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A Step Backward...

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Yesterday did not end well. My brother and I went to pick my son up at 7 PM. My son flew out the door and said he wasn't going back. He said people in the group had serious issues. One girl was talking about killing herself, another talked about sexual abuse and another about drinking alcohol and taking sleeping pills.

He had his phone out on the way home to my brothers trying to book a flight back to Maryland. After 1/2 hour we got him calmed down enough to talk. We got him to agree to go to a psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders - waiting for her call back now. He was originally supposed to go to her first. We are hoping she can get him to go back.

The place he was at didn't warn me ahead of time. I called his main therapist there (he only saw for the first time yesterday). She said she didn't know. She said some people shared things in group yesterday that normally weren't shared. My son said all the staff was nice but he didn't like group. He also said he was bored. He brought home a workbook. I am going to see if I can start getting him to do it. I have to wonder if his feelings about gaining weight fall into this decision. I am not sure because we went out to eat after all this happened and he had two rolls with butter, mussels, cheese and fruit.

So, needless to say, I am back to very little sleep. I feel sick to my stomach and my nerves are on high alert again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 3/30/2013 8:50PM

    Just catching up, and hoping that the last couple of days have been better. I'm sure he doesn't want to identify with people whom he thinks have bigger problems, and the stress of his changing body makes that kind of thing even harder. Praying for you,
K:)

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DETERMINED_SOUL 3/30/2013 2:26PM

    emoticon Hang in there. I am sure it is tough, I am seeing this very similar to my journey. When I started my weight loss journey, here on Sparks, people were talking about some of the feelings they were having. It was scary, not necessarily that I was having the same feelings and it was time for me to face them, but sometimes it was "I do not want to face my issues because I do not want to start getting those feelings". It is tough when we start on any new journey in our life where we have to face our own issues and begin to deal with them. It can definitely be overwhelming for the person having them and the people around who are looking on with love and wanting to help, but unsure how to. I think your plans are going in the right direction and you are doing the best you can. You are a great mother who is supportive and loves her son very much. Things will start to get better, I can see it.:)

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SCAREWALDORF 3/30/2013 7:05AM

    I agree with a lot of the other posters. Your son needs to understand that he almost died, so even though he may feel other peoples issues are greater than his, he actually is in the same position as them. He needs to be in group to understand his whys!

By the by, I think you're doing an amazing job, and I wish you had been my mother when I "clicked". Hold on. xoxo

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FITFORMYFAMILY 3/29/2013 9:59PM

    I'm so sorry for the sad news. :( I really hope the specialized psychiatrist can be more helpful!

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SABLENESS 3/28/2013 4:43PM

    He was nearly at death's door and doesn't have deep issues, too? It's very painful to face reality sometimes. You're doing what you can. Sorry he got off to a bad start with the group. Prayers for you and family in this on-going journey. There are bound to be some rough places. emoticon

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CHEMCHIC2006 3/28/2013 4:00PM

    I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately.. I think he doesn't realize how serious his own issues are. Life or death kind of situation.. he needs to be there as much as the others. Stay strong! He needs you! emoticon

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INFLATED 3/28/2013 1:40PM

    You should tell your son that often times the way we ate relates to deeper issues and we have to dig them out and deal with them before we stop repeating the problems with the way we eat.

I am sure he didn't want to hear what doesn't relate to him. In a sense though, isn't that what Spark People is about, we learn to deal with the whys of why we are overweight?

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KICKINGKILOS 3/28/2013 10:20AM

    :( Iam so sorry to read about this! emoticon

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 3/28/2013 9:46AM

    I am so sorry.
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Still Rolling...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My son got out of the hospital yesterday and started intensive day treatment for his eating disorder today. I drop him off at 9 and pick him up at 7. He eats all meals and two snacks there. He eats his 9 pm snack with us. He has weekends off and also this Good Friday.

