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And that's that.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

John passed away Tuesday, in the very early morning hours. I still have trouble believing it, and alternate between being perfectly fine and being totally weak-legged overwhelmed with sorrow. I know it'll get better, I really do...I just can't imagine how or when.

While I am neither particularly vengeful nor litigious, it seemed impossible to me that his Ct scans in February apparently showed no cancer, and by late September he had advanced, end-stage liver cancer. I was sorta/kinda considering consulting a malpractice attorney. However, I had several email swaps with an oncologist at Mt. Sinai, who reviewed every image and every report John had had in the last year, and his opinion is that in February he had no cancer and by late September it was very advanced. The doctor - and this guy is widely considered to be one of the top hepatic oncologists in the world - said that such rapid progress is unusual but by no means unheard of. And I'm glad. I don't know how I could have lived with the "if only-s" - if only we'd gotten a second opinion faster, gone to Mt Sinai sooner, paid more attention - I dunno. That whole bag of pain doesn't have to be opened, and I'm grateful.

Kids are doing as well as can be expected, each in her own way. I gave the college one the option of taking the quarter off, but she chose to go back to school and I'm glad she did. The older one who is taking a year off between college and grad school is home with me and is, in theory, helping me get the place cleaned up and sorted and all that. We haven't made much progress yet.

In other, but related, news, I suddenly found myself a hay farmer. While I'm a certified NYS nursery professional and horticultural this, that and the other, I don't know beans about hay. Someone asked me what sort of tractor we had, and the only answer I had for him was, "It's blue." Half the equipment we have I can't identify; a couple pieces look more like a helicopter crash than a machine. Anyway, Steve came out today to walk around and talk to me. Steve knows everything there is to know about hay and cows and fields and soil nutrients and what you feed to this animal as opposed to that one and what they sleep on and how many bales of what size and weight you get out of X number of acres and on and on and on. So far he's convinced me that a) I have lots of good hay-able land but that b) I need to recertify my organic status and c) it would make much more sense to make big bales ( one covers with plastic using an extremely cool machine) than the small bales I currently seem to make.

So far, the only thing I'm absolutely set on is that I *do not* want cows. I don't want to be a dairy farmer. I don't care that NY has lots of them and they do well. I don't care that my barns are perfect for cows and look at all that... whatever it's called when they eat what's growing out of the ground. Foraging? Grazing? Whatever. No cows. No. Cows. No chickens, either. I loathe chickens - except when they're scared and they run away, flapping their arms and shouting. That just never gets old for me, so I imagine if I did have chickens, they'd all die of coronaries from my constant harassment of them, just to see them run away.

But (thank God) it's autumn, and I don't have to make any big Hay Decisions right away. Steve said I should Brush (Bush?) Hog all the fields and then ... I forget what it's called already, but you throw seeds over the newly mown ground and apparently it comes up in the spring and is all happy. So I can do that ... with the Brush/Bush Hog and the blue tractor.

And then... I guess we'll just have to see what happens next.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNYAN45 10/14/2010 7:15PM

    I am just seeing this for the first time. I am so sorry about your loss of your husband.

I am glad that you have a daughter with you to help during this time of adjustment.



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STARLASUE 10/14/2010 8:43AM

    Karen
I have been away and limiting PC time. I totally missed this. I am so sorry to hear about John's passing. Sending you lots of love and energy. Be gentle with yourself as you grieve my friend.

Healings Hugs
Sue

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HIPPICHICK1 10/12/2010 8:53PM

    I'm so sorry to hear of this news. I haven't been getting notifications of your blogs, my dear one. I'm sending loving soothing thoughts to you now. I'll be in touch soon.
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LEMONSMILES 10/12/2010 7:44PM

    Dear Scooter, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Of course I can not even begin to imagine how you must feel this terrible loss in your life and I can only send my most positive prayers and love across the pond to you and your family. May God's strength be with you always..
Victoria emoticon

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2BMYOWN 10/12/2010 7:16PM

    I am so sorry to be happening across this so late, please accept my condolences in the loss of your hubby. Keeping you in thoughts and prayers and wishing you peace and wellness.

