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No wonder my feet hurt! (GWF personal bests)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Several recent records broken yesterday:

New Personal Best
17,082 steps taken on Jun 26, 2010.
June 27, 2010

New Personal Best
1.98 average daily METs on Jun 26, 2010.
June 27, 2010

New Personal Best
4569 calories burned on Jun 26, 2010.
June 27, 2010

New Personal Best
5 hours 16 minutes of MODERATE activity on Jun 26, 2010.
June 27, 2010

New Personal Best
5 hours 19 minutes of TOTAL physical activity on Jun 26, 2010.
June 27, 2010

New Personal Best
20 minutes of VIGOROUS activity on Jun 24, 2010.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 7/2/2010 8:59AM

    Wow...now I just feel REALLY lazy..but I'm celebrating your movement big time! emoticon emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 6/27/2010 9:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KRICKETTWO 6/27/2010 9:59AM

    Wow! Way to go!! You should be proud!

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STARLASUE 6/27/2010 8:49AM

    WHOO HOOO - You go! Congrats

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PUDLECRAZY 6/27/2010 7:56AM

    Very cool - you are doing great!
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Keep up the fantastic progress!

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Nothing accomplished today. Not. One. Thing.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

emoticon Got up at my usual ungodly 4:30, but as it was rainy and dark, instead of leaping into action (more or less), I made coffee and then laid around in bed with books and cats for two hours. Got my daughter off to work and sort of pottered around aimlessly for another hour. Finished the crossword puzzles and Sudoku, then determined that I was in need of some basic feminine maintenance - nails, eyebrows, etc., all of which take *much* longer than it seems they should.

emoticonIt was now perhaps 11:00 a.m. DH and I were going to go to lunch and do errands, but I stopped by the television room to see what he was watching. Fatal error. He was watching Wimbledon, an epic first round match between Nicolas Mahut of France and Tampa's John Isner. At that point, I believe it was Mahut 28, Isner 29. Serve went to Mahut, he tied 29 - 29. I watched for a few minutes, figuring it would be over soon.

emoticonNearly six hours later, they suspended the match at 59-59 in the fifth, because it was too dark to see the ball any longer. They've been playing for exactly ten hours - the longest match in the history of tennis by quite some. (The match was also suspended Tuesday after four sets due to darkness.)

emoticonAnd I couldn't tear myself away. (It didn't hurt any that Isner, and to a lesser degree Mahut and the chair umpire, are easy on the ol' eyes.) Surely, I reasoned, it had to be over at any minute - and nearly was, just often enough to keep me from venturing further than a few yards away.

emoticonSo, when the match was suspended at about 4:30 Eastern, I realized that I'd long ago missed lunch, had not run, had not taken the car to be serviced, had, in short, done beans all day. And you know what? *squares herself defiantly* I'm not going to do anything, either. My daughter is home now - she and DH can drop off the car and pick up the other, get dinner on their way home - since I have no idea when they'll be back - and I can run tomorrow before it gets hot and/or rains.

emoticonAnd now, I'm going to go continue to veg, only this time outside on the lawn, with dogs. Take that, Jiminy Cricket!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUNADRAGON 6/25/2010 9:47PM

    I like your attitude! I love the fact you started the day curled up with a book and your cats. Hmmm, sounds like a nice thing to do. I might have to take you up on that! I usually end the day curled up with a book and a cat, lol.
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PUDLECRAZY 6/24/2010 4:23PM

    emoticon

We all need days like that sometimes!

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RUSSELLORAMA 6/24/2010 12:43PM

    That sounds like an awesome day to me! I wish I had more of them.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 6/23/2010 8:32PM

    Sometimes something so good is happening that everything else has to be on hold. The tennis match is history in the making. Once in a lifetime thing. You were right to see it. We all need a day off sometimes.

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GRAMMIE1959 6/23/2010 8:26PM

    sounds like a de-light-ful day to me!

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NORASPAT 6/23/2010 7:04PM

    ---------------and always let your conscience be your guide.

Just remeber we all have days like that.
_____________just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start all over again.

By Jiminy he has it right !!!!!
Pat in
Maine HUGS !!!!

