Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I slept deliciously last night, & today I finished a rather demanding freelance project. I took a personal day from work for the purpose--I certainly DON'T want to make it a habit to use vacation time for doing extra work, but this was necessary & knowing I had this day helped me not to panic over the weekend.
It would have been nice to get in some exercise too, but I started editing right after breakfast, kept at it all day with only a short break for lunch, & just completed it a little bit ago--too late for anything vigorous. I think the watchword of my life right now is "live within your limits." That will honor my Creator, my body & spirit, & my family.
Monday, February 18, 2008
This morning I was afflicted by the insomnia that used to be a nearly constant companion. It's a blessing that nowadays it strikes only occasionally, usually due to overstimulation or stress. I'm also blessed to have flexible work hours, so this a.m. I was able to reset my alarm clock for 8:00 (for some reason I can usually get back to sleep after around 6:30) & come to work an hour later than usual. I'll stay a bit late tonight to make up for it.
I did take my medication (Amitriptyline) last night as usual, so hopefully the sleeplessness will prove to be just a one-night hormonal glitch. Generally I'm feeling better now that I have decided to go on a personal retreat soon. No dates yet, & I'm still waiting to hear about the KY convent from my pastor, so I don't know where it is. Maybe I will be able to add on a little jaunt to meet you, Shannon & Linda--that would be fun! We'll have to see whether I'll be in your general area.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I realized a couple of days ago that what I really need is a few days to just rest & be refreshed, far away from responsibilities. So I'm now looking into monasteries & convents that welcome guests. I have done personal retreats like this before, but it has been a long time since the last one. The solitude & prayerful atmosphere are very nurturing, often the grounds are lovely & there are walking trails, meals are provided, you can participate in the Daily Hours (prayer observances at regular times of day), & the suggested donation is usually very reasonable.
I want to head south so as to be in a place that's warmer. It's looking as if I may go to Kentucky, which I hear is beautiful. Don't have dates or any details yet, but I'm pretty excited!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
I find myself thinking about food a LOT . . . craving it at times. Good food, not junk. I haven't been depriving myself or going hungry, so I know the craving reflects something else. It's stress--too much to do, too many responsibilities, relentless winter weather, snow snow & more snow, having to measure my steps because of treacherous ice on the sidewalks, feeling as if the world isn't welcoming when I leave my home each morning . . . & aware that the turbulent weather is probably a sign of global climate change, a long-term problem for all of us.
And it's also a lack of endorphins & well-being from exercise, since I haven't had much of that for a while. I've had to meet some deadlines & prioritize rest.
A very challenging time.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I made a deal with myself: as long as I'm in the 140s I don't have to track, but if I get to 150 or above, it's back to tracking food & liquids. Having enjoyed a number of treats & second helpings lately, it's not surprising that this morning I was at 150. So I just tracked & will do so again tonight.
Hopefully it won't take long to return to the 140s. But I am not going to pressure myself too much, because I need to take account of the hard toll this winter is taking on me physically & emotionally. As I write this it is snowing yet again . . . surely Chicago has surpassed another record by now. What I need is to go into a kind of hibernation--not going incommunicado but lowering my self-expectations. Work, family, church, & Colombia work are enough to juggle; I need to stay healthy but not obsess over weight & calories; if I get any writing & art done, I'll consider that a bonus. I think the weekly art session that I had envisioned as a Lenten discipline will be made an Easter discipline instead.
It feels really good to let go a bit more.
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