ROXYZMOM   76,430
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I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy, I am telling you it's gonna be worth it...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Those of you who have "known" me for over two years know this has always been the background on my Sparkpage. I have never thought to change it because it has always applied to my situation - no matter what it has been. At first it was to walk 30 mins, then to run/walk 30 mins. It has been there while I survived Jillian Michaels using Ifit on the treadmill, training for my first 5k, my first 10k, a bunionectomy, and 4 1/2 marathons! For the past three months it has helped reinforce the end of the tunnel with the nightmare I am going through with my son. We take baby steps day by day and things are getting better. Six weeks ago I prepared for his death and here he is now almost thirty pounds heavier wanting to get better. Today we found out he still has a long qt (heart issue). We were really hoping it was related to malnutrition and would be gone. Problem is that it is also hereditary and his second cousin has it. She is 8 years old and if she faints again or has another attack she will get a pace maker! My son has never had any of the side affects but it is the reason why young guys all of a sudden, out of the blue have a heart attack and die. So I thank God we found out. My son will go to a cardiologist and do all preventative steps necessary.

I talk to my husband several times during the day since we can't see eachother a lot with one of us being in California right now. He had hoisted a few with his BFF and voiced that this is all starting to get to him. I am going home with my son tomorrow night so I will get to see my husband for a week. Now he wants me and him to take a cross country road trip with a uhaul and Roxy and my son's car. I am all for it - another thing off my bucket list!

My husband and I have been married almost 26 years. This is the most time we have ever spent apart. I am actually flattered and surprised that he misses me! He complains a lot when I am around - my memory is bad and I repeat things a lot (which he always points out!). I guess I grew on him!! Anyway, my background quote helps me with this to - it will be worth it! My son will LIVE and be okay. I still honestly wonder if he will stay out in California. I personally think after his exgirlfriend drama (yes, she is still bugging him- his therapist thinks she has borderline personality disorder - can you say Jodi Arias?) that he should come home. He is safer across country right now and has a great team of doctors.
His therapist said she is happy he is flying right back after getting a restraining order because she thinks his ex is going to flip and go looking for him! Scary stuff! No wonder he is stressed!

So this is why I run!!!!!!!

Hope you are having a great week!

Remember - it's all worth it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DETERMINED_SOUL 4/28/2013 11:30AM

    I am so happy that things are getting better for your family. I know the situation is still scary, but there seems to be a light appearing at the end of the tunnel. I can see that this is also bringing your family so much closer. My prayers continue to be with you and your family as you go through this :)

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NEWKATHYNOW 4/26/2013 9:45PM

    I so understand the 'this is why I run', For years I ran to relieve job stress, to find solutions to problems at the job, and for peace. I'm so happy to hear your son is doing so well. Will keep you all in my prayers! emoticon







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SABLENESS 4/26/2013 6:21PM

    Definitely worth hanging in there!

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INFLATED 4/24/2013 1:13PM

    This was a great blog! I understand "So this is why I run!!!!!!!" In my younger days, running was a way to de-stress and sometimes how I went from place to place. Mononucleosis put a damper on my running and I never went back to it.





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PAMDAQTPI 4/24/2013 12:41PM

    I love the quote. It is worth keeping as a background for years because it will always apply. I wish your son the best.

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KAREN_NY 4/24/2013 9:52AM

    Your perspective makes you a hero just as much as your running achievements--- more so! Having had a cherished marriage that didn't survive such tribulation, I'm so very happy for you that you and DH have something fantastic, between you and in the family you've built. It's hard to think of our blessings in the middle of difficulties like this, but you ARE blessed. ((HUGS))

PS - Just saw your reply. Yes, my ex and I are still friends, still spend holidays together, even with new SO's. Our "polyamicable family" includes a prior ex of his, and her subsequent ex's, the stepchildren and their ex's, everyone's current partners, etc. It's odd, but it works for all of us -- who has time and energy to waste on feeling bittern? :)

Comment edited on: 4/24/2013 10:45:17 AM

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MAGGIE101857 4/24/2013 6:25AM

    You are such an amazing strong woman! Such wonderful news about your son; I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child and wonder how others survive the loss. So happy to hear that he is on the road to better health, mentally and physically.

As for the hubby.....don't we all feel the same way at times? emoticon We all have those little quirks that drive the other crazy; hopefully we can find acceptance and perhaps a bit of humor in it! A cross country trip sounds wonderful! Perhaps some day.....I can do the same!

