine of a father-in-law! Hey, they've got it made in the shade!

I phoned his cell phone tonight after not hearing from him all day AGAIN! The message I left was short, but not sweet. "Please return my garage door opener." And tonight I'm thinking -- "Is it me? Am I all screwed up? Or should I just quit dating and slide into old age or whatever?"

emoticon I'm waiting for my a-ha moment, but nothing is coming!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARGOMCP 3/8/2010 7:29AM

    I'm sorry it didn't work out better, Eve. I think it's harder for guys than for us women setting boundaries for ourselves and doing the hard thinking about what's important, etc. I know you'll miss the companionship though.

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SCOTMAMA 3/7/2010 11:47PM

    On my own behalf I'd like to say I was not against him helping his daughter, or even baby-sitting. What hurt the most was his complete disregard to stay in touch with me. An email, a phone call -- wouldn't you think I would be occupying some small part of his mind in this new romance we had?

Today we broke up officially. He said his asthma has been acting up due to the rain we've been having, and he saw his own brother die from that, it evidently runs in his family. So, there may have been times he DID think of calling, but didn't, as he sees it as hopeless to have a serious romance.

I could have chosen better words for my blog perhaps. All I can say is that I was hurting at the time, so it came out as more venting than blogging. I'm sad, but I guess this is just how it's meant to be.

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VANILLAFISH 3/7/2010 11:48AM

    Oh, Eve, I'm so sorry that you're feeling left out. I just read your previous blog and you sounded so happy and hopeful; a sharp contrast to this one.

My mother went through a similar situation in a remarriage, and the man's "first choice" of his children led to the end of the marriage a mere 6 months later. To this day, she wishes she'd tried harder to understand her new husband's situation. I can imagine that it might be difficult being used to having your children at the center of your life and then finding yourself having to suddenly back-burner them when a new love comes into your life.

That said, you DO deserve to fit in this man's schedule more than he's including you now. What about alternating time with his children with time with you, rather than three or four consecutive times with his children and none for you?

I hope that you can both sit down and discuss this. If you can talk about it, you can work out some kind of compromise. It doesn't have to be his children OR you. It can be both. I truly hope that your feelings for one another can overcome this.

Best wishes to you. I haven't "known" you long, but from reading your words here, I can tell you have a kind and generous soul. You deserve to be happy and loved.

XOXO

Lisa

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4CINDY2010 3/7/2010 11:10AM

  Better to find out now, rather than later, before you invest too much more of your time. emoticon

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ANNANN63 3/7/2010 7:34AM

    I married at age 48 to a 60 year old with 5 children, one of whom is handicapped. I accepted that his children and grandchildren were and are very important to him. I was lucky because early on in our relationship one of his granddaughters had a birthday (4th) and in front of me, his daughter told him that he was invited but he could not bring me because her mother would be there and she did not want to deal with her mother and dad having a girlfriend when it was all about her daughter. I completely understood the situation. DH said he would not be attending. I later told him he should go but he would not. He understood his daughter's request but wasn't going without me.

His kids and grandkids are still important and they are very good to me but I am important to him. He doesn't do things for his family; we do things for his family--things we agree to do.

Maybe it is too early in a relationship to expect more from him but I would think that if he really wants time with you, he would make more of an effort. I wonder how he would feel if you canceled on him at the last minute for your family?

Bottom line--if he doesn't make you feel valued--you are missing a vital element in a relationship.



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ROSY_TIAMO 3/7/2010 4:23AM

    As I look at it from my perspective, it's definitely harder the second or third time around. When my divorced daughter was dating again, the only thing I looked for in any of the guys she was dating, is how they treated her son, my amazing grandchild, Mikey. I felt if they didn't accept him, then she could never be happy with a lasting relationship.

She did date a couple who either ignored her son, or were downright mean. Thank God she met and married a wonderful man who is a loving and caring step dad. He has 4 grown children of his own, and I see how my daughter accepts them. She said she understands how much he loves his kids, and she is willing to make sacrifices on their behalf because she loves her man.

