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Trying To Get Past Parental Judgements On My Weight at 48...

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I was participating in a SparkPeople Poll and was asked if I was fat growing up. (May not have been the exact wording, but that is how I read it).

I did not know what to check.

Here was my comment:

"I was always told I was by my parents, but when I was older and looked at my pictures I was only chunky in 7th and eighth grade, the rest of the time I was thin. They never told me I was thin - I think it is why even when I am wearing a size 4 or 6 petite I still feel like I am fat! I know it isn't right, but I will never feel like I am thin because of what I was told growing up!"

I am not sure why they did that. My mom is very thin (105 pounds/size 4 petite). She has always been very disciplined - consistently. She has not eaten a dessert or added sugar to anything in over 30 years. At one point she gave up so many different kinds of foods, she was down to a simple salad and I know she went under 100 pounds. She has run countless marathons and 5ks and exercises for 2 - 3 hours per day.

My dad is a different story. He had a beer belly when I was growing up, is a little heavier now. He has huge problem with portion control. He can eat a box of spaghetti by himself in one sitting. He has gone to Pritikin twice, came back thin and eating the right stuff, but ends up eating too much of the right stuff and gaining it all back. He tells us all when we are not eating the right things, but he will grab it in a second off of a buffet table. He acts like he gets desserts for us, but he eats them. He golfs everyday but has to use a golfcart on the course so...

And, even today at age 48, when I lose weight and am at a 4/6 petite my parents tell me I am getting there!

So, I am wondering:

*Do I end up giving up when I get to a size 4/6 petite because I figure - what's the point? I got there and I am still fat? Why bother?

It sounds so stupid, but it is engrained in my head. How do I get past it??

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 11/1/2011 1:29PM

    It's so hard to decide this objectively, isn't it? I try to focus on functional fitness, and what feels good & healthy & solid & capable to me.

I was a bit chubby around age 8-13, but before & after that I was quite thin, and then runner-fit in my teens & early 20's. That gives me a point of reference, even though I don't expect to really be in that body again.

You look great, and look what you can DO! Maybe it would help to set goals where you know the measure that will mean you've hit it successfully... whether it's in pounds, inches, miles run, weight lifted, handstand held, whatever. :)

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SABLENESS 10/31/2011 7:17PM

    The right weight is what's healthy for you. If you let your parents check that poll, maybe the answer would be "fat growing up". If you answer according to what you see in yourself right now, where you said that you looked thin in childhood pictures except for that time around puberty when growing up and out don't always match up for awhile, I think you'd answer with a resounding NO.

Food for thought: what would it be like to be free of old voices? emoticon

And emoticon emoticonfor the Halloween goodie! Trick or treat! emoticon Fortunately for me, I've had an upset stomach today and haven't felt well. Halloween treats sound like the last thing I want today!

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FITFORMYFAMILY 10/31/2011 12:02PM

    I wish I had words of wisdom for you. Mostly, all I can think can a size 4/6 petite be fat?? I know most of us have very critical views of ourselves, but my guess is that 99.9% of the people in your life do NOT think you are fat at all!

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JANESSMI 10/31/2011 11:24AM

    Parents can make you crazy. I think you live by your motto on your wall paper. Get to a healthy state/weight and then work to stay there. Do not worry if it perfect because most of us can not be perfect. And who made your parents "god" to decide what is perfect. Sometimes you just have to let the stuff roll off of your back. I would focus on getting yourself and family healthy and happy.

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ROCHELLE62 10/30/2011 6:59PM

    you can't change your parents, just the way you respond to them. At what point do you feel healthy, content and fit? I kind suspect that doesn't mean a number on a tag.

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BLUE42DOWN 10/30/2011 4:29PM

    At age 48, I'm sure you've found more than a few things your parents weren't right about. That doesn't mean you love them any less or that everything they ever said is wrong, but it does mean that you are old enough to make your own decisions.