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LOULOUBELLE2 10/10/2010 9:49PM

    Hi There Karen,
I along with many of your SP friends are sincerely sorry to hear of Johns passing. My sincere condolences to you and your daughters. As has already been said, time will help all 3 of you heal. The next few months will be hard especially with the holidays coming...but thank God you have your Daughters and they have you to help each other through it. Farmers are great people and I'm sure that Steve will be there to help you proceed as needed. A manager might be a good thought as well. Sounds as if you do some of the work and that's good therapy for you as well.

You gave me a chuckle when you said that about chickens. I feel the same way. I love to here them squeaking loudly as they run away. My Daughter has chickens and is always watching me very carefully when I am there.

One word of advice, take things slowly...don't make any hasty decisions. Trust those you know well and take it one day at a time. Your emotions will go on a merry go round, but soon that will pass.
Vent here on Sparks, it will help you cope to.
Prayers to you and your daughters, take a deep breath and move on slowly.
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THINTWIN2 10/10/2010 3:29PM

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I can't imagine anything so tragic. I do hope you don't have to make all those decisions yet and that you will have the help you need at the right time. May God comfort you through this time.
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ACIMPEGGY 10/10/2010 12:30PM

    Sweetheart, you and your DDs have my sincere condolences. Even if you believe, as I do, that Spirit never dies (I've seen/heard/felt/smelled too much evidence of that in my own life and heard of it from others), it is still SO difficult when we can't touch our loved one, hear that laughter, see them with our physical eyes...

And, as you say, there is always the possibility of guilt...'if onlyies...'

You will heal, in time. Life may never be quite the same, but in some ways is may be better. I'm glad you have some work to keep you busy.

As Spark mail, I'm sending you an anonymous poem a friend on other teams sent me. Believe it. emoticon

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MTNGRL 10/10/2010 11:55AM

    Karen, I am so sorry to hear about John's passing. Is there any way to say that that doesn't sting, I don't know. I do know I felt a wide range of similar emotions when my first husband died suddenly and I was either totally upset or totally determined to see each day through given the circumstances.
You will, no doubt about it, face more similar days and believe me a day will come that what has happened is not the first and last thing you think about. It takes a while but it will be that way.
I am glad your college age daughter went back to school and you have some "help" from your other daughter. Sharing the four walls with someone is a big help. You may want to talk to anyone who will listen about what has happened. I know that helps but your daughter may not be the best one for that. However on those nights when you are missing him she will be there to hug and comfort you if only by her presence.
As to being a Hay Farmer. You go! Lots of people here have hay as their cash crop. No animals grazing and sometimes farmers will rent the field from you for their animals. Someone down the road has lambs, twice a year they are there and there look pretty easy compared to cows. I love watching the whole hay production from the mowing to baling that happens here in the spring and summer. Nothing looks so country as a newly mowed field with "Hay rolls" littered in random locations. I always see that and think some lucky animal is going to eat well this winter.
May God give you strength and peace in the coming days. Hugs

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JANEDOE12345 10/10/2010 8:59AM

    My heart goes out to you at John's passing from this life to another stage. I hope there is comfort to know that you are welcome to communicate any time with me (or probably any of your Spark friends). Stay well,
Pam


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BETHGILLIGAN 10/10/2010 8:52AM

    Karen-Thank you for sharing such painful news. I can't tell you how sorry I am and know that you and your daughters are in my prayers. You seem so brave and strong to me. I'm not sure I could take on hay bales and tractors on a good day, let alone after such loss. We are here for you, please keep us posted. emoticon

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SUZYMOBILE 10/10/2010 8:08AM

    Karen, I was just thinking about you and I am so very sorry to hear about John's passing. I can't imagine how devastating it must be. Your Spark friends are here for you any time you want to vent or share your life, as you go through the very understandable ups and downs.

