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S3XY_DIVA_QUE3N's Recent Blog Entries

to weigh or not to weigh... (and other things)

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I said in a previous post that I am not weiging myself right now, nor was I planning to any time soon. I stand by my reasoning. It isn't an accurate measure of how hard I am working or my accomplishments and generally serves only to discourage and disappoint me.
However.... I have been thinking the past few days that I should weigh in now when I am near the beginning of my fitness journey so that I have a gauge of my progress for the future. My fear is that I will see my weight after consistently working out for 6 weeks and I will be so disappointed that I will lose motivation. So I decided to take a poll and see what my wise spark friends think. Thoughts? Advice?
Other updates....
Nutritionally I have been slacking. A lot. Fast food is my battle enemy and has been winning. The really ridiculous thing is that I don't even enjoy it that much. My tastes have become more refined in the past few years and I truly prefer healthy, fresh, high quality food. I also feel better when I eat it. (duh) And I know it. I know when I am about to eat a bag full of greasy, salty fast food that it is going to make me feel gross. And I still eat it. Why? I don't know. A big part is habit I think and part emotional eating. I know I do much better when I plan ahead and have an idea of what meals I will be having for the week. Sometimes I wish I had someone following me around and smacking me on the head like those v8 commercials...
I have been falling victim to some negative thinking lately. Usually I am a very positive person, but we all have those "mind traps" we fall into. One thought that I have been stuck on lately is that I will never be able to overcome nearly 30 years of bad habits. I know I am trying to build a healthy lifestyle, one that I can maintain and hopefully pass on to my (hypothetical) kids someday. But then I think about my current lifestyle and how long I have been living it and it just seems like this rut. No, that's not right. Not a rut. Like a giant pit of blackness that I will never be able to climb out of.
How's that for positive thinking?
Half the battle of changing unhealthy habits is changing the way we think about things. I am a firm believer that the one thing we can control in life is our own reactions. That being said, I am struggling to rearrange my thinking from defeated to hopeful and optimistic.
I still enjoy going to the gym most days. In that aspect, my main struggle is just getting there. Once I'm to the gym I am fine. I do kickboxing and strength training mostly. My gym buddy and I were working on building our running endurance but we haven't been very consistent so I haven't seen a lot of progress in that area.
My life beyond fitness has been challenging lately. The big news there is that my father was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer. Specifically, transitional cell carcinoma. It occurs in the transitional layer of the kidney. We don't know what stage it is in yet or exactly what the next step is. Most likely he will have to have his right kidney and related lymph nodes and adrenal glands removed laproscopically. Traditionally, this is an open surgery but laproscopy has become the preferable method in recent years because it is less invasive.
Right now, I am processing this one step at a time. I am worried, but I don't want to let myself be too worried until I know more. I feel optimistic that we found it early (hopefully) and if it hasn't spread then with surgery we have a good chance of getting all of the cancer.
Maybe the way I'm really dealing with it is denial; as I'm sitting here writing all this and starting to tear up I think maybe I'm just not thinking about it too much. In the back of my mind I have the worst case scenario floating around, but I don't want to dwell on it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1STATEOFDENIAL 8/16/2013 12:44AM

    Weighing: If you want a starting weight, you don't actually have to see it. Ask someone to help you out and write down your weight while you keep your eyes shut. Then they can give you the number at a predetermined time (whatever you want it to be) so you can see the difference. Then you have the number for comparison without breaking your no weighing promise to yourself and without risking derailing if the number isn't what you want it to be.

Nutrition: What can you do to help avoid fast food? You could easy-to-make meals for the busy nights or do batch cooking on the weekends that you can heat-and-eat during the week. Try driving home a different way so you avoid seeing the fast food restaurants you frequent - this could help you avoid the trigger of seeing a place and hitting the drive thru out of habit. Bring along a healthier snack for in the car. If you're already eating you're less tempted to stop for food. At minimum, if you can't avoid, at least make the better choice - pre-determine the healthier items you can get at your favorite places and vow to ONLY choose those items, OR choose a sandwich shop like Subway where you must choose what goes into the sandwich and have a pre-determined list of what sandwich you'll choose. The more hungry you are and the longer you look at your options the better the chance that you'll vote with your habits and your taste buds than with your brain and your body.

