Thursday, April 29, 2010
I have been throwing around this idea the last couple of days that just like I have started to free myself from the scale ( once a week only- even though I felt grumpy this morning after the CAPS lost and seriously considered stepping on it to boost my mood since I must have lost something since last week-right? I mean even a .2lb lost might have motivated me out of my funk!I take my CAPS & Red Sox losses hard!)- I should start to really free myself from some of my other obsessive tendencies associated with numbers! I have been reading and talking with some people also about their struggles and I think I'm on to something here- if I can just stick to it....
First up calories, fat, fiber, protein.....
Ugh!! I seriously get tired of spending time thinking about every little thing that crosses my mouth! I know, I know I need to be accountable and most importantly aware of what I am eating but lets break this down- this is a lifestyle change not some fly by night diet- oh no this is it!- the future of my eating habits is being born and followed from here on out! And well I might crave restriction and control and obsess about staying at the low end of my calorie range (uh lets just be honest here....I am exactly at my low number every single day to maximize my weight loss- when I get into the swing of things I'm a mini Drill Sargent and stay exacting to a fault- but as I have learned eating 1250 calories a day and exercising as much as I do ((I mean come on what was I thinking I'm at the tail end of marathon training and I exercise a lot now-reference 16 mile disaster blog!)) I need to eat some more within my range on some days-uh especially days that I run 16 miles!!!!! )
So I am trying to approach this problem from a healthy standpoint. I am learning so much about myself and what my body needs that I think I can relax the reins a little and not spend an hour meticulously going over restaurants menus and food nutritional before I leave for a meal out with family or friends- I mean I should just be utilizing my common sense and education about food nutrition and food portion sizes.
It's great to have a plan and I'm sure I will still plan a little but hey if I'm at work and my husband calls to surprise me with a date night by picking me up to go out to dinner- my first reaction should not be negative with me obsessing about where we might go and do they have a safety salad on the menu?!? - yeah that happened I complained and got instantly grumpy when Adam asked me out-crappy wife move! I know that I should stick with say grilled chicken, saute vegetables (light butter please!) and a salad instead of the cheese smothered penne with garlic bread the size of my thigh and chocolate brownie dripping with syrup and a gallon of ice cream on the "side'. I have to believe in myself and the choices I make! I'm not some recovering addict that will fall off the wagon in one sitting....or one meal- I must believe that I can function normally in all types of settings....right? I mean this is for life! And you know what- I might fail sometimes...yep I might make what I think is the best choice and it still is the wrong choice but that's a part of learning- if I make an honest assumption about the food choices (and they turn out wrong) that's different then I just say forget it and eat 3 pieces of pizza and half a basket of fries! I might go over my calorie range for that meal but that doesn't mean I do not adjust and either eat less for the other meals or go for some exercise to offset the damage.
That's what this site has given me- a chance to have some breathing room (through educational articles, other people's blogs and great positive feedback) and the realization that not every stumble I make ends up with me face first in a carton of Hagen Das! YEA!!!!! I will still track my food and stay within my calories range but I will not become frozen in stress and fear if my plans change and I am not immediately close to the internet to plan things out- I trust my judgment and do not want to sabotage my good work!
Next the pace min/mile number.....
When I first started my marathon training in February
(has it really been almost 3 months????I seriously never would have thought that I would ever say that!!!!!****break in this blog to just insert a heartfelt THANK YOU to every single person on here that has supported and motivated me to keep up the training plus providing so much inspiration by blogging about things I would never have considered would effect me so deeply!!!!!!!****)
I was obsessed about my pace and how long I was "taking" on my runs- I diligently noted every single run at the ends of my blogs. I have lately stopped posting them at the end of some of my blogs- not because I have not been doing them or they do not matter to me but because I have gotten a little lazy with posting everyday and also I kinda of feel like I do not need write about them to hold myself accountable. I have a calendar that I mark off each run and follow "my plan" but I think after my last long run I might be concentrating on my time too much.
