Thursday, August 15, 2013
I said in a previous post that I am not weiging myself right now, nor was I planning to any time soon. I stand by my reasoning. It isn't an accurate measure of how hard I am working or my accomplishments and generally serves only to discourage and disappoint me.
However.... I have been thinking the past few days that I should weigh in now when I am near the beginning of my fitness journey so that I have a gauge of my progress for the future. My fear is that I will see my weight after consistently working out for 6 weeks and I will be so disappointed that I will lose motivation. So I decided to take a poll and see what my wise spark friends think. Thoughts? Advice?
Nutritionally I have been slacking. A lot. Fast food is my battle enemy and has been winning. The really ridiculous thing is that I don't even enjoy it that much. My tastes have become more refined in the past few years and I truly prefer healthy, fresh, high quality food. I also feel better when I eat it. (duh) And I know it. I know when I am about to eat a bag full of greasy, salty fast food that it is going to make me feel gross. And I still eat it. Why? I don't know. A big part is habit I think and part emotional eating. I know I do much better when I plan ahead and have an idea of what meals I will be having for the week. Sometimes I wish I had someone following me around and smacking me on the head like those v8 commercials...
I have been falling victim to some negative thinking lately. Usually I am a very positive person, but we all have those "mind traps" we fall into. One thought that I have been stuck on lately is that I will never be able to overcome nearly 30 years of bad habits. I know I am trying to build a healthy lifestyle, one that I can maintain and hopefully pass on to my (hypothetical) kids someday. But then I think about my current lifestyle and how long I have been living it and it just seems like this rut. No, that's not right. Not a rut. Like a giant pit of blackness that I will never be able to climb out of.
How's that for positive thinking?
Half the battle of changing unhealthy habits is changing the way we think about things. I am a firm believer that the one thing we can control in life is our own reactions. That being said, I am struggling to rearrange my thinking from defeated to hopeful and optimistic.
I still enjoy going to the gym most days. In that aspect, my main struggle is just getting there. Once I'm to the gym I am fine. I do kickboxing and strength training mostly. My gym buddy and I were working on building our running endurance but we haven't been very consistent so I haven't seen a lot of progress in that area.
My life beyond fitness has been challenging lately. The big news there is that my father was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer. Specifically, transitional cell carcinoma. It occurs in the transitional layer of the kidney. We don't know what stage it is in yet or exactly what the next step is. Most likely he will have to have his right kidney and related lymph nodes and adrenal glands removed laproscopically. Traditionally, this is an open surgery but laproscopy has become the preferable method in recent years because it is less invasive.
Right now, I am processing this one step at a time. I am worried, but I don't want to let myself be too worried until I know more. I feel optimistic that we found it early (hopefully) and if it hasn't spread then with surgery we have a good chance of getting all of the cancer.
Maybe the way I'm really dealing with it is denial; as I'm sitting here writing all this and starting to tear up I think maybe I'm just not thinking about it too much. In the back of my mind I have the worst case scenario floating around, but I don't want to dwell on it.
Friday, July 12, 2013
So here is a question... I'm just curious as to other opinions on the situation...
I have had many girl friends who have been in relationships with guys where the guy made it clear that their relationship wasn't going to be long-term. Everyone seems to be fine with that, even though most of the time my friends end up getting hurt.
I have another friend who was in a relationship with a guy and she made it clear from the beginning that it wouldn't be forever. When SHE ended it with HIM, some of our other friends got all sorts of offended and sided with the guy, even though they aren't even friends with him to begin with. In fact, they are going out of their way to ask him to dinner and stay facebook friends with him, etc.
Is this a clear case of double-standards? Should I feel angry (I do btw) at these friends for siding with the guy?
It is taking all of my restraint to not flip out and call these people out and tell them to mind their own business....
Saturday, July 06, 2013
I'm doing better since the last time I wrote. Still in a bit of a funk but I think refocusing on my reasons for exercising and changing my eating habits has helped. Yes, I want to lose weight and yes I want to look better. But there are so many more reasons that I'm doing this. I want to be able to hike and roller blade and maybe take up skiing (I think I would like it). I want to be able to ride roller coasters and not worry that I'm going to fit in the seats. I want to be able to walk up the hill and up the stairs to class without feeling like I might die and sweating and breathing heavy. I my reasons for saying yes or no to invitations to have nothing to do with how I look. I want to live a long, full, healthy life.
I just get overwhelmed sometimes because it seems like if I don't do everything 100% then I don't see results, which isn't really true. I just expect to see instant change when I am working so hard. Of course, in the beginning, the change was more noticeable. But now that I am starting to get more fit, the changes are more subtle. I still have a long way to go. I am just going to focus on one step at a time.
Oh, and I rewrote my rewards on my front info page. I think they are more in line with what I am trying to do now. Let me know what you think!
I am the big girl on the right. This was taken in early June I believe.
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
I am in a slump today and I need some positive reinforcement. I am still not weighing myself. The first few weeks I thought I could see a difference in the way my clothes were fitting and the way I felt, but now, after about 5 weeks of seriously working out, I feel like I'm in the same place I started. I took some pics of myself last night and compared it to some pics I took in about March. The only difference I could see was that my face MIGHT be a little thinner and my posture seems better. But the rest of my body looks the same and my stomach might even be a bit bigger. :( So I am feeling seriously discouraged.
Also, I want to start giving myself non-food based rewards. I had a system before, but that was mostly based on pounds lost. Since I'm not weighing myself, it doesn't really apply anymore. Any ideas?
I appreciated any help from my lovely spark friends can give! :)
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Almost ten days since my last blog post.... Here's an update!
I have gone to the gym 6 times since June 4. We (my workout buddy and I) have been kicking major ass. Yesterday we walked to the gym (about a 20 min walk each way) did about an hour of strength training ( feel the burn) and then did an hour of kick boxing and walked back. You know when you are so sore and tired from your workout that you don't even try to find the comfy spot in bed, you just pass out in some weird position? Yeah, that's when you know you've had a good workout!
Food... I have actually been pretty good with food lately. Not 100% of course, but I've been eating a nice, healthy balanced diet with the occassional fast food meals. I've been tracking most of the time and drinking lots of water. I'm not up to 8 glasses a day EVERY day but most days I think i make it. Mostly I forget to pay attention so I lose track of how many I've had. On gym days I'm sure I make it because I usually drink about 3 or 4 bottles of water just there.
Today I am in a ridiculously good mood. Why? No idea. Other than I feel good about myself. Really good about myself, for the first time in months. I am starting to get on top of things again.
And the big new... wait for it.... I am dating. Yes, I know. Its kind of a shock to me too. And I don't know if I like it. Ha ha. I never realized how much work dating is. Mostly because I never really tried to date before. But that is a separate topic for another blog.
Anyway, the whole of it is that things are going well. I feel good, I feel motivated. I'm working on making heatlhy lifestyle changes that I can maintain long-term. I'm not beating myself up or feeling guilty when I am not perfect. I am just trying to enjoy the whole process.
Oh and one last thing. I'm not weighing myself. I know, it is a good measure of progress. But it isn't the only measure or even the most accurate measure. For me, it just ends up being discouraging because I never lose as much as I think I should have. So my plan is not to weigh in until my clothes are so ridiculously big that I can't hold my pants up even with a belt anymore. And maybe not even then. I don't need a scale to tell me I've lost weight. I can feel it.
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