Gym: Can you keep your gym bag in your car so you can drive there straight from work? This will help you get to the gym and will help you avoid grabbing fast food - would you really grab fast food and eat it while walking into the gym? Make it easier to go to the gym than to skip it and you'll have an easier time going than talking yourself out of going. Schedule your gym time like a doctor appointment and know that similarly you'll face extra challenges should you skip it.

Sorry to hear about your father. Cancer sucks. Don't forget to allow yourself time to grieve the possible outcomes - away from your family, but possibly with a supportive friend who can focus only on your needs (in that moment) without feeling like their neglecting the rest of the family's needs. Once you've processed all the possible outcomes then you can accept what is happening right now and support him through this difficult time. Sometimes when you try to ignore the worst possible outcomes, those are the only ones you can focus on. When you recognize what is possible and what is probable - that he will be okay - then you can get to the acceptance easier. Being strong means sometimes breaking down then picking yourself back up and helping others do the same.

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LAWANDMUSIC 8/15/2013 9:38PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing! ONWARD!!

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GODDREAMDIVA1 8/15/2013 1:02PM

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relationship double standards

Friday, July 12, 2013

So here is a question... I'm just curious as to other opinions on the situation...
I have had many girl friends who have been in relationships with guys where the guy made it clear that their relationship wasn't going to be long-term. Everyone seems to be fine with that, even though most of the time my friends end up getting hurt.
I have another friend who was in a relationship with a guy and she made it clear from the beginning that it wouldn't be forever. When SHE ended it with HIM, some of our other friends got all sorts of offended and sided with the guy, even though they aren't even friends with him to begin with. In fact, they are going out of their way to ask him to dinner and stay facebook friends with him, etc.
Is this a clear case of double-standards? Should I feel angry (I do btw) at these friends for siding with the guy?
It is taking all of my restraint to not flip out and call these people out and tell them to mind their own business....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1STATEOFDENIAL 7/12/2013 4:01PM

    Everyone is entitled to their opinions and their feelings, but the only people who are allowed to make judgements about the relationship are the 2 people who participated in the relationship. No one else knows exactly what happened and what was said, no one else knows what it was like when they were alone, and no one else knows what feelings were involved in the decision about how long it would last. That means everyone who is siding with someone out of spite need to be told to make a decision: support their friend even if they don't agree or stop being friends with her because their prejudice won't be tolerated. All the outsiders who are being little judgy-pants can all go running after him and fight for his affections, while your friend (and you) move on to new relationships/friendships. More than likely, those girls have been hurt before and have issues that have created their prejudice against anyone who doesn't do what they would have done - that means they're reacting due to their feelings, not due to their intelligence. Each of you now gets to decide if the friendships are helpful or hurtful and act accordingly.

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NOTANINJA 7/12/2013 11:54AM

    I admire your friend for being upfront about her expectations. It does seem that there is a double standard.

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energized

Saturday, July 06, 2013

I'm doing better since the last time I wrote. Still in a bit of a funk but I think refocusing on my reasons for exercising and changing my eating habits has helped. Yes, I want to lose weight and yes I want to look better. But there are so many more reasons that I'm doing this. I want to be able to hike and roller blade and maybe take up skiing (I think I would like it). I want to be able to ride roller coasters and not worry that I'm going to fit in the seats. I want to be able to walk up the hill and up the stairs to class without feeling like I might die and sweating and breathing heavy. I my reasons for saying yes or no to invitations to have nothing to do with how I look. I want to live a long, full, healthy life.
I just get overwhelmed sometimes because it seems like if I don't do everything 100% then I don't see results, which isn't really true. I just expect to see instant change when I am working so hard. Of course, in the beginning, the change was more noticeable. But now that I am starting to get more fit, the changes are more subtle. I still have a long way to go. I am just going to focus on one step at a time.
Oh, and I rewrote my rewards on my front info page. I think they are more in line with what I am trying to do now. Let me know what you think! emoticon

