Saturday, May 05, 2012
I started the day with my weigh-in & had lost 2 lbs, yay!
Then I took a fast walk to CVS to pick up a prescription & use a rewards coupon to buy toothpaste.
I proceeded to the home of a managing editor, a mile-plus north of CVS, to pick up a freelance assignment--a set of page proofs to proofread over the next couple of weeks. I continued walking quite fast & got home pleasantly sweaty.
I had a great high-fiber breakfast--homemade muesli, blueberries, banana, slice of 100% whole-wheat bread, skim milk. Actually I eat a high-fiber breakfast almost every day, but I can feel extra-good about it because it's our Living the Good Life challenge this week. I don't usually eat bread as well as cereal, but on Saturdays my body really prefers just two bigger meals rather than three medium ones. I've always been a "camel" like that--it's the opposite of the six small meals a day that are often advocated for weight loss (and that really work for a lot of people), but it works for me.
I logged my breakfast & exercise on SP.
Now I'm working on the proofreading in one-hour increments. The book (on Islamophobia) is really interesting, so the first hour flew by. When the kitchen timer went off, I boiled some water to pour over dried mint leaves (from my back-porch container garden!) in my teapot; I'll sip it as I continue to work.
I'm also starting a pound or two of dried chickpeas on a quick soak (boil for two minutes, then soak for one hour). I'll do my next proofreading stint now. When it's up I'll start the chickpeas cooking; they need at least an hour of simmering, so then I'll be proofreading again.
I'm going to use them to make a peanut-chickpea curry recipe I came upon recently--it looks truly wonderful. Some of that will go to church for potluck tomorrow, but some of it will definitely stay in my fridge for reheating in the coming days!
With other breaks this afternoon I'll do some cleanup & organizing. My camera got soaked in a rainstorm the other night (it was at the bottom of my backpack), so I'm recharging its battery & hoping that it will revive so I can download the photos in it.
I had all that extrovert activity last weekend, & last night I went to a large gathering, so I am really, really happy to be peaceful & productive AT HOME today. Even my quiet housemate is off at a meeting for several hours. It's a perfect day.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Sorry, Sparkfriends--I've been remiss. The thing is, life has been very very full in recent weeks: two trips (including a three-day literary festival), finishing up judging the poetry contest, trying hard not to fall behind in my day job, reviewing a VERY long poetry-book manuscript (freelance job), accompanying my Indian friend to the hospital because her English isn't very strong yet (the news was good, thank God!), etc. etc. etc.
Having the divorce over with really did allow me to shift gears, but my life has a LOT of gears to shift at the moment!
And I have to confess that my good intentions haven't been strong enough to keep me on track with exercise & eating during these weeks. That's another reason I haven't blogged--I don't feel too proud of myself as a Sparker/Starfish. It could have been LOTS worse--I haven't gone on any ridiculous binges or anything--but I'm a bit anxious about our next weigh-in (I'll be in town this time, after being away the past two Saturdays). My clothes feel snugger than they did, so I'm pretty sure the numbers will go up a bit instead of down.
I need to figure out how to get back on track without neglecting the various balls that I'm juggling these days. Gearshifting & juggling--there's a mixed metaphor for ya. I guess my life IS a mixed metaphor these days!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Turned out that the March 27 court date was still valid--but now it was to finalize the divorce. Oh, what a HUGE BLESSING it is to have this done at last!
When my lawyer asked me, before the judge, whether I considered the settlement "fair & reasonable," I paused. Simple agreement would have been false. Then it came to me: "It's adequate," I said. Sometimes adequate is the best we can get from a flawed system & a very flawed ex. And so I'll take it.
I want to thank so many of you who have commented or messaged me with words of caring. You have blessed me so abundantly. It is wonderful not to be alone.
Today I talked with my therapist about how to use the new emotional space that has opened up in my life, now that I don't have to think about the divorce process anymore. For example, I've been nominated for elder at my church. A ton of nominations came in, so even if I said I was open to being elected it might not happen. And quite recently I was feeling rather disappointed in the church & not sure I wanted to stay there. But I've been encouraged by some recent developments, & being an elder would be an opportunity for me to help shape the church's responses to marriage crises among members in the future. This is an urgent issue, as a good friend is facing divorce from a former member right now. There are other ways I'm interested in leading/serving too. So I'm mulling that over.