It is hard, but you have to be willing to accept children from a first marriage or it will never work. That's only my opinion, but I've seen it happen. When Mikey was only about 10 yrs. old, and my daughter started going out with her now husband, Mikey said to me, "Grammy, I hope he's not another jerk!" Mikey (and I) got his wish. He turned out not to be, and is a loving role model for my wonderful grandson. I got a kick out of that, "Out of the mouths of babes".

Rosy emoticon

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I Didn't Expect to Find Love

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

emoticon At 71 years old, and a widower for 8+ years I didn't expect to fall in love. I've dated most of the time since my husband died in 2001, but the chemistry that I was looking for just wasn't there. There have been a couple of serious relationships, but something was missing or just not right. As I approached 70 I began to give up hope. I made a vow that if I had no one in my life by my 71st birthday I would just give up. But then, I thought to myself, "That's just silly, just play it day by day." So I continued to look and date.

A few weeks ago a man came into my life, and we decided to have lunch. The chemistry was there! But I had grown pessimestic and wondered to myself what would be wrong with him? What would be his fault? Or would it be one-sided? Maybe the chemistry was on my side, but not on his?

He called the next day and said he wanted to see me again. This time we met for breakfast and discovered more parallels, more likes and dislikes. I started getting hopeful. But he was quiet and I had no idea how he was feeling. Our lives continued on in that manner until one day I asked him if he had met many ladies on the Internet (where we had met) and his answer made me smile: "Eve, I quit looking after I met you."

Now another week or 10 days have passed and we have gotten into even deeper, more serious discussions. We are thinking of a future together. So to all of you out there who are 70+ or even 60+. love and happiness is not only for the young; but for the young-at-heart. Do not give up hope! And do not settle for something less than complete satisfaction. That person for you is out there, have the courage to open the door and let them in. It could be your neighbor across the street, or even the man who changes your oil each time you have your car serviced. Guys, it could be that cute lady who checks out your books at the local Library! We're all entitled to happiness, and nowhere is it written that there is a minimum or maximum age for that.

As for me, there is a permanent smile on my face! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSSNOWY 3/4/2010 8:33AM

    Congratulations! A wonderful blog. I'm glad you are finding happiness.

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ANNANN63 3/2/2010 6:38PM

    Congratulations. Having a loving relationship is wonderful and I wish it for everyone. Have a great time and enjoy.

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CATLADY52 3/2/2010 12:19PM

    Way to go! I'm truly happy for you. emoticon

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HALLELUL 3/2/2010 9:53AM

    I'm not in my 60's or 70's yet, but I still could use the encouragement. Thanks for sharing and congratulations.

emoticon

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DHSPARK 3/2/2010 9:36AM

    emoticon I'm soooooo emoticon happy for you, Eve. From our posts online, I think you're a great catch and am glad you finally found someone that you connect with! You're right, we all deserve love and happiness, age doesn't matter.

emoticon emoticon emoticon and finally....
emoticon
Deb

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022110 3/2/2010 8:07AM

    That's wonderful!

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VITCHY-VICKI 3/2/2010 7:38AM

    emoticonglad your happy

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CAROLINA_KOUKLA 3/2/2010 1:42AM

  awwww I have a huge smile on my face right now too!! I love things like this - thanku for sharing and I wish both of you great days together!

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The Best Things in Life Are Free

Thursday, February 25, 2010

emoticon This blog went in twice, and I have no idea why. Please be patient! lol

You're walking through a restaurant on your way to your table, when you notice a gentleman sitting with a lady at a table. His hair is silvery white and although he is elderly, his hair is thick and beautifully styled. You lean over and say in a quiet voice as you pass by; "You have the most beautiful hair." And off you go.

