SCIALINA   1,624
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Totally petrified, totally disgusted...what do I do now?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I'm scared....I noticed two other people in my class today laughing at me. I know they were because they were looking at me and laughing. No ifs ands or butts about it. I didn't ask them what they were laughing about, because I was afraid to ask. My stomach is huge...and I hate it so much. No wonder nobody really wants much to do with me. I have no clothes that fit me any longer. My stomach constantly feels stretched beyond its limit. I want to be able to put my shoes on and bend over and hell just fit where I used to fit would be nice. I'm scared of having my weight affect my health. My sister weighed what I weigh now two weeks before she passed away. I always felt that I will never get that big ever again...but I have. I'm the largest that I ever weighed before....and the horrible part of the whole thing is that I weighed myself today and I gained ten pounds over the last two weeks. How does that happen? How can people put that much weight on so quickly.


I'm starting a new lifestyle...and I'll need your help

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Hi, I just got back onto my website for sparkpeople and am ashamed that with the quit ....smoking quit....I gained a lot of weight. But it has been a year since I quit smoking and haven't looked back since....except for when I got on the scale and it now says 230 lbs....So I'm sitting here after eating a cookie...and drinking a cup of coffee with two teaspoons of sugar in it and saying to myself....just get on track Char! So I'm going to do a before picture....and my stats and all that stuff and hope and pray to come up with some sort of a plan. I'm now 53 years old too. But when I quit smoking on January 22 of 2008, I decided that for me....January 22nd will be my day for new beginnings....with the time frame from January 1st to January 22nd being my frustration time, my time for what I have dubbed positronic thought flow. So from now until January 22nd of 2010 I'm looking to become smaller and healthier....Don't be easy on me.....I need your positive input as well as your tough love, we'll be in this together.


Ashamed and proud all at the same time....

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Well, it's now February of 2008 and I'm ashamed to say I'd given up on dieting and given up on healthy living. Unfortunately I've been extremely depressed over the last period of time since I last posted.
I haven't been working, and my ambition level has gotten to an all time low and I put on weight. Right after Christmas I went into the hospital to find out why I was in excruciating pain and ended up having my gall bladder removed. It gets pretty scary when they start taking things out of you. I got horribly frightened. That's the horrible part.

Now the good part...I've come back out of that terrible time in the hospital with a new! I've chosen to live...after a few days of extreme depression, and totally lost inside an inner demon that said you're not going to be good anymore, you'll share the same fate as your father and sister, and you're just not going to get better, it's all downhill from here. Need I say more....I ended up in fight or flight mode and I chose to fight.

I'm proud to say that with the help of my Doctor, I found that I am just going through some normal depression after surgery, and it's nothing new. Plus I found out that many women my age go through the same type of surgery, it's a natural course of events.
Yet in reading more about gall bladder problems, I found that high cholesterol is many times a cause of gall stones, and so I felt, what more is going to get bogged down, so I'm back, to stop cholesterol from getting worse. So I chose Chantix to help me quit smoking, which has been a horrible slave master to me for 36 years. And am proud to say that I am now 32 days without a cigarette! So things are worthwhile when you make yourself your own best friend. When the doctor checked the new blood test results I found that I don't have diabetes after all, I have high cholesterol but it dropped down twenty points, and my good cholestrol went up four points. Which I might add was not as a result of my quitting, that has yet to appear in the scheme of things over a period of time. But Yay me! Big hugs and kisses to me....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOODANIMAL 6/16/2008 4:40PM

  Clean lungs! You go, girl. Quitting smoking was MUCH harder for me than quitting drinking. Quit both years ago, gained weight, but I'm a lot healthier.

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BARBARADJ 2/23/2008 12:25PM

  CONGRATS on quitting smoking!!!

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Welcome back to me! Been a while

Monday, September 18, 2006

184 - 8/7/2006
Measure your Waist: 41 - 6/24/2006
Measure your Hips: 46 - 6/24/2006
Measure your Neck: 13 - 6/24/2006

That was the last time I did anything weight or measurement wise.
So frustrated at that time....and it was because people were saying that the 184 I measured on the regular scale was wrong, because electronic scales were more accurate.

Well, I went out and bought a regular scale, and now, it's 9/18 and I weigh in at 185 lbs...but...I noticed I still have the measurements from when I started in June.

Here's my measurements now
Waist- 39 and it came down two inches!!!!!!!!
Hips- 43 and it came down three inches!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neck- 13.25 but it grew about .25 inches...hmmm wonder whats up with that?

I think I like it better when I check my!

Well, I've been not going through the sparkpages, but thought to myself, might better keep on track with this program, I either need to get small enough to look good or else I need to get bigger to fit in my clothes again. I chose to get smaller. I think I'm doing pretty good, and hopefully I can do a lot more over the next thirty days.


Well, people in my family have done it, why can't I???

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I guess I'm impatient, and as a result I get discouraged. I haven't been on a scale since one said 185 and another said 195 both at the same time. My mom, one of my heroes when it comes to weight loss and also quitting smoking...well, she did it. My son Adam, he lost weight. Heck, he lost about 70 lbs and is awesome. I wish I could show a before and after picture on this site. Anyhow, it's almost like I have no ambition to do anything anymore. I know my age shouldn't make a difference...but the more I look at myself, the more I feel ugly. I know I know...I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. When am I finally going to feel good about myself and how I look? Life sucks right now.


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