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SARAHSTEELIO's Recent Blog Entries

So that's what they mean by "it all adds up"

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Man! Today I lounged in bed, not feeling all too great. I stumbled out of my room this morning to pour some cereal for the boys and because I actually was a bit hungry, I ate some myself. I snacked on a few crackers and an apple later in the afternoon. By noon I was feeling much better and made myself some lunch, helping myself to a portion of the edamame I'd given my son for lunch.

And then I went to track everything and let me tell you what... IT ALL ADDS UP! What I would have considered "practically nothing," if you had asked me estimate all came to a grand total of 1100 calories! Holy canola, I guess somebody's getting on the treadmill after the boys are in bed this evening!

I hope that someday I learn how to look at food and think "yes, this is plenty," instead of "ACK! Give me MORE!" But until that day, I guess I'll be using the tracker!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MALIAN1 2/19/2014 9:49AM

    At least you did track it and now you know. You CAN do it!

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    Tomorrow's a new day. New chances to learn from our past and make better choices for our future. (this being said by the person who had a sluggish day and over ate) We will both do better tomorrow!

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03191952 2/18/2014 4:38PM

  all the small things add up to one big one

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A Blog A Day Keeps the Weight Gain Away

Monday, February 17, 2014

New commitment: I'm going to blog every day. Even all I have to say is "I'm tired," or "I stayed in my calorie range," or even (gasp) something non-related to weight loss.

I find that blogging is like my own community board. I tend to get lost in those groups, with so many people responding I forget who's who... or worse, if nobody responds I just feel lonely. I like blogging better: it's more direct and more personal.

AND when I blog, I tend to stay on track.

So there. There's my blog for today!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MALIAN1 2/18/2014 10:42AM

    Love it! Blog away....

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CHERYL_ANNE 2/17/2014 5:40PM

    Good for you!

The whole reason I blog is because it's how I work out things positively that I'm trying to master or understand, or just plain trying to motivate myself. It's also a way for me to be able to go back and see how far I've come on my journey. That fellow Sparkers also like it is an added bonus I had never anticipated.

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    Blogging also offers a time to really explore feelings. Even if it's just how your knee felt weaker on the left than on the right. (okay, that's me). But see there! I found out something new to work on. I noticed something new about myself. You will too!

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WITCHYALISHA 2/17/2014 12:59PM

    I'm trying to blog more too. Good luck, enjoy the journey.

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how many data points will it take?

Friday, February 14, 2014

Okay, as expected, it was a shinola weigh-in.

Since joining SP in December, I have lost 2 pounds, gained a pound, lost a pound, gained 2 pounds, lost 3 pounds, gained a pound, lost 2 pounds, gained a pound, etc.

So I officially weigh 2 pounds less than I did when I started 2 months ago, up a pound from last week's weigh-in, and it's hard not to feel discouraged.

No, I didn't track perfectly last week... but I didn't binge! I ate salads! I got on the treadmill! I really loathe to think that the only life I will have from here on out is one where I have to run to my laptop every 4 hours after (or before) I've eaten. I'm okay with tracking as a tool as long as I feel confident that I can fade it out eventually and eat intuitively; I really don't want my permanent future to be filled with calorie-counting.

I've maintained this weight for years and years without tracking calories. It is VERY tempting to just throw in the towel, accept that this is where my body "wants" to be, and stop logging in. But I know that's not what I REALLY want, because I am now constantly asking myself:

Was the old way really working?

I would love for it to NOT take 6 months for me to get my weight loss to actually START. But it's sort of looking like that's a possibility. I'm not sure if what's better: to accept that I keep making mistakes (or more like the same mistake over and over again) and forgive myself, or to just stop making the darn mistakes. I mean, of COURSE I know which one is better... but not making mistakes is obviously not in the cards for me.

I guess the good news is that I feel markedly less angry with myself than I have after every other bad weigh-in, and that I have, as of this morning, started tracking everything I eat. Again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNEMARGAR 2/15/2014 8:10AM

    Sarah - I am sorry to hear that your weigh-in did not provide you the results that you wanted/or expected. If it makes you feel any better - I am in the same boat this morning. Honestly, I am blaming it on the weather. This extreme cold means that I am not as active, I would be surprised if our bodies hang on to some of this fat to keep us warm right now.

