Thursday, May 29, 2008
It's been a few weeks since last update. Not much has changed with Brenda. She is home, she had a minor set back the after coming home from the hospital. My brother actually had to take her back to the ER the folllowning night but they didn't admitt her, they just got her pain under control. There was a huge thing with the pharamcy and not filling one of the pain med's. Saturday morning the doctor called and chewed the people at the pharamcy a new butt hole and then some. She's still in pain, but she said its not extreme pain. She's not eating well. She'll eat, but she still isn't eating the right foods. My brother has made many recipes for her out of the cookbooks I bought for them, but she has yet to like anything that my brother has made for her. I know in my deepest gut, she will never get better if she can not eat the foods that she needs to eat. Her nutrition levels are still in the pits and she is still smoking and still eating CRAPPY FOOD...how are her nutritional levels going to come up with that??
On myself....May has sucked for exercise and for eating clean. Today is day 2 of being back on track. I ate really well yesterday...had 1 not so clean snack...Pringles and some Coke. That was yesterday and today is today. Today I ate my oatmeal with blueberries with some almond nut butter mixed in. It was really good and soothing. I did level 2 of Shred yesterday and I also went running with Johnathon last night. I didn't wear my HRM so unsure what calories were burned or pace. I felt like crap while running, did some walking. John kept me on my toes though. There is part of one sub that is just a big loop. John says he wanted to see if he could lap me...great! we took off and I had to keep a steady pace and no walking in order to be sure he wouldn't lap me. He didn't lap me. I did have to walk right toward the end I counted to 10 and started to run again. He told me that he wanted me to run in another 5k with him this summer. I told him I would sign up for one I believe its on July 19th, it gives me some time to get back into it. I will be going back out this afternoon afterwork. I should just wait until this evening and do it with him, cause he pushes me to keep running. This kid has so much energy its unreal. I'm trying though to get back to the clean eating, the weights, the running. I was seeing such great things happening to my body and then May hit and the news on Brenda went from bad to worse. Exercise and whatever just didnt seem important to me at that time. Helping with their kids, meals, picking up and taking the 4 yr old to school was much more important than 20 or 30 minutes of exercise. I have to get back to me and I know that now.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Brenda finally made it home this afternoon. SHe was suppose to be released yesterday but her insurance company would not cover a home nurse. The hospital would not release her until they contacted the insurance and found a home nursing place that they would cover...they found one and now she is home waiting on the home nurse to come and set up the feeding tube. She will have the tube from 9pm-9am every night. They delivered cases of the "food" that goes into the feeding tube and all the medical supplies.
My brother actually used the cookbook I bought him. I was so happy to hear he used it and Brenda said he went out and bought a bunch of food to make more recipes for her. I also took another book to her this afternoon, "how to beat cancer through nutrition" I went last night and highlighted certain points, told her if she's too tired to read the entire book, atleast read what I highlighted. When we pulled up though she was sitting on the front porch smoking and that nearly brought Kiersten to tears. Kiersten says why is she still smoking, she then says I don't get it! Neither do I, I'm not going to harp on her about anything.
I took my youngest nephew tonight to his end of the year picnic at school. Stayed a few hours and then he's like I want to see my momma, took him home and spent a hour or so with her just to visit with her. Brenda just looks so bad, I mean bad. She said she looked like a WW II camp prisoner, frankly she does. She is so frail, so weak and I actually thought she had a yellow tint to her again....not sure. I mentioned it to her mother but her mother didn't see it.
As for me....I'm getting there. I'm mentally starting to come back together. I'm trying to just start with eating better, I will work the exercise back in as soon as I'm not killing myself to work it back in. I went today for my massive blood workup. 16 things of blood was taken---16!! 7 of them were the bigger ones, the rest were the smaller ones. I'm being checked for hypothyroidism and a host of other things. Vitamin and mineral defiencies I dont remember all the other things. I went last week and seen the holistic doctor, I really liked him and I'm so glad he agreed to take me on as a patient. I go back in 2 weeks to get more blood drawn, just one vile this time. As of today I'm off the Caduet medication, he wants to see where my cholestrol levels go in the 2 weeks of being off of it. He mentioned that it would be checked again I think he said in 2 months. He about freaked when I told him it was 105. He said its more dangerous to be that low than it is to be over 285. I'm off of one medication, he said we'll slowly work on the Plavix, he said with that one we do need to take our time. I told him I was very nervous about going off of that one, but I want off of it.
until next time and thanks for listening
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The most current news on my sister in law is not the greatest. She has been in the hospital since May 9th. She may get to come home today, but I"m not sure about that.