Comment edited on: 6/23/2010 7:05:15 PM

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SHERYLDS 6/23/2010 6:28PM

    here's to mental health holidays

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JENJENSKSF 6/23/2010 5:12PM

    HaHa - liked the blog. Totally know what it's like to have one of "those" days. Then again, sometimes you just need to have a day like that. Tomorrow's always another day. Sounds like a good tennis match too!

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Couch to 5K (or I Must Be Losing My Mind, Day 1)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Okay, so I dated a distance runner in college, and yes, I did used to run with him... occasionally... part of the way. But apparently I'm not 20 years old any more, because I just did Day One of the C25K and it damned near killed me. emoticon
BUT *drum roll* I did it!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
AND I joined the C25K Team http://teams.sparkpeople.com/c25K so I'm committed (or perhaps I ought to be...)

I ran here on the farm, which, even though I cut lovely walking paths with the tractor the other day, is still hilly. At any rate, that's the excuse I'm using for only having traveled 1.25 miles in 25 minutes (a whopping 3 mph - I walk faster, I think)

I used to be a semi-interested runner. I enjoyed the quiet and the solitude and the way the breath syncs in with the footfalls. Then, when I was 38, I became the first kid on my block to have a joint replaced - the joint under the big toe, left foot - and I was told that a person could only get one plastic big toe joint, that if you broke it you were SOL from then on and had to have the joint fused. I became afraid to put any unnecessary strain on the joint - I still walked and hiked, but no pounding, running.

Recently, though, I decided that even if it were true, that one did only get one plastic toe joint, that there was no percentage in treating it like glass. My other foot has its own issues, and I'm just tired of babying feet that won't stand up for themselves (or some such strained metaphor.) If the joint breaks, it breaks. If I then have to have it fused, I will, and I"ll go from there. I've learned quite a bit in the last few years, and one of the lessons was to go for it today, because there's no guarantee the goal - or you, for that matter - will be around at that great Some Day in the sky.

(Another lesson that I learned is that if one is, um, generously endowed, the sports bra that one wears for landscaping is not necessarily supportive enough for jogging.)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 6/22/2010 3:13PM

    I hope the challenge works out for you!!

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BRSCLS 6/22/2010 6:45AM

    Way to go! I will start W6 tomorrow of C25K and I had never run in my life. Just follow the plan and repeat if you need too, you will be amazed at what you can do.

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NORASPAT 6/21/2010 7:38PM

    Good for you and well done making the big effort. now you have started you know you will get there.

Keeping the girls happy while running is as much of a challeng as running is. Pat in Maine WELL DONE!

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LAGREBE 6/21/2010 12:18PM

    Just keep at it, it will get easier. I am on week 5 (it took me about 3 months to get there) and I also thought the first session would kill me. Good luck!

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PUDLECRAZY 6/21/2010 12:08PM

    Your running path sounds like mine - a tractor swath in the field. I ONLT run there, as I have to walk, run, walk. Way to go with moving in the direction of running. Starting slow is good - even if you can walk faster than you run.
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KRICKETTWO 6/21/2010 11:39AM

    Good for you!

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CHISKA 6/21/2010 11:13AM

    Awesome!

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JENJENSKSF 6/21/2010 11:01AM

    Everyone has to start somewhere! emoticon

If you don't mind... what happened with your toe? I have bone spurs starting in my left toe, and am currently trying orthotics to see if that will help. I'm not to the point of a new joint yet, but I was curious if that is what caused you to have the surgery? (Sorry for my nosiness!)

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HIPPICHICK1 6/21/2010 10:39AM

    emoticon on your emoticon
and emoticon The ta tas need more support!

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MR_UNDER_300 6/21/2010 10:19AM

    emoticon

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Update on the birdies

Monday, June 21, 2010

Got up this morning around 4:45 (I dunno - I just can't sleep later in the summer. I make up for it in the winter, though), went downstairs about 40 minutes later and peeked in on the nest on my way past the door. No birdies!? Fearing the worst, I investigated a little. One birdie, obviously one of the fledglings, remained in the nest and as soon as s/he saw me peering in, s/he took off. too. That explains why the parents were so omnipresent and fussy the last two or three days - babies learning to fly.