I do not know how I went to let's start running consistently, to let's train for a race, to let's actually train for a marathon, to let's train consistently for that marathon so that we can finish it, to let's train to run it in under 5 hours. But regardless I constantly think about my pace and believe me when you have a couple hours of running to concentrate just on yourself - you start to really think about what's going on with your running and your body. When I would look at my watch every mile, I would have to face the almost immediate negative reaction to my "slower" pace then I expected. It almost became debilitating on one of my longer runs as I just started to get so down on myself.
Well I purposely did not look at my watch on my run on Tuesday ( a 5 miler) and amazingly I felt great! Okay, okay I'm sure by now you figured out some of my personality quirks and know I looked at the first and second mile times....but seriously then I stopped looking!!! I just let go and concentrated on listening to my body and running "easy". After researching some of the things I should be doing while training (I have looked at some of these articles and books before but I never went this far in training so I just never payed too much attention to the sections that deal with where I currently am in my training)- I discovered my training runs should be run at a pace that is one to two minutes slower then my race pace and especially my long runs!!!! Uh, that would put my pace somewhere between 14-16 min/mile. This is what to do if you are hoping to finish the race strong and not in the hospital but not necessarily under 4-5 hours total time. Why have I been soooo fixated on how "fast" I have been running????? Well not anymore- I will still post my runs and I'm sure I will talk about them too but I will no longer use my "slower" pace to berate myself or make myself feel "not runnerish". I am hoping to finish that marathon in June and will continue to train and build my endurance, I want to finish strong and not hobbling or needing an ambulance at the end because I started out "fast" and burned myself out midway through and because I am STUBBORN continued on with the race-even if I had to crawl!
The scale and clothes size....
I think I have addressed the scale problem fairly often but I feel I have to continue to say it to myself! I know that the day that it reads what I would like it - I will still continue with my life. That it's not the ending of some movie and happy music plays with the credits slowly rolling as I live happily ever after. It's just a number and it will fluctuate because that's life. My focus has been slowly (and I mean slowly) changing to include other parameters of my success- mostly healthy activities I can do differently with a smaller body (like running better, feeling better about myself in general and not being considered obese!). So I will continue to work on this.
I think it's common knowledge that a size 12 at The Gap is not the same as a size 12 at Target and I know that I will have varying sizes in my closest for the rest of my life but I am hoping to let go of some of my obsession with certain sizes. I just want to be comfortable and look nice in my clothes-which is a big step from "how do I attractively arrange my way too big clothes" on my body.... although I do strive to be able to walk in most stores and find something that fits from every one of them one day!!!!
So these are some goals and ideas I am currently hoping to master and I think they will make me much happier in the end!!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
So I was finishing up at the gym, when I stood up after washing my face- I actually looked right at myself.
Now normally I glance at myself to make sure I got all the soap off my face and move on but something made me pause. I stood there and really looked at myself and you know what....I was not immediately berating or critical of myself. Now this wasn't some dressing room "make my look wayyyy fat" mirror or even my sometimes sassy wall mirror I get dress near- It was a half length bathroom mirror in the gym with decent lightening.
And the person starting back at me was someone I actually felt proud of. It was the person who is not defined by some number on a scale, a person who had just done Zumba and 50 minutes on the elliptical trainer, a person who was about to pick up lunch to take back to the office and instead of thinking about convenience was wondering where to go to find something fresh and healthy and not processed, a person who has changed their life to include exercise, a person who looked happy and dare I say it..... satisfied? Satisfied with my progress and my effort on this journey?
Somewhere between the grumpy, don't-want-to-continue-with-this, boy-this- is- going -to -take-FOREVER and the feel-good-right-now great days a change has occurred. Not necessarily in my body weight or clothes size but in my own impression of myself. Where I might have in the past seen that girl in the mirror and thought something nice like "Oh, I look skinny today (I mean I have been below my current weigh within the last 2 years- so I have been skinnier)" or "oh, look I have just one chin now". I would really be berating her internally at the unhealthy ways that had been employed to get to that lower weight. And I would be feeling like I was not really giving it my all to succeed.