That being said - every decision you make to watch what you eat -- the salads for lunch the planned meals at breakfast - all help you at least maintain your weight. Just think of where your weight would be if you weren't being so careful?

I have stopped drinking alcohol for the past 41 days. I stopped because my body was having trouble handling the alcohol. Each night that I do not have two glasses of wine, I save myself 200 calories. Now, 200 calories is no big deal, but if I did that every night - it would be 1,400 by the end of the week. Over time, those calories add up . So my not drinking IS making a difference for me.

What seems hard for you now IS hard - it is a change. Change is hard and uncomfortable, but I know I will feel better when I am even two pounds lighter - so a little calorie counting today will lead me to feeling much better - once the weight comes off. Focus on your dream goal and how good you will feel once you reach that goal!!

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The Weigh-In Anxiety

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I can't say I've been the BEST at tracking this week, so I am (reasonably) anxious for my weigh-in tomorrow. Without using this as an excuse to simply regress to my old choices, I'm going to sleep tonight with these thoughts in my head:

-This is a long journey. It's OKAY if it takes a while to reach my destination. I mean, it would be awesome to get there tomorrow, but I know that's not how this works. This is a transition into a new lifestyle, and as long as I keep logging in to spark people, recognizing my patterns, and slowly changing my behaviors, I am on the RIGHT track.

-I went to a pizza party this week and had 2 halves of different slices; in the past, I would have eaten 3 or 4 pieces plus dessert.

-I got on the treadmill when what I really wanted to do was get in bed.

-Every time I think I'm ready to track less diligently (i.e. every time I tell myself I can stay within calorie range without tracking), I find myself lost: I don't like the guessing part of how to feel at the end of the day, and I KNOW I am capable of tracking. I'm not ready to stop tracking, and that's okay.

-I am strong and beautiful. I am not the first person in the history of the world to face the problem of overeating; I don't have to feel ashamed or isolated if I don't want to.

The funny thing is that when I write these lists, I find myself switching between first and second voice. Sometimes I think "You are strong!" This strikes me as curious, because I feel like the narrator in my head is shifting, in a good way. When I start to say, "I suck!" the second-person voice pipes in immediately, "Don't even go there. You know you don't." And it's true.

So, good weigh in or bad, I'm still here!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MPETERSON2311 2/14/2014 11:25AM


Its ok, whatever number is there gives you a starting point

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ANNEMARGAR 2/14/2014 7:57AM

    Hey Sarah - wishing you happiness with your weigh-in today. Look at it this way - no matter what the scale says - it will be a data point for you to learn from. So no matter what the scale says - it is something that you can learn from to help you on your journey for next week.

Let's keep focused on Spring - which is right around the corner! Nice warm weather so we can be more active outside - fresh veggies - lighter meals - right around the corner :)

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SUSANBEAMON 2/14/2014 1:14AM

  scales are not our friends. they tell lies. think positive thoughts.

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DNJEN471 2/14/2014 12:26AM

    My weigh-in is tomorrow as well... and I'm thinking all of those same things too. Stay positive, you are strong! And if the scale isn't nice this time, it will be the next time! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Friday, February 07, 2014

A good weigh in! I sort of "cheated" by weighing myself two days ago, hoping that I would see ANY evidence that being on track was moving me the right way on the scale... but now that it's my official weigh in day, the evidence is present: I lost 2 pounds!

Do I expect to lose 2 pounds ever week? Of course not. Am I stoked that, having been back to SP since mid-December, that I'm finally 4 pounds lighter? YEEEEEESSSSSS.

And these 4 pounds don't feel tenuous and fragile. It doesn't feel as though I was holding back a dam, and that as soon as I breathe the old ways will just come flooding back. In fact, it feels quite the opposite: I feel that because of my struggles and my willingness to get back on track after all those ups and downs, my willingness to recognize my patterns and finally do something about them, I am MORE capable of staying on track now.

In other words, it doesn't feel as if those 4 pounds are waiting in the wings, ready to attack at any moment! It feels as if they're history, an older version of me, while the new me strides confidently toward eating better and getting fit.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINACHST 2/9/2014 9:47AM


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AGOALOF150 2/8/2014 9:12AM

    Way to go! That is fabulous news and so motivating to hear. emoticon

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ANNEMARGAR 2/8/2014 7:49AM

    What a wonderful blog!! So happy to hear that you had a good week and that your program is starting to work for you! Wonderful news :)

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