Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Today something significant happened.
Like many of you here, I've always had weight problems--even as a child. But when you're a child the words that people say are traumatizing, extremely hurtful, and pierce your soul. To this day there are certain words or names that i hate because of childhood teasing. There are even people that I have banned from my life or do not want to associate with because of how mean they were to me as a child. However, some of those people remain in the lives of my family.
Today a couple of those people barged back into my life via my sister. My sister had nothing to do with it, but because of my sister they were able to have access to me. I'm disappointed in the way i reacted. I reacted very immaturely. I should have been the bigger person and walked away from the situation. But at the same time it felt good to be able to defend myself. It felt good to stand up for myself, unlike when we were children and I would cry or hide.
I know i'm leaving out all of the juicy details, but at this point i'm too embarrassed w/my behavior and don't want to share exactly what happened. Perhaps one day i'll indulge you, but for right now I'll only say that it was immature, but it felt DAMN GOOD!
So, what was so significant? I felt vinidcated! I stood up and defended my 7-8 year old self. Never again will anybody be able to make me feel the way they made me feel when i was a child. EVER.