SANDALWOOD108   28,248
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The Fear of Losing Weight

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

There was recently a Spark blog about one man's emotional rollercoaster ride regarding his weight loss. I can relate to that. To keep things clear in my mind, I am writing a series of lists, poems and papers regarding a lot of different things that I have "going on". One of the most important ones I've written is about my emotions regarding weight loss. I've lost and gained large amounts several other times in my life and piled it back on again, usually out of fear. I will expound on it more at a later time, but for now it's just a short entry on my list of Fears:

I have a lot of fear about losing weight. After being heavy all my life and losing and regaining weight several times, I decided to get serious about losing weight for health reasons. I knew it would be difficult and that Iím giving up the barrier that has kept me ďsafeď. Iíve endured pig noises, been honked at, been called all kinds of names and gotten many disdainful looks. Now that Iíve lost about 100 lbs I am being treated better and really noticing that has given me a lot of compassion for other people who are overweight. I am seeing my real face for the first time since high school. I still have 50 or 60 lbs to go, but itís still all very frightening and almost enough to cause me to change my mind (again). Letís hope Iím wrong. (end of entry).

This is not a minor issue. My brother died recently from anorexia. He used to weigh over 400 lbs and lost large amounts of weight several times as I have. He had bariatric surgery (I have not - he effectively talked me out of it) and for the first 4 years or so, it worked very well. After that, though, he started gaining it back until he was as large as before. He was a cancer survivor for 8 years but then it returned and they did a major surgery on him about a year ago (early 2011), removing his bladder, prostate, a lot of his colon, etc. Although the cancer was gone, he was so distraught over what they had to do that he refused to eat or drink any liquids. Whenever people told him he needed to eat, he would say "I'm still fat". He had kidney failure a couple of times and then was in the hospital for several months. When he still wouldn't eat they insisted on giving him a feeding tube, but he developed an infection and his system was unable to fight it. He was on life support for a few days before he died. He starved himself to death at age 51. I miss him terribly.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLIAN 3/10/2012 3:22AM


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SANDALWOOD108 1/3/2012 2:08PM

    Woubbie :) Thank you for that! I like the way you think. Yeah, go ahead and hate me, world! LOL.

Missifish: Thank you for the words of kindness and encouragement. It's people like you who are helping me on my Spark journey.

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MISSIFISH 1/3/2012 2:01PM

    I'm so sorry for the way you've been treated by others and for the loss of your brother. So many challenges to endure. I hope that you feel even stronger because of them when you succeed.

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WOUBBIE 1/3/2012 2:01PM

    It's more scary losing weight than most people want to admit. When I was (finally) thin back in my 20's I realized that people could still dislike me or treat me badly, and now it was ME they didn't like, not just my image. That can be really alarming.

But sticks and stones, right? I don't like everyone I meet, so why should I be Miss Popularity? I have a lot of good traits, but I'm also bossy, nerdy, and easily distracted. I've given humanity permission to dislike me all it wants. ;)

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SANDALWOOD108 1/3/2012 1:51PM

    Hi, Skirnir, Thank you for your comment and your concern. Yes, I am a member of The Slowest Loser team. My 100 lb. loss has been over about 6 years and I'm much more active than he was able to be. This way the changes I make are small but permanent.

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SKIRNIR 1/3/2012 1:42PM

    Ouch! No wonder you have issues with loosing weight. I hope you do try and be healthier, but do it the right way, the slow and sure way. Wowsers.

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I have cheekbones?

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

It's been quite a while since I made a blog post so here goes.. I've lost a few pounds, not as fast as I would've liked, but there are several other positive indicators telling me that I am still on track .. I can see my cheekbone structure for the first time since high school.. I can tell when I've lost even a couple of lbs, whereas before I could've lost (or gained) 10 lbs and not even known it, I am getting some definition in my core (I have a core?), etc. Spark really helps me keep at it. Even though I don't usually check in more than once a day, I stay accountable.

My cardio days are up to 4 x a week and I've kicked it up a notch by lengthening my time at the pool and doing about 20 laps each time swimming with my fins (get some Zoomers, you guys!) instead of just jogging. I try to get on the stationary bike on the days I don't go to the pool even if it's only for 15 minutes. It all adds up and I am on a roll. yay, me. Now if I could just get into strength training! THAT'S NEXT.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARTHASPARKS 12/7/2011 6:35PM

    Go girl, go! Let those cheekbones show!

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ARLENE_MOVES 12/6/2011 11:44PM

    Yea for cheek bones. I said that same thing when I realized I had hip bones!

Congrats of all your exercise!!

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 12/6/2011 10:42PM

    You are rocking it. Never heard of zoomers, I will google it.

