Tuesday, January 14, 2014
OK so I am back at this again! I am going to do this, THIS TIME!!!! Time is flying by, I will be 30 this year. I keep telling myself... because a year from now you will wish you had just kept going....SO KEEP GOING!!!!! My good friend also puts up these awesome comments on Facebook each day.... they all make me think and they are all good to repeat everyday. The one she put up today was... It's easier to get out of bed and work out than it is to look in the mirror and not like what you see. I know she will probably read this blog... Kirstie, so thank you for putting those words of wisdom up everyday! They make me think and help me stay on track. anyways.... I am the heaviest I have ever been... I want to be brave and put it out there 279... I said I would never weigh 240 again...what did I do??? I know what I have done, I ate, and ate and ate. I exercised here and there throughout the past year but eating always won. I think that I am so happy with everything else in my life that I have to be fat because it's the one thing I truly dislike... but what I need to realize is bad things and good things happen no matter what size I am.... I guess I just felt that I'm fat and happy and that's good enough so I got even more fat and happy. I wasn't shocked or even mad when I got on the scale and saw that number... I was just praying it wasn't going to be 280, and there I was one, 1, pound away. I knew I was getting bigger, I could feel it in my clothes, but I was happy, and I am still happy now, doing better for myself. I was fat and happy, but the fat part is going to kill me, because truth is I almost weighed 300 lbs... It's time for a change and it's time for SAM be here, in the moment and making the most of it. It's time I start taking time for myself. I feel so much better, I have been exercising since January 6th, haven't missed a day yet, and I don't plan to. As long as I get up and move and do something that gets my heart pumping for at least 20 minutes that is my goal. I want to journal but haven't really yet... but i feel like I am doing well. I have eaten more than I should have a couple of times but I don't regret it... I am done punishing myself for "mistakes", they are now just lessons and wisdom for the future. I am doing to do this. My goal is to lose 100 pounds by next year. January 8th next year I want to weigh 175 pounds...so I guess that would be 104 lbs. I am giving myself that goal because I know I can do this, I have lost weight and I know how. It's the keeping it off that always seems to get me. So this time I need plans in place to keep me from having a Fatitude!!!! I just need to keep going and I just need to keep thinking of the results if I do nothing, (another one from my friend) and the results I get when i get out of bed and exercise in the morning, and make mindful decisions about what I am eating, when, and why. AM I HUNGRY???? That's the question... am I hungry? Most of the time when I want food the answer is no. I want something now and I keep asking myself if I am hungry.. and the answer should be no but am i making myself think I am hungry..... anyways I will just keep writing until this goes away. So far for exercising I have done cardio boxing on the Wii and a little snowshoeing. Some snowshoeing by myself which has been amazing... I usually don't go in the woods by myself but I have really enjoyed it. I have also gone on a couple of short little walks on my lunch breaks, there is a snowmobile train behind my house that I really like to walk on. Well I am getting tired.... hopefully I will be back on here to write, if not I should be using my journal..... NME...no more excuses, I need to love ME!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Today was day 2 of exercising! I am doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I've started week one I don't know how many times now, I usually do it 2 times then I take a day off because I'm sore and then I don't start again for another few weeks. So I plan to get up tomorrow morning and do it again!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Well I did it.... after almost a year of not getting on the scale, I got on today. I didn't ball my eyes out either. I wasn't shocked, sad, mad, glad, because it's just a number. I feel the way I do about my body and that's that. For the record it said 264.5... I am up 11 pounds from last August, the last time I got on a scale and recorded it. I also exercised today, as I was about to put on my shoes this morning to workout I thought of the scale and I just went and did it. When I was exercising today there were a couple of times I had to push myself a little more and I did but I noticed I really pushed myself after I looked at pictures I have on my wall of my twin boys. I think I am finally realizing I don't so much care about the way I look but I care more about being here for my kids. I want to see them grow up and I want to see them have kids of their own. I don't want to be in my 30's, 40's or 50's saying why didn't I lose weight when I was younger. I am 29 now and I don't want to go into my 30's being unhealthy. I am truly grateful I got that letter yesterday saying I was to overweight to qualify for insurance on my mortgage loan. I have always been pretty aware of how fat I am but reading it on paper made me realize how unhealthy it is to be this fat.... yeah I knew before I wasn't healthy but to be turned down for disability insurance makes me feel like I am a ticking time bomb and could just blow at any moment..... a heart attack or stroke, or something else. so yup, I plan to get up tomorrow and exercise too..... I don't want to die.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Well I haven't blogged on here since 8/8, and I had said I was going to come on every day. Oh well, all that matters is that I am blogging again. I haven't been exercising in a while, don't really remember the last time I did. Sad I know, I just haven't been inspired to do so. But feeling sick of my body, I want to feel better about me. So I went on Amazon and just typed in exercise DVD and Pilates came up.... I used to do Pilates, every day for months, I loved it, and I remember how it made me feel, so I bought some new DVDs. I can't wait for them to come in so I can get back to something I loved doing for so long. I just can't wait to feel good about me again. Here I come.... it's going to be for good when this happens!!!!
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