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Hope and Healing for CancerFriday, February 18, 2011
My husband's aunt has kidney cancer. Yesterday we drove 8 hours out of state, stayed 3 hours, and then 8 hours back home just for a mini visit with her. We're of course very worried that she may not make it. ![]()
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LIVINHEALTHY9
2/19/2011 9:07PM
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Hoping for the best for your husband's aunt. Report Inappropriate Comment |


RAINBOWFALLS
2/19/2011 10:13AM
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I am hoping for the best outcome. Report Inappropriate Comment |


SUNNYH99
2/19/2011 9:54AM
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Best wishes for strength, recovery and resilience for your husband's aunt. I think it bodes well that she's trying everything, western and alternative medicine and prayer. It might be just the combo to do the trick! Plus her attitude sounds healthy, even if it's hard to hear the reality as she confronts all possibilities.
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TLGREIG
2/18/2011 11:25AM
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Sorry to hear this, but if she has a positive outlook it makes all the difference in her recovery process! P.U.S.H - Pray, Until, Something, Happens!
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This is the situation. My husband is pursing his BA in Criminal Justice right now. He's almost done with his 2nd year, which means his Associate's. Anyway, he needs experience in the field before he graduates so he can get a better job when he graduates. That means he has to work in the field.
He already had a full time job. Then he added this weekend job in the security field. It was only supposed to be a weekend job with here and there calls during the week. We agreed on this. I was really hesitant. He has school, a full time job, a part time job, and somehow we need to maintain our marriage. Not only that, but to complicate things I work retail, which means my hours are screwy and may not always coincide well with his. We have a lot of schedule issues as it is.
It turns out, as I believed it would and he claimed it wouldn't, that they call him for this "part time" job pretty much every day. He works 2 days on the weekend, and at least 3 during the week. Sometimes he works every day. He has a 20 day stretch coming up with no days off; this is because he has 2 jobs and commitments on every day of the week. Today he worked from 7am and was supposed to be home at 5pm. They called him for an "emergency" at his "part time" job and so he has to go there today after his day job. He doesn't know when he'll be home. The earliest he ever comes home from there is 11:30pm. I go to bed before 10pm and so don't see him at all on some days. I get up at 7:45am or 8am, and this is well after he's gone. Literally, there are days when I wonder if I'm really married. Maybe he's just in my mind? I never see him.
I'm just ranting I guess. I'm mad about this. I think that because he does get the hours and because he makes more at the "part time" job than at his regular job that he should quit the regular job to focus on school and get to see me here and there for an hour or two. Last night we got to see each other for 4 hours and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. This was the first time in a week that I saw my husband!
He says that it's temporary. In under 2 months he will have been there past his initial probation period, and the union will be protecting him at that point. Then he'll have nothing to worry about. Right now he has nothing to worry about. They like him and already promoted him from a level 1 to a level 2. I tried to tell him that based on this that they like him and it's reasonable to at least take a sabbatical or furlough from his regular job, but he doesn't think so. He's stuck on this idea that he's not secure at the new job yet and that he needs the income from the other job, never mind that he makes $3 more an hour at the new job.
I have no idea why he's doing this to himself and to us. He claims, as I said, that this is just until he's past his probation period and then he'll only have 1 job again. I don't know if I believe him. I guess that's where most of my anger comes in. I think he'll come up with more excuses. I don't understand why he likes working so much. Maybe he's a closet workaholic? I know I'm not!!!


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DCRIVERA
2/16/2011 8:27AM
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*hugs* You're in a difficult spot right now but the good news is that it probably won't last forever. My thought here is that no matter what we do in life we have to 'pay our dues', first jobs and going to school are part of that. The choices we make while we are paying those dues effect how much we will enjoy the long time achievement of those goals. I've been married for 35yrs and it is a fight sometimes but remember not to fight to hard. School will end and the 'real career job' will appear. Don't struggle so much and just devour the time that you can spend together. Do what you can to make those times so special that just makes up for the times that life rears it's ugly head at you and him to keep you apart. If you can learn to enjoy each other now when things are rough, when the dues are all paid up.. you will have loads of good memories to add to the even better days ahead. I'm not saying your situation isn't difficult but basically make the very best of it until it passes, and until it does.. cherish the good things that you love about each other. He's working and going to school, in these days that's pretty darn good, he's investing in 'your' future. Let him know that you love and appreciate all the hard work that he is putting into 'your' future. There are so many guys out that there won't even try to do school and work at the same time. So yes let him know that you miss him and want to spend more time together, but count your blessings and please don't forget to let him know that you 'appreciate' what he is doing for the both of you. Report Inappropriate Comment |


CHOCOLATE-JAMIE
2/10/2011 10:09PM
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The other comments here are really good. The only thing I have to add is a suggestion to make him promise that when he comes to bed he'll snuggle up to you. You might or might not wake up, but if you do wake up at some point in the night cosy in a spoon snuggle or something, it will feel lovely. At least you will feel a bit more contact with him that way, despite not being awake for most of it. Report Inappropriate Comment |


HAPPY_AS_IS
2/10/2011 10:11AM
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I know this must be really hard on you! I would not like it either. But in today's uncertain employment world, I don't blame him for wanting to wait until the probationary period is over before he quits his other job. Hang tough! And I know it won't be easy! Report Inappropriate Comment |


HEALTHYASHLEY
2/10/2011 8:55AM
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My fiance works 80+ hours a week and his main job happens to be an overnight shift. Literally I see him for about 5 minutes 5 days a week and until he finally quit the Saturday job we only had Friday night together. That is it. I swore I would never give him a hard time for working because men see it differently than we do. He is trying to be the provider and build a better life for the 2 of you. It can be hard for us to understand that because we want the emotional here and now connection. He is doing this out of love for you and the life you share. If you get angry and resentful of that so will he and he will have a hard time understanding how he isn't "supporting" you the way you need. It isn't forever. You guys will be fine. Hugs. Try telling him how much you appreciate how he is working so hard to achieve his goals and you admire him and watch him light up.
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CO-CREATOR
2/10/2011 8:49AM
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My husband and I used to work opposing shifts, I know how frustrating it can be to not see your significant other as frequently as you would like. I hope that you and your husband are able to work this out in a way that is pleasing to both of you.
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RAINBOWFALLS
2/10/2011 7:47AM
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I can understand his wanting to make things are secure before he makes that step. Believe him until he doesn't follow through. I hope it all works out for you. Report Inappropriate Comment |


BUTTERFLYBLUE67
2/9/2011 4:58PM
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I work from 7-6:00 or 7:00 every day plus every other Saturday. My husband works a 24 hour shift at the firestation and is off 2 days. He coaches basketball those 2 days from 5-6:30 and then the days of the games it could be 10:00 before he gets home. When I wake up he's asleep. When I get home he's at practice. Sometimes we pass each other like sails in the night. One way I have started to spend more time with him is that I try my best to go to every game. He calls it a date. Before we got married he was an EMT also and I only saw him on Friday evenings when I got out of work because he made it his business to have every Friday off so he can take me out but worked every Sunday. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU GO THROUGH. We dated that way for 3 years. When he asked me to marry him I told him that I would marry him but I would like him to consider leaving the EMT job. Which he did thank God because we would never see each other now if he still had that job. He worked that job nights. Big loss of income but I don't care. ON that note my husband and I have a really strong relationship and I married into this craziness by choice. We both have been married before so our expectations are different now. I think if it were my first marraige I would have a problem with it though. Good luck and I hope you guys work it out. Maybe you can knock some sense into him. Report Inappropriate Comment |