I am the big girl on the right. This was taken in early June I believe.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1STATEOFDENIAL 7/6/2013 5:33PM

    Glad to see you reworked your rewards to emphasize the parts you can control - your actions, instead of the parts you can't control - your weight loss. It is far better to focus on trying to live healthier and enjoy the positive effects than to focus on whether or not the effects can be easily noticed and want to give up when they're not. Remind yourself that even if you don't see the change, it is still happening within your body. After all, you didn't notice the weight gain daily, so it makes sense you wouldn't notice the weight loss daily, right?
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calling all spark friends!

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

I am in a slump today and I need some positive reinforcement. I am still not weighing myself. The first few weeks I thought I could see a difference in the way my clothes were fitting and the way I felt, but now, after about 5 weeks of seriously working out, I feel like I'm in the same place I started. I took some pics of myself last night and compared it to some pics I took in about March. The only difference I could see was that my face MIGHT be a little thinner and my posture seems better. But the rest of my body looks the same and my stomach might even be a bit bigger. :( So I am feeling seriously discouraged.

Also, I want to start giving myself non-food based rewards. I had a system before, but that was mostly based on pounds lost. Since I'm not weighing myself, it doesn't really apply anymore. Any ideas?
I appreciated any help from my lovely spark friends can give! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

S3XY_DIVA_QUE3N 7/5/2013 11:27AM

    Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the support and the ideas!

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1STATEOFDENIAL 7/4/2013 12:02AM

    Try setting goals for exercising minutes per week or per month, drinking 8 glasses of water every day for a week or month, eating within your calorie range every day for a week or month, etc. These are all goals you can control, and you want to reward the positive actions you do. Even if you don't see the definite changes in your body, there are invisible changes happening within your body that make a difference. When you reward the actions you can control instead of the percieved results that are out of your control, it helps you establish the healthier habits that you'll have for the rest of your life.

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COREY219 7/3/2013 7:51PM

    I had a 3 week slump last year- very frustrating- sorry to hear bout yours-but then it started to come off again for 3 weeks then another slump. regretfully I stopped for 8 months and gained 18 lbs back. I am back on it and this time im ready for the slumps if they come. you can do it. it takes a lot to reach out. emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 7/3/2013 7:31PM

    I had to stop looking at the scale entirely for awhile and instead focused on what I WAS doing to be healthy. I CAN eating 3 servings of vegetables today. I CAN exercise for 10 minutes more than I did last week. Those were things I had control over while I had zero control over what the scale did from week to week. Eventually being consistent with those good habits resulted in the physical changes and weight loss I was hoping for.

It takes awhile, but hang in there. You CAN do this!

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JUNEAU2010 7/3/2013 4:29PM

    How about recreating your reward system based on activities or choices you make?
A walk = ____
Choosing water over soda = ____
Choosing healthy food over junk food = ______
(and here, if there is a trigger food that you really want to avoid, make the reward for choosing something instead of that one a really worthwhile-I-want-this reward!)

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LADYSYRAH 7/3/2013 12:54PM

    You can do this... sometimes we have a hard time seeing our accomplishments until they smack us in the face. Good positive non food rewards? Shoes are always good (and you don't have to worry about your weight for fitting in them) a movie (in theater or buy one) .... that cd you've been wanting... that piece of jewelry.... That nail polish or eye shadow! It doesn't have to be spendy, but even a $2 nail polish in that color you wanted for summer feels good.

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Never give up on yourself... you can do anything...

