Tuesday, January 08, 2013
***Note to those with eating disorders: This post may be triggering.
Since joining SparkPeople a little over two weeks ago, I haven't had much of a struggle with disordered thoughts regarding eating. I was proud of myself, but should have realized that it wasn't going to last forever.
When I joined, I set a minimum/maximum calorie goal on the web site that I had worked with out a dietitian. It is low enough that I can safely lose one to one and a half pounds per week. I also set a goal that I would never go below that calorie minimum, as restricting and skipping meals was my biggest catch in the past when it came to eating disorders.
Today, I had eaten a larger breakfast and simply wasn't hungry when lunch time rolled around. I skipped lunch for the most part, having only a vegetable egg roll and water. This put me below my minimum calorie intake, as I sat, looking at the pretty number and how I had managed to deprived myself and how much weight I was going to lose. To make matters worse, I was wearing a pair of jeans which happen to be a bit baggy, boosting my confidence all that much more.
My thinking wasn't entirely rational, I mean, I was 112 calories short, which isn't going to cause a huge weight loss. That is how eating disorders start. One little lie to yourself after another. But this time, I caught myself in the middle of the thought.
What if I had gone forward, letting that "little bit" slide? Feeling good about myself, I might step on the scale tomorrow to find that I hadn't really lost, and now I might tell myself that I'm eating far to much and need to cut back even more. Or if the scale shows a loss, the victorious feeling will be short lived, quickly followed by the desire to lose more. Then, since I'd cut back the day before, just a bit, I could cut back some more. But it wouldn't stop. It would lead to lies to my health care workers, just a few more pounds or a few less calories.
I recognized that this could be the first step toward me sliding back down the hill of disaster. And I said, "NOT TODAY." Instead, I choose this day to be another among many days in a long, hard journey toward a healthier me. A me who chooses healthy choices over the lies her mind tries to feed her body.
It wasn't easy. I'll admit, I cried through every bite of the protein bar I chose to eat. The lies continued, telling me of the fat each bite was putting onto my body. I cried entering my snack into the nutrition tracker on the web site, as I saw the calories remaining today flip to 0.
To make matters worse, between the time of loading the nutrition tracker and finally entering the information, the clock ticked past midnight - resetting the calories remaining to eat today ticker on my start page. The idea of doing this fight again tomorrow is exhausting. But that is a fight for tomorrow.
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Sunday, December 30, 2012
2 sets of Push-Up/Plank, high score: 83
Total Works the Top fit credits: 4
Our Wii got reset recently and I don't have much unlocked, so I'm doing Wii Sports Resort games instead.
20 minutes Canoeing (Beginning, high score: 214; Intermediate, high score: 256)
35 minutes bicycling (6 stage race, high score: 32/100)
Calories Burned Today: ~214
Monday, December 31, 2012
I spent the day at a friend's house and since she doesn't have a Wii, couldn't participate. I did do two sets of 5 reps of single leg extensions on my own. I also spent 30 minutes with my friend walking around outside in knee deep snow - talk about good exercise!
Tuesday, January 1, 2012
2 sets of 6 Push-Up/Planks, high score: 91
Total Work the Top fit credits: 4
15 minutes Canoeing, (Intermediate, high score: 650)
20 minutes bicycling (3 stage race, high score: 11/50)
Total Calories: ~125
Wednesday, January 2, 2012
4 rounds of regular Hula Hoop, high score: 233
1 round of Super Hula Hoop (3 minutes), high score: 775
3 games of Soccer Heading, high score: 65
Total Around the Middle Fit Credits: 16
Total Calories: ~61
Thursday, January 3, 2012
5 rounds of Basic Step, high score: 270
2 sets of 6 Single Leg Extensions, high score: 67
2 sets of 10 Lunges, high score: 100 points
Total Strengthens the Bottom Wii Fit Credits: 21
Total calories: ~75
Friday, January 4, 2012
I got Wii Fit Plus in the mail yesterday - hooray!
2 rounds of Rhythm Boxing (basic), high score: 248
6 rounds of Birds' Eye Bulls Eye, high score: 1425 (I have no idea what I'm doing!)
2 set of 10 Tricep Extensions
Total Works the Top Wii Fit Credits: 25
Total calories: ~101
Saturday, January 5, 2013
I had a migraine today so other than some light stretches and a few yoga poses, I decided not to exercise today.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
I recently joined the Official Tame Your Sweet Tooth Challenge ( www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=55583 ) and as part of the challenge, I'm looking at a couple of things, first why I want to cut back and second, why I crave/eat sugar in the first place.
The biggest reason that I want to cut back is that I have a family history of Type II Diabetes and have been diagnosed with PCOS, which further increases my risk of getting Diabetes as I get older. By decreasing both my weight and my sugar intake, I can also decrease my risk, though it is impossible to eliminate it completely.
The second reason is that I tend to eat more calories on the days that I start (and continue) to eat sweets, and I would rather fill those calories with more nutritious things. Since joining SparkPeople and tracking my food, I've noticed that my diet is lacking in fiber and protein. The empty sugar calories I'm eating could be better put to use eating high fiber foods or proteins which will keep me feeling full longer.
That actually leads right into why I crave the sugar in the first place. When I eat sugar, for breakfast for example, in a cinnamon roll or pop-tart, my blood sugar goes up quickly then drops again quickly, which leads to craving and eating more sugar. It ends up being a nasty cycle. If I can replace breakfast with a high protein/high fiber option instead, like a bowl of oatmeal and soymilk or an egg, and a bit of fruit, I may be able to curb this vicious cycle at the beginning of the day.
For the next week, my goal will be to choose a healthier option for breakfast and to increase my protein and fiber consumption.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
The last few months of 2012 have been filled with ups and downs regarding my relationship with weight and my body. In the past, I struggled with body dysmorphia and losing weight in very unhealthy ways. When I first started looking into losing weight, I found myself going right back to those same bad habits. Then I found this site and accepted that if I was really going to lose weight, it was going to need to be the healthy way. I'm now working toward a healthier life instead of an impossible. I hope this continues in 2013.
Friday, December 28, 2012
"Stress is not caused by what other people are doing or by circumstances. Stress is caused by the way that you think about and approach those circumstances. When you're tempted to worry and be fearful and so on, peace within is the antidote."
- Graham Cooke
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