Tuesday, May 15, 2012
My heart's not in the Spark tonight. My oldest son, Colin, did something pretty thoughtless today and I can't shake the aftershock. Back story - It's been 12 years since his dad & I separated/divorced. In those 12 years, I've rarely received a present that wasn't crafted at school, art camp or something like that and I've been very happy with that situation. However, in the last three years he and Logan, wouldn't have done anything if Paul hadn't pushed them to shop and/or actually put some thought into it. That all aside.... on Thursday, I got a phone call from him asking me if I would pick him up at school, take him to DQ for a birthday cake for his dad, and then drive him to his dad's house across town. I asked him if he pre-ordered, asked if his brother was giving him money for it.... all kinds of questions because, after 12 years of not being together, I had ZERO interest in helping that man get anything, much less pay for it, BUT I love my son and I'd move mountains to make him happy. I digress. The second part of the saga...in the last 12 years, I've had four Mother's Day Sundays with my sons. Their step-mother once told me that it was just another day, "nothing special" and that, if it fell on their weekend, I wouldn't get them for the day. That first year, when I countered with "what if I denied him spending Father's Day with the boys" she told me that "every day was father's day when they were together" ... has been a) getting breakfasts made for her b) receiving cards AND gifts and c) spending that nothing special day with my sons. Yesterday, as the step-mother was away... I got to spend 6 hours with them. I was over the moon. I was a little disgruntled that they a) didn't buy/make me a card, b) got into a video game battle with their step-sister and c) didn't help at all with supper prep or clean-up BUT I was very happy that they were here and we made a pretty good day out of those few hours otherwise. TODAY, I picked up Colin at school and, on the way to DQ, found out that he intended to borrow the money for the cake from me. He'd pay me back with the allowance that he earned at my house. I was crushed. I felt kicked in the heart. They'd already picked up a present, they were making him dinner and, regardless of whether Colin could see it or not, he was making ME buy my ex husband a birthday cake.
I'm so angry with him, mostly because he doesn't see where he did anything that should have made me unhappy. Despite that, he's apologized several times. I'm also angry with myself because I feel like I'm being petty and jealous.
And then there's just this indescribable ache. They barely recognize my birthday, Christmas or Mother's Day...... I think today I just realized how much they take me for granted.
ok, the hamster wheel is squeaking too loud for me to get any more thoughts down. In any kind of sensible matter anyway.....
Saturday, May 12, 2012
P ~ PLAN healthy food & exercise ahead of time.
I have three weekdays a week when we can have dinner at home, calmly, as a family: Monday, Thursday and Friday. I've printed off three Spark recipes that I am going to attempt to create this week.
Monday - Chef Meg's super fast pork & veggie stir fry. I'll make it with brown rice.
Thursday - Chef Meg's orange miso grilled salmon w/veggies and couscous.
Friday - Coach Nicole's grown up grilled cheese which I'll make with low sodium tomato soup. I have about two hours between picking up my nephew and substitute instructing for the women-only learn to run clinic. Hopefully, this digests well.
L ~ LIFT your rear into gear.
Today I did 24 minutes of stair climbing. Six sets (up & down) of 159 stairs. The last set I chose to climb 3 (single) stairs and then take two at a time 3 times. REALLY got the heart rate up.
A ~ ANNOUNCE on your team chat your biggest time hurdle(s) and your plan to overcome it.
My biggest time hurdle is my six month old baby, Roo.
N ~ NIBBLE your freggies, the original grab and go fast food! Eat 5 (1 cup) servings of freggies each day.
Today I focused hard on this. I had a large banana at breakfast, yogurt w/berries for snack, a small salad with lunch and a bigger salad with dinner.
BONUS for streaking this weekend! Exercise at least 20 minutes each day of the challenge.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Today, I promise I will not quit.
I pledge that no matter, how many ups and
downs I pass through,
I will continue on my journey.
I pledge to make a NEW START today,
and forgive myself for my past,
and to stop being so critical of myself.
I pledge to take control of myself,
To Stop making excuses,
And stop blaming other people or situations.
I pledge to treat myself as I would my Best
Because that is who I am.
I pledge to stay in the race
and to be a WINNER!
signed: Linda S. Jayne (Geminisue)
signed: Leisa (Sunflowergal40)
Signed: Chris (chriskenandkids)
Signed: Linda (scoutmom715)
Signed: Nancy (tedybear2838)
signed: Yvonne (travelnista)
signed: Ursula (Urleec)
signed: Sheila (SKFerebee)
signed: Penny (RUNNINGWILD)
****Original from blog of from Linda S. Jayne (Geminisue)
Saturday, April 28, 2012
This is round #19 of the BLC and it's my second time participating. This time, I am an Amazon. An Amber Amazon Warrior. Our first challenge is to Write It, Move It and Plan It. So far today, I'm on a roll. So now I have to put together a plan for the next 12 weeks.
Here it is:
Nutritionally, I'm going to focus on keeping my fruit and veggie intake high. (5+ servings/day). I'm going to continue consuming a minimum of 64 ounces of water a day. I'm also switching Roo to formula (not challenge related, it's just time) so I'm going to work towards reducing my calories to the 1860 that SP recommends.
Physically, I'm going to continue to run three times a week. I'm training for the Scotiabank HM on May 27, 2012. Consistency is key. I intend to add ST and Yoga to my schedule and, I hope, will do at least one class at GoodLife per week. BodyPump & BodyFlow are such awesome classes.
Emotionally, I'm going to work on NOT eating emotionally. I'm not a "I'm so sad, I should eat a box of Oreos" kind of eater. I'm a "if I don't eat that box of Oreos, I'm going to kick someone in the face" kind of eater. In other words, an angry eater. I still can't figure out what my brain thinks that will solve but it takes me from the peak of anger to "Ahhhh" very quickly. From now on, I'll be trying some deep-breathing exercises and leaving the chocolate & potato chips alone.
So, to recap:
- Eat right and within calories
- Keep running as I have been, add yoga and strength training
- Find a better way to deal with my anger. Food is not the answer.
Hopefully, if I do all this, I'll lose 5% of my current body weight (136.5) in the next twelve weeks. FYI, that's 6.8 pounds. We'll call it 7 just for fun.
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