Life isn't easy, but YES, IT'S WORTH IT! Every minute that we are given on this Earth is a blessing! emoticon

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FUSIONFITNESS3 4/24/2013 3:19AM

    So glad to read that your son now wants to get better. What a different place from a couple of months ago. What a blessing to have learned about his heart disease throughout this ordeal considering what might have been if they hadn't discovered this issue. Thanks for updating on your son's health. Will continue to pray for you all, including his safety as the restraining order is put into place.
Maria

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SCAREWALDORF 4/24/2013 2:47AM

    emoticon

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 4/24/2013 1:16AM

    emoticon

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TAMARA_2014 4/24/2013 12:49AM

    The quote is amazing. I have a rare disease and gained a lot of weight from it, so it is words to live by. Your story here actually is inspiring to me, and I thank you for sharing. Stop by my page if you wish.

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ZRIE014 4/24/2013 12:17AM

  i'm one week back into running after over 5 mo off and it is a day to day process to try to get back to where i was. it is going to take time to get back.

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Three Weeks Until The Delaware Half Marathon...

Sunday, April 21, 2013

I have been staying on track with my training plan. I did get a late start due to physical therapy, but am staying on track! I ran a long run of 8.5 miles today. Next Saturday I will run 10 miles around the city of Newark. My knee has been fine. Newark has some nice hills which will help me speed up. Right now I am averaging 9 mins 59 secs per mile. Due to two months off I know this Half won't be my fastest but I still want to get a decent time. I am currently training in a very flat area in San Diego and I feel like I need some hill work.

My son and I are flying back to Maryland on Wednesday. The exgirlfriend is still bugging him - she tried to hack into his email account! His degree is in computer network and security so this was not a good idea - its a felony offense! So, Thursday he will meet with the judge. Either my husband or I will fly back with him Sunday. After he gets his car out here we will start backing off. He goes to intensive therapy 5 days per week and has to be doing this on his own.

I am also tired of eating. We eat breakfast and dinner out everyday! I now have a gut I need to get rid of! And quickly before the half!
I need to get home and back in my routine. I do think Roxy is going to miss this awesome weather and no humidity. She is walking a lot more out here and playing with lots of dogs.

I hope you had a great weekend!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SABLENESS 4/26/2013 6:19PM

    Eating out is fun occasionally, but gets old fast if it's what you have to do. Hope things return to a good normal for all of you.

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INFLATED 4/24/2013 1:04PM

    I think you meet your challenges well. With all that has happened, you have made time to train and be there for your son.

I am so glad that the knee is not giving you problems. I would have thrown in the towel with the problems. You are a Spark success story!

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LYNNIERN 4/23/2013 10:43PM

    I agree with KAREN_NY, you are a rock star and so very inspiring!! emoticon

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CHEMCHIC2006 4/23/2013 8:13AM

    Wow.. you have a great pace coming off your injury! I'm still running on my brace and my pace is currently around 11 min/mi.. which bugs me because I used to maintain 9:30 easy. ugh. So glad you're able to keep up with your training under your circumstances.. quite an inspiration in the face of adversity!

Hooray for life starting to get back to normal.. I know you'll prob be on edge a little still.. but looks like things are going in a positive direction for you.. glad for that! Good luck finishing your training!

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SCAREWALDORF 4/22/2013 3:58PM

    I'm inspired by everyone of your blogs. To still be on track after all you've been through-wow. You are Wonderwoman. xoxo

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KAREN_NY 4/22/2013 9:59AM

    You're a rock star! Seriously - to have all of this going on, and you make 0 excuses -- you stay almost entirely on plan, and keep going for it. That Delaware finish line is going to feel SO.GOOD. !!!!!

Safe travels,
K:)

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EDENZMOM 4/22/2013 8:18AM

    Glad to hear that you're keeping up with the training! Always nice to have a goal to work towards, it keeps you motivated.
So proud of you, you really keep the rest of us working hard as well to keep up with you!
Have a safe trip home, and take care

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FUSIONFITNESS3 4/22/2013 3:20AM

    Impressive how you've been able to get on track with your training despite the late start and then to stay on track with all that's been happening in your life. Happy for you that your knee hasn't been giving you any more trouble.
Will your son be driving his car to SD? Good to hear that he's sticking with his therapy which must be a lot of hard work for him. Hope his GF starts to back off.
Hope your weekend was great too!
Maria

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What A Week (and it is only Wednesday)!...