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Comment edited on: 10/10/2010 8:09:01 AM

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CINDYC53 10/10/2010 1:42AM

    I am so truly sorry for your loss. And I am glad you can come here and share with so many friends you've never met, and feel safe and loved. They say time is the key - that and leaning on loved ones.
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LINDAKAY228 10/9/2010 11:43PM

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad you have one of your daughters with you. I wish there was something I could say or do but I know that nothing I say will take the pain away and I'm way to far away to go do anything for you. So the best I can offer is to keep you and your family in my prayers.

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DANCINGGARDENER 10/9/2010 11:29PM

    John was a very lucky man to have shared his life with you. Much love to both you and your daughters... I think it would be so hard to watch my daughters loose their dad, almost more so than loosing my husband. "Posting my condolences" seems surreal but know that I truly ache for you

As for hay, pretty much all you see here in Wisconsin is the great big huge round bales. Are you thinking of producing organic hay for other people's cows. Personally I would be drawn to sheep and rabits, but that's my voracious taste for yarn talking. I say grow crops not animals... crop farmers can travel occasionally!


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SLIMMERKIWI 10/9/2010 10:44PM

    I am very sorry to hear of your loss. My experience of caring for terminally ill liver cancer patients is that by the time the diagnosis is made, it is usually fairly quick. I know that that is no solice except to say that at least he didn't linger lilke a lot like sufferers of some different forms of cancer often do! In that respect it was a blessing.

Please know that you have a lot of friends here on SP and also obviously in your "real life" to help you through this time!

I grew up on a dairy farm and alto' the practices are considerably different now, there is no way I would go back to it. It is too time consuming, and then I am a big softie and wouldn't want to get rid of the non-productive cows!

It may have been harrowing or ploughing the field that steve was referring to. My Dad used to drag a hairbrush lookingn piece of contraption behind the tracker and it would lightly rough up the ground, then he would go over with the seed spreader, flinging all the grass seed out to spring into life with the first drop of rain!

Those round hay bales are VERY common in New Zealand now, and a lot of farmers find it a lot easier to feed out. It is a lot easier to store, too, because you don't have to have a shed for them.

Perhaps you could think about contracting a "part-time" farm manager until you get back on your feet. This would give you time to learn what is needed to keep the farm running properly, and not be under a considerable amount of pressure.

Take care,
Kris

Comment edited on: 10/9/2010 10:45:39 PM

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/9/2010 10:38PM

    Oh, Karen!! I am so sorry for your loss. You have been so brave throughout this ordeal. It sounds like he had a virulent form of cancer.

It sounds like you are getting some good advice on how to proceed. It's Bush Hog, by the way.

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DANCINGJILL 10/9/2010 10:21PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. But he is no longer suffering and just remember he is watching you from the heavens above. emoticon

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Quick update

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

We sent all his records, images, etc. to a hepatic oncologist at Mt. Sinai for a second opinion, but so far no word other than, "The CT from March looked good [that was the only one I had on hand to send him - the others come from other hospitals] but a lot can happen in seven months." No kidding.

I try to focus on the present and not "awfulize" too much about the future. My daughters are both here (although the younger one goes back to college next week) and we all sort of prop one another up and take turns giving in to complete collapses.

Other than that, two things keep me going: the first is that, at 55, I've lived enough life to know that no matter how dreadful it seems, things do get better, and one day after the other broken hearts, like broken bones, do knit even though at the time it feels impossible. The other thing that keeps me going is the gifts that you guys give me with your notes and caring. It's amazing how much difference a kind word can make, and I'm am so blessed to have you all in my corner.

My daughters bought me a fancy cell phone - apparently my old one, which i used to make and receive calls, was insufficiently advanced. Now I can access the Internet, have spoken directions to get me from here and there (if I should ever go anywhere more complex than the grocery), take pictures, make movies, record symphonies and dozens of other things. Now if I could only figure out how to make and receive telephone calls...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYC53 10/10/2010 1:37AM

    I clicked on your page almost by chance (but nothing is really by chance, is it?) - after seeing your name on my friend feed. And I have gathered bits of your story together and my heart is full for you. I have no advice for you - but do want to say thank God for your daughters and the strength of family leaning on one another.
Your perspective has helped me work on my own during a scary/uncertain time in my family. My daughter is pregnant (5 mo) and the baby is in trouble. Long story, but he may not make it, and if he does, he may have problems. It's sometimes to "focus on the present" and not "awfulize" (such a good word). Reading your blog made me feel stronger. Thank you.
I'm going on to read your next blog now. Sending you love from yet another spark friend - Cindy

