Friday, April 15, 2011
I think my weigh-in is going to be a wash--that is, I will probably be around the same weight as when I started the 5% challenge that ends tomorrow. That's still down a nice chunk from where I was last fall, & I'm still feeling the difference in my clothes. Yay for looser pants!
Somehow these past 8 weeks have been terribly, terribly busy--I guess it's not surprising, with Bea's birth + a new teaching gig + my daughter's crisis + regular PT for TMJ on top of my already-large pile of responsibilities & relationships. It can't go on this way indefinitely. If I need to slow down debt repayment in order to keep a more human pace of life, I will do that.
I find myself just longing for a monastery, a place where I can sit in front of a fire or walk through a forest WITH NO AGENDA except rest & prayer & silence. I'm going to schedule a day-long personal retreat soon (there's a Catholic retreat center not far from my home, near Lake Michigan & the meandering lakefront trails). A camping weekend will be heavenly too--even if it rains. Falling down in the mud--yay!
So these past 8 weeks I have been erratic about tracking food, & at times I've had to skip exercise several days in a row. Right now I'm stealing time from my work--practically anytime I go on SP I'm stealing time from work, either at home or in the office. But I'm going to stay involved: I'm signed up for the upcoming challenge already, & between now & then I'm going to keep working out & eating properly.
When the next 5% challenge starts, I will have started my divorce process; I am going to start working on that the week after Easter Sunday. It's a grim undertaking, but at least the days are getting longer & more flowers will be blooming by then--I'll be surrounded every day by reminders of the earth's renewal. My life is undergoing renewal too!
Thursday, April 07, 2011
But exercise is really hard to find time for when I'm truly behind in my work. Tonight I elected to stay up late working, though that means I won't be able to get up in time to exercise tomorrow morning.
And food tracking would have been too time consuming, since tonight I took my friend to a wonderful vegan restaurant & I ate "chicken legs" made of soy & wouldn't have any idea how to track them. They were fabulous, though! I will have leftovers tomorrow.
Good news: the TMJ pain in my right jaw is practically gone!
Bad news: I'm now having TMJ pain in my LEFT jaw!
It makes eating very painful (which should help me lose more weight, but so far it hasn't). Clearly my jaw alignment has shifted, & I'm confident that my physical therapist can help me get it where it should be.
This is a portentous time of year for me: yesterday was my 8th wedding anniversary--preceded by a few e-mails in which my soon-to-ex & I discussed the fact that later this month I'll be filing for divorce--& Friday April 8 will be the 1st anniversary of my dad's death. Also the news about my grandbaby is that somehow she has not been getting enough nutrition, though her parents have been doing everything right--of course that's worrying! They will now be supplementing nursing with regular bottle feeding, both pumped breast milk & formula. I hope to go visit them either Palm Sunday or Easter weekend.
I'm doing OK with all this, as in not falling apart, & I am grounded in God's love, but deep inside I'm feeling disappointed/sad (about the loss of my marriage), sad/lonely (about the loss of my dad), & worried (about Baby Bea & her parents). No wonder there's not a lot of room to focus on eating right & exercising. I will be back on course shortly, though, because I'm determined to take good care of myself!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
This morning the scales show that I have landed in the 150s--yippeeee!
Now the question is, can I make my 5% goal by April 16? I still have 4.8 lbs to go, & just over two weeks. That's a faster rate than usual for me. It would require stepping up my efforts, both exercise & eating/tracking. But it's SO REWARDING to make a goal by the deadline!
I'm going to try! I just redeemed some debit-card points & received a $25 Spafinder certificate. If I make 154.8 lbs by 4/16, I'll make an appointment for a massage to celebrate!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Yesterday I did take that 3.25-mile brisk walk to Evanston. The forecast showed light snow throughout the day, so I was wearing my trusty Bearpaw boots. Not good! I saw not one snowflake all day, & by the time I got well into Evanston I could tell blisters were forming. The boots are very comfy but not designed for tromping long distances on hard sidewalks.
After the poetry workshop, on the way to the dance performance a few blocks away I stopped at a Whole Foods to buy some bandages. I confess that I took off boots & socks while waiting for the show to begin, & after it began, to put bandages on the heels & balls of my feet! Fortunately I wasn't sitting right up next to anyone. Then a friend offered me a ride home after the performance--that helped too. Today I've still got bandages on, & I took a break from cardio exercise. I wore my athletic shoes to work for max cushioning. Later I plan to do an upper-body ST routine here in my office.
The poetry workshop was a really good one, by the way, & the dance show was WONDERFUL. The movement & music brought tears to my eyes more than once. I realized that despite all the therapy I've been doing for months, I have been protecting myself from the pain of my marriage breakup. Sometimes art that involves no words is the best for dismantling my inner defenses. And I think I'm ready for them to come down.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
First, hope you had a happy Earth Hour! I lit candles at 8:30 tonight, then turned off all lights & played solo Bananagrams during the hour of darkness. It was really fun, a great way to unwind after my busy three days. But next year I think I'll plan a candlelight Earth Hour party with friends! We could spend the hour singing or playing board games or just talking & laughing.
This afternoon I finished my three-day teaching gig--it went well & I could hardly be more pleased. I like people, but I'm an introvert, so I definitely needed some alone time afterward to dial down. There will still be some work: I am sending a final assignment to the 21 students, & they'll have up to a month to complete it & send it back. Then I'll grade those (fortunately just pass-fail, but I'll want to write some comments to each person) & turn in the grades.
This teaching is changing my life in that I will no longer have to spend nearly every Saturday cooped up in my home office working on freelance editing to pay down debt. I am starting to think about how I should reallocate my time--which neglected activities & people should be addressed first.
My tendency would be to cram my newly freed-up time in a rush to make amends for lapsed friendships & missed exercise & neglected housecleaning. But I'm going to try to resist that temptation.
This coming week is already quite full, in wonderful social ways:
1. Sunday--church, poetry workshop, dance performance
2. Wednesday evening--cooking class in Forest Park with creative friends!
3. Friday night--dinner with friend at Peruvian restaurant
4. Saturday--meeting my sister at Garfield Park Conservatory to enjoy the flowers & greenness & delicious oxygen, then celebrating her birthday by taking her to lunch
All of this on top of full-time work, of course. I also have some freelance editing to get done, but they are short pieces, nothing demanding.
With this & exercise plus the time it takes to track food faithfully for this week's challenge, I MUST not try to cram more in!
My SP/Starfish efforts have lagged in the past couple of weeks. Leaving town to meet my granddaughter for the first time, then preparing for the class while being involved with my church's pastoral search committee & my regular work, I just dropped the ball at times. Most notably, I repeatedly broke my Lenten commitment to avoid sugar.
I've been thinking about that & decided that it's not the best Lenten discipline for me this year, since I'm already off alcohol as well because of the medication I'm on--that just makes for so much abstinence, & I haven't had space in my schedule & brain (except when I was in St. Louis with Bea) to add in new, positive things to counterbalance the absence. So I'm going to relax about sugar but work hard to stay within my calorie range for each day. And for the rest of Lent I'm going to adopt a different discipline--I'm hoping that an inspiration will come to me sometime tomorrow.
Despite my busyness tomorrow afternoon, & despite the cold weather, I expect to get exercise--I'll have time to take a brisk walk from church all the way to the poetry workshop in Evanston, 3.25 miles!
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