You are walking down the aisle of a grocery store and notice a woman in one of those electric carts struggling to get a package down from an upper shelf. You walk over and ask her if you may be of assistance. She smiles in gratitude as you hand her the package she desired.

You're jogging down the street when you see a small dog coming toward you trailing his leash behind him. The owner is huffing and puffing his way toward you also, still half a block away. You reach down and grab the leash, and return the wayward dog to the owner.

All these little acts of kindness were simple to do, both made the recipient feel good, and none of them cost you a penny. Why don't we all take the time to do more kind little acts as we see a situation where we can either make someone feel good or be of help to someone? A smile is such a little thing to give, wonderful to receive -- and some of the acts we can do for others mean very little to us, but to the person who is in need or handicapped it may be the bright spot of their day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETFITTER7 2/28/2010 11:31AM

    It is amazing how a simple act of kindness can make a persons day...then a ripple effect can occur and that person would help another,then another...such a NICE ripple effect...may we all have NICE ripples in our lives...I liked your blog...and agree holeheartedly. emoticon

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ROSY_TIAMO 2/28/2010 10:58AM

    Nice blog, truer words were never spoken. It would be a better world if people were nicer to each other, as are everyone on SparkPeople.

Rosy emoticon emoticon

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JENNY888 2/27/2010 2:10PM

    Beautiful blog. It is true that there are many beautiful things in life that are free. What a wonderful design.

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BIRDLEGS29 2/25/2010 4:58PM

    Thank you! I am often on the receiving end of these acts of kindness. I am only 4'9" tall and the cream is on the TOP shelf of the grocey cooler. I always have to ask a passerby for help but more often than not, some kind soul will offer to get it for me. Believe me, people like you are appreciated!

Jean

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CATLADY52 2/25/2010 1:24PM

    emoticon for the reminder. You are the one whose words I will follow when I'm out and about.

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MELSY82 2/25/2010 9:42AM

    We never know how our actions will affect others. Practice random acts of kindness- both will benefit from it!

Great blog, thanks for sharing!
~Melissa

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DHSPARK 2/25/2010 6:25AM

    Nice description of "random acts of kindness". Doing these things isn't only beneficial to the recipients, it's also beneficial to the one offering to help!

You're that kind of person SCOTMAMA/Eve! Nice blog.

Be well,
emoticon
Deb

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The Best Things in Life Are Free

Thursday, February 25, 2010

emoticon You're walking through a restaurant on your way to your table, when you notice a gentleman sitting with a lady at a table. His hair is silvery white and although he is elderly, his hair is thick and beautifully styled. You lean over and say in a quiet voice as you pass by; "You have the most beautiful hair." And off you go.

You are walking down the aisle of a grocery store and notice a woman in one of those electric carts struggling to get a package down from an upper shelf. You walk over and ask her if you may be of assistance. She smiles in gratitude as you hand her the package she desired.

You're jogging down the street when you see a small dog coming toward you trailing his leash behind him. The owner is huffing and puffing his way toward you also, still half a block away. You reach down and grab the leash, and return the wayward dog to the owner.

All these little acts of kindness were simple to do, both made the recipient feel good, and none of them cost you a penny. Why don't we all take the time to do more kind little acts as we see a situation where we can either make someone feel good or be of help to someone? A smile is such a little thing to give, wonderful to receive -- and some of the acts we can do for others mean very little to us, but to the person who is in need or handicapped it may be the bright spot of their day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBBIER9 2/25/2010 10:10PM

    yes there is much we can do that is free and feels good thank you for sharing emoticon

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LOVE2MEN 2/25/2010 9:32PM

  Thanks Eve! Very true. I'm finding that the older I get the easier it is to give compliments. It's nice to be able to say or do something without worrying about what someone else will think.

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FREELADY 2/25/2010 9:01PM

    I enjoyed this! Thank you for reminding us and spurring us to love & good deeds!

