Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Ok so maybe joining the gym was a bad idea. I go more or less every day for approximately 2 hours give or take. But it's pushing me down to a place i didn't want to go but now that I am going, it feels good.
My eating habits have shot WAY down. Since Christmas, I've lost 13 pounds. All I'm eating at this point is breakfast and supper. I've started lying to my parents when they ask what I had for lunch (or snack or whatever). They keep saying I need to eat more.
2 weeks ago now, I made myself an appointment with a nurse at school because I was wondering if maybe I was developing a disorder. She pulled out the Food Guide and after asking me about my eating habits told me for now I should concentrate on my protein intake as well as dairy. Fruits and veggies can wait. She also gave me another pamphlet with different snacks ideas and said that I should make myself an appointment with the nutritionist on campus. So I did. That appointment is tomorrow.
Because of the weight loss, it is getting harder to do certain things. Lying down hurts in any position. If I'm lying on my back, it's my shoulder blades digging in that hurt; on my side its my ribs etc. Bending down to reach or wipe something on the floor as I had to do on Sunday, I had to wrap my right arm around my ribs while using my left hand to wipe up what I had accidentally spilled. At the gym, there are things I can't do like sit ups or crunches.
It's gotten to the point where my stomach no longer makes noise. Which I associate with "Okay, so I'm just not hungry". Which is what I tell my parents: "I'm not going to eat if I'm not hungry. What's the point?"
While at home, during the day I avoid the kitchen if its not to get a glass of water. Eating makes me anxious. I used to ask my mom "What's for supper out of curiosity. In the last month, it's become "What's for supper?" so that I can try to overcome the anxiety that eating brings.