Wednesday, March 07, 2012
That's what my SP quiz results told me. If I have sugary stuff in the house, it's hard to stay away from it. That's why I usually don't have it at home (or just have something I don't overindulge on, like some hard Colombian chocolate that I just eat a 110-calorie chunk of). But of course there are often sweets at work or at church or at special gatherings, & then it's hard to resist. Or I go downstairs & get a candy bar from the vending machine. Also, sometimes people give me sweet treats as a gift.
I've joined the Tame Your Sweet Tooth Challenge & am looking forward to loosening sugar's grip on me! In my next "sugar blog" I'll think about the reasons to cut back.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Pretty much everything I'm doing right now, outside of work & the labor of pulling together documents for discovery, is focused on self-care. There are a few exceptions (leading my church small group the 1st & 3rd Thursday evenings of the month, for example), but those really are few. I've now actually watched a Netflix film each weekend for three weeks running. I've made really good healthy food in batches. I've had long conversations with a couple of my sisters & initiated get-togethers with a couple of friends I don't often see. For example, last week I got two-for-one tickets for a friend & me to see a FABULOUS play based on Richard Wright's novel Native Son, which I hadn't read since college.
To be honest, some of what I'm doing is self-INDULGENCE & not really self-care. Like last night I finally baked the cookie mix that my friend had made & given me as a Christmas present--& I ate a bunch of the dough & then ate 2-3 of the cookies themselves, way more sugar than I needed. In general I've been eating way more sugar than I should. And I haven't been getting enough exercise. It's showing on the scale.
The discovery is combining a great sadness (the failure of my marriage) with two of my anxieties (finances & paperwork--I am really quite disorganized). So it's not surprising that I'm getting confused about what will make me feel better AND be good for me vs. what will be briefly comforting but not serve me in the long run.
I'm not going to beat up on myself--that's the LAST thing I need at the moment. But I especially want to get back to regular exercise, as it's endorphin-producing & strengthening & good in every other way. It will be easy to do this next Thursday through Monday, when I'm flying out to LA to spend time with two sisters & celebrate the birthday of one of them--weather will be more amenable & we've made plans for a hike & a bike ride. Until then, I may be putting in more long hours with this paperwork--lots of photocopying lies ahead, for instance. But I am really going to try not to stay up late unless it's essential to get the paperwork done.
This too shall pass. And I will try not to harm my body in the interim.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
The cooking on Saturday really helped me make it through the day. I didn't get to ALL the items on my "records to print" list, but I did most of them--& I cooked food in amazing quantities! I do love to cook, so that helped me feel better.
The rest of the weekend, though, was kinda grim emotionally. Sunday night I had very nasty insomnia--the anxiety kind.
But God found my emotional reset button on Monday & helped me to push it. Something that my lawyer said in an e-mail helped me remember that though X's lawyer is using tactics of overwhelming (asking for WAY more years of records than is appropriate), assembling these records is something I'm doing FOR MYSELF. They will end up showing that I've been telling the truth. I am fighting for justice here, & it's what I SHOULD be doing.
That day an old friend & my older sister both confirmed this reframing of the task. It helps so much!
Now I feel energy to see this all the way through. Lots more papers to print out, or to obtain from the bank or my workplace HR department: I will track them ALL down & use them to further my case. I'm even going to find some old e-mails showing that I was never comfortable with or accepting of X's failure to work. X is twisting the truth in this regard & saying that I only became concerned about it shortly before he moved out. It's rather breathtaking how he's messing with the truth, in fact--& my lawyer says we will keep this from being just my word against his. I'll show proof!
I have to supply these documents by late February, so getting them together is my main goal for this month. I'm going to ramp up exercise too, because it's the best thing to do with this adrenaline!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Considering the hard things I've been dealing with over the past 8 weeks, plus the holiday pitfalls, I've decided that it's a victory to have ended this 5% challenge basically maintaining (began at 156 lbs, ended at 156.6). And today I'm going to make my fitness/nutrition part of my redemption.
Because today I have a grim task: round up TONS of financial records from the past three years (& a few from earlier) to supply to my ex's lawyer. Mind you, ex has ignored MY lawyer's request for financial records for a couple of months now. As of Monday he'll be in violation, but he'll then be given a little more time. Anyway, I have to respond to his lawyer's request whether or not he responds to mine. There are SO many things wrong with our legal system . .
I've decided to redeem the day & cheer myself up by assigning & receiving a reward for each task. I have already cleared the dishwasher & washed plastic/wooden dishes by hand, & made my bed. As a reward for those tasks I'm writing this blog!
For the rest of the day:
1. Print out tax forms 2009-2010. (Haven't yet done my 2011 taxes, so that one will have to wait.)
REWARD: Browse recipes for something delicious to make with the organic chicken I have put out to thaw. Also decide on a legume dish to make for this week.
2. Print out credit card statements 2009-2011. (Some of the NC statements need to be accessed online, & the website is not letting me in, & I don't yet have a phone to call for help--so these will have to wait.)
REWARD: take my exercise fast-walk to Unique Thrift Store, 2.3 miles away, to buy used clothes or sheets or other linens for the rug that housemate is going to weave for me! On the way home stop at the market for any ingredients I need for batch cooking, & at the bank to deposit a freelance check.
3. Print out retirement savings statements for 2009-2011. (Haven't set up online access to that small MetLife account--see if I can do so; if not, that one will have to wait.)
REWARD: Start legumes soaking, unless I've decided on the red lentils, which don't need it. Chop veggies to cook with legumes & chicken. Finish thawing chicken in microwave.
4. Start assembling mortgage-related documents. No need to get them photocopied yet. Some can be printed out from the bank's website.
REWARD: Put together legume & chicken dishes & start cooking them!
5. Read through discovery list & take note of the documentation that I haven't yet addressed. Make my own still-to-be-done list.
REWARD: Get the TQO essay edited & sent off. Record exercise minutes on SP, read a couple of blogs, maybe an article or two. Give some Sparkgoodies. End the day either reading my current novel or watching my current Netflix film.
I can do this, right?
When I went out for my fast walk to the thrift store, I found the sidewalks treacherous. We had several 40F days, which melted the 8-9 inches of snow that had fallen last week--& then last night we had a hard freeze. So wherever the snowmelt had not dried, the sidewalks & roads are really slick.
This means no thrift-store jaunt today. I ended up just going to the market & the bank. It was good to be out in the sunshine for about 16 minutes round trip. And now I'm back to credit card statements, & later I'll do a few Leslie Sansone miles as another destresser/reward.
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