ROXYZMOM   71,675
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ROXYZMOM's Recent Blog Entries

Getting' My Mojo Back...

Saturday, March 02, 2013

Thank you for all your prayers. I had my day of sadness and despair - wasn't able to eat a thing all day either. I know a lot of you eat more when stressed - I am the opposite. I was thinking my son must be the same way.

Anyway, through your ideas and suggestions on an ED website, I "regrouped" this morning and decided to be in charge. My husband and I are going to hire an Intervention Specialist to help us help our son. We have located a really good treatment center when he is ready. We aren't going to bug him, but will text time to time.

And, I am going to get back to my own stuff. Today we are going to check out a new gym near our house. I am now allowed to use an eliptical. Running has always been my greatest stress reliever and I need to get back to it. I also just bought the DVD "Spirit of the Marathon" as suggested by a Sparkfriend a while back. I think this is the perfect time to watch it, since I am going through "one" right now!

Thanks again for your support!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDENZMOM 3/4/2013 8:05AM

    I really like the idea of an intervention.
I'm not sure how it works in the US, but from years of working as a paramedic, if there's a patient who we believe is a threat to themselves, and does not want to go to a hospital, then we can get the police involved to have them removed and assessed for treatment. I think a lawyer would be your next best move, and definitely a proactive approach. Anorexia/bulimia is a psychological disorder, and might have to be assessed by force. It may turn into a disaster of verbal abuse, but he will definitely thank you after you overcome this hurdle.
best of luck, and we are always here if you need to talk.
Stay strong momma!

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EDENZMOM 3/4/2013 7:55AM

    hang in there, you'll all pull through this.
You definitely need a good doc that you can rely on to get the proper tests done to figure out what is wrong. keep us updated, we are all sending positive energy
--sorry, this comment was for the feb 27th blog, my corresponding comment is above --

Comment edited on: 3/4/2013 8:06:03 AM

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FRANCESCANAZ 3/3/2013 5:53PM

    Hang in there mama. emoticon

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GETNHEALTHY45 3/3/2013 5:38PM

    Wow! My heart weeps for you. I have a similar story about my son, although it's a different issue, and he is currently in a treatment center right now. We've been through hell for the last 7 months - him in and out of the hospital and me fearing for his life. The bright side is that there is treatment for your son, too. (That's sounds too much like a platitude...)

Beyond that, all I can say is to take it one day at a time, lean on your support, your faith, and take all the help that is offered. And please continue to take care of yourself because he needs you to be healthy, too. I am so glad that you can write about all of this, and that there are so many Sparkers that are so supportive. It's about more than weight loss - it's about life - and improving it, and sometimes just getting through it together.

Hold onto those rays of hope. The sunrise may not be far behind...

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FAIRLIGHT914 3/3/2013 12:47PM

    You Got this! emoticon emoticon

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REMEMBER2BME 3/3/2013 8:22AM

    Outstanding blog. Wonderful of you to take charge of what you can. Outstanding!

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KAREN_NY 3/3/2013 7:56AM

    I've often said that the charge forward is really all about stamina - and you've got it in spades!! Truly admiring you,

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CASEYTALK 3/3/2013 7:55AM

    Grant me the strength to change the things I can change.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Grant me the wisdom to know the difference.

You seem to be living these wise words, even under such deeply painful circumstances. You are inspiring. Thank you.

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SABLENESS 3/2/2013 7:16PM

    emoticonIt helps to have a plan in place.

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SCAREWALDORF 3/2/2013 4:55PM

    emoticon

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NEWKATHYNOW 3/2/2013 3:48PM

    Will keep you in my prayers. You're on the right track! emoticon

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DETERMINED_SOUL 3/2/2013 11:25AM

    I too, am one who doesn't eat when stressed. I am sending my prayers and hugs your way. You are going through a lot right now and from the sounds of it, that video may help. You are on a good path to recovery.

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MAGGIENCALI 3/2/2013 10:47AM

    I have been watching Spirit of the Marathon lately for motivation and inspiration too. emoticon

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 3/2/2013 10:21AM

    emoticon

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AZMOMXTWO 3/2/2013 9:56AM

  keep moving forward

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Very Bad Day...

