Thursday, June 27, 2013
I hate shopping. I despise spending money in general and have always had a bit of an aversion to it but lately...
Lately, I get panicky in a grocery store. I always do with my husband because he never brings a list but now when I am going by myself it stresses me out. I have my different triggers definitely like for example: Grocery stores on Sundays-- the Crowds, the sales, the samples, the mad dash to get to checkout before the game or company.
However, despite my general dislike of grocery shopping nothing compares to shopping for clothes.
The Scene Plays out like this:
I start freaking in the car everything plays out in different ways over and over in my head. What if I get in there and there are too many people? What if I find clothes I like but they don't fit? What if they fit but are too expensive? What if they fit and they are the right price but then I wear them to work only to realize that I look like an idiot because I have no sense of fashion.
I walk into the store.
I know what I need to buy (a few pairs of undies, a pair of dress pants, and a nice top) and I have a very "get in get out" kind of focus. I walk up to the intimates section first (get the essentials out of the way right?) then it hits me. I don't know what size underwear I am (why aren't they labeled for pant size? small = pant size 2-5, medium = pant size 6-8 or w/e).
Ok switch gears---Go look for pants. Long pants, Long pants, Long pants... Why can't I find any darn long pants!
Ok switch gears---Go look for a top. Ooohh That's nice! That's Nice! That's nice WHAT IT'S HOW MUCH? WOW! This is way too low cut. This is see-through! What you don't like it??
Ok Walk Out
My husband and my daughter were there. He could tell I was getting agitated and baby knew not to push my buttons so we got what they wanted and we left. It plays over the same way every time every store. ---I think it's time to try online
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I work with a woman who has recently become my gym buddy. She seems motivated and excited and it is making me motivated and excited too. We joined Planet Fitness because it was the closest to our work and free for the month of May for women. I like the gym and love the circuit work out but there are few things I miss. I miss classes and kettle bells. I miss massive amounts of free weight and I miss spin bikes. All in all though I am glad we decided to join.
Our office is a fiery pit of temptation. Each day is a battle against hunger, boredom, or politenece. I love my job. Not many people can say that and in truth 3 out of 5 days of the week I sincerely love my job and for that I am grateful. Most of my coworkers appreciate what I do and show me so by bringing candy or cakes or even breakfast tacos. They are gestures filled with genuine kindness and both of us struggle to resist.
That is why I am so happy there is now a healthy association with work. Now I know that every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will get my but kicked for at least 30 minutes. She is an awesome competitor and I am thrilled.
Friday, May 17, 2013
My husband is full of excuses but not for him.
He is my "out.":
For others--"I am sorry we can't go to your party the hub's has to work that day."
For him-- "No I didn't fold the clothes I thought you were."
For myself-- "Well I only gained so much weight since Febuary because Chris is home now and he cooks and I don't like working out with/in front of him."
So I guess the BS flag has been thrown on the play. The whistle has been blown and I have been penalized with a loss of ten yards on the field. However, the game is not over yet and when you are playing for this type of title you don't leave anything on the gridiron. You go all the way.
New coaching strategy. We are no longer going to pass the ball to the hub's. Winners always want the ball and I want the ball.
I will no longer say that I cannot do something because of Chris. I will own up to it and say "I don't want to go."
I will no longer say that I thought he was going to do something when I knew he wasn't. I will say "No I am not going to put the clothes away. Either you can do it or you can deal with it because I am busy doing other things."
I will no longer say I am fat because my husband cooks and I don't like working out around him. I will join a gym by work and work out away from him on days I can. On days I can't I will be a grown up and do it anyway. I will limit my portion size and help him plan for the week.
I wanted to start this journey of weightloss to help me be a better wife and mother. Right now I am not doing so well in the wife department which means I am not doing so well in the rolemodel part of being a good mom. That is going to change.... NOW!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
The past week’s reoccurring phrase: "You look so thin... Are you sick?"
I have 10 pounds left to lose to reach my goal weight (which by the way is the ideal weight for my height and body type and the number agreed upon by my doctor). In fact, he said I could lose 10 lbs. more than that and I would still be healthy. I am trying so hard to live a healthier lifestyle but I keep receiving mixed messages. This time last year, I was FAT (I know she's preggers not fat but it's the closest emticon they had to emphasize the point) and this year I'm SICKLY ?