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Well, my week started with traveling to California with Roxy. She did great until the last 45 mins. (she started panting). I am not sure if it was the descent or being in the carrier for 6.5 hours! Anyway, she adjusted to California and the apartment right away. I feel so much better with her out here - it has made all the difference. We walk a lot more here than at home. The weather is a lot better for her. It's nothing for her to walk two miles and keep going. She does go to bed a lot earlier :). I bought her a huge dog bed at Costco. She loves it!

I came back to California to a son who was thinner than when I left. My husband said they were eating a lot and he didn't notice. I knew my husband was telling the truth because my husband's belly was a lot bigger! As we went out to eat I noticed my son was now eating salads and my husband was eating a lot of rich foods!!

I had the therapist weigh my son - he lost 6.5 pounds since I left!! They told him and he was shocked. Today the nutritionist told him he can only have salad if it's in a wrap! He needs to eat 3500 cals per day! He doesn't know it, but I am tracking what he eats in my SparkPeople food tracker. He ate a lot today and drank beer and only ended up eating 2175 cals prox! I think OT may actually be harder to eat more cals than cut them out!! I am going to have to start going to an icecream shop! I am getting a gut too! The wrong people are gaining weight!!

After seeing so many anorexics I am not interested in diets anymore. Vi have decided I am more healthy than really thin people!!

Other news is I almost lost my best friend Monday. She was at the finish line during the whole Boston marathon. I was supposed to be there with her, cheering her husband on. Since it was my turn to be with my son in California I didn't go. My BFF was texting my minute by minute updates. It was so exciting hearing where her husband was. Then I get a text "bomb". At the same time ABCnews sends a text that a bomb went off at the Boston marathon. I knew my BFF was on because she texted me but we couldn't get in touch with eachother's for an hour. I didn't know if her husband was ok. She finally called me, crying hysterically. Her husband came in at 4:06. She didn't see him come in. Two minutes later she got a text that he had finished. She left to go find him. She walked around the corner and the first bomb went off.

She said it was so traumatizing and like a war zone. They ran and got on the subway to Cambridge - where their hotel was.

I can't begin to imagine what everyone was thinking. I have stood at the finish line waiting for my mom and son at least 50 times - I never though about a terrorist. I guess I will pay a lot more attention for now on.

So, tomorrow is Thursday and I already feel like I went through an entire year this week. All I can do is keep the faith that there is a reason for everything and it will all work out.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKATHYNOW 4/20/2013 9:37PM

    emoticon and prayers!

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EDENZMOM 4/19/2013 10:21AM

    big hugs to all of you.
If your friend needs to talk about any of this, unfortunately I have a lot of personal experience with surviving bombings and the traumatizing aftermaths, and would be more than honoured to help out, even just exchanging some emails. sometimes it helps to talk about it with someone who's been through it. I know for me it did. Keep an eye out for her. Inbox me if there's anything.
xoxo

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SABLENESS 4/18/2013 8:33PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAREN_NY 4/18/2013 1:29PM

    Just as with people trying to lose weight, trying to gain weight will likely involve some steps "backward" for your son as he gravitates toward long-held ways of eating. It will help a lot for you to be there, paying attention to the details. (I'm sure there are lots of dads out there who can do that, but in my family's experience, it's the moms who are all over it!)

So glad Roxy is with you, and wishing you some peaceful moments to regroup. What a rollercoaster week this is.
emoticon

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JLEMUS1 4/18/2013 10:26AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 4/18/2013 8:37AM

    Im so glad your friend and her husband are okay. What a terrifying thing for them to experience.
emoticon

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BEWELL48 4/18/2013 5:02AM

    Such a horrific event in Boston! Know one of the injured who is still hospitalized. My daughter and boyfriend having a difficult time! They were there on Monday!
Hope you make some progress with your son. So hard to be the parent and care so deeply but not have the control that we would like! Being there for him is important!

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INFLATED 4/18/2013 4:38AM

    I am glad that you weren't there. I hadn't had TV on. My husband came home and told me the news. I said, "Oh No! I hope my friend wasn't there!!!" I don't think that we can count on safety anywhere. Jesus prepared me to meet God when the time comes in whatever way it comes. I will not be afraid to go and do the things I want to. That is why it is called terrorism, it makes us afraid for our safety.