Friday, March 01, 2013

I am not doing well at all. All my son's tests came back negative. He is totally denying anorexia/bullimia. But, we are fairly certain that is what it is. He is down to 110 lbs. he checked himself out of the hospital this afternoon. I told his girlfriend he needed to stay there - she gave him a ride home (he is too weak to drive or even walk that far). He is barely speaking to me (answers texts with one word) and will not speak at all to husband. When the Dr asked my son last night if he ever threw up food my son looked the Dr in the eye and said "no". My husband said that was not true and now my son won't speak to him. My husband is completely crushed, but I am so proud of him. It had to be said.

My husband and I called a support line. We can hire a lawyer to prove my son isn't thinking correctly and make him go to a treatment center. My son was talking about going to John Hopkins next. I researched and they have an eating disorder clinic. They can't see my son unless he approves, but if he is down there at least we will have a head start.

Me? I have been crying all day. I had a hard time keeping it in during my mammogram this morning and didn't go to work. I can't handle them questioning me right now. I am going to go in tomorrow when no one is there.
I also am having a real hard time researching eating disorders. Most info is directed at females or losing weight. My Facebook, Spark, apps - everything on losing weight! No wonder many people are underweight and having issues!

I feel like my son is going to die and I can't stop it! I never thought I would have to think about him on life support, talk to him about a will, where to bury him...it is too much!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAILRUU 3/4/2013 8:04AM

    I hope things are better for you. I did say a prayer.

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FRANCESCANAZ 3/3/2013 5:56PM

    Pobrecita! I am so sorry for what you are enduring. I know how helpless you feel. I also have an adult child who is killing themselves slowly and it is hard to watch. As parents we should have a lot more rights to protect our adult children when they can no longer take care of themselves. It is such a feeling of helplessness. Thank God you have your husband. Stay strong.

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SCAREWALDORF 3/2/2013 4:55PM

    Have just logged onto Sparkpeople and seen this blog. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Bulimia is an absolute b**** and it's hard to beat, but with loving parents like you and your husband, he'll make it through. It takes patience, but you'll all get there in the end.

xoxox

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MAGGIENCALI 3/2/2013 10:45AM

    I am so sorry for you and what you must be going through. I can't imagine how difficult and painful this must be. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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CHERRY666 3/2/2013 9:46AM

    I'm so sorry your son, you and your family are going through this. Just so you know, I had severe bulimia when I was younger, but over time I overcame it. . . It's possible. (And, really, it had absolutely nothing to do with wanting to be thin or anything like that. I just didn't know how to deal with my emotions and that was a way to suppress them temporarily. I don't know if that's what is going on with your son -- we're all different -- I'm just saying my story.)

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KICKINGKILOS 3/2/2013 8:07AM

    Hey--I'm so sorry to hear about this! I'm going to say special prayers for your boy and I''m sorry that you are going through such a challenging time.
Life can be hard at times--I know its easier said but keep the faith and stay strong for your son. I'm really going to be praying.
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FUSIONFITNESS3 3/2/2013 2:30AM

    I am so sorry to read about the challenges you are facing with your son's health over the last month. It sounds like you and your husband have a very good idea about what his health problems are stemming from. Unfortunately, we see anorexia/bulimia as a female disorder but that is fast changing with more males being diagnosed now too. It is so tough to see our loved ones struggle and my heart goes out to you. Know that you are in my prayers. I prayer that God will be your and your husband's source of peace, hope and courage during this difficult time. I pray for your son that he will be given wisdom to make the right choices to get the medical help he needs. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Maria

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JESSICAMAE83 3/2/2013 1:00AM

    I am sorry you are going through this. I will pray for you and your family and hopefully your son can get the help that he needs. No one should have to bury their own child.

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FRENCHTOSD 3/1/2013 11:30PM

    You and your family are in my prayers. What a difficult time you are having. I'm so glad to hear that both you and your husband are not in denial and I'm so sorry your son is. He must be terrified. Tell him to kick out the bad thoughts when they come and focus on his dreams and plans. Stay strong and don't give up. He's mad at you because he knows you are right.

I hope for some positive news and I'm so glad you are posting. This is why Spark People is here. XO Sharon

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CASEYTALK 3/1/2013 11:07PM

    I cannot begin to know the hell you are living through. Your son doesn't admit it to himself, but he needs you now. Please remember to take care of yourself so you can take care of him.

If it is too hard to face in its entirety, maybe it will help to focus on one step at a time? You are doing the right next step -- focus on getting him into treatment.