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JRSWHIMSY 10/1/2010 8:44PM

    I'm glad you're all hanging in there. I hope you can get some other medical records to send off to the docs

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LINDAKAY228 10/1/2010 7:07PM

    Thanks for letting us know what's going on. I know the waiting must be so hard to bear. I hope you hear something positive soon. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/1/2010 4:54PM

    I'm glad that you have the support of your daughters. You are very strong and you will get through this.

I still don't have a cell phone and have no idea how to work one. No real need or desire for one either. LOL.

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DANCINGGARDENER 10/1/2010 11:08AM

    Daughters... how amazing they are. I am so happy you have a couple, otherwise I'd have to lend you a couple of mine! They can help you get through a lot, can't they?

Keep on keepin' on with your bad self!
love & more love, Maud

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PENNYAN45 9/30/2010 11:53PM

    It's good that your daughters are there with you -- and that they are giving you modern tools to help you out.

I am praying for you and your family.

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STARLASUE 9/30/2010 7:47AM

    Keep on keeping on - you are doing it. It is a long journey you have been on. emoticon emoticon emoticon

You'll get used to the phone and then you will wonder what you ever did without it!

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SUZYMOBILE 9/29/2010 10:21PM

    It's good to get updates from you, about any old thing. I always try to check your page to see if there's a blog. It's also great to hear that you can find some relief in things like Zumba and a new toy.

Thinking of you,

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JANEDOE12345 9/29/2010 5:12PM

    Keep giving us updates. So many of us are keeping you uppermost in our positive thoughts and it is helpful to know what's up...and it sounds a little better.
Stay strong, stay nice, and stay positive!
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Pam

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C11ELF16 9/29/2010 11:48AM

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. So glad you have those beautiful daughters there for you. Take care. ((HUGS))

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LOULOUBELLE2 9/29/2010 10:43AM

    So glad that you have your DD"S with you. You are a strong family, your closeness will see you through. Hopefully you'll get the results from sending out those test results soon.
You are thinking positive and still have a sense of humor regarding that phone. They can be intimating.
My prayers and hugs go out to you and yours. We all care.
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BUNNYCATS 9/29/2010 9:36AM

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HIPPICHICK1 9/29/2010 9:09AM

    Yes a lot can happen in 7 months. Here's hoping for the best. Prayers, healing and loving thoughts coming your way, my dear one.
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BETHGILLIGAN 9/29/2010 8:39AM

    You and your family continue to be in my prayers!! Please keep us posted and good luck with the phone!!

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Friday, I guess

Friday, September 24, 2010

It's all starting to run together day-wise. No medical news.

My husband is dying and I'm signing up for a Zumba class. I strongly suspect I'm losing my mind.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOOKAYB 9/27/2010 2:03PM

  I strongly suspect the release will be SO good for you. I'm hoping you find a peaceful place in your heart very soon... Blessings.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/26/2010 4:35PM

    Actually the exercise will be good for you and all caregivers need some time for themselves.

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PENNYAN45 9/26/2010 4:58AM

    Zumba sounds like a good idea for you right now.
Sending thoughts and prayers for you and your husband.

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STARLASUE 9/25/2010 10:42AM

    Nah - it is still there - maybe a bit 'off', but there. I hope the Zumba helps you find a few minutes of stress relief.

Love and healing blessings
Sue

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JRSWHIMSY 9/24/2010 8:39PM

    Sanity is over-rated my dear. Find yours in Zumba. Or find your insanity there. And spend every other moment with your darling husband *hugs*

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BETHGILLIGAN 9/24/2010 8:27PM

    Sanity is relative! You need to take care of you so you have the strength and spirit to share with him. You are both in my prayers.

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JANEDOE12345 9/24/2010 8:25PM

    Everybody already said what will help you remember to take care of yourself. Whatever little shred of comfort you can find right now is absolutely necessary for dealing with the changes you are going through.

