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Humorous Truths for Mature Humans in the 21st Century

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I thought this email forward was pretty funny..... ENJOY!!!
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Humorous Truths for Mature Humans in the 21st Century


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAPOWILICIOUS 6/2/2010 3:42PM

    LOL!!!! So, SOOO true!

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SPEECHIED 5/30/2010 11:17AM

    Ahahahahaha! These made me chuckle! emoticon

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PJCHILIS 5/27/2010 8:34AM

    Oh so true.

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BUSY_MOM3 5/26/2010 9:33PM

    ROFL Oh, Elaine! This was HILARIOUS! Thanks for sharing! :)

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MISSION_MOMMA 5/26/2010 8:55PM

    This is awesome! Thanks.

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MAXFOCUS 5/26/2010 6:06PM

    emoticonThose are great!

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CALLENIUS 5/26/2010 4:53PM

    That was GREAT! Thanks for posting it :)

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RSHDSTCKS 5/26/2010 4:35PM

  Thank you for this. I needed a laugh today. I hope you don't mind that I copied and shared this with some friends.

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I conquered my fear today!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Today I conquered my fear and it feels great!

My trainer had me do a polymetric workout. One of the things he had me do was jump from a step stool to the floor and then jump up to a high weight bench. When he was explaining what he wanted me to do I just looked at him and said, so you want me to hurt myself today huh!

I used to be a dare devil.... loved the thrill of things. But once becoming a mom, I now look at things differently.... more cautiously. I need to stay in one piece for my kids! But I took his challenge and decided that I am going to do it. My first try at it I ended up jumping up the "cautious" way, one foot at a time. But then I just changed my mind set and said that I was going to do this. And so I did! I jumped with landing on both feet onto that bench. It was an amazing feeling to overcome that fear of hurting myself. It felt so great! And my trainer was so proud and complimenting me at how fast I catch onto things.

So my challenge for you today or this week..... step out of your comfort zone. You may surprise yourself at what you can do!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPEECHIED 5/30/2010 11:15AM

    WOW Elaine! Good For YOU! emoticon

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MYGIRLBELLA 5/20/2010 3:32PM

    Oh my gosh -- that is awsome! I am terrified of heights and I know it's not very high, but I'd have a hard time too! Great job :D

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MAXFOCUS 5/16/2010 12:14AM

    emoticon emoticonYou are amazing. I just love reading about you accomplishing new personal bests and overcoming your fears.

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TX.PATRICIA 5/14/2010 9:15AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CALLENIUS 5/14/2010 9:13AM

    Yippee!!! THat is sooo wonderful! I understand how you feel. My friend and I just started to do major plyometric workouts and I was terrified at first with all that jumping around. I was sure my knee was going to give out and I would fall in a heap of pain and tears on the floor :) Its a great feeling when you realize how strong your body is and what it can accomplish.

You ROCK!!!

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BRATS4 5/13/2010 6:22PM

    great.i know i could not do it.so glad you was able.

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 5/13/2010 6:10PM

    emoticon
I'm so proud of you!!! Jumping is scary. I started out on a little 4" platform, then worked my way up to a 12" platform. I couldn't imagine jumping up to a weight bench height - that's at least double! Good for you!!!

I'm going to take you up on your challenge. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do, but I'm thinking I may try to traverse the monkey bars at my local playground. Never been able to do that, but I've never been able to do 20 push-ups before, either...and now I can! Who knows?
emoticon

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BECKYLIVES 5/13/2010 5:43PM

    WOO HOO!!! I think my knees would complain loudly if I did that! They are loud now, let alone doing that! Good job! I'm so proud of you!

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_MIDNIGHT_ 5/13/2010 4:50PM

  Wow, dont think I could do that yet even if I tried! I understand about being more cautious when you have kids, I use to be so spontaneous and loved the dangerous things in life but now I too look and think about how I could get hurt and that my son needs me. Although I almost lost my life last year which may be contributing to the 'I need to stay alive!' thing :)
Keep it up!

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KARVY09 5/13/2010 4:37PM

    That's fantastic. I would have a difficult time doing that too! Congrats on trying something new!

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LILPAT3 5/13/2010 4:35PM

    Good for you. I had both knees rebuilt the last few months and the idea of jumping puts me in tears!. I do a little more each day but I believe my new nickname should be "gingerly". emoticon

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I ran my first 10k!

Monday, April 19, 2010

What an awesome stress reliever running is! I have been under some stress and worry for my Grandpa so my trainer suggested I go for a nice long run. (Which I already had planned)

So Saturday morning I got up bright and early, laced up my running shoes, and was on the road to meet up with my friend. The streets were pretty bare and the sun was just starting to come up. The birds were chirping away and you could feel the cold moist air on your lungs. But we were ready and had our route all mapped out. We were going to try running for 6.2 miles, an official 10k race. We both had it in our heads to just take our time and try not to walk. We live in a hilly city so there were a few major hills to tackle with the mileage.