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BOOKWORM27S 7/3/2013 12:50PM

    Good luck in your weight loss journey!

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good vibes

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Almost ten days since my last blog post.... Here's an update!
I have gone to the gym 6 times since June 4. We (my workout buddy and I) have been kicking major ass. Yesterday we walked to the gym (about a 20 min walk each way) did about an hour of strength training ( emoticon feel the burn) and then did an hour of kick boxing emoticon and walked back. You know when you are so sore and tired from your workout that you don't even try to find the comfy spot in bed, you just pass out in some weird position? Yeah, that's when you know you've had a good workout!
Food... I have actually been pretty good with food lately. Not 100% of course, but I've been eating a nice, healthy balanced diet with the occassional fast food meals. I've been tracking most of the time and drinking lots of water. I'm not up to 8 glasses a day EVERY day but most days I think i make it. Mostly I forget to pay attention so I lose track of how many I've had. On gym days I'm sure I make it because I usually drink about 3 or 4 bottles of water just there.
Today I am in a ridiculously good mood. Why? No idea. Other than I feel good about myself. Really good about myself, for the first time in months. I am starting to get on top of things again.
And the big new... wait for it.... I am dating. Yes, I know. Its kind of a shock to me too. And I don't know if I like it. Ha ha. I never realized how much work dating is. Mostly because I never really tried to date before. But that is a separate topic for another blog.
Anyway, the whole of it is that things are going well. I feel good, I feel motivated. I'm working on making heatlhy lifestyle changes that I can maintain long-term. I'm not beating myself up or feeling guilty when I am not perfect. I am just trying to enjoy the whole process.
Oh and one last thing. I'm not weighing myself. I know, it is a good measure of progress. But it isn't the only measure or even the most accurate measure. For me, it just ends up being discouraging because I never lose as much as I think I should have. So my plan is not to weigh in until my clothes are so ridiculously big that I can't hold my pants up even with a belt anymore. And maybe not even then. I don't need a scale to tell me I've lost weight. I can feel it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1STATEOFDENIAL 6/13/2013 7:01PM

    WTG! Enjoy celebrating what you've accomplished and will continue to strive towards.

As for the water, see if you can find a reuseable water bottle and measure how many cups of water it holds. Some will hold 4 cups of water; it's easier to know if you've filled the bottle twice in a day than to try to remember how many times you filled a glass that holds 1 or 2 cups. Another option is to flavor your water with pieces of fruit, using the same fruits in a certain order. So if you have a 4 cup water bottle and put in a slice of lemon in the morning and a diced strawberry in the afternoon, just by the flavor you'll know what refill you're on. There are many ways to keep track, though. You could put 8 rubber bands on your left wrist and each time you refill you move rubber bands to your right hand. You could have 8 pennies near your desk or near the sink and each time you refill you move them from one pile to another. Try several different methods and see what works for you.

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EG8383 6/13/2013 11:47AM

  this girl is on fireeeeee!!! that's all I kept thinking and singing in my head while I read your blog! =D You are on the right track and it's awesome that you have your workout buddy. Keep up this great mood, attitude, and motivation! lol dating is time consuming...just work it into your schedule if you like it ;-) I think not weighing yourself is awesome for people like us that get discouraged once you step on the scale and see nothing when you're busting your booty and doing good. Keeping rocking it girl =)

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MBEHNKEN 6/13/2013 11:22AM

    Good for you. emoticon

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JOANNHUNT 6/13/2013 11:20AM

    I HEAR YOU WITH THE CLOTHES PART. YAH. I LOVE IT WHEN THEY DO THAT AS THEN I KNOW I AM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. I WENT BACK INTO THE DATING SCENE 4 YEARS AGO. TODAY IS THE 3RD YEAR ANNIVERSERY OF ME FINDING THE MAN I LOVED 43 YEARS AGO AND FOUND AGAIN. OH YAH.

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