There are other realms of newness, but I want to focus here on SP stuff. In regard to fitness & weight loss, I want my newness to be expressed as new commitment:
* actually starting my bedtime routine at 10:00 each evening, Sunday through Thursday
* getting up each morning in time to exercise
* reinstituting a regular cardio/ST pattern
* continuing to eat good food, but LESS of it!
I've started today by eating three good meals + one little piece of Colombian chocolate. Supper was my smallest meal; though I was tempted to add a couple more foods to it, I didn't succumb.
Off with those divorce pounds!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
X was trying to get large chunks of cash from me in the divorce settlement. But the only possible source for that would have been the condo I live in (whose down payment & mortgage payments I've paid without a single penny from him), & it's been shown to be significantly underwater at present. There's no other money; my very thorough discovery paperwork proves that.
On the other hand, there is significant marital debt, which X was largely responsible for running up but on which he has not paid a penny. I'm paying down these credit cards myself. In the meantime, since he moved out he has accumulated nearly $17,000 in credit card debt on his own new cards. In just over a year & a half. Uh-huh.
So he nevertheless proposed a settlement that would involve a significant payout from me beyond the token amount that Illinois law would award him from the retirement $$ I managed to save during the marriage, plus my retaining all the marital debt.
We responded with a generous offer: I do retain all the marital debt (which is shrinking), while he retains his personal debt (which is ballooning), & he gets the token retirement $$ &, when I retire, half of my pension $$ that accumulated during the marriage (this is also required under IL law). And that's it.
We really didn't expect him to say yes--but apparently his lawyer persuaded him that this was the best deal he would get. It means we don't have to go to trial (the initial trial-court date was coming up on March 27, & I was really dreading it, though my Lenten "don't worry" practice has really helped). It means that we don't have to waste $2,000 or so each paying our lawyers to fight over nothing. And it means that I can wash my hands of this very, very damaged person. (If he had been assigned any of the marital debt & then stopped paying on it, the banks would still have been able to come after me, & then I'd have had to go to court to get it straightened out.)
It's not fair & just, but it's the best possible solution for a very nasty situation. Some friends are going to organize a "We Love Ruth" party with live music to express their solidarity & raise a little $$ to help with my legal fees. And in the meantime, tonight I poured two little glasses of delicious tawny port so that my housemate & I could raise a toast to my impending freedom.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
I'm starting out saddled with what I've decided to call "divorce weight," reflecting the emotional eating I allowed myself over the past couple of months as I was facing lots of stress related to discovery (assembling HUGE amounts of financial documentation) & X's delusional expectations to reap lots of $$ from me to pay off his ever-accelerating credit-card debt. BUT I managed to get 3-4 of those divorce pounds off already this past week, just by diminishing my sugar consumption. And just as I have benefited from my Lenten discipline of not worrying about the outcome of the divorce trial, I am taking on the new 5% challenge as a gift to myself. Instead of resorting to sugar, I will deal with stress by getting sweaty every morning & eating foods that make my body slim down & gain energy.
I'm going to try really hard to get to bed early enough every night to get good exercise time in the morning--& to squeeze in extra walking whenever possible the rest of the day. In a few minutes I'll fast-walk to the market to get veggies for an Indian dish I want to try:
And for a Thai salad to contribute to our building potluck tomorrow night:
It's 80F in my Chicago neighborhood today--crazy warm! I do love drinking water, which is our first Living the Good Life challenge. I spent 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at a church brainstorming/planning meeting; not because of the challenge but because I felt the need, I filled my water glass repeatedly throughout those hours--& the day's not over yet. It will not be hard to down 10 cups.
Last but not least, I present to you my granddaughter on her first birthday!
She does NOT have issues with sugar--normally she gets nothing with added sugar--but she thoroughly enjoyed the vegan cupcake her mom made to celebrate! The rest of us did too, of course.
Get An Email Alert Each Time RUTHXG Posts