Saturday, October 17, 2009
Well, I didn't lose any weight this week. I'm a little disappointed, but it's okay because I didn't gain any. Next week I'll rearrange some things, exercise more, sleep more, and be more cautious about my eating habits.
Yesterday I went to my neurologist. I've had epilepsy since I was 16. If any of you have chronic conditions you know that every so often you have to switch medications because one has lost it's effectiveness, or add a new medication, or you need to add more of a medication, etc. Well, she prescribed a new med and frankly, i'm really scared. A lot of the anti-epileptic medications have horrible side effects. Also, a lot of those anti-epileptic meds cause depression and/or suicidal thoughts. A few years ago I was on one of those medications and it was the worst time of my life. It took me 2 full years to realize why i wanted to kill myself and I why I was so moody and unpleasant. That same medication from 2 years ago also made me gain 70 lbs...in 2 years!!! Ugh.
This new medication doesn't cause weight gain (yay) but it can cause depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm really scared. I dont' want to ever go through that same horrible depression ever again. I don't ever want to go through that misery ever again.
so I've been trying to give myself a pep talk all morning long (today is supposed to be my first day). I keep reminding myself that I'm not in the same situation that I was in a few years ago (when i took that bad medication). This time around I have a GOOD neurologist that monitors me and really cares about me. She doesn't brush me off and doesn't take my words lightly. She's not going to tell me that my depression will "go away on it's own" like my old neurologist did. Also, this time I'm more aware and if I start to feel odd, I'll bring it up to my doctor.
Okay, so that's enough venting. I'm going to take this medication right now. Please wish me luck!