Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I got a nice 3.7 mile run in this morning. I am trying to figure out how to schedule it in before it gets too hot.
My son needs to eat breakfast at 7:30. Breakfast is his biggest meal. He never ate breakfast before this - even when he was little it was such a struggle! Now it is his favorite meal, so we go out every morning to one of his three favorite restaurants. I bought food items to make breakfast here - he loves jalapeņos so I have those, eggs, feta cheese, and steak in the fridge - ready to cook. He still wants to go out instead! So I end up eating it for my lunch while he is at therapy!
Anyway, I get up at 6, take Roxy out for her walk, then get ready and am out the door at 7:30. I eat a light breakfast out with him, then run when we get back to the apartment. It's been real hot here (90's) since I came back, so if I don't get out then it doesn't happen. I am focusing on running every morning now so I should be ok. After I run I hop in the hot tub then the pool. It is a nice reward.
I am eating more so my son eats more. I am hitting close to 2000 cals per day ( I am used to 1200 - 1500). He eats more when I eat more, so I have to right now. I am going to up my miles. My mom (a runner) said when I get to ten miles it won't affect me. Right now I have a gut and it is uncomfortable.
Running is so good for my spirit. My son is moody. His therapist told me to stay on him about eating (he has to finish 100% of his plate, eat 3000 + cals, not drink any beer, etc). I pick my battles. He is eating a lot more and foods he didn't eat before (potatoes, gravy, butter - yes, all the things most of us need to avoid!). And restaurant portions are so huge. One thing I do point out is for him not to eat half of anything. We are taught to do that - anorexics do that as a habit and cardinal rule. I told him that's why he has to eat more than half so he does.
Anyway, quite frequently he says mean things - its not easy being the food police! I feel like i am walking on egg shells. I am told it's "normal" because he is malnourished and using his disease as power. This is what wears me down. I have put my entire life on hold, am away from my husband, home and friends and it is not appreciated. He was not raised this way and it should not be. It has my brother furious. There are lots of times where I want to say "screw it" and go home but when I am not here he drops a lot of weight - and fast. I can't wait until he is more even-keeled.
So that is why running is so important to me. Besides Roxy, it is the only thing I have out here, all the way across the country. I love to listen to my positive music as I run - it gives me a much deserved mental break.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The past two weeks have been such a whirlwind!!
Two weeks ago I was training for the Delaware Half Marathon - right on schedule. I was so proud that I was still on track while in California and dealing with my 24 year old son's anorexia.
Then...there was a curve ball. My son's therapist said he should fly home to Maryland to file a restraining order against his exgirlfriend. We both flew back to Maryland. He filed a "peace order" and was told he had to appear back in court the following Friday. During that week I saw him go back to his anorexic eating habits. The following Friday the judge said his ex wasn't served and it was extended to the following Wednesday. Since she lives in Delaware and Delaware police don't have to serve it when the Maryland sheriff sends it to them we realized this could go on forever. My son needed therapy and had missed a week and a half of therapy so we sent him back. Then we find out she got served the following Monday, went on Weds - he wasn't there- so it got dismissed and she is now continuing to email a d friend request him on Facebook! The therapist assured us he could stay in California on his own and didn't need us because he had a strong team of doctors. I texted her and told her he wasn't eating right and she needed to weigh him that Monday when he got back.
During the time my son and I were home in Maryland my parents came back up from Florida to their house in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware for the summer. They own a very large house and had decided in the Fall to sell it and move near me since they are now in their early 70s and looking ahead for when they have health issues, etc. They didn't expect their house to sell for a couple years but sold it as soon as they got back to Delaware. They spent most of the time I was home at my house. This means that I had two weeks to spend with my husband and they were there most of the time! And we didn't get advance notice!! They literally pulled in our driveway on a Saturday morning, woke us up and stayed til Tuesday! And kept coming back!! I didn't get to run at all. I love them but it was too much. All the conversations were about my brother and his wicked divorce, my grandmom and her dementia and my son. My dad actually accused my son of "being on something" while my dad was - ironically - on something called way too much alcohol! That night ticked my husband and I off so much that we haven't talked to my dad too much since.
So...what happened to the Delaware Marathon, you ask...
My husband was supposed to fly out to California last Sunday and fly back to Maryland Friday (I was signed up for the De HM and he was signed up for the 4 person relay). I was supposed to fly back to California next Wednesday.
Then...my mom tells me that she and my dad are flying to California last Thursday for my brother's big court case. She said they would take care of my son. After what my dad said and how opinionated he is - my husband said we needed to look out for our son. My dad was on my husband's nerves and we didn't want the other three people on his relay team to miss out so I ended up getting the short end of the stick!!
Meanwhile, the therapist didn't answer my text, then my son reports he only had therapy Monday and Friday this past week. (he did have neurotherapy everyday). He was weighed yesterday at 114 pounds! He has now lost 19 lbs since leaving the hospital! Yesterday was the first time he was told his weight, so he was quite upset. Yesterday the therapist also decided to introduce him to a food tracker to track his calories. He is using it constantly - eating WAY better and said he wished he knew about it earlier.