We are all here for you!

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NEWKATHYNOW 3/1/2013 9:05PM

    I am so sorry to read what you're going through. I will keep you and all your family in my thoughts and prayers. It's much more stressful to be the one doing the worrying because you feel so helpless watching what you can't control. I pray your son will go to John Hopkins and accept the help they can give him. emoticon

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TWINZMOM7 3/1/2013 8:19PM

  I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

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ONEKIDSMOM 3/1/2013 7:07PM

    Thoughts and prayers are with you. My flippant status about "forever" was pretty much my jaded view that even if we were out of current areas of conflict, our men and women would be serving "somewhere" around the globe, as they are still in Germany, Japan, Korea, etc. When compared to your concerns for your son's health, this pales.

So hugs, thoughts and prayers, my dear. So sorry for your pain and anguish... a mom feels it more for her children than even for herself.

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SOSHIV2011 3/1/2013 6:05PM

  PRAY. Hang in there. There is divine will in everything. WE do not have controls (though we would like to think that everything is in OUR control). PRAY.
When we think of "our" child....it is not really "our" child at all...they are souls assigned to us. Though we think and get attached to the beings thinking they are "ours".
Have faith that nothing, absolutely NOTHING is going to happen to your son.

Do EVERYthing in your power. Make all attempts. Talk to your son. THEN LET GO.

BREATH.
PRAY.


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ANGIE121 3/1/2013 5:34PM

    I am so sorry you are going thru this ....I cant imagine your fear ....I will pray for your son, I wish there was something i could say to make it better! I am a mom so, can relate there....and I would be very scared....God bless you and your family

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My Son is Not Good At All...

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Came home from vacation to my son who is a lot worse. He has been eating and drinking a lot - still lost 5 more pounds! He now weighs 110 and he is 5'8"! He looks awful. He wouldnt go back to the hospital so yesterday he went to a kidney dr and got an ultrasound done. The kidney dr thinks his kidney probs are secondary to something else. This morning I took him to get lots of blood work done and now we are waiting for him to get a CAT scan of his stomach and bowel. I told him after this - if it's clear - we are going to John Hopkins hospital. His vision is blurry if it's bright, he can barely walk ( had to drive a cart around grocery store), his fingers and toes are tingling, his upper back hurts and his chest is bothering him. It is taking everything I have not to cry in front of him right now! I have gone over CPR in my head several times in case he collapses - can't believe I have to imagine this!

I am wondering if it is Lyme disease - it takes about three days for that test to come back. He's also got a glucose test and thyroid test.

So...I am totally stressed out...which means I have no appetite. At some point I have to get to work to get payroll ready for tomorrow. My husband is there now - I think we are going to switch at 3:30 or I am going to have to go in tonight.

Anyway, that is what is going on at the moment! I hope you are having a better week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REMEMBER2BME 3/2/2013 8:15AM

    I am so sorry. HUGS!

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SWEETYOUNGTHING 3/2/2013 7:36AM

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're son is going through all this - and you as well. You are all in my prayers and thoughts. I'll be watching for updates.
emoticon Pat

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FRANCESCANAZ 3/2/2013 7:20AM

    Hope your son gets better fast! So very sorry. emoticon

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FITFOODIE806 2/28/2013 7:54AM

    How scary as a mother to watch this. Hugs to you.

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INFLATED 2/28/2013 3:25AM

    I just read this blog. You have my prayers. Your son may be extremely scared if this is beyond his control. Please take care of yourself. The food at Johns Hopkins hospital is expensive. He will have some of the best doctors in the world there. I'm praying you can find out what is going on and that no permanent harm has taken place.

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FUSIONFITNESS3 2/28/2013 2:58AM

    This has been a concern for some time if my memory serves me correctly. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you to see your son so ill, not know what it is, and therefore not be able to do anything for him. Praying that the God of all hope provides you with comfort and strength at this time. Praying for wisdom for the doctors who are looking for a cause so they might proceed with a treatment plan. Most certainly praying for your son's health.
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Maria

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ROXYZMOM 2/27/2013 9:19PM

    Thanks everyone! He is getting admitted to the hospital. He knows he is staying until they figure out what is wrong. His nutrients are all out of whack. His CAT scan of his stomach and bowels came back clean. I am personally interested to find out the results of his thyroid.

I will keep you all updated!!