It is the first day I have had by myself in about one month! It feels very strange and as irritable as he has been, I miss him. After I dropped him off, I took care of work stuff over the phone and then went to Marshall's. I didn't bring many clothes to San Diego and the sweaters are too hot. I bought some shirts, a dress for Easter, a couple skirts and a jacket. I am a size 6 so somehow I am maintaining my weight. I do need to do some crunches, but I am not feeling it. I just like to run. I picked my son up a laundry basket and some bathroom supplies. Last night we went to Costco. He picked out good foods, some he would not have eaten before.

I have told him more than once how proud I am of his efforts. He went from 106 to 124 lbs in 5 days. It was all fluids - that is how dehydrated he was! Now he has to gain fat and muscle - that is going to be the tough part. At 124 he thinks he has a belly! He also keeps trying to measure himself. He puts his hands on his sides and touches his fingers together in front of his belly button. My brother figured it out. I have seen him do it twice and asked him what he is doing. The therapist said it is common.

He is going to get lots of attention while in treatment. My brother and I are going to a caregiver support meeting tomorrow night. My husband will go next week when we trade off. He is coming Friday night - we are going to do fun stuff with our son this weekend - thank God!

I set up am appointment with a therapist who works with parents of kids with eating disorders next Wednesday at home. I don't want to end up with any issues of what I had to go through the past month later.

Thanks again for you continued support and prayers. I really appreciate all of you!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 3/30/2013 8:48PM

    Agreeing with Scarewaldorf... the caregiving support is important and more helpful that you'll realize. Breathe when you can.

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FRANCESCANAZ 3/29/2013 7:35AM

    emoticon

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INFLATED 3/28/2013 1:35PM

    I wouldn't know where to start if it was one of my kids. May God guide you through all of this and may you know that He will sustain you through it all.

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NEWKATHYNOW 3/28/2013 8:48AM

    emoticon and prayers. I hope you have a blessed Easter.

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FITFOODIE806 3/28/2013 8:37AM

    Great news. You are so smart to be open and talk about this.

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SCAREWALDORF 3/28/2013 4:25AM

    Caregiving meetings are very important, make sure you go. You need as much support as he does. xoxo

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 3/27/2013 7:35PM

    emoticon

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Hanging In There...

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Yesterday morning started with a 3 mile run up the California Coast. It was a great way to start the day. I then spent eleven hours straight at the hospital with my son. He is being very cooperative. I eat my meals when he eats his. He eats with the other patients with eating disorders. Hard to believe, but there are patients there way skinnier than him. He will stay there until he gets to 120 lbs and then he will switch to day treatment. He was 104 two days ago. He gets weighed every morning - they keep the number covered. They are counting all his calories and looking for that magic total so he gains (just like us with losing). I eat breakfast at my brothers; lunch and dinner at the hospital cafeteria. Yesterday I had a veggie burger and fruit cup for lunch, and salmon with potatoes and broccoli for dinner. It was pretty good.

I got a lot of walking in. The cafeteria is in another building and my son was allowed to walk 2 ten minute times yesterday. His heart rate is still low so he had to stay in bed the first day. He is a speed walker and I went with him around the floor he is staying on.

His creatin level is coming down but his BON is too high. It means his protein isn't breaking down right. He is still real dehydrated. They are concerned he is having muscle breakdown. They can't get a needle in him due to dehydration so he is drinking a lot. He had to wake up a lot last night to drink water.

This morning I am going to run with my brother then head back into the hospital. I am not sure when I will leave. My husband is going to fly out then I will head home for awhile. My son likes one of us to be here with him and I don't want to throw this all on my brother.

Thanks for all of your support and prayers.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKATHYNOW 3/28/2013 8:46AM

    It sounds as if you are making progress. Our prayers are with you all. It was good that you got a run in today too. You need the stress relief.

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SABLENESS 3/26/2013 10:27PM

    Prayers continuing for your son and for the rest of you as you support him in all ways possible. He is a fortunate young man to have caring family. emoticon

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FRANCESCANAZ 3/25/2013 5:47PM

    Praying for healing and peace for you and your husband. emoticon

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DETERMINED_SOUL 3/24/2013 5:08PM

    Sounds like things are improving. :) hugs and prayers.

