Monday, December 29, 2008
Growing up in my family was rather difficult, with deaf parents, abuse, siblings with epilepsy, asthma etc. Food was scarce because my ex father refused to properly support the family that he helped create. Most of the time we had corn meal mush for breakfast, fried corn patties for lunch and corn bread and soup (if we were lucky) for dinner. When there was money given to buy food we could not get enough of it, although most of the meals were casseroles so that my mom could stretch the money as far as possible.
My grandparents (mom's parents) would help as much as they could but they did not have a lot of money. One day when I was in kindergarten my mom came to get me from school and said "Grandma is here and she is taking us to McDonald's for lunch." The only comment out of my mouth was "Can I have my OWN french fries?" Eating out was something that NEVER happened in my family.
As my parents divorced and there was more money and food, the stress of the divorce, the abuse etc. was handled (I didn't know at that time) by putting food in my mouth...i.e chips, soda, my mom would make home made cookies, cakes, sweet rolls etc.
I never learned portion control and would eat until my stomach hurt or I would get sick!! Most of the time it was eating, and TV watching...only exercise was more than likely when I had to go outside for recess in elementary school.
Well trying to learn a new lifestyle, to not stuff my mouth when I am stressed, understand portion control, how many veggies and fruit to eat, with how much protein etc. is something that is new to me, as well as being insulin resistant the carbs are not very good for me...not in excess!! Throughout the day today I have listened to my dog barking constantly, he has been taken outside and sometimes that has worked but most of the time he has been barking I have heard my sister go to the dog closet and get him some food. So, basically she is teaching him the exact same thing that we were taught to do from small children (when life is hard and stressful stuff your face with things that make you feel good)...."when the dog barks put food in his mouth!!"
It amazes me how quickly he has picked up on the fact that if he barks, then he will get food even if it is just couple of pieces!!!
I have been overweight from a very very young age, I was overweight when I started kindergarten and that was at age 4!!! I don't remember the scale at any time in my life ever being in the downward position with the numbers...I am now 36 years old and wish I was not 270 lbs!! I wish I was a tall beautiful, blonde hair, physical woman who weighs about 120 lbs!!!
Well I guess I can dream about that, but I know I will never get to look like that...what the lesson is...... is that eating styles are "Learned Behavior." As a baby when I cried the pacifier was stuffed in my mouth to shut me up, as a toddler food was given to me to shut me up...as I continued to grow up, I also grew out thinking that it was NORMAL to always have food in my hands as well as in my mouth and sitting on the couch watching TV, now that I am morbidly obese, single, older and learning about my health what I need to focus on is changing this once was normal behavior to NEW normal behavior... And....
Just because the dog barks doesn't mean food always has to go in his mouth!!!!