I now look at myself and feel an inner glow of confidence because of WHAT I DO instead of what I AM. I actually am fighting for my health and even though some days it seems like I'm fighting against the bakery guy, or the hundredth office birthday party cake in a week, or the forgotten girl scouts thin mints in the freezer or even my own lazy let's-just-watch-TV-and not-run tonight self. I am actually winning!!!! I believe in myself a 100 times more now not because that scale moves or my clothes get loose but because I am really trying hard this time (and I see it and I am actually noticing it)!
Yeah I still fight with myself but more times then not even that inner lazy version of myself would rather help in this fight! - maybe we both have the "spark" now and are working together towards this goal!
Here's a little happiness to everyone who stops by and I hope everyone is having a great day!!!!!!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Uh...yeah I'm running one of these in June and you would think it would have sunk in by now. Sad to say it has not and I made a really big mistake today that I completely did not expect and while it has given me a wake up call it also really scared me when I figured out just how bad a mistake I had made!!
See I'm trying to loss weight-no brainer right- I'm here on this site and I watch what I eat ( calorie range is 1220-1550 and I on average try and stay below 1300 everyday to have a cushion if I get my intake calories wrong and well honestly to maximize my overall weight loss) and I eat lots of fruits and vegetables along with high fiber and low sodium foods whenever possible ( I now average 6-8 fruits and vegetables a day-woohoo!). I also drink a lot of water most days (usually 100 ozs) and I exercise much more then I have ever done and more consistently then I have ever done in my life! I use the elliptical trainer 5x's a week at 50 minutes each time and I go to an hour long Zumba class 4x's a week plus I run 4x's a week. I have struggled with lifting weights and will be adding them more consistently starting Monday (will be 3x's a week). It amazes me to even see how much I exercise in writing!! Over 13 weeks I have completely changed my lifestyle! And I love working out-I never would have thought I would ever say that!
But well I'm also trying to train for a marathon...my first ever! I have been so dedicated to my training runs and I think a lot of that determination comes from the fact that I have wanted this goal for so long and I finally have the motivation and great support from here to believe I can do it this time! And well when you train for a running event you up your water intake ( I have been drinking roughly 150 ozs the day before a long run and then 50 ozs and hour before my long runs on Sunday's then I take a 32 oz of Gatorade and water it down and drink it while I run). I also have been utilizing GU gels every hour that I run to get some carbs and protein.
Well today my poor planning and apparent disconnect that I am running LONG runs now came crashing down on me physically. See I still think I'm running and training for a half-marathon. I mean I seriously just did not realize just what my body is doing or how much it has been doing. I take my 3 training runs casually because in my mind I still think of them as "Oh, I'm just running a 3 miler" when in actuality I'm running 5 miles then 8 miles and then 5 miles training runs- I have been fine on them because well I can only guess that while these are longish runs -the training has helped and I do okay on them. But well when I start out preparing for my Long Runs I still have the mindset of "Oh, I'm just going out and running 7 or 8 miles- I just need to hydrate a lot and I'll be find with my Gatorade and GU pack system". Uh ....wrong BIG TIME!
Remember how I said in the beginning I had a bad run- well it was really bad. I ran 7 miles starting at 1:30pm ( I was meeting someone to piggy back the remaining 9 miles with)- I thought it would be cold and rainy but it was HOT and SUNNY-I sweated like I have never sweated before and had a sharp cramping pain throughout my whole abdomen starting around mile 4. I thought I needed to go to the bathroom but when I went- that was not the issue (for once!) and I continued on a little worried that I would be late meeting up for the remainder 9 miles and I started to feel sick to my stomach and I was sweating so much and around mile 6 I just had to throw up so I ran behind some trees and threw up. It unfortunately did not help too much ( I should insert in here that I had a banana and a cinnamon raisin bagel at 9:30 am and it was now almost 3:00pm and I had been drinking the Gatorade and had one GU pack up to this point). I continued on and meet up with Literature_Nerd who was so nice and friendly and I just knew I had to try and finish those 9 miles (it would bother me to no end if I didn't give it my all) and I thought something must just be irritating my stomach and I could rough it. I didn't want to start off my first meeting with "Hi, I feel really sick and just ralphed in the bushes- so I'm heading home" -plus it's a treat to have someone to run with so I started out running but early on the sharp pains just kept rippling throughout my whole abdomen region and it hurt like I had done a thousand crutches! So I walked the rest of the miles-it was so frustrating to limit someone else's workout and my own but I really enjoyed the last 4.5 miles of the walk because I finally started to feel normal! I seriously felt so crappy that if Nina had not meet up with me I would have stopped and had a cry fest and probably went home feeling defeated and depressed because I would not have done my miles. Instead I pushed on (mostly because the miles flew by with such a great conservationist!).