Perhaps it is just a matter of recognizing as you did here that they may not be satisfied with whatever weight you get to ... and deciding that your own judgment of your health is more important. Look at those pictures of you when you feel you were skinny and ask whether your parents call that fat even now.

Think forward to getting to that healthy weight. You could get a body fat test done and see a number that confirms you're in the right range. You could try on and wear clothes that you feel look great on you. You could get compliments from multiple people on how you look. You could be eating normally (no fad diets, no strange restrictions) and maintaining that weight. You could measure inches and be quite pleased with the numbers you see. You could go to a doctor and be given a clean bill of health.

HEALTHY. Focus on that word more than FAT vs SKINNY. Getting to that size 4/6 petite will just be clothing numbers. But you will feel and be healthier. That is why it's worth the effort to eat well and get fit.


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INFLATED 10/30/2011 4:27PM

    I'm 5' 2" and the lowest size I ever wore was a size 10 jeans. I don't know what to tell you. I know for myself, that it is not about being what someone else thinks you should be. I never had a flat abdomen and was jealous of some of my friends that did.

My Mom had cookbooks from the 1940's and they had size, weight charts in them. The size/weight charts aren't easily found now. I found this one from the U. S. Army. Males are on the left of the page and females are on the right of the page. It is page 4 on this site, The Army Weight Control Program.

I would go by a standard set by someone like the military because they are in the business of training people. I know that people want to weigh less, like models, but how many have been in the news with weight-related problems like anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa?

I am morbidly obese, even so, I never lost weight to please anyone but myself. The people that look at me and whisper about how much I weigh, would only find another fault to whisper about if my weight was normal.

Looking at your picture with Roxy, I think you look thin. I think your parents instilled in you this perspective of yourself. I know my Mom and sister didn't help me when I weighed 125 lbs. When I came out of basic training, I weighed 112 lbs. Now I see women much taller than I am, and they want to weigh even less than I ever did. I don't know the reason why.

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Day 16 of Recovery and The Scale Moved!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Today I consumed 1130 calories and lost 1.8 pounds. I haven't wavered off of my food plan. I am eating a ton of veggies - mostly broccoli. I got in 1 hour of exercise (mainly core and arms). The rest of the time, I kept my foot elevated. I watched to movies on t.v., I read the latest Prevention Magazine, and downloaded the book "Unlimited" by Jillian Michaels which I am going to start reading tonight. It will keep my focused. My husband and I also may watch the movie "Bridesmaids".

It started snowing in the early afternoon here. The snow is sticking to the cars, road looks okay. One of my boys is working at a restaurant until 11 and then going to a Halloween party at his college. The other is at his girlfriend's house. I am hoping the roads don't ice up. Hard to believe I have to worry about that in October!!

Stay warm!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 11/1/2011 1:20PM

    I absolutely admire the grace in how you handle all this!

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FITFORMYFAMILY 10/31/2011 10:46AM

    Congratulations on the weight loss! Your discipline is proving to be quite helpful!

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INFLATED 10/30/2011 4:58AM

    We are in the 20's overnight. I don't know if church will be cancelled. Black ice was forecast and it is not supposed to warm up above freezing until around Noon.

The last Saturday of every month is set as the day to clean the church building. Those that want to help come there at 10 AM. I would hate to see anyone wreck or slide into a ditch. I told one man not to come. The storm was the reason why the others didn't come.

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CATHEMARIE 10/29/2011 9:54PM


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LEN_VERSION32 10/29/2011 7:43PM


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SEAJESS 10/29/2011 7:10PM

    Wishing you a speedy and full recovery!

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Day 15 of Recovery and WillPower...

Friday, October 28, 2011

Today I consumed 1041 calories which was really good because I went out to dinner with my husband and friends. They ordered antipasto for an appetizer - I ate 2 olives. I had 2 small lobster tails, a side salad and mixed veggies (squash, zucchini, onions and red peppers) and an unsweetened iced tea. I did not eat any of the homemade rolls, lunchmeats or cheeses. Yayyy!