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NEWKATHYNOW 2/27/2013 9:18PM

    I'm so sorry to hear he isn't doing well. I'll add you all to my prayers and I hope you have good news very soon! emoticon

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NIKKII0807 2/27/2013 8:06PM

    I'm praying for you and your family. May God give you strength during this time. I saw ur post on another friends blog. Bless you...

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NATURALROCKS 2/27/2013 3:32PM

    I am praying for your son. I can not imagine how worried you must be but hopefully you will get answers soon. emoticon

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KRISZTA11 2/27/2013 2:43PM

    I'm so sorry to hear that : (
I hope he will feel better soon.
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KAREN_NY 2/27/2013 2:39PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
This must be so unbelievably hard! I hope they have some good information for you soon. Johns Hopkins has of course a fantastic reputation and may be a big help. I'll be praying for your son's good health and your peace of mind.
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Comment edited on: 2/27/2013 2:40:38 PM

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BLUE42DOWN 2/27/2013 1:00PM

    emoticon emoticon

My thoughts are with you, your son, and all affected family. Hopefully a diagnosis and treatment are underway without any permanent ill effects.

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HLTHYLIVN_BAM 2/27/2013 12:55PM

    I noticed a fellow spark friend had sent you some encouragement and just thought that I would also let you know that I hope you and your family get better news soon on the health front. It can be physically and emotionally draining when you are taking care of a loved one, so I hope that you, too, get the rest and support you need! Thinking positive thoughts for you and your son!



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MOMTO2HEINZS 2/27/2013 12:52PM

    I pray that all of the tests point to a diagnosis soon!! emoticon

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SKIRNIR 2/27/2013 12:35PM

    Wow, that does not sound good. Please keep us up to date on how your son is doing. Hope he gets better soon. Will be keeping him and you in my prayers.

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ALIHIKES 2/27/2013 12:18PM

    So sorry to hear he is so ill emoticon
I hope they are able to diagnose what is going on

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FITFORMYFAMILY 2/27/2013 12:18PM

    I am so sorry to read your news. Hopefully they can figure this out quickly. I know it is scary for all of you. You, your son, and the rest of your family (and his girlfriend!) will all be in my prayers.
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MOMMACASSEY 2/27/2013 11:25AM

    I'm so sorry to hear he's not doing well--I hope they are able to find out something before his condition gets worse!

We'll be praying for you!

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 2/27/2013 11:22AM

    I am so very sorry to hear this!
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CHERRY666 2/27/2013 11:17AM

    I'm so sorry you and your family are going through such a difficult time! I hope your son is diagnosed and treated soon, and back to optimal health. *thinking good thoughts for you guys*

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JSPIN74 2/27/2013 11:15AM

    emoticon

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My son and my stressors...

Monday, February 11, 2013

My son's ultrasound of his heart came back fine. Now he just has to eat more! He doesn't live with us, so it is all about prayer. I did buy him a lot of muscle milk and one of his friends who is into body building has reached out to him. my son is listening to him. I think he might be having girlfriend issues which will add to his stress. She does not understand what is going on with him. She has a really cute five year old - I worry that the responsibility is too overwhelming for him. One of our friends who dated then married someone with a child is going to talk to him.

My husband and I went out Saturday and Sunday night with friends. It helped a lot to get our minds off of it. We are going to Florida next week to see my parents in Punta Gorda then to Siesta Key.

I am so out of shape from not running! I have been going to PT. today I got a massage. My IT band is so tight I thought I was going to scream during the massage! Its pulling my knee cap to the side, so the PT is working in moving it back too. I have a couple more weeks before I can run again. I am tempted but don't want to start over. So, I will wait. I have gained 8 pounds ... All of this and the added stress too!

Tomorrow I am gonna bring Roxy to work with me. I haven't had a lot of time to play with her. She is a definite destressor in my life!

I hope you are having a better week!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SABLENESS 2/24/2013 6:46AM

    Hope the trip to Florida is giving you some good decompression time. emoticon

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SUNNYLIFE72 2/23/2013 5:57PM

  Sorry to hear you are having such a stressful month....and an injury to boot. Make a list of things you can do to cope or de-stress, post them on the fridge and start doing them! You've worked so hard and been such a great support and inspiration.