So, that's that. On the one hand, I can now use that door again (we've been using the kitchen door only), weed the gardens there, hang up the Wave petunia baskets. On the other hand, I'll miss their crabby little faces. It's always bittersweet when your babies leave the nest. *sniff* emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 6/21/2010 9:17AM

    I know what you mean. I've watched ducklings and goslings over the years grow up. Once they learn to fly you hardly ever see them again. Sort of like when teenagers learn how to drive.
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PUDLECRAZY 6/21/2010 8:15AM

    Oh, it is a sad and joyous occasion when the babies fledge!
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CMKARLS 6/21/2010 8:14AM

  emoticon

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Honesty is the best policy. (The depression story)

Friday, June 18, 2010

This started out as a memo to myself, but it grew too long for the secret Journal place on SP so I figured, what the hell? may as well share. Maybe someone can gain something from my ramblings.

- I've cut walking paths on the farm twice now, and both times it made me feel so much better - just to be out, riding around on the tractor.
- I planted a dozen tomatoes today, and just puttering around in the soil made me want a salad for lunch instead of something heavy.
- There's no water that is filtered, cold and easy to get to. I need to fix this.
- I need to exercise, preferably outside.
- I need to cut back on my drinking - a single cocktail at cocktail time, then nothing after dinner ought to do it. If not, stop altogether (and if that's an issue, fix it.)
- I need to plan my meals so I can shop, and therefore have on hand what I need to make healthy meals.
- I keep forgetting to meditate and stretch - I need a schedule.
- I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I do something - ANYTHING - rather than sitting around feeling frantic/frustrated/crazy. The only way out of these various dilemmas is to walk out of them one step at a time. The House Dilemma. The Farm Dilemma. The Weight Dilemma. The Writing Dilemma. Walk out. One. Step. At. A. Time.
- I have to remember what used to make me happy, and the little things that used to, I believe, keep my weight in check - getting out on the farm for "fun walks" (as opposed to "boundary patrols") with the dogs, taking the stairs (always) instead of the lift, all those things that added up to a quality of life that Im missing right now.

(I feel like I've written this blog a hundred times... when am I going to put it into motion? When, oh when, am I going to learn? Even my kids are better at deferred gratification than I am, and I have so little self-discipline (and that's been the case ...God, I remember my mother telling me to "Learn self-discipline!" when I was just a kid.)

- I need to remember that I honestly do feel better when I eat right, drink enough water, get some exercise. And I need to care about feeling better. Maybe that's the crux of the matter.

I have been depressed - clinically, for real, chemically imbalanced depressed - for nearly forty years. I've never admitted that in a public forum before, because the way I was raised, depression was a character flaw - anyone with any backbone whatsoever rose above it. I first started to be depressed - for no reason, nothing to cause the fear, guilt, and unrelenting sorrow - at about fifteen. That influenced a lot of the choices I'd make in the next decades in ways I'm just now beginning to piece together.

I had severe postpartum depression after my first child was born, and my mother told me I'd get over it - I never told my doctor. And I did get over it... after convincing myself that my delusions were indeed delusions and no good would come of harming the baby or myself.

When the kids were growing up, I remember several incidents of them coming home to find me sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing, and they'd pat me on the head, ask me what was wrong, and I'd answer them honestly: nothing. There was nothing wrong in my world, except that, inexplicably, I was miserable. Then I'd pull myself together and make supper. I didn't have a choice - my husband was on the road three weeks out of four and I had no family nearby and too much pride to ask for help (and no money to buy any) so I just did what I felt I had to do to take care of the children. I thank God daily that they both turned out to be wonderful, whole, healthy individuals.

I tried everything known to man or woman to help my depression - everything from vitamin supplements to wearing a special hat that had a full-spectrum lightbulb in it. Yoga. Talk therapy. Special diets. Blue-green algae. You name it, I tried it. But not pharmaceuticals. I still believed that only the weak resorted to Drugs. (Never mind that in my wildly misspent youth I'd had as my motto, "Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess!" and that included any drug that made me feel better, however briefly. [No, my children do not know this.])