It started out like my normal morning runs - Feeling like I couldn't breathe. Once I got used to the cold air, my lungs started working right. We chatted the whole way unless we were on a hill. Both giving each other encouragement to make it up the hill. A perfect morning run! We had to walk after running up one of the steep hills (this one was our biggest hill). My legs were burning with pain from the incline. We walked for a few seconds after reaching the top to catch our breath and then continued running. We ran the whole time! All 6.2 miles!!!

And get this.... we finished in 1:05! We couldn't believe it.... We just ran a 10k with hills and did it in just a little over an hour! This was my first time running this distance and I did it!

And I wasn't that exhausted either, we both probably could have went more. It is such a great feeling to accomplish distance like this and feel fit enough to do it. Our next run we are planning on going 7.5 or 8 miles. I'm doing it and it feels GREAT!!!

CORRECTION: Just talked with my friend and I guess we actually went 6.4 miles. So just a little bit more than I thought but still, great time for that mileage!!! And we were so close to going 6.5.... WOO HOO!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ETGRIP 4/28/2010 10:28PM

    So proud of you run, nice job. You are a machine.

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MESKLINITE 4/20/2010 11:00AM

    emoticon That is fantastic! Keep up the great job. emoticon

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TX.PATRICIA 4/20/2010 9:18AM

    emoticon

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GREENDIESEL 4/20/2010 9:16AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MILDEXSPI 4/19/2010 8:01PM

    emoticon Elaine! That is fantastic.

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TAPPANGA 4/19/2010 3:59PM

    emoticon

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PJCHILIS 4/19/2010 3:18PM

    You really set the standard.--PJ

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CINDERELLA-GIRL 4/19/2010 1:39PM

    Awesome!!! You did such a great job!!!!! emoticon

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PUFFKINKITTY 4/19/2010 1:12PM

    You are amazing! Way to go!

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 4/19/2010 1:00PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
That's so great!! You are one amazing lady - keep it up!

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KRISSYGRAPE 4/19/2010 12:02PM

    Congrats!!! That is amazing :)

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MAXFOCUS 4/19/2010 10:53AM

    emoticonFantastic!!! I'm seeing a half-marathon in your future.
emoticon

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RIPLEIGH_MICH 4/19/2010 10:40AM

    Great job!

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MYBULLDOGS 4/19/2010 10:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon on running your 10 k race.

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KARVY09 4/19/2010 10:25AM

    Congrats on your 10K! What a great time too!!!

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GROOVYCHICK9 4/19/2010 10:24AM

    That is great! Good for you! Keep up the good work.

emoticon

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LILPAT3 4/19/2010 10:23AM

    Congratulations! Keep up the good work. You are emoticon and will have more energy to work with as well. Don't be too bummed if the next run isen't quite what you want it to be...know that it is normal for each run to be different. Sometimes it is easy and the next you might really struggle. emoticon

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25, 50, 75 - Fitness Program

Friday, April 02, 2010

So today my trainer had me do the 25, 50, 75 program. Man am I beat!

emoticon

I could barely finish my lunch because I had such a tough workout. (I can't eat if I work out too hard.... weird thing about me I guess!) I am exhausted!

This program is for trainers, firefighters, policemen, etc.... You start with 4-5 different exercises and do 25 reps per workout. Then you start all over again and do 50 reps. Then you start all over again doing 75 reps. This is done with no weights... just using body weight. (I don't think I could do this with weights!)

So basically I ended up doing 150 squats, 150 push ups, 150 step ups (per foot), 150 assisted chin ups, and 150 crunches/situps. It worked all my muscle groups and I am feeling it! I did this in 40 minutes and did not stop. The step ups were by far the most draining for me. Along with the push ups too..... But I did it! And I am so proud of myself. My trainer was amazed and loved my determination. He couldn't believe that I didn't stop and that it only took 40 minutes to go through the workout. So of course, that made me smile ear to ear!

Now if only I could take a nice long nap...... emoticon but I am stuck at work.

P.S.
I took my oldest son for a bike ride last night. We only went 5-6 miles but chatted pretty much the whole time. He was asking me, " Mom, do you REALLY work out this hard everyday".... And I just looked at him and said, "Sure do. Even harder some days". He then went on to saying... I don't think you really do because I am struggling with these hills and I can't believe that you work out harder than this.

I guess I need to get him to the gym with me to see me in action. (I told him that too!) He thinks his 'old' mom can't be this fit... guess I need to prove him wrong!

Hmmmm......maybe I should have him do the above program with me at home. See how long he lasts.....!

emoticon Muah...ha...ha....ha....ha!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TX.PATRICIA 4/6/2010 9:48AM

    Sounds like an AWESOME workout! Good for you completing it!

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KRISSYGRAPE 4/5/2010 6:55PM

    WAY TO GO proving your kid how fit you are! I think you should take him to the gym to see you in action.

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MAXFOCUS 4/4/2010 11:16AM

    That would be funny to see your son at the gym with you - I think he would start calling you Wonder Woman or Super Mom or something like that. You are doing so great!