Do you know that I used to have a set of those deely-bopper thingies that were two springs with St. Patrick's Day shamrocks on them, and when my children were hard for me to deal with (divorced mom, pre-Prozac), I used to secretly put them on while I cleaned house. Something about those green plastic shamrocks bouncing around above my head made me smile - and that small joy would sometimes be all I had on a bad day.

So go do Zumba, and smile at yourself.

Be bouncy,
Pam


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SUZYMOBILE 9/24/2010 8:05PM

    Not crazy at all! Some pour all their energy into work in these circumstances. You need to do something outside of the house, and what better than Zumba?!

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LINDAKAY228 9/24/2010 7:20PM

    No you're not crazy and you need something to help you deal with the stress and take care of yourself so you're better able to take care of him. Caregivers have to take care of themselves! I know how hard it was with my mom.

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SHERYLDS 9/24/2010 7:11PM

    It's not crazy...you do whatever you need to do to keep it together. emoticon

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SLIMMERKIWI 9/24/2010 6:44PM

    There is NO WAY you are losing your mind. You are surviving! You are taking time out for you to re-energise so you can take better care of your husband. You are learning new skills to help you with the grieving that you are already going through. Your body AND mind will thank you for it, and I am sure that you husband is really pleased that you are doing this for you, too!

Enjoy those classes :-)

Take care,
Kris

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LUNADRAGON 9/24/2010 4:22PM

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DANCINGGARDENER 9/24/2010 4:18PM

    Sanity at this point would be counterproductive... take two Zumbas and call me in the morning.
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Thanks, and a small update

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

It continually amazes me: the outpouring of love and support from virtual strangers, the prayers said, the candles lit, the positive energy sent. It is absolutely overwhelming, and I believe I owe a lot of my ability to hold up here to you guys and your faith.

Thank you, from the bottom of my black little heart, and God/dess bless each one of you for your help in this time of trouble. Don't ever think you can't do anything to help - just being there is an amazing source of strength for people who have just about run out of their own.

ANd on a practical note, I've discovered that when actual in-the-flesh friends say, "Just tell me what I can do to help", you can do just that! I was so consumed with worry over fire wood (winter's coming, and soon, up here), hay in the barn and crops in the fields, repairs that absolutely positively have to be done ASAP. I turned to my local best friend and the best politician/delegator I ever knew, and suddenly everything is taken care of. Amish people are cutting wood in exchange for leftover hay. A handyman is doing handyman stuff because he owes the friend money (no charge to me.) Food is showing up. A half dozen warm brown eggs. A big bowl of beets and potatoes. I could (and do) cry.

I don't remember it ever being like this in the city. It's my impression, right or wrong, that country people pretty much leave one another alone unless you need them, then they're there in force. Once again, God/dess bless each and every one of them.

For what it's worth, John hasn't looked and felt this good in a while - certainly before he was taken off to the hospital. Tonight I fed him a local free-range, no antibiotic etc chicken, stewed in Chinese herbs, in a white sauce with local peas over some nice brown rice. You can feel then nourishment - above and beyond the vitamin and nutrient counts - in every bite.

Meanwhile, I'm pursuing the "second opinion" deal at Mt Sinai in Manhattan, full bore. Probably Friday, by next Wednesday at the latest, he'll have a complete new work-up by one of the best hepatic oncologists in the country, if not the world.

I am so blessed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARLASUE 9/25/2010 10:46AM

    I knew you were surrounded, protected and loved. Thanks for giving your friends and neighbors the gift of being allowed to help. It is something we all need to do when someone in our circle of love is hurting. It is a win-win for all of you this giving and recieving cycle of care.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/23/2010 10:54PM

    Your friend sounds like a Godsend. Bless her and you. Sending prayers and hugs.