She had an open lung biopsy this past Friday the 16th. The results were not what we were hoping for. They came back positive for cancer. Which means her chances of beating the pancreatic cancer is not good. her surgeon explained to us on the 9th that if the lung biopsy came back positive she would have at the most 12 months but mostly likely 4 to 6 months. Our famililes have been a total wreck since getting this news. Her parents are in complete denial. Her mom thinks a cure will be found next week and Brenda will be just fine. Her dad thinks everything has to be cleared through him and not her husband. Her dad has gotten into it with the surgeon but the surgeon stood his ground and argued back with him and said I dont have to answer to you. I answer to Brenda and/or her husband. There is so much tension between her parents and my brother, but my brother is afraid of rocking the boat too much. He is walking on eggshells around them.
I'm unsure what her next step will be. My brother mentioned something about another round of chemo. As of right now though she is under 100 pounds..I'm guessing even around 90 to 95 pounds. She was unable to keep food down, they did another scope on Monday and the doctors believe the reason for her throwing up is one of her external stents was placed to far inside her and it was getting wrapped up with the stomach and her intestines. They fixed it and she has been able to keep food down since. I say food but at the most its jello and liquids. Her doctor will not do chemo on her if she is under 100 pounds. He stopped chemo once before because she fell under 100 pounds.
I have not been the same since this has began. Right now exercising doesn't happen. I'm busy with work, my kids and activities, Andy's kids, and the fact that my heart is just not into a routine. I've tried a few times but I can't get through the routine without feeling some sort of guilt. I should be doing this, or I need to go do this. Eating right has been difficult. Mornings after work are spent at the hospital, I work, go back to see her and just sit with her to keep her from going insane. Then my kids are home and its soccer and John started his running group last week. That is Tuesdays and Thursdays for almost 2 hours. I did walk last night for a few laps but like i said my mind just isn't in it. I'm trying to atleast eat better. I'm eating my healthy breakfast again, lunches are were I struggle. its been Wendy's and AppleBee's for lunch and sometimes for dinner. I think we had Wendy's twice last week...i had Wendy's twice. I had AppleBee's on Monday. It just seems so unimportant right now compared to what they are going through. We explained to our kids the other night what the positive result means and as hard as it was for our kids, I can't imagine what it must of been like for Brenda to tell her 13 almost 14 yr old daughter that news.
Today I did decide though I was going to do atleast 20 minutes. I was asked to work in the preschool class today. I said yes, the preschool class is where I wanted to be and not latchkey. My only free time today is right now. I could of used it to exercise but I didn't. I have a doctors appointment today at 3:30 and my girls have soccer tonight at 6. I guess I could walk around the subdivision when my girls are at practice....but I have errands that will need to get done sometime today as well. I just have so much going on this is why I started thinking exercising just isn't important. I do know it is for me and my heart. thanks for listening
Sunday, May 11, 2008
She was at her lowest point she has been at since this has all began. She's talking about not wanting anymore test and giving up. She's scared to death of the open lung biopsy. They will be cutting her open, spreading her rib cage back and taking 3 samples of her lungs. She felt ill last night and was crying that she didnt want to get sick because she knew how much it was going to hurt. She is in so much pain from the tubes coming out of her body and the fact that they were inside of her poking around. She is on 2 or 3 different pain meds, that really don't seem to be working long at all for her. NUrse came in gave her some pain med, she felt fine for about 30 to 45 minutes that was it. She had to wait another hour before her next pain med. She was in pain. By the time we left the nurse was waiting on the med for her upset stomach, she ordered it but the pharamacy was taking too long.
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