I took the day off of work today too. I sat with my foot up most of the day. I did sit and go through old paperwork - threw most of it out. My husband and I went out and did some errands, too. I shopped a little bit at the drugstore and sat in the car while he shopped in Home Depot. I had this wild idea of a wine cork backsplash in my kitchen. We have been saving our wine corks for at least 7 years. He is going to make it using all the corks this weekend. I will post a picture when it is done.

Have a great weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 10/28/2011 11:33PM

    The backsplash sounds really nice. I have seen them used on trays and coffee tabletops on the internet.

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Day 14 of Recovery and Still Focused...

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Ate 1132 calories today. Still under on fat, folate and calories. I am filled. I am eating all good, healthy foods and feeling really good. My husband and I went out to eat with our friends as we do every Thursday night, and I had a salad with grilled chicken, mandarin oranges, almond slices, and strawberries. I used 1 tablespoon of poppyseed dressing - YUM!


I used to have a couple glasses of red wine on Thursday nights, but haven't had any the past three Thursday nights. Not drinking it is what is keeping me under the 1500 calorie total. I do love red wine, but know that I need to stay away from it to lose the rest of this weight.


The restaurant we go to also has hot oil popcorn -- all you can eat. It is delicious, but I skipped that, too. I brought and ate nutrisystem honey mustard pretzels - I ended up sharing them with everyone!


I worked 5 1/2 hours today. My foot was feeling pretty numb the last hour at work. I prop it up when I am sitting at my desk, but I don't think it is high enough. It swells as the day goes on. After work, I went home and took a 1 1/2 hour nap. I am taking tomorrow off of work to give my foot a 3 day break. I am going to keep it up a lot. We are suppose to have bad weather Saturday, so I won't feel like I am missing anything! When I go back Monday, I am going to take breaks while I am at work, and prop it higher. I am not sure how I am going to do that, but I will figure it out.

Finally, I realized last night I am not supposed to weigh myself again until I will wait. I do not want to get obsessed with the scale like I always have in the past. I want to pay more attention to "feeling" healthy. Tomorrow or Monday I am going to get a blood test to see how my cholesterol is doing. It had gone up last year. Between eating healthy, exercising and taking Cholestoff since January, I am hoping it dropped back down.


I hope your week is going well!!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 10/28/2011 11:30PM

    The best way to help your foot is to lie down and elevate it on pillows. Lying flat helps the blood to circulate as opposed to an "L position" of sitting up.

You sound like you are doing very well and I hope and pray you have a speedy recovery.

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FITFORMYFAMILY 10/28/2011 4:11PM

    Once again, that salad sounds delicious.
Can you sit with your foot up on the desk for a while?
I hope you have a nice, restful weekend and are able to keep from getting too antsy!

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SABLENESS 10/28/2011 12:15PM

    Great self-care plan. Hope you and your foot are having a restful restorative day. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DETERMINED_SOUL 10/28/2011 9:17AM

    You are doing wonderful! I love my glass of wine too, I have one occasionally.

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13th Day of Recovery and Slept and Ate Better...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Slept the best in the last 13 days last night. I think it was because I started picking up pace, getting back into my "normal" life yesterday.


Well, today I ate more calories - 1159. My husband dropped me off at work. I packed my lunch and ate it at 12 (last couple days was eating it a lot later - causing me to miss my afternoon snack). Timing of meals and snacks is everything!


Not sure how eating under my calories needed for three days is going to affect the scale - but I will know tomorrow morning when I weigh in!


Got on the LiveMind SparkPeople Meeting tonight. I have been participating in it for a couple months now. It's has been a nice place to touch base and has been reinforcing focusing on my goals. Everyone participates and shares so I have been picking up different tips from it. Maybe I will see you on it one of these weeks!!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITFORMYFAMILY 10/26/2011 10:31PM

    Yay for emoticon!
I hope you have a great weigh-in in the morning!

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