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SHAMROCKY2K 3/24/2013 2:15PM

    All good signs. Keep us posted. emoticon

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INFLATED 3/24/2013 1:56PM

    I am thankful that you picked up on his problem and that this was caught in time to help him.

Make sure you get your rest at night.

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KAREN_NY 3/24/2013 11:16AM

    (((hugs)))

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 3/24/2013 11:14AM

    I'm so glad you were able to intervene.
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SCAREWALDORF 3/24/2013 10:13AM

    This must be tiring for you, BUT It sounds like things are improving. Thinking of you xoxo

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1935MARY 3/24/2013 9:57AM

    My prayers are with you. I had a sister in law, who was not over weight to start with, but she got where she wouldn't eat. The only time she would is when my brother was home and forced her. She was put on oxygen , organs started to fail three years of this , she passed away. 37yrs. old. I understand what you are going through and I will pray for you and you family. Take care of yourself.

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Best Day In A Long Time...

Friday, March 22, 2013

My son is doing great! This place is fantastic! He has 4 nurses, 2 doctors, a dietitian, a psychologist and a psychiatrist! He is talking to all of them. He is smiling, joking and laughing and his numbers are the best they have been since this all happened! And he gained two pounds this week while with me!

Turns out he had refeeding syndrome after the first hospital visit. He ate too much trying to gain the weight back and it threw all the nutrients out of whack and sped up his metabolism even more. They are going to slowly add calories each day so he can gain weight. When he hits 120 lbs (80% of his recommended weight) he can go to day treatment.

This place really knows there stuff and is very positive.

Thanks again for all your support and prayers!! They worked!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALLIE1958AR 3/24/2013 5:45PM

    emoticon so Happy will keep praying !

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FRANCESCANAZ 3/24/2013 2:05PM

    God is good! AMEN!


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INFLATED 3/23/2013 10:16PM

    That is wonderful news! I hope you will be able to sleep soundly tonight and rest up yourself. I am so happy for him and you and your husband.

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NEWKATHYNOW 3/23/2013 7:59PM

    How wonderful! The power of prayer is overwhelming. God bless. emoticon

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KAREN_NY 3/23/2013 1:04PM

    Thanks so much for sharing the good news!!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHERRY666 3/23/2013 12:02PM

    That's great!

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FITFOODIE806 3/23/2013 8:36AM

    yay!!!!

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KANOE10 3/23/2013 8:36AM

    I am glad he is improving and gaining weight. It sounds like a great place with a good staff.

emoticon emoticon

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OPTIMIST1948 3/23/2013 8:24AM

    Good care + motivated patient = success!

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PMRUNNER 3/23/2013 6:27AM

    Great news! Glad to hear he is doing better.

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SCAREWALDORF 3/23/2013 2:07AM

    Excellent news! I'm so happy for you. xoxo

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DAZZEEDOO 3/23/2013 12:31AM

    So Glad for your Son and You!
You'll probably get some much needed sleep tonight knowing your son is in good hands.

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ALIHIKES 3/22/2013 11:13PM

    So glad he is getting good care!

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 3/22/2013 10:36PM

    That's great news!
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Today Is The Big Day - I Am Scared...

Friday, March 22, 2013

So...my son and I made it to California - it was a very long day. Left our house at 7 AM, got here 13 hours later!

My son was not a joy to travel with. He gets cranky at me for everything. The Dr called me while we were in Atlanta and said his potassium had dropped again. I have had him eating more and more, so he has to be throwing up.

Today he gets admitted to the hospital. They will stabilize his nutrients and get him gaining weight. Turns out my brother knows the main benefactor of the hospital (which is strictly for eating disorders), so my son will be getting extra attention. The Dr told me that the bathroom will be locked so he has to tell them when he is going in and has to talk the whole time he is in there to someone who will be outside the door the whole time. He will be working with a whole team of specialists. When he is cleared from there, he will go in their outpatient program from 9 AM to 7 PM and stay with my brother.

Today I will be meeting with Drs and answering lots of questions. I am so worried about him staying in.