It's like I can't win.
I was listening to the radio this morning and it was saying that over 57% of women are overweight roughly 22% are obese. The segment was about the show “More to Love” and how big women can be attractive and they deserve confidence and love too. They implied society might need to alter their ideals of beauty.
However, I DO NOT think society needs to alter their ideals of beauty entirely around weight.
I think people need to stop focusing so much on weight. I don’t think it matters big or small weight loss should be about health not a desire to be attractive because being thin won’t make a person attractive and vice versa.
I think certain physical elements are great to focus on. I love biceps on a woman or big teeth like Julia Roberts. However, I do not think weight or any one physical or character trait solely defines physical attractiveness. The combination of these traits makes a person beautiful or not.
I am beautiful not because of my weight. I am beautiful because I am spiritual, thoughtful, loving. I have gorgeous eyes and great posture. I am fun and have a charming, albeit sometimes abrasive, sense of humor.
I am not SICKLY
I am not FAT
I am not UGLY
I am BEAUTIFUL and whether or not I lose or gain 10 lbs. that is not going to change.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Have you ever met a person that inspires you months after you've seen them. That is my Jonny. My Jonny is probably the world's best trainer and I miss him very much but I hear his voice inside my head every time I work out.
Let me take you back on a journey that started in February or March of this past year...
I wanted to get back into exercising and I no longer had a day job so it was imperative for me to start working out. If your a stay at home mom and your child is in day care you need to do something with your life. Since I was a member of the YMCA I decided I would try Kettlebells. That was when I met him...
He reminded me of Bob Harper from the biggest loser, He had the same build and I'll tell you he kicked my but the first day. We worked out outside and it involved some running. I HATE running but he let us know that it was ok to take breaks as long as we kept moving. I felt tired but exhilarated by the end of the class. I decided I would be back next week. I kept coming back week after week and I found the way that Johnny took time to explain the movements and added a sense of whimsy (that's right I said Whimsy!) to the exercises made me really enjoy it.
Jonny never expected you to do something he couldn't. I used to love the way he would do squats he reminded me of a cartoon character because he could move so fast. He was tough and never let me slack. In fact, sometimes he down right picked on me but I know it was because he knew I was strong and could do more.
I developed friendships with a few of the ladies and they convinced me to try spin before the Kettlebells class. Sure why not? So I added Spin to my routine and I liked it a lot. I even started doing swimming after kettlebells but I was only working out once a week. I needed something else and had always wanted to try the weight room. However, I didn't really know how to properly use free weights and my husband would always get frustrated with me when we tried working out together. I NEEDED HELP!
So one day after kettle bells I asked Jonny (he also happened to be the head of all the trainers at the Y) if he could recommend someone to help train me.
He said "What do you want to do?"
"I want to try weights!"
"So what are your goals? Like are you trying to get 'toned?'"
"No, I really just want to see how much I can put up there."
"Do you want a girl?"
"No I really don't care I just want someone who is patient enough to explain stuff but doesn't let me slack."
And then with that ten year old boy glint in his eyes he said "Can I be your Trainer?"
With the excitement of a four year old girl seeing Santa I replied "YES!!!!"
We started with the fitness test and I impressed myself with how fast I could row (I had never really tried it before) and how much I could actually lift. I felt strong and empowered and he seemed genuinely surprised and eager to work with me. We worked for weeks on my fitness and despite the fact that I was battling a major stomach bug I gained strength LOTS OF IT. I also gained a LOVE for weights.
My confidence grew and I feel like his encouragement is the reason I am where I am now and his voice in my head will help propel me to where I want to be. He changed my life and I am forever grateful. I have a new outlook on exercise. It can be fun, and challenging, and effective, and humorous, and the lessons you learn from it can extend out to the rest of your life.
I AM STRONG.
I AM CONFIDENT.
I AM SURPRISING.
I WILL ONLY CONTINUE TO IMPROVE.
I had to move otherwise I would still be training with Jonny. If you can get yourself a Jonny they are so worth the $150 (personally, I would've paid $1500) and if you are in Frederick, MD get yourself the real deal he's at the YMCA
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