You have had a big drain on your emotions. I thought my sister was killed when a train hit a stalled-out school bus on the train tracks. I went into hysterics in class. Mom went to the hospital when the news got out, so there was nobody at home to come to take me out of school. I went to see that my sister was still alive that evening when she came home on the bus. What an awful way to experience a tragedy when it's someone you know that is a part of it.


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SCAREWALDORF 4/18/2013 2:28AM

    What alot to go through in a week! Big hugs and my thoughts are with you. xoxo

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 4/18/2013 1:24AM

    emoticon

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Trying To Get It All Done...

Monday, April 08, 2013

I have been very busy! I only got two runs in last week. I did get into PT twice. I did get lots of walks in with Roxy and have been eating right. I had an eval Friday and my strength and flexibility measurements have improved considerably.

Friday I head back to California for two weeks. I am taking Roxy with me this time. My husband rented an apartment for us so we will be out of my brother's way. We are going to use aerobeds and a folding table and chairs to eat at. It's going to be quite primitive but it will work. The complex has a fitness center, pool and lots of activities. It is pet friendly so Roxy should be happy. My son still wants to live out there. This should give him the opportunity to start making friends. We rented it for three months so we will see what happens.

My son is getting neurotherapy 4 days per week. He sits in front of a computer screen for two hours per day with a one hour break in between. He presses a button whenever he sees a blue light while electrodes are attached to his head. Sounds pretty boring but he is doing it. He now has one week done - 9 to go. I pray that he doesn't give up. He also sees a therapist once per week. I asked my husband to change that to 3 times per week. He will also start seeing a nutritionist this week. I want to make sure he understands how important this all is to his body.

My husband will fly home next Monday so we can have the weekend together. We are planning to go to Temecula on a wine tasting tour. We talk and text throughout the day. I have crammed a month of work (home and business) into two weeks! I have been going nonstop. I spent Saturday pouring through all the medical bills and insurance claims. I wrote them all on a spread sheet and paid all that were through the whole insurance process. I am so thankful that I chose the lower deductible! My son's first hospital visit took care of it. Today I am working on stuff for our mortgage refinance. We started it right before we knew we would be going back and forth to California. Bad timing! When I get back to California I won't have much to do so I will have more time to run and work out. It's strange going from one extreme to the other.

I thank God that we have the means to be able to do all of this!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRENCHTOSD 4/13/2013 4:21PM

    Wow - this is crazy stuff going on with you. I can walk on the beach anytime or eat or whatever you want to do. I may not have a car. I hope we can both just walk and sit and vent. I can't wait...

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OPTIMIST1948 4/11/2013 5:23PM

    You'll. Like having yourown space more than being in your brothers hair.

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INFLATED 4/10/2013 4:16AM

    My secret to handling stress is to compartmentalize each task. I am doing spreadsheets of our receipts and check registers. The printer wouldn't print items I had typed in red, so I changed them all to green, and it worked. Hubby gets paid today, but right now money is tight and I don't want to have to run out to buy ink cartridges.

I admire you for all that you get done. You have a lot on your shoulders so schedule in some "me time." It is important for you to take care of yourself while you go through all of this.

The girlfriend sounds like a manipulator.

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EDENZMOM 4/9/2013 8:36AM

    You are indeed very fortunate!! Keep doing what youre doing! Glad Roxy will be with you for the next 2 weeks.

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NEWKATHYNOW 4/9/2013 12:59AM

    Sounds like things are really falling into place! Does Roxy travel well? Still have you all in my prayers! emoticon

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FRANCESCANAZ 4/8/2013 7:15PM

    Amen! By the way is roxy a dog and if so what kind? emoticon

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KAREN_NY 4/8/2013 4:31PM

    The apartment sounds like a great idea, and so does finding your blessings. A little running, a little Roxy, and yes, having the means to get the care you all need.
Safe travels -- literally and metaphorically!
K:)

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TRICIAE2 4/8/2013 1:53PM

    emoticon

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SCAREWALDORF 4/8/2013 11:53AM

    emoticon

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CHEMCHIC2006 4/8/2013 10:49AM

    Just keep on keeping on. One day this will all be in the past. emoticon

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 4/8/2013 10:19AM

    emoticon

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STRIVER57 4/8/2013 8:10AM

    sounds like progress continues. and yes, you are fortunate. and deserve it!


