Thursday, October 10, 2013
Yesterday I didn't get enough calories in. I had forgotten my packed lunch at home, and had carpooled to work..lesson learned - I will take a whole week's worth of lunches in every Monday!
Anyway, I must have felt hungry while I was sleeping because I actually dreamt that a friend left a clear bag with lemon and chocolate squares on a seat next to me. I could see the squares and couldn't resist temptation so I ate 1 1/2 of them. In my dream I thought about my diet, but thought "what the heck, I will eat them anyway!" I was relieved when I woke up and realized it was a dream!
It's amazing how the mind continues to work out our problems while we are asleep! Every day this week I have been invited out to eat and have declined.
I am gonna stay calm and Spark on!
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Calories Consumed: 1123
Fitness Minutes: 0
I had to bolt early to work this morning, and got back just in time to see the sunset!
It was simply stunning!
I did pack my lunch again before I ran out the door, and I ate well-balanced meals. I am going to pull up a Spark video or two tonight - I haven't had a chance to pick up a Zumba video. I may end up ordering one on Amazon tonight, not sure when I can get to the store.
Anyway, tonight my husband and son wanted to go to a local restaurant for dinner to get buffalo chicken nachos. They went and I stayed home :)
I also got invited to 1/2 price burger night at the restaurant next to my house - literally next door - I can walk there! I declined that offer too. Anyway, it isn't hard to see why I gained some weight back!
I spent some time after dinner going through the Shooting Stars team page. I think I have all my templates set up now, I should be ready to go!
Have a fantastic evening!
Monday, October 07, 2013
Calories Consumed: 1143
Fitness Minutes: 20
After I walked the Bostons this morning I spent my entire work day
in front of the computer. Last week I changed all of the hardware and software. And I also had to upgrade to Windows 8...ugh!
I did pack my lunch which worked out great. I was going to walk the dogs after dinner but we are getting a lot of rain.
My husband and I received a free 4 day, 3 night voucher to Secrets in Jamaica. They gave us the voucher last October because Hurricane Sandy hit. We booked a trip there for the last week in October. M
Our friends said they would keep an eye in our sick son. His brother will check on him as well. My husband and I really need the break and time for us. And we aren't wasting free days at an all inclusive!
Sunday, October 06, 2013
Calories Consumed: 1276
Fitness Minutes: 140
Last week I went on a last minute cruise with my son who has anorexia. He flew down to Ft Lauderdale on a Friday morning and by 4:30 PM said my husband and I could join him if we wanted. I think he got lonely fast and everyone telling him the trip wasn't a good idea in his condition started to sink in. Anyway, my husband had a lot to do and I was caught up at work so I ended up going. I flew down that Sunday and met my son on the ship. It was the "Allure of the Seas" which is currently the biggest cruise ship out there.
The ship was very nice and very clean. I saw the show "Chicago", comedy acts, diving acts - all were totally amazing. The only show I saw with my son was the comedy show. When we were on the ship we would meet for meals, most of the rest of the time I was on my own. I must admit I was pretty lonely - lots of families and couples hanging out together.
I did manage to get in the excursions he had booked in Jamaica and in Mexico. It turned out to be a very good thing that I went, my son literally passed out right in front of Bob Marley's crypt! He can't handle the heat at all. The Dr said between his low blood pressure and light tissues it's not good for him at all. It was very scary for me to see him go down. Two of us carried him out and into the shade. He didn't seem worried or scared at all!!
In Mexico he didn't do the snorkeling, tubing, biking or zip line. I am hoping he came to the realization that he couldn't do the things he paid for because of his health. He didn't even think to go in air conditioning or drink water. God knows what would have happened if I wasn't there. At any rate, I was so thankful when we both got home.
The highlight of my trip was learning how to flash mob dance. We took several lessons then actually did it the last night. It was a lot of fun. I liked zumba too and decided to sign up for it in my town. I did run 5k almost every day, too. But I did eat more than I should have which helped me along to today...
I went through my blogs when I lost the last that I had to and decided to join the Fall 5% Challenge. I also decided to go back on Nutrisystem and change up my exercise a bit. I have to get myself back in gear. I know it will help me deal with my stressors better. My husband and sons know I am doing it so they will have to go out to eat without me if that is what they want to do. I will make their dinner at home when they want it and eat something similar from Nutrisystem. I did it that way last time and it went well. I also told them I will be packing my work lunch. They said they will do the same thing. I feel better already knowing that I have a plan.
So, that is it for the moment! I hope you have a fantastic week!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
I am just so sad...
My anorexic son booked a vacation - by himself. 2 days in Ft Lauderdale, FL then a 7 day cruise on Royal Carribean to Jamaica, Haiti, and 2 other places.
He is going by himself! - starts tomorrow!
My husband and I told him our feelings about it and he is still going. Next week will be the longest of our lives - EVER. Tonight I told him he has been one of the biggest highlights of my life. He just waved at me!
I hate anorexia! It has made my son a narcissist and reduced his brain to mush. He had a real high IQ before this started. Now he can't think and has to weigh himself three times a day.
I hate that damn scale! I am tired of the word "diet". What happened to just being healthy? 300lb plus people are healthier than my 100lb son.
And, guess what - bulemia isn't just about throwing up...excessive exercise is considered bulemia!
I am sorry if this freaks you out - it is a reality. One thing I have learned over the past 9 months of my son'a illness is that it doesn't take much to go over the other side, it is absolutely the most scariest nightmare to watch your child literally starve. An eating disorder IS A MENTAL DISORDER. and it affects everyone around the person who has it.
The reality is that I cry at some point every single day. Some days it is so hard to get up, but I do. My husband and I can't plan anything ahead - we have lost a lot of money on trips we have had to cancel last minute because we will be there for our son first. I thank God our relationship is solid - I can't begin to imagine going through this myself. I am going through hell.
The reality is that we have to follow our son into bathrooms and call him on throwing up; we have to watch him- starving - order a salad while he is starving literally to death. He has no life anymore, his fingers are ice cold and his sense if humor and ornary smile are completely gone.
I miss him so much - and he lives in my house.
What do I do? I pray A LOT. And I put all my trust in God. And I listen to positive music. And I run. and I have to get support on FEAST - a parent anorexic website. I have to go to social services to find out there is nothing I. can do because he is 24. My son knows how I feel. I have not held back. I can't - if I lose him at least I know I said my peace.
So, what is my point in telling all of you - trying to lose weight or maintain?
Please don't let it get obsessive. My son always goes back to when he was heavy in high school, so proud that he lost weight. He got compliments, so he kept going. Started eating half of everything - now its a quarter.
There is a fine line.
Please be careful ....
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