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 4/3/2010 10:29AM

    Wow, that sounds like a great workout!! I'm impressed you can do 150 pushups and chin-ups! My upper body strength is nearly nonexistent, but I did manage to eke out 10 real push-ups earlier this week. Woo hoo!

But you are doing great - super-fit lady!! Your son will figure that out in no time...especially if you keep pushing him. Go, mom~!


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PJCHILIS 4/3/2010 10:28AM

    You do need to have your kids see your work out, it will instill so much into them. Also, it will build great respect for women. You are a marvel--PJ

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CHELAVON 4/3/2010 5:59AM

    I love it! You go girl!!!

That is so nice to hear, how the feeling of success goes along way. I think I will try to do some of that when I get lead in my butt and want to sit on the couch.

Enjoy your weekend and Happy Easter :)

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CALLENIUS 4/2/2010 3:40PM

    OMGosh that is awesome! Congrats to you on finishing it. It sounds super hard. I am totally going to have to try that...eeeek :)
How fun to go on a bike ride with your son. Its always fun to include the kids in your fitness and such a special time together to chat.

Happy Easter to you and your family!

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A little banged up and bruised but smiling this morning.....

Friday, March 26, 2010

So yesterday I am on my way home from work and walking to my parking lot. I am always in a hurry to get home.... don't know why, I just always am. So the red light that I had to wait for was not working for me. So what do I do, I start walking but then notice a car coming so I start running. In the midst of everything... it all went so fast.... I find myself falling forward. Not sure if I tripped over a crack or my own two feet but I land on my knees and hands in the middle of the road. OUCH! emoticon

I get up as fast as I went down and start walking again, totally embarrassed. I had a few people ask me if I was ok and I just nod and say, "just a little embarrassed". I finally get to my car and once safely inside I assess the damage. I ripped a big hole in my brand new smaller size pants emoticon, both knees are bleeding, my foot is scraped, both hands are bleeding, and I have road rash on my hands. Just a little banged up!

I drive home with my knees bleeding... don't really care about the pants now since they have the huge hole in the knee. And I needed to wrap kleenex around my fingers.

My kids helped play doctor fixing me up when I got home. And my hubby just laughed... only because he said that I deserved it for violating the traffic laws.

To top it off we had a penance service at church last night and the priest had us kneel down. Owie!!! That really hurt but I guess that is my penance for the traffic violation.

But I had a huge smile this morning after reading my email. I was voted Spark People Motivator. Thank you all that nominated me! There are so many inspiring people here on Spark People for me I never thought of myself as one. So thank you.... you have me smiling ear to ear and even through my pain! emoticon

Have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIANE929 4/9/2010 6:36PM

    So glad you are ok....



Well,summer is comming...make those new smaller size pants into new smaller size shorts!!! emoticon

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MAXFOCUS 3/27/2010 1:00AM

    emoticon emoticonYou totally deserve to be a motivator. It has been fun reading your posts for the past year and you have definitely motivated me!

Hope your hands and knees are feeling better soon. emoticon

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BECKYLIVES 3/27/2010 12:01AM

    It's good to know I'm not alone in this world! I've done the very same thing! Hope your knees get better soon!

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KRISSYGRAPE 3/26/2010 9:32PM

    Ouchy girl, I hope you heal up quick and congrats again you motivator you emoticon

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 3/26/2010 3:19PM

    emoticon emoticon on being a SparkPeople Motivator!! You are an inspiration - you're just so dedicated to living healthy and sticking to your plans no matter what life throws your way.

Sorry you are all banged up. Hope you heal up soon!

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PJCHILIS 3/26/2010 1:48PM

    Heal quickly and congratulations.--PJ

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2BTHINMAMMA 3/26/2010 11:40AM

    emoticonOUCH!! Hope your injuries heal quickly!! Poor thing. Glad you are ok. emoticonon being a Spark Motivator! You so derserve it!!

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TX.PATRICIA 3/26/2010 11:21AM

    Ouch on the accident, yet congrats on becoming a SparkPeople Motivator! That's just AWESOME!

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CAROLMAROL54 3/26/2010 11:02AM

    Ouch! I know about triping that happens to me too! emoticon emoticon for being motivator of the day! wow!Hope you heal up fast! ~Carolmarol54

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CALLENIUS 3/26/2010 10:43AM

    Congrats to you on being a motivator! Hope your injuries heal quickly :)

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CHRIS3215 3/26/2010 10:37AM

    emoticon emoticonon being Motivator of the Day!
Also sorry for your injuries.
Hope you heal fast!
Have a Great Friday!

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NANCYSIPES 3/26/2010 10:34AM

  Congrats Ms. Motivator!! Good thing you have such great Doctor's at home!! Have a bruise-free weekend!

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BRATS4 3/26/2010 10:32AM

    i know about always being in a hurry.why?glad to hear you are alright.

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SPORTSMOM03 3/26/2010 10:30AM

    Ouch! Hope your knees heal quickly. Congratulations on being named Motivator!

Have a great weekend!

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