Monday, April 25, 2011
So this is the third question.
I don't know to be honest, i went home yesterday and asked my mother what she would say and she was stuck for words. A few she came up with were 'independent' and 'determined' but that's all she had. She said it was something that she would need to think about in more detail before she could give me an honest response. But I like those two words.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
So, I'm sure that there are alot of sparkers who have written about something really noble, like war, prejudice, world hunger etc. Well, I'm taking this as 'stop X from happening TO ME'.
So, I choose purging-mainly the vomiting up of food or use of laxatives.
As you know, or may have guessed from the above statement, I have stuffered with bulimia through my life. Don't get me wrong, I am doing much better, and I don't have the violent binges even 1/4 as frequently as I use to, but they still occur. And that is why I wish I could stop them from happening. They're painful,hulmiliating, and almost totally self inflicted.
Wait-almost, I hear you ask. Surely totally-who is making you do this?
Well, Emotional Eaters will probably understand this better. When I binge, it's like I switch off completely and almost go into a coma like state. I only come round when I finish eating, and then I feel like the realisation of what I've done hits me. And the best way to describe that, is like having a drill sergent screaming in your ear about how you've failed, you're a mess, you're disgusting FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT. And, when someone is yelling at you like that, it's easy to give in and shut them up. It's hard to get away from voices in your head.
I mean it's not just the voices, it's the sheer panic. Have you ever hit snooze on your alarm and WAY overslept? Times that by a hundred and that's what I feel. I mean, the way I feel, after a binge-a really big binge-it's how I imagine that Arab guy felt in the Mummy when the scarb beetle was crawling under his skin-I want to get it out by any means possible.
Then, after the purge, there's this light headed relief, that lasts all of 10seconds, followed by more self loathing and hate, because you know you've done something terrible to yourself. And you hate yourself for doing something so stupid and dangerous, you hate yourself for being 'weak' and you sometimes hate yourself for being proud.
So if I could stop anything from happening, I'd stop binge and purging.
(Sorry it's a bit deep, regular blog to hopefully come this evening)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I saw this on a Sparkbuddies page, and I love it, so I'm stealing it!
What do I do?
I'm a secondary school teacher, currently in my second year of teaching. My specialism is English, which is excellent because I love reading. The age range I teach is 11-16 year olds, I don't teach six form, which I'm secretly releaved about, because I've been mistaken for a student around school a few times (someone tried to place me in detention) so....yeah!
Outside of work, I like to run. I'm more of a winter evening runner than a summer morning runner. This morning for example, I went for a run in the lovely sun came home soaked in sweat and VERY dehydrated. I don't like it! I like to warm up as I run, it makes me happy. I also love to cook and I like watching cookery shows. I've just joined a Roller Derby team, which I'm really enjoying, even though I'm not very good at it yet. But, I'm sure I'll get better, I just hope it's soon!
So, that's what I do, so tomorrow it's what do you wish you could stop happening.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
First and foremost, before I get started, these are just my IDEAS about faith and belief. I don't think that I'm ultimatly right or anything, but I just wanted to get it off my chest, so if something I say offends you, I'm really sorry-I'm not out to offend or attack anyone.
So I have seen alot of threads on religion recently, usually from the point of view of either 'There is' or 'There isn't', if that makes sense. Is there anyone out there who would class themself as Agnostic-in the sense that (like myself) you don't really commit to one religion, or the idea that there is no 'Higher Power'
Personally, I don't think that there is one true religion, and I don't think that you go to a bad place in the afterlife if you follow a different path to the person next to you. I believe in an afterlife, so therefore I do think that there might be something in being spiritual so to speak. However, I think to follow a specific religion and say that this is the way that a higher power wants us to lead our life is flawed, because (as stated in Dogma, which I love) the laws set down by these higher powers are translated and written down by people, who are flawed. So we translate and interpret to our own ideas and that's when hate crime and such occur. I mean look at the portrayal of women in religion! And look at how people have treated natives when they went over to other countries because they believed something different. And they justified it by saying it was a right given to them by a higher power?
I can't follow religion, because I feel like there are too many moral views that I don't agree with. I can however, follow a spiritual path and try to be the best person I can be. Whoever judges me in the afterlife, if they are a truly benevolent being, they'll see that and not how I worshipped them. I know that many people think that unless you follow this and that religion then you are punished. If that's true, then I guess I'm doomed. But then wouldn't that mean that it would be useless for me to try and be a good person? Or should I fake a belief?
I know that alot of people will feel strongly about what I'm saying, and I would like to say that I do respect people who have a faith that they feel strongly about. I would appreciate it if you respected what I felt and didn't just attack or try to convert me!
Peace to all!
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