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JANEDOE12345 9/23/2010 5:14PM

    Just saying hello and sending good vibes to you and yours.
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Pam

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LEMONSMILES 9/23/2010 3:47PM

    Dear Scooter: What can we all say to mend a broken heart from sadness and shock.I haven't read your blog before but I am sure all of God's love and helping soul does indeed bless you both during this deeply sad period in both your lives. I have had 2 kidney transplants, and am now waiting to see if I have cancer of the kidney for the second time.Thank goodness I had the cancer in one of my old kidneys. I look at life in a very different way than others. I am sure you do too. These sorts of things are totally life changing - in a very spiritual way. I had my first when I was 21 then again 10 years ago when I was 38. Not easy. I was lucky to of had been born 3 times...if you follow me. As for the food my darling, you deal with that when you can. Yes, it is a realisation that one needs to look after one's self - at all cost - but when you are ready...it is understandable. Our prayers and energy from all over the world are with your dear husband, John and his obviously beautiful 30 year soul-mate and partner in life - you! My strength, and may God be with you dear Scooter. Victoria xx

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SHERYLDS 9/23/2010 2:51PM

    I'm glad your local angels came out in full force to lend a hand. My warmest wishes to you both. Know that many of us will be whispering your names in their prayers.

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LINDAKAY228 9/23/2010 10:45AM

    I'm so glad you are getting some local help to take a lot of worries off of you so that you can focus on John. I'm also glad that he's looking better right now. I hope the second opinion goes well and he can get a transplant and have many more happy years with you. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

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DANCINGGARDENER 9/23/2010 8:19AM

    Just reading how folks are helping you, helps us. Thank you so much for such a reassuring assessment of our species. I grew up out in the country but now am a die-hard village dweller. I can tell you that city mice are just as fast to help if asked.... it is the asking part that is so gosh darn difficult.

I just wish I were one of your in-your-face friends... sigh, I'll just have to let those luckier than myself feed and love you in person. Blessed Be!

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(had to fix my spelling)

Comment edited on: 9/23/2010 8:25:36 AM

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JRSWHIMSY 9/23/2010 8:06AM

    It sounds like you are already doing what many people don't - telling people what you need. Many folks in your position are overwhelmed but don't ask for help so as not to be a "burden". And those people's friends are feeling helpless not knowing what to do, their words seeming to fall shallow. You're blessing other people by giving them a tangible way to help, just as they're blessing you.

Keep the faith my friend, from wherever you get it. I'm glad you're surrounded by so many good people!

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SLIMMERKIWI 9/23/2010 2:40AM

    Having been brought up in a rural area, I would have to agree about the "common folk" sticking by their fellow man and helping when help is needed!

I am glad that they have stepped up to the mark:-)

Kris

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SUZYMOBILE 9/22/2010 9:47PM

    I'm so sorry I've been out of touch! How wonderful that you have a bit of hope to grasp! I can't help but think everyone's good thoughts and prayers are bringing better things your way.

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2BMYOWN 9/22/2010 9:44PM

    Awesome! I'm so glad everyone is rallying 'round you guys when you need it most!

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HIPPICHICK1 9/22/2010 9:20PM

    It's awesome that the Goddess works in many ways and with many folks to help you through this rocky time.
Brightest of Blessings!!
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ALICIA214 9/22/2010 9:10PM

 

It is amazing what a cry for help can bring, it restores your faith in human nature, and WOW the members on this site are truly wonderful, and I
personally never under estimate the power of prayer.
I hope you and your Husband will live a Happy Long life. God Bless.

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PUDLECRAZY 9/22/2010 9:10PM

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Wishing you the best!

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LOULOUBELLE2 9/22/2010 9:07PM

    Miracles do happen and you and your DH are experiencing them. May God (God/dess) continue to bless you as your Sparks friends continue to pray for Your and your family. AND Country people do take care f their own. City people to do I believe, but in a different kind of way.
Hugs, Lovely Lady.

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MERRYWON 9/22/2010 8:56PM

    It's awesome to have good Christian friends!

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Another unknown

Monday, September 20, 2010

The "inoperable tumor" that made him a non-candidate for a liver transplant appeared virtually out of nowhere. In fact, it appeared following a request for an MRi on a Friday that wasn't fulfilled until the following Tuesday. Reason? Radiology had it listed as already having been done that Saturday morning.