Those of you who know me, know I love to track my food. I didn't tell him because I didn't know if it was good for anorexics - seems like it could be a double edged sword so I followed the therapists' lead.
Yesterday I flew back to CA. I met with the therapist in the afternoon. My son has lost weight every week since he has come out of the hospital and into her care. She is nice but contradicted things she said to him earlier. Even things said in front of me with him. She denied it but at the time she was adamently supporting him so I know it was BS. Anyway, I mentioned he had a beer and snack before a meal and I thought it may have filled him up before the meal so he didn't eat as much of his meal (ate the rest an hour later). I told her he seemed more motivated with calorie counting.
She then gets him on speaker and tells him that if he doesn't gain weight everyday for two weeks that he has to go to an intreatment place (that she knocked totally down two weeks before or an all male place in Wisconsin). Now, he has never heard this before - I am in her office - and he is on speaker by himself at his apartment. She then tells him
He can't have beer for two weeks...
He immediately says "thanks Mom"
So...I drive home to a text from my son saying "u r on ur own".
I leave him alone last night, he is still not speaking to me today. He said he had given up everything, and is doing everything the therapist has told him to do. She killed the trust I had with him. It was most important and what has kept him trying to fix himself. I told my husband what was going on. I texted my son - who was in the other room - and told him I don't care if he has a beer but it can't count towards his 3600 calories. Ironically my husband sent him a text at the same time with the same idea!! Right now this kid needs to eat!!! He is not drinking a lot of beer or even beer everyday. I did tell him not to drink it ahead of a meal so he is not feeling filled. I didn't tell him but I really am not happy that she threw 3 negative things at him over the phone! And she knew he was alone! It made him want to quit - thank God I was here!
And that is why I am letting the Delaware Half Marathon 2013 go - the goal of my son's survival is so much more important! Hey! I think I will put it in my goal list!
So... What about me?? I am exhausted!! Now my parents are here in California not sure when I will be running! I am eating way too much - my son has to eat constantly so we are at restaurants all the time. I am so full and tired of eating but have to in front of him. I have a gut and feel so uncomfortable! My 50th birthday is next week and it's gonna suck (sorry, but that is the right word). I want to go home but can't!!
The only saving grace is that Roxy is with me. She is the only "normal" thing in my life. Not sure how many of you have read "A Dog's Purpose" but she definitely has one!!
So, that's my life right now. I really am ready for this to be done. A close Sparkbuddy who has been through this said its gonna take a couple of years. I think it may be easier when my son comes home. It may be really soon. I am not thrilled with his therapist and he knows he has three months to be ok - my husband and I will no longer support this California life style!
I did realize today that he was not given any short term goals - its all negative. I told him if he gains weight everyday we will drive to las Vegas next weekend for my birthday. He has never been and really wants to go.
I apologize that I haven't kept up with all your blogs. I hope you are having a great weekend!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Those of you who have "known" me for over two years know this has always been the background on my Sparkpage. I have never thought to change it because it has always applied to my situation - no matter what it has been. At first it was to walk 30 mins, then to run/walk 30 mins. It has been there while I survived Jillian Michaels using Ifit on the treadmill, training for my first 5k, my first 10k, a bunionectomy, and 4 1/2 marathons! For the past three months it has helped reinforce the end of the tunnel with the nightmare I am going through with my son. We take baby steps day by day and things are getting better. Six weeks ago I prepared for his death and here he is now almost thirty pounds heavier wanting to get better. Today we found out he still has a long qt (heart issue). We were really hoping it was related to malnutrition and would be gone. Problem is that it is also hereditary and his second cousin has it. She is 8 years old and if she faints again or has another attack she will get a pace maker! My son has never had any of the side affects but it is the reason why young guys all of a sudden, out of the blue have a heart attack and die. So I thank God we found out. My son will go to a cardiologist and do all preventative steps necessary.
I talk to my husband several times during the day since we can't see eachother a lot with one of us being in California right now. He had hoisted a few with his BFF and voiced that this is all starting to get to him. I am going home with my son tomorrow night so I will get to see my husband for a week. Now he wants me and him to take a cross country road trip with a uhaul and Roxy and my son's car. I am all for it - another thing off my bucket list!
My husband and I have been married almost 26 years. This is the most time we have ever spent apart. I am actually flattered and surprised that he misses me! He complains a lot when I am around - my memory is bad and I repeat things a lot (which he always points out!). I guess I grew on him!! Anyway, my background quote helps me with this to - it will be worth it! My son will LIVE and be okay. I still honestly wonder if he will stay out in California. I personally think after his exgirlfriend drama (yes, she is still bugging him- his therapist thinks she has borderline personality disorder - can you say Jodi Arias?) that he should come home. He is safer across country right now and has a great team of doctors.
His therapist said she is happy he is flying right back after getting a restraining order because she thinks his ex is going to flip and go looking for him! Scary stuff! No wonder he is stressed!
So this is why I run!!!!!!!
Hope you are having a great week!
Remember - it's all worth it!
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