How can we help you? =)

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MAMMER3 2/19/2013 1:51PM

    Thank Gd your son is fine and everything health wise is turning out ok. I know how you feel I have been having some health issues with my son and I have to say stress alone can add the weight on and make you tired and your mind runs in 100 different directions. Nothing I can say is going to make everything better and make the stress go away, however one piece of advice because I have been in this situation for over a year now is take at least an hour or two everyday for yourself, walk, listen to music, play with roxy just focus on what you love and pay attention to yourself. There is nothing worse then being stressed and worried as much as being stressed worried and sick!! Take care, thinking of you!!

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SCAREWALDORF 2/18/2013 11:31AM

    Thank goodness your son is ok. Thinking of you!

xoxo

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ANGELA76H 2/17/2013 8:15PM

    Thinking of you! Hope you have a better week!

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OPTIMIST1948 2/16/2013 2:14PM

    Hugs

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KICKINGKILOS 2/14/2013 10:05AM

    emoticon
I'm glad that your son is better, all my prayers!

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INFLATED 2/12/2013 7:15PM

    That is wonderful news about the ultrasound. Thank God!

When you go for your visit, take a nap out in the sunshine. Put on sun screen, but the sun should be relaxing. Kids don't know what they put their parents through.

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KRISZTA11 2/12/2013 3:02PM

    PT and massage will surely help,
I hope you'll feel better soon!
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KAREN_NY 2/12/2013 10:18AM

    The good news is that the horizon is looking good, and you know yourself so well... you don't just know what you need, you DO what you need.
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HDHAWK 2/11/2013 10:22PM

    I'm glad your son is doing better. It's tough to be a mom sometimes!

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BOILHAM 2/11/2013 10:17PM

    Nothing like a BT to cure your stressing. Hope you feel better soon.

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 2/11/2013 9:18PM

    emoticon

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NEWKATHYNOW 2/11/2013 9:03PM

    I sure hope things work out for you soon. How fortunate for you and Roxy that you can take her to work! Good luck with PT. It can be it's own form of torture until the tide turns in your favor!

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My Nerves Are Shot...

Friday, February 08, 2013

Well, my son got out of the hospital yesterday and is on his way back as I write this. They injected him with too much fluid while he was in. His ankles and knees are swelling up. I haven't gotten sleep all week from worrying and constant checking of my phone during the night. Today he looked better, then tonight he calls and tells me the above. His girlfriend wants to take him, so, here I sit, not knowing what is going on.

My husband went to bed. I don't know how he can do that! And, I have to be at CPR refresher training at 8 AM!!

I am hoping they give him a diuretic and send him home. Keep your fingers crossed and please keep him in your prayers!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKATHYNOW 2/11/2013 9:00PM

    Hope he's doing better and that you have had some rest!

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LYNNIERN 2/10/2013 10:46PM

    I just saw your blog and I hope he is doing much better and the ultra sound showed normal functioning (and that they gave him some diuretics). Hope CPR went ok for you! emoticon

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INFLATED 2/10/2013 8:08PM

    I hope all is well. I'm still praying for all of you. It may be that they will need to monitor his output of urine compared to fluids he is taking in.

Comment edited on: 2/10/2013 8:11:29 PM

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FUSIONFITNESS3 2/10/2013 12:37AM

    I'm glad that things are looking a bit better again today. Hope you had a bit of a nap and a better sleep last night than the night before. It's difficult when those we love are not well, in hospital and we're unsure of what is happening with them. Hopin you're Sunday will bring you some much needed relaxation.


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EDENZMOM 2/9/2013 5:48PM

    glad things are sounding a bit better :)

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JAXMOMMY 2/9/2013 4:10PM

    Men can just shut down their worry. I'm sure everything will be fine. Keep us posted. Hope you got some rest!

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SABLENESS 2/9/2013 2:37PM

    Hope he does better now and that you can get some rest this weekend.

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KRISZTA11 2/9/2013 12:59PM

    I'm glad he feels and looks better now!
I hope you'll get a good night's sleep tonight.
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ROXYZMOM 2/9/2013 12:06PM

    Thanks! They gave him an ultrasound of his heart. He got home at 4 AM. That's all I know right now. I ended up getting 2 hours sleep. I did make it to CPR. I am gonba take a nap this afternoon!

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FITFORMYFAMILY 2/9/2013 10:01AM

    How is he today? I hope you were able to get at least a little bit of sleep.

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FITFOODIE806 2/9/2013 8:16AM

    Hope everything is ok.

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