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PATTY267 12/6/2011 10:21PM

    Congrats on your progress. I remember one time (long ago) when I lost weight and was so excited to find out I had "knee caps." Now my goal is to SEE my toes again without having to bend way over. emoticon

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ADJQUILTER 12/6/2011 10:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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1 weird little trick that helps me

Sunday, August 28, 2011

This might sound weird to some people, but one thing that helps me to "not eat" when I shouldn't is putting chapstick or another lip balm on my lips. I keep them in my purse, desk and nightstand. Once it's on I hate to have to take it off and eating something requires taking it off. When it IS meal time, I mindfully take it off with a napkin so I can eat. I see it as protection -- against the elements AND food!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRYS13 9/3/2011 8:30AM

    great tip! emoticon

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SINNIBLONDE 8/29/2011 5:34AM

    interesting -- I think I'll try this,


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-LINDA_S 8/28/2011 3:43PM

    You never know what kind of weird little thing can help. Thanks for the tip!

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LORIENABANANA 8/28/2011 2:53PM

    What a great idea! I'm addicted to the fun-flavored lip glosses made by Philosophy. I bet they'll be "extra protective" against eating when I don't need to. Thank you!

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LADYJAKE1 8/28/2011 2:09PM

    Good deal

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DSBRIDE 8/28/2011 1:59PM

    I like this idea, it's a good tip, thanks!

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blood sugar seems under control :)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Well, I am nearing the end of the 8-week diabetic weight loss challenge and the 4-week stress busters challenge. I definitely feel less stressed :)

As far as the weight loss challenge goes... um, well... I've lost a few lbs but not as much as I should've. The good news is that my fasting blood sugar seems to be under control now, YAY. I am averaging around 100. This morning it was 95. Before the challenge it was averaging around 115.

Permanent changes I've made are:

NO snacking after dinner! a cup of decaf tea at bedtime is ok.

More exercise. I do 20-35 minutes of yoga almost every morning, ride my bike (on an indoor trainer) 2-3 times a week for a minimum of 15 minutes each time and I'm going to the pool for walking, swimming, jumping, jogging (whatever I feel like as long as I'm moving for an hour, LOL) and hip exercises at least 3 times a week. It's really helping. Oh, and chatting with my friends, mostly older folks who go to the pool for therapy. I learn a lot while I'm there ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 8/22/2011 9:33PM

    I really should have done that 8 week challenge, too! my doctor just had me do a second "sugar" test. The last one was about 100 and he is getting on me about that. I hope I can discipline myself to do the challenge soon. I did register a loss of 5 lb. last time I went to him. At least that was in my favor. Thanks for being a good role model for me! Chris

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JESS0107 8/22/2011 2:03PM

    That is wonderful news!!! But be proud of yourself for losing those few pounds!! Celebrate yourself because those are some pounds that are never coming back!!

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clothing dilemma

Friday, August 12, 2011

I am in between sizes and have almost nothing to wear that isn't too big for me. I don't want to buy too many new clothes because I am still going strong on my low carb diet / spark plan. So I go along wearing baggy clothes and have dug through my drawers and closet to find all kinds of things that I had been "saving" until I lost weight. Well, some of them are now too big too! I have found several items that do fit now, yay!

For my "goal" I gave myself 2 years but have not lost the weight that I intended for this past year (well, it's been almost a year), but I have made some good progress. Being a member of the Slowest Loser team, that is ok! At least I've lost 22 lbs.

I get that the slower someone loses weight, the more permanent it will be. It means that I have made permanent changes and will stick with them. Some of them include:

Almost no fast food. I have lost my taste for fast food, especially since I've found out that almost all the ff restaurants use a lot of MSG. If we do eat out, I have salad or if I really crave a burger I throw away 1/2 the bun.

More veggie meals. The whole animal cruelty issue is also there and I wish I could go completely vegetarian, but have been advised not to since I need more protein in my diet. So as of now, I would say that 80% of my food is veggie. There are high protein supplements that are vegetarian or vegan made from whey (concentrate, not isolate), brown rice, pea and hemp.

No caffeine.

No store-bought salad dressings. They use a lot of preservatives and I really don't feel like paying $4. a bottle for stuff that doesn't even taste good. I make my own with good quality olive oil and fresh herbs.

NO SODA of any kind. All I drink is water, decaf green tea or herbal tea, low sodium V8 juice and a 1/2 cup of home made kefir every morning.

More fiber, especaially chia seeds that not only provide a lot fiber and Omega 3s but also help regulate blood sugar too.

I'm rambling. More another time :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLIAN 8/13/2011 12:44PM

    You are doing very well
i too am a slow loser and go for loose clothing
its good some of you wardrobe you kept is big too.
i do have a pair of trousers and a top for going out in and i buy stuff with elasticated waists until i loose my weightIt is a waste to keep on buying new I used to be in a UK 26 now i get 16/18 and wear mainly 20s taken in i use the charity shops and discount catalogue shops too.As it is a waste of money paying tooo much for something you might only wear a few times emoticonwishing you well in your weight loss journey carol

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