The sign says 16 miles ran 7 miles and walked 9 miles with a friend!
After heading home and researching my symptoms and what I should be doing to prepare for long runs eating -wise and how much water I should be drinking I realized I had been experiencing Hyponatremia. I'm was a paramedic for over 7 years and have picked up and treated patients for this for god's sake!- I should have known better! Remember when I stated above that I drink on average about 100 ozs a day and the day before a long run I drink 150 ozs and then the morning of I drink another 50 ozs and then I drink a mixture of water and Gatorade throughout my long run- well that is way to much, way TOO MUCH water without also eating sodium rich foods- I mean I usually eat low sodium foods! (also you can get hyponatremia with sports drinks also- I had thought by drinking a sports drink I was safe- i had no idea!)Plus the day before a long run (anything over 10 miles) you should limit high fiber fruits and vegetables and caffeine ( I drink tons of iced tea)- uh hello that's ALL I eat!!!! The high fiber will dehydrate you and the caffeine is a stool softener and diuretic!
Holy moly- I really messed up my body today! when I got home (around 7pm) I still had 800+ calories to eat to just make 1200 total- I ate a 6oz steak, asparagus, 3 servings of corn, a half cup of mashed potatoes and an apple and was still below so I ate a protein bar!
I do not care if my weight lost starts to slow down- I want to run this marathon and I want to run it the right way! I guess I must adjust and research exactly what I should be doing a day before my long runs, the day of my long runs and what to drink and eat during my long runs!! I feel soooo stupid- I seriously just could not comprehend how much I was running and how much it would effect my body. When I exercise I never adjust my calories and just keep on plugging away (thinking that when it flashed that I have burned more then expected - "Oh, whatever that will just help me lost weight quicker! No need to eat more or adjust my calorie intake according to how much I have burned"- well I finally looked up how much I really burn by my weight and what a shocker! My 5x's a week 50 minutes on the elliptical trainer burns more then 5000 calories alone and that's only a small portion of my total exercise.
So I guess the advice I would love from anyone who knows is :
How do you adjust your calories intake according to how many calories you burn with exercise?
What do you do the day before a long run to prepare?
What do you eat and do the morning before a long run?
And what do you drink eat during a long run?
I'm still researching and I am taking today as a training run should be and learning from my mistakes- thankfully it happened now and not during the marathon- I might have seriously ended up in the hospital as I'm sure come race day I would have pushed myself even harder!
Thanks for any advice and again thanks for all the support! Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Training run 16 miles done - 7 miles total 1:33:05 (13:17 min/mile)/9 miles 3:11:03 (21min/mile pace)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Well it has been a hard day in the sense that I always have to control my temptations when I visit my in-laws. There is always yummy homemade desserts and other foods-plus we always end up going out to dinner and not to some mainstream restaurant I can research ahead of time but some little family run home cooking-forget about trying to figure out nutrition values-grrr!
But I did very well- I had a spinach salad with extra tomatoes and balsamic vinaigrette with sautéed vegetables. Not bad and when we got home I only had 4 peanut M&M's-no cake! Oh how I wanted to eat the whole bowl! But oh how I wanted to eat that cake more!!!but I knew that was a road I did not want to go down-not because I consider cake "bad" it's just that I know my calorie range I try to stay in and had not budgeted the piece of cake or larges amount of M&M's!
Looking forward to my run tomorrow and will blog about it tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
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