I'm the last person to be a Conspiracy Theorist or anything, but I do know that people make errors. So I sent this whole package of information off to my favorite doctor, the one at Mt Sinai, and he said, essentially, "Hmph. Give me a minute" Five minutes later I got an email from another guy at Mt Sinai who is apparently the top liver cancer doctor in the US, bar none, and he offered to review the case for me if I could get him the CDs with the CT scan with contrast. Rather than send the most current ones (that I have doubts about) I sent the ones from two weeks ago, at our original hospital. He should have them tomorrow and by this time tomorrow night, we should know a)if my husband has liver cancer and b)if there's anything to be done about it.

Is this a bereft woman grasping at straws? Maybe, sure. My husband is my soul mate, and we've had thirty years together. I love him well beyond reason. Yes, I will survive without him if I must, and I"ll do a fine job of it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to lose him to a clerical error.

Tune in tomorrow.....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETHGILLIGAN 9/23/2010 8:16AM

    Prayers are with you and your husband!

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SUZYMOBILE 9/23/2010 7:08AM

    The moral of the story: Never, ever, ever give up. Wow, are you ever doing the right thing!

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STARLASUE 9/22/2010 8:51AM

    Grasp baby, grasp! Never give up advocating for him or you. It is harrowing but worth it. Give it all you got. Prayers and love continuing to flow your way!

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PENNYAN45 9/22/2010 12:55AM

    Our family has had a miracle come from the doctors at Mt. Sinaii. I hope you do too.

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GRAMMIE1959 9/21/2010 12:30PM

    Medical cruelty...Keep us posted PLEASE.

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I pray for a full measure of strength for you and yours as you navigate this turbulent time.

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Vivian

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SHERYLDS 9/21/2010 12:21PM

    Hang in there. Wishing you both all the love and strength to get thru this. emoticon

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DANCINGGARDENER 9/21/2010 6:42AM

    Strawgrasping is the art of the irrationally in love. He has one lucky soul to be mated to yours. Rock on with your bad self.

love you, Maud


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HIPPICHICK1 9/20/2010 9:24PM

    My thoughts are with you and your family. I'm sending you strength and positive vibes, my friend.
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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/20/2010 9:07PM

    My prayers are with you. Hoping for the best.

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JRSWHIMSY 9/20/2010 8:58PM

    Good God woman, yes! Grasp at all the straws you can find and if you can't find any, make some. There is always hope, if only the smallest glimmer.

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MTNGRL 9/20/2010 7:43PM

    Prayers are being said for your husband and you from here in WV. May God's healing touch reach out towards him. May the physicians use all of their God given skill. I pray that paperwork does not hinder anything positive. Sending big hugs to one Spark from another.

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LINDAKAY228 9/20/2010 6:50PM

    You are doing absolutely the right thing if you have doubts to get another opinion. I have not been in your shoes, so I'm not going to say I know how you feel, but I do know that it must be difficult beyond understanding to face the things your facing. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers (both of you). I hope the second opinion will be better than the first. Sending a great big hug to you.

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SLIMMERKIWI 9/20/2010 6:43PM

    I would be inclined to send the current one you have doubts over also, and explain your thoughts on this one. Sometimes tumors can grow VERY quickly and two weeks CAN make a difference.

I'm not wanting to put the frighteners on you but feel that this is important.

Hope the outcome is good!

Kris xx

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LOULOUBELLE2 9/20/2010 6:43PM

    We find miracles any where we can...I hope that this is one for your DH. Prayer is powerful and you have a community sending up good thoughts for you. We may not be in Syracuse, but God answers prayers from all over. Keep the faith, (even though you claim you don't), take care of yourself, so you can be strong for your DH...sounds as if your doing a awesome job of taking care of him.
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Comment edited on: 9/20/2010 6:48:39 PM

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SCOOTER4263 9/20/2010 6:34PM

    I hope we'll find out tomorrow. I feel like I"m getting effing whiplash.

Comment edited on: 9/20/2010 6:40:09 PM

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JANEDOE12345 9/20/2010 6:31PM

    Does this mean he may still be a transplant candidate?

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