Friday, February 19, 2010
My mind wants to go exercise. It's totally in the mood. "Let's go! Whoo-hoo! Ready, set, go, go, go!"
My body is not really with the program. "Yeah, you know that four hours of sleep we got last night? Not so much of the enough, that. Very tired. Let's just snuggle up right here on the couch and have a little nap. Or a long one. Sleep is good."
I'd really like to go to the gym.
Hello. It's an hour after I started this entry. I fell asleep sitting up.
Body won, apparently. Well, the gym is open until 10. I may make it yet.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I did my exercising today. But I was starving afterward. I had a hot dog, which might not have been the best thing, but I'm still within all my counts. I just have to be careful for the rest of the night. I have two things in reserve to munch on if I feel I need to: a can of tuna (which I need to eat, anyway, for the protein), and a can of turnip greens. I'm a Southern girl, and I love my turnip greens.
It's Ash Wednesday. I wish I could have made it to church today. My husband went before going in to work, but by the time I made it home, he was already gone. At least I don't have to be up early tomorrow, so I'll get some time with him tonight. If I don't crash first.
I have fought the urge to binge today, though. I guess it's a victory that I didn't binge, but it scares me because I know from experience I can usually only hold off a binge for so long before something happens. That something is usually eating and eating until I'm in pain, and even past that point. But I can't look too far ahead. I didn't binge today. And today is all I can control -- not even today, but just this one moment. Right now, I am not binging. Victory!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I took Valentine's Day off this week. We had no money (and I mean NO money) to go anywhere or do anything special, so we stayed home and had a little party.
With drinking and munchies.
I don't plan on doing it often, but every once in a while, I think it's good just not to worry about what that handful of Doritos is going to do to your nutrition counts. Also, the one thing my hubby was able to do for me was get me a package of those cookies where you can break off the number you want and bake just that number. We baked six of them, and I had four. The rest went into the freezer.
But other than that one day, I've been doing okay. I've had the hardest time with fat lately -- I keep going over. Today, I'm well over. (Hot dogs for dinner.) But calories are still under. I'm just shy of carbs and protein. I had planned on exercising, but the day just went away, and I didn't. Why is that so hard for me to do? And now, I need to start getting ready for bed. Early day tomorrow. Ugh.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I've been calmer today. I think I might be adjusting to the shocker on Monday. I know it'll be in the back of my mind for the next three months, but last night was rough. It hasn't been as bad today.
My eating has been fine today, too. I need to get back to exercising, now that things are calming down a little in my system. It's just hard to do, after a long day of work, especially when that long day is spent on your feet. But I was feeling better when I was working out, and there's nothing better for stress, right? Besides, with the lower calorie intake, I'm losing weight pretty quickly. The best way to keep my skin from getting too saggy is to make sure I build muscle at the same time.
But now, I have to go to bed. It's ad day tomorrow, which means I have to be at work at six in the morning. Ugh.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I worked earlier today, but my husband is closing. So I'm alone for the first time since the call on Monday.
I am still freaked out, and more so when alone. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next three months. I know there is nothing I can do, except pray, but my body feels all geared up, adrenaline pumping. And I agreed to work tomorrow to make up for not going in yesterday.
But I'm not emotionally eating. Well, I did have one snack-size ice cream drumstick. I hoped the chocolate might calm me down. It helped, a little. But I am still well within my calorie counts for today. In fact, a few bites of turkey breast, and all my numbers are good to go for the day.
I am really grateful for the SP program right now. If I didn't have this place, I would likely be coping through these next months with binge after binge. I may not be meeting all my goals, but the important thing is I am not falling back into bad eating habits. And I don't even want to. For me, that's huge.
I'm still way too worked up, though. I think I'll take a hot bath and do some reading. And then some praying.
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