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MJRVIC2000 4/8/2013 8:09AM

    Make a difference for Jesus each day and give Him all the glory! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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Getting there, one day at a time....

Thursday, April 04, 2013

I managed to get to PT yesterday. I have three left - will be done next Thursday. I run almost everyday. I am on a training plan for the Delaware HM in mid May. My hips feel a lot looser when I run and my leg doesn't hurt anymore. My knee pinches a little. I definitely have improved. It is so good to be running again!!

My son really liked the therapist. He admitted to purging at the first session! He is going to do neurotherapy for the next ten weeks. He goes five days a week. My husband and I are going to take turns going out two weeks at a time. We will overlap so we see eachother. After a month, we will see how my son is doing - we may see how he does on his own for a week. He thinks he is ok to do it by himself now but we aren't comfortable with it. My brother is out there, but he is going through his own stuff with his divorce so we are not throwing this at him.

I am getting caught up and then moving ahead at work before I head back out to California next Friday. Today I get my hair done and am seeing a therapist in the afternoon to help me help my son and make sure I don't get PTSD from this nightmare! This weekend I am going to clean my house. It doesn't need much but I always find it destressing to clean and dusting hasn't been done in a three weeks.

I am also planning on getting outside and running 6.5 miles this weekend.

It's getting better every day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SABLENESS 4/7/2013 6:50PM

    You're doing the best you can in a really tough situation. Prayers continuing for you and your family; these things affect everybody. Give Roxy an extra petting from your Sparkfriends; she surely knows things are hard right now.

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NEWKATHYNOW 4/6/2013 8:48PM

    emoticon emoticon God bless!

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MAMMER3 4/5/2013 10:20AM

    It is getting better everyday and it will continue to. I am glad you are going to see someone for yourself you are there for everyone its good you are being there for yourself a bit. It will only make you stranger and in a better position for your family. Love reading your blog you and your family deserve nothing but the best!! emoticon

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LYNNWILK2 4/5/2013 3:51AM

    Sounds like your son is making progress. SO thankful he is in a place with a person he feels so comfortable with.
AND way to go you for taking such good care of yourself while you are going back and forth to be with your son... you are a courageous and wonderful woman! Bravo you.

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INFLATED 4/4/2013 9:33PM

    I really appreciate you sharing this with us. Our trials can bless someone else if we share how we coped with them. I think you are wise to go to a therapist yourself. Stuff like this wears you on the inside and people can't see that.

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FUSIONFITNESS3 4/4/2013 9:09PM

    Though I haven't been around too much the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about you and your son's health. Finally have some time to get caught up a bit. Sounds like you are aware and making wise choices about what to do to keep yourself healthy both physically and emotionally during such a difficult experience. I'm thankful that you have been led to a treatment center which is prooving to be effective for your son.
Giving thanks that Jesus is carrying you through these challenging days. May you continue to feel his daily presence giving you strength, peace and hope. Continuing to pray for you all.

Maria

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STRIVER57 4/4/2013 4:39PM

    that all sounds pretty promising... the direction is good, even if setbacks might occur. i wish i found cleaning destressing -- or is it something you taught yourself today?


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DAZZEEDOO 4/4/2013 1:59PM

    Glad to hear your son is doing better, and that You are taking preventative steps to help You stay strong.
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KAREN_NY 4/4/2013 1:56PM

    Can I just say.... "EXCELLENT!!" ? !!!!!!! :)
Thank you for sharing the uplifting update.


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CHERRY666 4/4/2013 11:59AM

    You are one tough cookie! I hope you know that.

I'm glad your son likes his new therapist, and I hope the therapist you see is helpful.

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EDENZMOM 4/4/2013 10:47AM

    You're such a toughie. So strong, and still managing to care for yourself and the home.
Keep up the great mommy-work, and cuddle Roxy a bit more than usual :)

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 4/4/2013 9:51AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SCAREWALDORF 4/4/2013 8:06AM

    So glad to hear that your son has hit it off with the therapist and you are getting some sort of normal back. xoxo

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MYBULLDOGS 4/4/2013 8:05AM

    emoticon

i have not gained a pound in over a year.

i gave up sugar and grain products and lost 44 pounds at age 61.

my sister lost 105 pounds at age 63 by walking 15000 steps a day and has not gained a pound back either in over a year

emoticon

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JGRAY76 4/4/2013 8:02AM

    Sounds like you have a lot going on. Take care of yourself so you are strong enough to lend support to others

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