I got 5 hours sleep last night and couldn't sleep on the plane. I am also so stuffed from eating! The good news is he is eating more typed of foods again! Yesterday he actually ate bread with butter and real eggs (was getting egg whites or egg beaters). I still can't believe how much Splenda he uses in coffee and iced tea and he goes through at least 2 packs of sugarless gum a day. He drinks coke zero. I don't think that much artificial sweetener can be good for anyone!

I am so nervous about how this is going to go. My brother told him they are going to do lots of fun stuff after he gets out of the hospital. I hope it helps get him through it. The ex girlfriend wouldn't give him his garage door opener back and won't take her stuff back. Now she is saying they aren't broke up because he is sick and doesn't mean it. My husband is going to get his garage door opener from her while I am here. My son said it stressing him out. I am going to tell the Dr about it today. I am just hoping he doesn't end up calling her to get him out!

Anyway, sorry for rambling. This is just so much to go through. Six weeks later and I am still shocked that he is like this - so malnourished and close to death. It happened so fast.

Please keep praying - thanks!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUNADRAGON 3/23/2013 5:26PM

    Definitely praying.

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NOLAZYBUTT110 3/23/2013 12:34AM

    I wonder if your son is sick due to using the Splenda, because everyone I know who has taken it got sick from it .... it casued my husband to get gassy , diarrhea and stomach cramps... that artifical sugar is worst than eating sugar! My husband had to go off it, because it was giving him such gas and he was so sick and still has not fully recovered from taking it. He thought he was being good and lost weight like crazy and I wonder if it was due to that fake sugar. safer to eat regular sugar as I see it! All those faked sugars casue problems! susana

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NEWKATHYNOW 3/22/2013 9:13PM

    Will keep praying for you all. The sheer physical distance from the ex may be enough. You have lots of strength and support in such a loving family. God bless!

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INFLATED 3/22/2013 8:38PM

    I am praying for you all. I pray that once your son is away from the girlfriend, that he will begin to improve. Crankiness can come from not eating right, so don't take that to heart. The girlfriend is trying to control the situation by not taking her stuff back and keeping possession of the garage door opener. She might trash his stuff or place as long as she holds possession of it. When my son used to break up with his ex, she always called the police. Once she kept his wallet which had his license and ID for his business. I would find out from the police how to get rid of her. My son had to get an officer to meet him at the apartment so he could get his wallet and see that he was not harming her.

Please try to rest yourself. He is in the best of hands.

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ARCHIMEDESII 3/22/2013 4:56PM

    emoticon

I am sorry to hear about your son's condition. I hope he gets the help and treatment he needs to get better.



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KRISZTA11 3/22/2013 4:37PM

    I'm sorry about your son's condition but I'm glad he gets goo treatment and care. Don't forget to take good care of yourself too!
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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 3/22/2013 10:50AM

    emoticon

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FITFOODIE806 3/22/2013 10:43AM

    emoticon I hope you can sleep better tonight.

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KAREN_NY 3/22/2013 10:03AM

    It's exhausting. It is. I feel for you and pray for you and your family. I hope you can take comfort in ways that work for you, and find restful spaces to rejuvenate whenever you can.



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EDENZMOM 3/22/2013 8:24AM

    You have shown only strength throughout all of this, and you are really and truly amazing. I am sure that everything will end positively, and you will all get your lives back on track. He is young, and the fact that you even got him out of the state to the treatment facility is incredible, and a HUGE step. We are all thinking of you and sending positive motivation. You're doing great.
Stay well, and keep an eye out for yourself also!

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GETNHEALTHY45 3/22/2013 8:05AM

    You are in my prayers. It is a big step for him to go into treatment. I am so glad that you all are at this point. And how awesome that your son can do the out patient there too which provides consistency. You are a great mom! He is lucky to have you. You are doing everything you can do. Now it is up to him to take advantage of this opportunity.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AZMOMXTWO 3/22/2013 8:02AM

  I will keep you and him both in my prayers and I hope that when the time is right that the ex gf is able to see that she is part of the problem not part of the solution
May the good Lord be with you today and threwout this trial



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