Wednesday, April 09, 2014
Its been a very hard year and a half and I can admit I have hit rock bottom. People say the only way to climb back up is to start at the bottom so here it goes. First I need to say goodbye!
2014 started off the same way as 2013 with bad luck, pain and grieving. At last count in a 12 month period over 24 bad thing have happened to myself and my loved one. The minor things were 3 flat tire, a car repairs (darn coils), 2 flight cancelations for my daughter when she was in Germany, 10 plus visits to the hospital, 4 sick parents and the death of my mother in law in 2013 and my dad Just this past Feb at the age of 63. I have been told you only get as much as you can handle, but I do not know how much more we as a family can handle. I am at my wits end.
I have started this journey many times before and yes I have fallen off this ride the same amount of times. With all that has happened I am once again climbing back on the ride to see where it takes me. (hopefully some nice person with a motorcycle with take me on a real ride as a reward someday.).
Once again stage one for me started with taking a good look at my life and not what I had gained, but what I lost.
My dad made me think long and hard about smoking and he made me promise to quit smoking as he lay dying from lung, liver and esophagus cancer. Dad didn't even know he had that damn killer lurking in he body. Our first sigh that anything was wrong with dad was on my daughters 18th birthday and a message from mom that dad was in a hospital in Mexico while on holiday with water on his lungs and around his heart. 17 days later dad was gone. Those 17 days were the most crazy days with traveling to Alberta Canada and back to Manitoba, than travelling to Brandon Manitoba and home many times. Each visit Dad got sicker and sicker until he finally left us with a smile on his face. The hardest part was nobody knew that Dad was as sick as he was. NOBODY! His family, his friend and his co-workers had no clue, Dad had no symptoms or at least that is what we thought. Looking back he was losing weight and catching more colds, but that was it.
So now it is almost 2 months since this daddy's girl and all those who loved him lost him. I have and am still cutting back on the amount of cigarettes I smoke. but I am having a hard time jumping that last hurtle. Also during these 2 months my body aches and pains have been getting worse as has my eating. Making a promise to my dad opened my eyes to other things I need to fix with my health.
I have learned that my emotions rule me and I need to change that. I have also learned I need a lot of support, my body is a shape, but round is the wrong one and last but not least I have a gluten intolerance. The gluten intolerance is a hard one to deal with I grew up eating wheat 3 time a day minimum.
My plan starts with quitting smoking and breaking that last link with my dad. Going outside with my dad for a smoke was our time. Watching portion , fat content and wheat content in my diet and exercising more.
So here we go again the hardest thing I think I am going to go through this months is breaking that smoking link with my father. I can't even add his death to the family history yet. The second hardest thing is that damn gluten intolerance.
Please join me on this new journey