The only thing that ever made a difference was a supplement called Sam-E, but it was - and is - so expensive that I couldn't afford to take the amount that I needed daily (it would have been roughly $5/day.) Naturally, health insurance wouldn't cover it.

So finally, at about age 45, I leveled with my family doctor and she sent me to see a psychiatrist. I was ready to try anything - the constant, unrelenting undertone of grief, what John Irving referred to as The Undertow, was just getting to be too much, and I dreaded going into menopause, the children leaving home, and my mother (who by now was over 80) declining, without some sort of relief. I knew I'd wind up shooting myself. For real.

So the shrink was of no use, really, except that he finally made a diagnosis. After so many years of being told I was selfish and weak (and totally believing that), being told to "Snap out of it!", that it was "All in [my] head", he put a label on it. He determined that I'd had no traumatic events that were causing the depression externally - that it was all consistently and wholly internally generated and a textbook case of what has become known as endogenous depression. He strongly suggested that I try pharmaceuticals.

After another six months of back-and-forthing, I agreed. The very first dose made a remarkable difference - something, apparently, that is typical with my type of depression (the kind caused by events or failure to cope typically takes a few weeks to respond to medication.) As is my way, I was in for a penny, in for a pound, and wound up taking two separate medications at moderately high doses - and I feel like a normal human, as nearly as I can tell.

The next couple years were spent trying to figure out who I actually was - often, we think we know a person, but all we really know is their depression. Was I really anti-social, or was that the depression? Was I honestly a procrastinator and a slob around the house, or was that due to the fatigue the depression caused? (It takes a huge amount of energy to keep dark things at bay, leaving little for other endeavors.) I'm still sorting it out.

One thing I know, and if you're still reading, this is the thing to take away: people who are depressed can no more "snap out of it" or "pull themselves together" than someone else can snap out of diabetes. You wouldn't dream of telling someone with hypertension to "Get over it!". Believe me, if depression could be cured by an act of will, I'd have done it. It takes work, self-examination, and, sometimes, drugs to reestablish balance.

And that's where I am today. Still sorting, still learning. Still un-learning four decades of wrong assumptions and false beliefs. Still mostly just putting one foot in front of the other.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 6/20/2010 10:35AM

    Thanks for sharing your story.
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MORTICIAADDAMS 6/19/2010 10:40PM

    Fantastic blog. I loved your "ramblings" and your story. It may give hope to many others in similar situations.

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CHISKA 6/19/2010 12:31PM

    Thank you so much for writing this.

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 6/18/2010 11:57PM

    That was a beautiful post - keep on keeping it honest and real. Sort and learn - reinventing yourself with joy :D

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SEANSAUNT 6/18/2010 10:02PM

    I'm still trying to decide if my laziness and messiness are related to the depression. I think maybe they started out that way, and now it's just a habit. One I'm going to have to work really hard at changing.

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NORASPAT 6/18/2010 9:23PM

    It seems you have been better at understanding yourself than the trained professional did.

I have been there done a lot of it except the drinking i must say I have never done that, never do it if you are taking supplements either-bad idea in my mind.
I grew up homeless and lived with many people over the young years.

I am lucky to have a great DH Our sons are all miles away and rarely communicate they have their own problems.
I guess the best i can say is i found myself through honesty, being able to talk to a therapist i was able to talk to others about the rough times.

I have more self esteem and self worth but i had to work on myself. Setting small goals and being proud I got to them. I guess that has helped me the most.
Writing always helps, put it on paper and read it back, it is amazing how sometimes it explains things to you even though you actually wrote it youself.

Do nice things for yourself and always acknowledge your accomplishments no matter how small.
Talk to yourself and be honest with yourself.
BUT, everything you write must be HONEST. Pat in Maine.

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KRICKETTWO 6/18/2010 9:19PM

    Your blog is beautiful and beautifully written because it is real; it is from the heart and it is from the crux of your very being. It sounds like you are finally finding answers...... what a shame that you had to suffer for so long in silence. Bless you on your journey to healing.

Hugs....

k emoticon

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KAYE454 6/18/2010 8:37PM

  Honesty is the only way in my way of life and gods way

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