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VITCHY-VICKI 2/25/2010 12:06PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KESELF 2/25/2010 12:03AM

  So true! I think it takes real effort at first to be conscientious like that, but eventually it becomes instinct.

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My Ah-Ha Moment

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

emoticon I finally had one of those "ah-ha" moments! I hear about them everywhere I turn, but I can't say I've ever really experienced one. But yesterday after blogging about my addiction to the night time munchies, I vowed I must find a way to overcome it. My normal evening meal consists of a big green salad with fruit and nuts added, very healthy and I feel it has helped me in my efforts to lose unwanted pounds. Last night I just didn't feel like eating a salad though, and as I thought about what I wanted, a recipe I hadn't made in a long time came to my mind. I sauteed a few frozen veggies (Asian Stir Fry @ Costco) in a bit of olive oil, and while doing that cooked up about 4 oz. of spinach/garlic pasta that I had on hand. When it was cooked, I drained it, added the pasta to the veggies and topped it off with a few more dribbles of olive oil and some freshly ground parmesan cheese! It was not only delicious but I did not have the munchies the entire evening. Considering I ate at about my normal time of 6:00 p.m. or so, this is pretty amazing. To test it out even further, I decided to try it again tonight to see if it would be as effective two days in a row. Sure enough, same results. So as I sat here getting my Spark Points it suddenly hit me -- my Ah-Ha Moment! My body must need carbs to keep the munchies at bay. And as having the pasta in the evening instead of the salad isn't upsetting my caloric intake, I'm still maintaining or losing. And no more bouts of munchies during my evening hours of watching TV/working on the computer.

This is a major breakthrough, because I realize for me those munchies were sabatoging my healthy lifestyle and nibbling away at the good results. Instead losing 0.2 I was gaining 0.2 and sometimes even 0.4, even though I had been a good girl all day long -- making the right choices for food, and getting exercise. The munchies were heaping on all the wrong type of calories in amounts that were really adding up.

Does this ring a bell with anyone else out there? Is your body trying to tell you something, and maybe you're just not listening? I'm just happy that I realized it now so I don't have to torture myself with withdrawal symptoms from my addiction. When I have a dinner full of carbs (but healthy ones) I don't even THINK about those little temptations!

Come join the good life!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETFITTER7 2/28/2010 11:39AM

    emoticonthat you found that out. With me it was the bloating feeling around the middle...I found that my sodium intake was too high. Tracking it made me aware...also I wasn't drinking enough water...I guess we all have to listen to our bodies...wake ourselves to listen up! emoticon

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DHSPARK 2/25/2010 6:41AM

    My gosh...that is just emoticon that you figured out that healthy carbs sustains you better than a salad.

Ah-ha moments are just freakin' emoticon!

Spark On!
Deb emoticon

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ANNANN63 2/16/2010 5:17PM

    Congratulations on finding a solution. My sister found that when she ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner instead of missing a meal here and there, she didn't have evening munchies. Whatever works.

Way to Go!

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ROSY_TIAMO 2/16/2010 5:16PM

    I've come to realize that there's two different kinds of carbohydrates, complex and simple. Digestion of complex carbohydrates takes longer. The slow absorption of sugars provides us with a steady supply of energy and limits the amount of sugar converted into fat and stored!

Eating the complex carbs will satisfy us longer. The simple carbs will cause us to be hungry, and want more.

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FREELADY 2/16/2010 8:00AM

    Great job observing your pattern and finding a strategy to meet your goals!!!

I think my experience fits this pattern. But if my carbs are lower, I notice it all the next day. At the other extreme, if I have an excess eating day, the next day will be a really hungry one for me, too. Guess my BALANCE needs to be looked after, huh?!

Thanks for a delightful blog!


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VITCHY-VICKI 2/16/2010 7:40AM

    emoticonI will have to try that thanks for info

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ERIECANALGAL 2/16/2010 1:28AM

    Yes, eating too little at supper will cause you to be hungry later. Very good insight.


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