Tuesday, August 31, 2010
For me, the keys to my weight loss (20 lbs thus far) have been planning, consistency, and determination. Also, I'm following the Eat To Live program which really does help a lot. I plan on staying on this program forever, so for me it's not some fad diet.
I eat several fruits a day, maybe 3-4. I eat a lot of greens, maybe half a pound. Then there's other vegetables. I eat a pound of those, both cooked and raw. I eat 1 starch a day. This can be whole wheat products or starchy vegetables, such as potatoes. I also eat a protein every day, such as some beans or legumes. I'm not really supposed to sneak in processed soy foods, but I do eat veggie sausage and veggie burgers.
I take a B12 supplement and sprinkle flax seed on my fruit or salad as well, to make sure I'm getting those nutrients that aren't in a vegan diet (well, the Omega 3 is possible to get in a vegan diet, and that's why I eat the flax seed). Chia seeds are also good for vegan Omega 3, BTW.
This plan has me losing about 2 lbs/week. I regained some weight when I went on vacation and just ate what I wanted, and now I'm chugging away at it again. My goal is 130 and I'm at 147~ish, so this is entirely doable and I'm very close to goal. Woohoo!!!
When I want to eat something not on the plan or eat too much starch, I try to head it off by looking at my weight chart and realizing how hard I've worked to get my weight down. It's about focus. I don't plan my foods as much as I should. I really need to do that more. I just eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it. On weeks when I plan more I lose more weight. Funny how that is!
It's determination too. It's looking at the measurements necessary to get into that smaller size dress and knowing that you WILL be there. The question may just be when you'll be there, because sometimes the body won't cooperate no matter what you do to break the plateau.
Success is about, for me anyway, the unity of these 3 things. When I'm good with what I'm eating, when I plan, and when I am determined to do this thing then I'm successful.
Friday, August 27, 2010
I feel so much better now!!!
I went to the doctor, and he changed up my medications. After a couple of days I felt much, much better. I haven't written in awhile because I just haven't found the energy to do it. I've been camped out on the futon all day, just kind of sleeping and then staring into space. I wasn't all that active. Now though I'm alive again!
I'm feeling better than I did before the depression and med change. I figure that maybe it's because the depression made me feel so terrible that now normal feels so great, or maybe because the med adjustment has brought me to a higher normal. It's still within normal for me though. It isn't up there. If it were up there then that would be a different issue altogether.
I was dreaming about going on vacation to Lebanon (my husband's home country- I'm from the US though), or maybe to Australia (my mom's home country). Maybe just a trip across the country would be cool. We just went to DC and that was fun. Now I've got the travel bug!
I'm afraid to work though. I don't have a job and collect disability for this Bipolar Disorder. It majorly messes with my life. I've lost 9 jobs due to the instability caused by Bipolar Disorder. Getting canned just for having an emotional episode when your work is fantastic is no fun. That always made me feel worse, and I'd go deeper into my funk.
I'm afraid that getting a job again would put me under too much stress, which would cause another episode, and that I'd then get canned, causing the cycle to continue. Every time I get canned it gets harder to find a new job. Maybe it's just the economy. I personally think that it's because I have a tough time getting positive references (when you're fired you're generally disliked). It's just tough, you know?
Anyways, I don't want to dwell on sad things, depressive episodes, or other bad things. I want to focus on the good and the blessings I have in my life.
Without events happening just the way they did in my life, I wouldn't have met my husband. It was a total turn of fate for both of us. I believe that it was good karma coming to fruition in my life. Yeah! It's encouraging that there is a reward for all the hard work we do in being good people. I truly believe in karma. Now my life is so much better than before I got married. There's no comparison! I'm so happy now. Life is so good. I'm in a positive relationship with someone who is loving and supportive.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Since around the 10th I've been increasingly in the grasp of depression. It's a bipolar depression because I'm bipolar. There is a difference, so I've heard, in the nature of depression between unipolar depressed people and bipolar people. It doesn't mean that one hurts worse, it just means that they're different, or so I've read.
Anyway, I'm stuck in it. I'm thinking negative thoughts, such as that I'll never get a job, or that all I do is housework and cook, without friends or real support. I do get support from my husband, so that part isn't true (that I have no support). I know that things will change as they always do and that there's a season for everything. However, the future is blank and even foggy for me right now.
Carry on then, carry on!
I've had a lot of stress lately. I had a vacation (shouldn't have been stressful but it was), my birthday (huge fight with my husband), a friend died (only 33), and my finances are in ruins. Pretty much, to me right now my life looks bad. It seems like the only solution is to just keep at it and attempt to focus on what is good in my life, which doesn't seem like much.
I'm hurting and very miserable of course. That's to be expected and is a part of depression. I feel the need to eat and eat. I haven't though. I've been good (except for a cupcake), and stayed with my good habits. I did gain weight on vacation and am trying to lose that. That's something else to be depressed about. I'm trying to really put that one on the back burner. I'm at a normal BMI now, so more weight loss is icing on the cake (at least, this is the attitude I'm trying to have).
Thursday, August 19, 2010
My symptoms are: trembling hands and slightly shaky legs, hair loss, and memory loss.
The Internist (like a medical detective) ruled out neurological issues and autoimmune diseases. My mother has MS and Lupus, so I was worried about those things.
He thinks I may have an anemia of some sort, like either B12, Iron, or Folate. Interesting. He also wanted to know my red to white blood cell count (I take Lithium, which will throw the white blood cells up higher than normal).
They took 3 vials of blood to run 5 tests. I'm not a fan of getting my blood drawn, but then who is? I turned my head and let her stab me. She was done very quickly and it hardly hurt.
I'm worried. I'm supposed to hear tomorrow. I called today to see if on the off chance they got it back early, but they haven't.
With my luck it will all come back fine. Why do I say with my luck? Wouldn't that be good? Well, then it would be back to the drawing board to figure out what's wrong with me. I think it's my ability to uptake B12. Maybe, he said, however there are so many more things it could be. It's crazy!
As I said though, I'm just hoping they find out what it is. I'd rather be anemic than have something worse wrong with me. I'm sick of them blaming it on med side effects when it probably isn't. The symptoms started quite some time after I started taking the meds, like YEARS later. That doesn't mean that they couldn't be side effects, but it does narrow down the possibility that the meds are causing the symptoms.
I hope it's not back to the drawing board.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Well, as hard as I tried while on vacation for my birthday in DC, I ended up indulging. I ate more starches in a day than I should have (I'm on the Eat To Live program and starches are restricted). I also ate deserts, including a very decadent cupcake (vegan) and a brownie with soy ice cream (also vegan).
I don't know how much I gained, because I'm having my TOM and of course that adds water weight. It appears that I gained 2-3 lbs. This is quite a bit for a 4 day trip! Maybe the damage isn't as bad as I think and I have more water weight than I think. In any event, I always weigh my normal weight a few days after this special water weight gain time. I'll have to be patient and wait it out.
I figured that it was my vacation, my birthday, and why shouldn't I indulge? Now that I'm back I'm focusing again on the program. The initial phase of the program was 6 weeks long. I finished 6 weeks on the 14th. I lost 14 lbs. I was so happy about my progress!!! However, it looks like I just backslid a bit. Well, stuff happens. Life goes on. This is a lifelong journey, not just a phase or fad. If I continue this, I'll be at goal in October.
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