RYANMANDY88   7,916
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Sad, but losing

Tuesday, February 07, 2012


What can I say. My 20+ years I lived with my boyfriend has been "talking" to his old girlfriend that he has cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son (he is 18 now.) , are just talking. He had her number under a dude's name and added Comcast so it looked like he worked with him. She sent a pic message maybe by accident of a pallet of M&M's that were being returned after Halloween. (She stocks that stuff for various grocery/Walmart etc. I had just seen her doin that and that's what spurred me to call the number back. I knew as soon as I seen the pic anyway.

How can you hide that stuff. I started looking at our Verizon bill and it went back atleast a year. Then I order 6 months prior. There it is again. Then I ordered 6 more months, there too it it. Now I ordered 3 more prior months so I'm working on 2009. I suspect it is there also. I am sick. Just sick.

This girl who I called, says she is Happily Married. Why I am the only one that is devastated? Why can they do this? I told him when I had our son, If he ever spoke to her again I would consider that he cheated. Because they both are so sneaky with eachother that way. Even if he did cheat with someone else it wouldn't be as bad as her. I feel like I let myself down by not leaving this time.

And I asked her. I told her "You wave Hi passing, you tell mutual friends tell the other hey, then numbers get swapped & then you start F'ing" she said yeah your right. But she's happily married? I don't get it. Why am I so sad. I can cry in an instant anytime. Just a sad lonely tears usually starts it. I'm at the dentist yesterday and while he is drilling a cavity, I feel the warm face coming. Thank god my eyes were closed so it looked like he was doing it.

I feel I let myself down. I told my whatever, I don't have another 20 years to find out they are talking again. I want someone who doesn't need to just talk to his ex. I want someone who loves me completely. I feel as though if her husband kicks the bucket or they divorce i'm out on the curb. I feel so stupid and sad :( I'm 41 for gods sake. I had no clue or feeling that this stuff was going on between them

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATRINAKAT23 2/7/2012 6:39PM

  I am sorry you are going through this. emoticon

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I'm back! But not 100% here :(

Thursday, August 25, 2011

OK, I am starting to eat right again, and track it. But I feel like all my strength is somehow zapped out of me. This long treck of this just stunk. I'm here and hoping to get on the treadmill and restart P90x again tomorrow. Ok, the earthquake here made me delay the start for a few day, but now a hurricane? Erg...I will keep evryong posted. Thanks again.

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HEALTHYLADY12 8/25/2011 12:25PM

    omg I couldnt sleep cause we had an west coast earthquake and then we had one 12 hours later. Yikes, you can do it. Maybe outdoors is out in the meanwhile.

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One word....Pneumonia

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

So I started to get sick July 1st. Coughing, it came and went. Went to the Dr.'s about a week after it started, Bronchitis. So out came the steriods and antibiotics. Thought that should have taken car of it? No, that would have been too easy for me. Again, Sunday night I was taken my inhaler every 4 hours, back to Dr.s. I didn't refuse the Xray this time. They said they see spots. So BIGGER antibiotics and more roids. Arg, I decided to stay in bed this week and start P90x next Monday. I'll use last week as a little training seesion :) I need soup people! Thanks for listening. emoticon And I need lots of emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATTY0488 8/2/2011 11:39AM

    Hang in there!

I personally hate steroids, but mine were for back inflammation.

Good luck with the P90x. One thing I've learned though is it's better to miss a week to heal than to miss a month because you weren't recovered enough.

Best of luck!!

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Whipped cream does the trick..mmmmmm

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Ok after icky and I mean icky, Muscle Milk Vanilla 100% Whey Protein stuff is much better with a shot of whipped on it. It leaves something to look forward to and washes out the after taste. I feel like I conquered. That stuff is outrageous even at Costco. Nothing shall be wasted. LOL Week1 Day 2 of P90x. Yeah! emoticon


Oscar Mayer Wins!

Monday, July 25, 2011

I bought the P90x cd's and books 2nd hand. $55 and on Craigslist. Anyway, the other half looks at me and says "You can't do that." I believe he was serious. I don't think he knows I am way more serious about getting into a better body/lifestyle. Anyway I read the books for 5 days, went to Walmart looking for the particulars; mat, egg whites, whole wheat bread and turkey bacon. I had a coupon for Butterball turkey bacon, I bought it. I love my regular bacon & thought this was going to be a really big stretch. Anyway cooked that stuff, I belive it stunk my whole house up with fake smoked smell. The taste leaves yuck in the taste buds. Unfortunately I had to buy 2 packs of that to get the buck off! I went to Bloom last night and had seen the old Oscar Mayer turkey bacon & I think it was yelling at me. I bought it, cooked it and wow it's really good! No stinky smell lingering in the house & a really close taste to the beloved pork bacon. After my first week and first day of p90x I can tell the other half - TO KISS IT! :) As I am still crunching my Oscar Mayer Turkey Bacon. tbc...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHANCO_VT 7/25/2011 1:09PM

    good for you! I now love Turkey Bacon emoticon...but it's true, you have to find the right brand. My boys appear to love it more than pork, and so now we only have the regular stuff for DH.

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